Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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disappointing. i was looking forward to this review, but only playing five hours of the game makes it completely pointless.

I gotta say i am that noone has mentioned Yahtzee likeing a final fantasy yet. Besides that little revelation it was a pretty good epsisode and he did not have to say "Like God of War but" at all.
Edit ninjad.=p

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

US version of 3 WAS 6. Previous games banned/missed... I think they started at the Japanese 3?

I played for 30 hours, because I was really anticipating the game and oddly I enjoyed it, I intend to complete it too, someday.

But even I would be lying if I were to say that Yahtzee got most if not all points right on the money on this one.

Although I would've preferred an opinion built up on a worthwhile amount of time spent with the game.

Granted he hasn't got the time in a week for the full 50+ hour experience but somewhere between 10 and 15 hours would've been reasonable.

As for the exposition:

I've reached Chapter 11 where the gameplay is supposed to have gotten better and, much like the fountain of youth or holy grail, haven't found it. If I can beat this game it'll be out of spite but I've been having more fun with a recently acquired copy of Final Fantasy III for the DS

Well, I'm still playing the game, but I agree, it takes a lot of conscious effort to make yourself go through the first few hours because every single character is unlikable at that point (with the possible exception of the chocobo chick) and the important story bits are held back far too long. Seeing how Yahtzee has a less-than-sunny predisposition for this genre I can't really blame him for tossing the disc out the window after 5 hours, especially considering all the Mana Bar business.

Hahah, seeing him viciously murder Vanille was the best part.



Well theres bits i do agree with and bits i dont agree with.
And i hardly call it a fair review of playing 5 hours of it. (Yes he was busy and all that blah i know )

I mean if they guy can play through Heavy Rain then he should pull up his big boy trousers and stop whining about the old days! Its modern day, things need to change and hey at least Square have tried!.........though they have lost their way when they merged with Enix.

Dude.. Enix is like the best company, mainly for their Star Ocean games, and I like the combo, you know, X-2 and shit. EH.

Meh if you like those games, thats fine with me.
Just merely pointing out how the level of awesome dropped when that merge happened. Think about it ;)

How has no one mentioned the Monty Python reference in there.

I enjoyed the review and since I don't have a 360 or a ps3 I definitely don't plan on getting this game any time soon.

Eh I got damn far into this game (36 hours) and well what I played I enjoyed being a fan of turn based combat but when the bosses health started shooting into the mid hundred thousands the first warning light started beeping in the back of my mind.
Then when the bosses got passed 1 mil I started finding the boss fights mighty tedious.
Finally when the generic mobs started having over half a million hp and had spells to reduce my damage output to nigh on nil (I'm looking a you vetala) my interest disappeared.

Now I'm playing a much more satisfying game, namely Tatsunoko vs. Capcom

Another great and funny review Mr.Croshaw!

Having to play more than 5h to see if you like the game or not shouldn't happen.Each with their own I guess..

shocker, he dident like it. the thing i am shocked about is the fact he liked FF6.

funny review as always, i wanted to bead that red head with a hammer as well... then throw her remains into a B-52's turbine.

Twenty hours in I can finally say "the game's actually STARTED!"

Yahtzee doesn't seem to address the viewer....More Verbally assault them.

Seeing as you love fans Im gonna whine some more about a favorite o'mine..

Thats right Yahtzee! Kane and Lynch:Dead Men *cough *cough!When's it happening? I absoooloootely certain you will review it!Because you will!!!

Have you heard their is a film being made with Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx??

Whats that Yahtzee their your favourite actors too?

Can we be BFFs now?

I agree that the story took a while to make sense, though I didn't find reading the datalogs necessary to follow along. I like the battle system and it does get very involved when you are trying to figure out the formula to kill a new creature or miniboss.

As for the the linearity, I'm not really bothered by it. In the end, all games have a point A and point B and you generally reach point B.

I'm not a Final Fantasy fan and I've only experienced a handful of games from the series, but I really like this game.

Also, this game has pretty good character development, especially with Hope. I sort of disliked that kid at the start, but he does get better.


Above average quality this time. When I saw what it was, I prepared for boredom to set in as I prepared for Yahtzee to get onto his favorite sand box.

