Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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I played this game for about 5 to 6 hrs. The first thing I noticed was the obsessive amount of cut scenes. This isn't to bad if there is a good amount of playtime in between them. THe next problem was that I felt as if I should be able to move my character in battle. I know you normally don't but for some strange reason, from the first battle, I felt the need to move my character to avoid getting hit. Even after the maybe 6 hrs of play time I got in, I still had no idea what the hell was going on, the plot was just so vague.

I love most of the Final Fantasy games, but this one was just horrible.

Charcharo:
Damn... not bad Yahtzee, but i thought you will review S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Call of Pripyat. Have you forgotten?

I'd have enjoyed that, although it's much the same old same old. Didn't find it as enthralling as the first one and they still haven't sorted out the combat, everything in the game has stupid amounts of health and whoever thought Bloodsuckers still need camouflage deserves to be taken out to a barn and shot several times.

They should stop all this roman numeral nonsense and give us Mystic Quest 2.

/jk.

After all, I'm fine with one Mystic Quest.

Scrumpmonkey:
P.S. my attention span is less than a peco second. its more like 5.36x10^-44 seconds

(props to anyone who gets that pretty involved semi physics joke)

My enthusiasm is weak at best.

Good review, not sure why he even bothers with JRPGs at this point.

Well, let's face it. Yahtzee was never going to like this game.

But it was a pretty good review. All the things he didn't like were valid reasons, but liking the game comes down to opinion.

Yahtzee prefers open-world, real time combat and dislikes JRPG stories.

THis game is linear, uses an active time battle system, and well, has a JRPG story.

A too linear game is another man's streamlined experience.

Although he hadn't gotten far enough to tell that the battle system is probably more involved than any other FF before it, but he wasn't going to get that far.

So at the end of the day, we learned Yahtzee did not like Final Fantasy XIII. Yay.
Although he was surprisingly easy on this game.

Ashtaron:
Much better than the previous episode, I have to say, even though I only have the most vague idea of what the game is about due to being to poor to afford anything but a PC.

fixed it for you

Suskie:
OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

More on topic: This was easily one of my favorite Yahtzee reviews in recent memory. I kinda like the game, sort of, but then I'd totally understand why anyone would hate it. The old "it gets better later" excuse from two weeks ago gets pulled right back into play (although, to its credit, it really does get better later).

Edit: Oh, and WHAT I WOULD DO to see Yahtzee review Final Fantasy VII.

I've never been into Final Fantasy as the concept of the series doesn't interest me much. With all the hype of Final Fantasy 7 (not using roman numerals) I'd like to see his perspective on that one as well. Seeing as how most people I talk to say it's the BEST GAME EVAR, I'd like to see someone with a brain point out why it isn't.

I'm about 20 hours in and the story is really getting good, the only problem I'm stuck at this completely cheap boss at the end of chapter 9.

I'm Glad the Bars doing well. I would like to Visit it sometime. As for the Review...Nice. I didn't even want to play this FF game. Everything i heard about it from people who like FF games told me it was very Linear and has no towns....WTF?!

Commissar Fuklaw:
This game is bad and you should feel bad for liking it.

Is it HEARSAY!!!? (sorry I couldn't help it)

Man I liked final fantasy but after the last one I haven't really thought about it much, anyway good review as always and good luck with the bar.

As a fan of Final Fantasy games, and JRPG's in general, I have to say I completely agree with this review. Especially the part about having to read the glossary in order to know what the fuck is going on.

I personally refused to read it, so i was basically clueless as to what exactly was going on until I finally managed to piece together the scraps of information I had been given at about the 30 hour mark.

Also, the people who say it gets better later are liars. The only thing that gets better is that, about half way through the game (keep in mind this is a 60 hour game), you finally are able to chose your party members and party leader, and that still doesn't fix a lot of the combat issues.

Haha great.

Even though I'll probably never play the game

Damn, and here I thought Morgan Webb was the only person to review JRPGs after only seeing %7 of the game...

Five hours is barely enough to get through some of the tutorials on other games...

i only liked final fantasy games up final fantasy 7. cos they have the only followable storys!

serioulsy though funny as hell i used to always watch Zp when i was a guest at this site.

loved the ending cartoon

Sorry for the wall of text, *DEEP INHALE*

Speaking as someone who has never played an FF game prior to FF7, that being my current favorite, this game for me was the worst FF ever.

I have so far played a little over 20 hours of FF13 and just now reached Pulse. I have literally dragged myself kicking and screaming the entire way forcing myself to finish because of the money involved. And I wonder at those who say the story gets better over time.

