Escape to the Movies: A Nightmare on Elm Street

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Well I never watched the original and doubt I'll see this one either.

And MovieBob, you knew your last comment would generate many comments here about Halo, right?
Now as much as I believe Halo is the most overrated and overhyped franchise in history, I still think it could make an awesome movie if done right. So, no MB please.

Doesn't surprise me one bit this remake is garbage. I knew as soon as I saw the trailer it would be awful.

And if they didn't add any new gore, why did they even bother re-making it?

Nicholas Cage, next movie, next movie...
Sorcerer's Apprentice?

And let's be honest with ourselves, Friday and Nightmare were never THAT good movies to begin with, Friday in particular. Original Amityville was a pretty good movie and I've never seen either the original or remake of the Hitcher, so no comment there. Still, I feel pretty secure in saying that NONE of them, least of all Friday, were ever anywhere near the quality level of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So that remake is pretty much Platinum Dune's biggest crime.
Not sure if it was Michael Bay's though...Transformers 2 was rather exceptionally shitty.

I agree totally with you MovieBob. I saw it last night. (I wouldn't have gone, because I was under the impression it was going to be terrible, but someone else paid for me.)

It was the funniest movie I've seen ALL year. Groan-inducing lines, ("I'm afraid! Please stay with me!') Painfully obvious plot movement, and when there were those bits were the characters were supposed to feel safe for a moment, I seriously COUNTED DOWN OUT LOUD how long it would be before Freddy got them.

Everyone in the theater GIGGLED the whole time. Great work people, seriously. Everyone should see this, as an example of how NOT to make a movie.

great review Bob, but seriously another Halo Jibe?

Se non ti piace Halo, abbastanza giusto ma vaffanculo e mi piacerÓ!

CaptainCrunch:

ZZoMBiE13:
Is there some clause in the Escapist contracts that require you critics to take potshots at Halo?

Innovations in multiplayer gameplay and standardizing the controller setup aside, what exactly has Halo done with storytelling that can't be found in a canned-plot movie?

MovieBob saying "I don't like Halo, and I don't like Michael Bay. They would probably make a great team," is not the same as "I hate Halo and all the people that love it. I hereby curse them with all the evil powers of Michael Bay!" Keep this in mind when this happens for other games / movies / media you might like. You'll live a lot longer if this kind of thing doesn't stress you out.

I can appreciate that you probably deal with a lot of zealots where Halo is concerned and many of them may have this attitude. But I never said anything like that.

It was meant in good fun and maybe you'll live a lot longer if you can take note of sarcastic ribbing when dealing with "all us Halo sheep".

Beyond that, I'm not going to hijack a thread that is supposed to be about film critique and argue about Halo's finer points (or from your perspective lack thereof) because it's mostly subjective.

Great episode as always bob!

Well i guess its either you like michael bay or you don't i like some of his movies so i guess ill go see nightmare on elm street. I enjoyed friday the 13th and texas chainsaw masscure.

I laughed a lot when I saw that the tag for this was "Damn you Michael Bay"

ha funny bashing halo, yeh like nobodys don that before. but other wise a good review.

the moment i saw Michal-bay's name on the freddy railer oh so many months ago, i KNEW moviebob would hate it. and this is awsome :P

Nivag the Owl:
I really don't have a problem with remakes... like, at all. Even if I experienced the original when it was new. Most of the frustration in this review seems to be from the remake flaws, I think I'm still going to give it a fighting chance.

I agree with you on remakes, but I got the opposite feeling than you did from his review. To me it sounds like they did a good job covering up problems that you inherently have from remakes and came up with some potentially neat ideas, but the execution of those ideas is what stinks at. I'm old enough that I saw the original before any remakes were out so Freddy was still a scary original character. I am disappointed this is looking so bad. Not that my wife would go see it with me anyways....

Without creative killings its not even elm street.
As for bay meets halo i'm all for it. Bring on some over the top action and bullshit. It might just work

Thanks for saving me some money Movie Bob! I was going to see this in the off chance that it was a good solid remake like Dawn of the Dead or even Halloween. I was a bit worried about seeing it at all because for me Robert Englund is Freddy. It was the style that he brought to the character that made him awesome and terrifying.

Also now that I know Mr. Bay is behind it, that is the nail in the coffin. Maybe I'll check it out when it hits the $2 theater in a couple of weeks.

How about "the guys who made all these live action commercials for the last 3 Halo games" do Halo?

They are actually much better directed than the game cutscenes AND suggest more interesting stories soo (and remember that CGI TV Spot "Starry Night" where it seemed like we could actually get glimpses of John "Master Chief"'s past...)...yeah, do that.

GameGoddess101:
Michael Bay doing a Halo movie... much better idea than Peter Jackson doing a Halo movie...