But not only did he climb onto that sand box, he did it with such flourish, finesse and comedic insight that I was awed by a monologue I'd heard like 50 times before from him.

When you can make your audience laugh at the same material years later, that's pretty good.

OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

NO! It's ChocoBOO! And he goes for the eyes, you just can't see it since it's in the other fight going on off screen.

On a side note, don't blame the review at all. I've always agreed that if it takes time to get into, it didn't do it right. On the other hand, I knew what I was getting into with this game and I'm happy just enjoying the story for what it is, 5 minute seizure inducing fight scenes and all.

How am I not surprised?

While I agree with his points and enjoyed the review, its a pity that he only played for 5 hours as a lot of the points (apart from the linearity and the time element) get negated as the game goes along. The story get better, the combat gets more involved and the characters end up being some of the best in an FF game (except Hope).

Commissar Fuklaw:

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

Yes, you missed the notice that everyone who posts "XD" or it's variations are faggots.

Just like you apparently missed the notice that everyone who calls people faggots get punished by the mods.

The artwork you made here is hilarious.

And yes, FFVI was a lot more awesome than FFVII.

Another good review but dammit I wish I lived near the Mana Bar

This was much better than your previous review, and I was surprised he didn't make a comment about Vanille's austalian accent. Also, when you were talking about Final Fantasy XI you showed images of Final Fantasy III.

OH SWEET JESUS, THE PROBATION! (Seriously, look at the first comments to this video.)
Anyway, funny video. I laughed my ass of at the animation in the credits. Minigun ftw!

EDIT: Never mind about that Probation stuff, it all mysteriously disappeared. Huh.

I had no idea that he liked VI. Way to go.

Now, if you want a JRPG without turn-based combat, in which you actually control the character, look no further than Kingdom Hearts, but I have a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't much care for that one, either. Personally, I fucking love it, but oh well.

I actually like final fantasy games...mostly. But I agree with most of his points. And FF6 was my favorite too. Then again, I'm an accountant, and I've always felt they had a nice spreadsheet data entry feel to them mixed with pretty colors. :)

Wow, the 5 time cards really broke the flow of the review. The funniest bit of the whole video for me was at the very end during the credits when he wrote "I've checked and yep, they already have erotic fanart of FFXIII."


disappointing. i was looking forward to this review, but only playing five hours of the game makes it completely pointless.

Unless nothing changes like several people who have commented said.

And other people said it does change for the better later on. I was hoping to get something out of this review but at only 5 hours what's the point?

THAT is the meaning of skull fucking. no deepthroat-gagging pussy-fucking. no... zp is HARDCORE.

a bit too hardcore... if i say so meself. But other than that... the luls just kept on coming.

too bad it was only 5 hours that were reviewed... wtf! Yahtzee, do your goddamn job and play some goddamn games!

This isn't a review, more of a first impressions, much like The Witcher First Impressions video

And no, Yahtzee is not a fair critic and he's biased up the ass... i do hope he was being sarcastic >.>

Never played a FF game in my life, but that was as predictable as they come. Even before seeing the same point re-iterated for the fifth time with different wording.

The Kangaroo:
If Jim Sterling got flak for only playing up until the last boss fight, I wonder how much flak Yahtzee will get

It's Yahtzee, people will tell him he's a unique genius and boycott the game.

This (except that I have played every FF). As much as I like Yahtzee, I'd like to see people start thinking for themselves instead of hanging on his every word.

ITT: Yahtzee fans.

Not ITT: Final Fantasy Fans.

Commissar Fuklaw:

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

Yes, you missed the notice that everyone who posts "XD" or it's variations are faggots.

well, someones grumpy arnt they?

That block of probationists is really funny every week ;p

Anyway, hilraious even though I may not agree with all of your points. ^_^

I dunno, I played FF10 and the PS2 Real-time one and my biggest problem was with the fact that a bit over %50 of the story seemed to be the equivalent of anime filler--it didn't help to define that characters, nor did it advance the plot.

Wow, he gave it more time than I would have. I mean, seriously, when you hit the thirteenth game in a series, it's time to stop. Especially THIS series.

As an aside, congrats to Yahtzee for opening The Mana Bar! :D

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