Unskippable: Zoids Assault

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'oly 'ell...

If the bit they used for the cutscene was THIS bad... I can't imagine how bad the part they didn't show us was.



Considering that this is probably one of the worst cutscenes they've done... they handled it quite well. I certainly found it funny.

Oh my god, that was the worst intro of any game, ever. (...I think. I might change my mind later.)

I seriously think nobody watched that while in-production. Ever. If they had pulled in a person from the street and told them nothing but to just watch this intro sequence and give their impressions about it, I bet that person would say "What intro sequence? That was just still pictures fading, some text I was completely uninterested in and some girl going blah-blah-blah. Seriously. What intro sequence?"

Wow. That cutscene was beyond terrible. There was so much wrong with it.

Is it depressing that I actually enjoyed the cutscene without the commentary? Damn my policial science background. Plus, now that you've teased it, I'm actually interested in the audio recordings that took place 3 years prior.


On a nearly entirely separate note: Do you guys choose which games you do each week or does the editorial staff do that?

Wait.. isn't zoids about giant animal-shaped robots? And not about military courts?

I know! I was excited for another zoids game but in all actuality it's just... using the name...

EDit: it is zoids!


anyway, it's advanced wars with zoids and final fantasy esque damage calculation.

eDit 2: It doesn't look that bad if you're into fire emblem, really. Thought FE does have a better story and political atmosphere...

A review said it was a pretty damn hard game though.

See, today i learn to always judge a game by its cutsence.

God that was boring. (The cutsence not you two)

This could quite possibly be the worst cutscene ever. But well done guys, although 'Shepard spy' that was a bit lame...

I love the self (LRR) reference with the Ben Stein barb :)

When this started I thought it was a gameboy opening, a DS at the worst, but a 360 game? How little budget did they have?

On a side note, am I the only one who thinks that woman looks like Samus?


So where were the Zoids?


That's what I was thinking. How in the hell can something based off of Zoids be so damn boring?

Because it had nothing to do, as far as I know, with the actual anime series.

No awesome zoid cores combining with bigger zoids to power them up (chaotic century), no pseudo-science terminology, no over the top tournaments (new century), NOTHING APPEALING AT ALL.

Just give us some animal-like mechas, let us customize them and fight with them and DON'T BE SO SUPER CONCERNED ABOUT THE FREAKING STORY!

Was that Graham that said Metal Gear or was that soundboarded in?

This has probably set the low bar for "Most boring opening cutscene ever.".

What the hell system was this for? This looks like something I could play on the SNES or GBA.

I liked the overall idea of Zoids but this was SLOW.

BTW: The anime dub pronounced it GUY-los Empire, in case it matters at all.

Wow. Boringest cutscene EVER.

"Speakers DO work! I apologive to anyone who turned their volume way up."
I know, Paul. It was giving us all a feeling of a silent cutscene. Then it faked us out with SOUND! Bad cutscene, bad!

Whoever voiced that Van Clyft (or however it's spelled) woman probably didn't want to be in the game in the first place, if you ask me.

"Actual music surprises everyone."
Yes, Graham. Plus I was even more surprised by actual animation of snow.

And way to reference your "Ways to Fall Asleep" sketch.
(Come to think of it, wouldn't this cutscene be a way to fall asleep too?)

Shit cutscene is shit, and it deserved the wrath of Graham and Paul. Nice job, guys. ^_^

So background information needs more background information.
I think the Nostalgia Critic says it best: "Exposition Exposition flush it out ASAP"

Boring....the cutscene, not the episode.

Oh god.
That was the single most boring cutscene in any video game ever. I mean, jesus MGS may talk forever but at least the subject is usually mildly interesting like someone getting shot or war or some shit.

It's hard to tell, but I think they're also talking about war here. Only in the most mind-numbingly dull way imaginable. Even single-cell organisms would have more exciting conversations.

This is a travesty. A crime against interactivity. I'm gonna net-crusade this game and give it one star wherever I can. >_>

Haha this was one of my favourites. Brilliantly done

I feel asleep subconsciously from watching this. Weird...

Not that the jokes weren't funny. You know what I mean.

I was tempted to give up, you guys are amazing to have made jokes with this, the only reason I kept watching was because I wanted to see some robots fighting, then it ended with no mention of them what-so-ever, this game disappoints me.

"And now Ben Stein reads..."

Nice one.

Good episode overall...
sure to be an insomniac cure at least.


How do you get that out of a show about giant robot lions with swords stuck to their backs fighting giant robot velociraptors that breathe fire and lasers? Was the whole budget some dude's lunch money?

Great episode though. It can't have been easy to work with something so awful.

Loved the TV series...but always heard the games were quite bad...

And yeah...Blade Liger!? WHERE! ;_;

I actually thought this was one of the funnier Unskippable's of late, personally

Wow that game looks shit.

That was so bad. Even the comedy injected into it didn't help.

"Did you just put a book into the 360?"

LOL. This game looks so dull. I dont remember zoids being that boring

I wasn't even Watching that cutscene for about an entire half of it.
Because it's not so much of a cutscene as it is some sort of audio tape while you look at some related game art.

Next paper... next paper... xD Wow thats a lot of reading.

Btw that was an awesome "Metal Gear" voice ^-^

Man I felt bad for Graham and Paul to have to actually sit down and work with this cutscene to present it to the public. I think for anyone who is a reviewer for games should just show the opening cut scene here. It speaks louder than anything anyone could say about it =\

Was that Graham that said Metal Gear or was that soundboarded in?

That was Graham. He should be hired to play the part xD

I'm not going to lie - that sent me to sleep such was the incredible dullness of the flat monatona....zzzzzz

UGH the game looks hideous. It's like Front Mission, which was actually awesome (but old as dirt), only more confusing and with KITTY MECHA. Dear god...

Yeah, remember when Zoids was about giant animal-shaped mechs beating the shit out of each other as a sport? Wasn't that boring? Hey, I know what'd make it fun, let's make a game about it where it's a defector trial! Damn we're good at our jobs!

Next up Ben Stein read Droning Russian Folk songs!

Is it just me, or is that a reference to a LRR video (specifically, Ways to Fall Asleep)? OHMYGOD, before you know it, we'll be seeing Unskippable footage during ENN!

I love the self (LRR) reference with the Ben Stein barb :)

Ahh, I wasn't the only one to catch that!

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