For me...it gets worse. Worse in the fact that it took nearly 20 hours for the story to finally come together. You are seriously wandering tunnels, confused as to why you are really doing it for hours and hours. And even still things are a little hazy. Nearly 20 hours people...that is not right...in every prior FF game you knew more in the first 2 hours, all told through exposition, not freaking data logs.

There is no excuse for forcing people to read the MANY data logs you accumulate; and you can weave it into the story, case in point: FF8. A lot of the story was told from two different perspectives, and while at first you were left wondering what was going on, everything filled in itself nicely. Look at FF12, another large world that delivered clear story.

In previous FF games, the protagonists and antagonists are quite clear and well established early on. Why? To give you a sense of purpose, and add depth to the world from the start. In this game I just pushed forward on the analog stick, hitting X every so often. And when the story finally came out of the cave it was hiding in, I felt nothing but spite and mockery towards it and the characters.

I could care less about Cocoon, and even less about Pulse.

The characters are all frustratingly dull with no sense of depth. I especially hated the Hope kid. His picture alone made me want to stab him repeatedly in the face, and his little ascot, his whiny voice with the ham dialogue....ugh.

Oh and another thing I am surprised he didn't mention...was lack of party customization. Right before the story becomes clear you FINALLY get to decide who is in the party and who is party leader. And another issue with that mess, is that the game doesn't bother remembering what paradigm's you had established, so when the party does get shifted and you shift back, you have to recreate all of the paradigm's you used for that combo of characters.

Speaking of...anyone else find Sentinel the worst of the bunch? I only invested in it for the cheap as chips stat buffs and didn't even bother with the powers.

Anyway, I don't know if I can sit through another 4-5 hours of this game...I really don't. it is a series of tunnels and fights and occasionally a story breaks out.

Machines:
Never played a FF game in my life, but that was as predictable as they come. Even before seeing the same point re-iterated for the fifth time with different wording.

The Kangaroo:
If Jim Sterling got flak for only playing up until the last boss fight, I wonder how much flak Yahtzee will get

It's Yahtzee, people will tell him he's a unique genius and boycott the game.

Now in all fairness some people were happily ignoring it years ago.

Mirroga:

stok3r:

Okay, on my first way through (I only got up to disc 3 the first time), it was a bit confusing, but, to me at least, it all makes sence. You just have to pay attention and stuff. And I'm pretty sure it does tell you all about junctioning, so maybe you just didn't get it.

I dunno what your favourite is, but at least its not as dumb as XII's collecting Gambits to make the AI smarter, you know, to make it do what its supposed to do. EG, i have to manually revive teammates cause I don't have the Ally --> KO or HP = 0 Gambit or whatever it is (should be noted that I'm not raging on the game, I still love it to death)

Well, considering I actually started at FF8 where FF experimented on different gameplay styles, and the fact that my gamer's tastes have evolved, I didn't like much any of the newer FFs' storytelling. Also none of the newer gameplay styles have warmed up to me as to what game style I'd love on an JRPG:
FF7 - Slow-turned based style (Loved it before, but now, not so much)
FF8 - Only fun if you actually learned the whole deal of the gameplay in 1 single battle tutorial
FF9 - Back to old FF, but too old to actually like it in its present gen
FF10 - Oh god. Why do I have to play as these pricks, besides Auron?
FF12 - Gambit system = MMORPG style = lie on couch moving the joystick while the game does the combat for you

In conclusion, none of the FFs today has warmed me to the series in this present age. I still consider Chrono Cross as the best JRPG story I ever encountered, and Valkyrie Profile 1 or 2 as the best JRPG gameplay I experienced.

Right. My first was FVIII and FFX at the same time pretty much, so I love them both to death, but I have to agree with you kinda.

FFVII - Boring
FVIII- I liked it, the battle system is pretty easy to understand once you get it, and its different.
FFIX - I own it, but haven't played it much, but I do like it. I think its one of the best looking PS1 games out there personally.
FFX - Except for Tidus and Wakka, I liked all the characters.
FXII - I get where your going at, but I think they kinda succeeded in a single player MMORPG-esque gamestyle. I mean, at least you don't have to grind, and in the harder battles you do have to pay attention and is very fun actually defeating harder enemies.

I haven't played Chrono Cross because, you know, PAL, but with my newly acquired PS1, and also being a fan of Chrono Trigger, it will be one of the first I buy when I chip my console (yeah I know I could just download it, but I like actually having the real disc)

And here I was beginning to think that I was the only one not interested in "it gets good after 20 hours". I don't want to play a game longer than it took me to read the Three Kingdoms. Because I'd rather just read if I'm killing that much time.

Just to let you know, there was already erotic art of FFXIII years before its release.

I actually liked not being able to choose a leader. It forced me to explore different aspects of the combat system.

Haha, I absolutely loved this one. I have FFXIII but I haven't put it in yet. I'm trying to keep an open mind for it but so far, it's not working so well. xD

Havent [layed...but I fail to realize how in the age of sandbox gaming the developers thought hey....lets make an rpg linear. THATS what people are looking for.

SilverUchiha:

Suskie:
OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

More on topic: This was easily one of my favorite Yahtzee reviews in recent memory. I kinda like the game, sort of, but then I'd totally understand why anyone would hate it. The old "it gets better later" excuse from two weeks ago gets pulled right back into play (although, to its credit, it really does get better later).

Edit: Oh, and WHAT I WOULD DO to see Yahtzee review Final Fantasy VII.

I've never been into Final Fantasy as the concept of the series doesn't interest me much. With all the hype of Final Fantasy 7 (not using roman numerals) I'd like to see his perspective on that one as well. Seeing as how most people I talk to say it's the BEST GAME EVAR, I'd like to see someone with a brain point out why it isn't.

I agree. I don't hate FFVII or anything, but I am a bit sick of people saying it's literally the best game ever made when there are so many things obviously wrong with it. I kinda think it would take a Yahtzee review to finally knock some common sense into some of these people. (And that was going to sound like a flame no matter how I worded it, so whatever.)

He'll never do it, of course, but I can still dream.

Whoever said FFXIII <--(seriously this is getting ridiculous) Is either joking or extremely thick. I had my reserves the moment I heard about the new combat system.

I'm getting a slight hunch that Yahtzee is not a fan of Vanille.

obisean:

PayJ567:
Wow, Was I the only one to find this episode.....Alot worse than usual?

I mean if you've got a load of work to do with other stuff do that, take a week off from making this show or something.

Well what can I expect from free entertainment.

Someone was butt hurt because Yahtzee shit on his favorite game of the moment.

I thought this episode was funnier than usual actually. Probably because I think pretty much the same thing about this game.

Not really I don't even like JRPG's... You clearly didn't read my comment correctly. I could leave a much ruder comment but it's not worth getting mod wraith for responding to people like you.

BurroDiablo:

Charcharo:
Damn... not bad Yahtzee, but i thought you will review S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Call of Pripyat. Have you forgotten?

I'd have enjoyed that, although it's much the same old same old. Didn't find it as enthralling as the first one and they still haven't sorted out the combat, everything in the game has stupid amounts of health and whoever thought Bloodsuckers still need camouflage deserves to be taken out to a barn and shot several times.

huh... Im sorry but how cant it be the same old stuff, ? Thats what stalker is, they are just perfecting the formula and adding stuff to it. Besides I dont want to go all fan-boy on you but, what do you mean high health? Only the Chimera, Controller and pseudogiant have too much health. Bloodsucker regenerate health when they suck your blood and shotguns are ineffective against heavy kevlar armor( Just like in real life). Besides bloodsucker are meant to be invisible... but you have a point as the new ones are almost completely invisible. ( but even i as a fan admit that this still wasnt the perfect stalker game)

Confirms the fact that this game is utter bullocks and not needed in your life. They've been hyping it for two years.

I've seen my friends drop it after a week, I don't consider them my friends, more like alienated retards whilst I warned them.

Yahtzee's confirmation is all the proof I need. He's amazing.

all the characters are annoying as heck in this precise order starting with the most: Snow, Hope, Lightning, Fang, Vanielle, Sazh

Oh

my

GOD!

He actually reviewed it! I didn't think that would happen.

And yup, sounds about accurate for the first five hours.

Ha, that was hilarious. Especially the bit about Hope pulling a boomerang out of his arse. It's true.

Have to say though, Vanille being completely 'out there' is the main reason I like her.

Woah! for Unskippable they pretend they are going to do FF13 for April Fools. Yahtzee, the JRPG hater, actually DOES do FF13. As an April Fools WTF moment, Yahtzee wins, lol.

Oh my god, I haven't loved Yahtzee this much since the Portal review. :P

Liked the review there, seemed to hit on the things I too found a bit irritating in the game, but I actually liked it....sort of...I guess

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