AMEN. We don't want a good director like Jackson to ruin his career. Bay has no talent so lets give it to him.

Don't forget Human Target on Fox. Haley is the only reason i watch that show. Its good to see someone giving praise to someone who actually deserves it.

You seriously hate Halo. -Facepalm- I generally like ya stuff untill you bang on Halo every other episode.

But all in all, as good quality as ever.

I have no problem with Michael Bay. I loved Armageddon and BOTH Transformers.

Are you gonna tell me I have bad taste in movies? No, you aren't because there's no such thing. Movie opinions are subjective. Even the most lauded film critics on the planet are, at their core, nothing more special than any average Joe/Jane, going to see a movie. Their opinions are not somehow magically more valuable or credible than mine or yours. It seems to me that most of them read far too deeply into films looking for undertones and subtle themes of one thing or another (did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe the filmmakers weren't going for some deep, social commentary, and MAYBE just had an idea for a cool movie and made it?). The only thing different about professional critics is that they get paid to share their opinion. And I think we lose sight of the fact that, despite their being paid to do what they do, their words are still just THEIR opinion, and not necessarily fact.

Again, I liked Transformers, and I'm frankly getting sick of the Michael Bay bashing. Its starting to sound a lot like the Uwe Boll bashing, which, though Boll hasn't made a single movie that I enjoyed, is starting to get a little old an annoying.

In conclusion, bad movies don't exist. There are simply movies that more people found unenjoyable.

Good movies don't exist, there are simply movies that less people found unenjoyable.

[endrant]

Well, that is... Depressing...

I have seen ALL of the Freddy Krueger movies, and I loved them all as if they were my children.

Sounds like this movie is one to avoid... :' (

Ah, poor Haley. Was hoping this would be good just so he could add another notch to his "good movies I star in as an ADULT" belt, but alas.

And keep Bay AWAY from Halo, thanks. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a movie based on "The Fall of Reach" (NOT the upcoming game) could actually be pretty good.

well, that's what you get when you let Michael Bay near anything :(

I am perpetually impressed by this show. Rarely do reviews manage to make so much sense of things.

The commercial for this movie looked interesting, but even so I had no hopes for it.

We should make a list of movies we'd like Michael Bay to direct!

I'll start!
Red Dawn
Bayonetta (Well Bay or Joss W.)
Andromeda

Don't you even fucking dare joke about putting Bay in charge of my beloved Halo. That's the fucking line motherfucker.

wadark:
In conclusion, bad movies don't exist. There are simply movies that more people found unenjoyable.

Good movies don't exist, there are simply movies that less people found unenjoyable.

Bad movies exist, so do good movies, even if it's all on a relative and sliding scale.

Movies can be bad for a variety of reasons - poor cinematography, sound editing, script, acting, directing, and so-forth. A person's tolerance for suck defines their enjoyment, and enjoyment is very subjective.

Critics are people who think about movies not just let them be poured into their brain without any judgement. A good critic can help you get more out of a movie you decide to see, or keep you from wasting time and cash (which could really be considered just more time) on both stuff you wouldn't enjoy and generically substandard garbage as well.

So yeah, you can say "enjoyment is subjective and everyone has a right to enjoy what they want" and I'd have to agree with you; but it is easy to judge quality, even if it is quality on a temporary and relative basis.

Dreolic:
its times like this am glad I live in England, it means instead of having to see some crappy film this weekend I get to watch Ironman2........again :D

Damn you, i have to wait til Monday as everyones throwing bbq's this weekend. oh look, rain

Rheyvin:
I suppose it is a sad day when horror films aren't scary.

I agree! Whatever happened to the movies that freaked the sh*t out of you?!

image

i loved the boy in the plastic bubble as rosarch

micheal bay is to movies what chocolate is to dogs, nothing but pain in the end result

Haley is great, movie is shit.

Pretty much called this one from the start.

Oh well.

*goes off to watch New Nightmare, a.k.a. the GOOD "reboot"*

Elesar:
Nicholas Cage, next movie, next movie...
Sorcerer's Apprentice?

And let's be honest with ourselves, Friday and Nightmare were never THAT good movies to begin with, Friday in particular. Original Amityville was a pretty good movie and I've never seen either the original or remake of the Hitcher, so no comment there. Still, I feel pretty secure in saying that NONE of them, least of all Friday, were ever anywhere near the quality level of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So that remake is pretty much Platinum Dune's biggest crime.
Not sure if it was Michael Bay's though...Transformers 2 was rather exceptionally shitty.

came to elaborate on this a bit. whilst i sympathize with the hate for Platinum Dunes, and have fastidiously avoided the vast majority of their output, i must say that i in no way understand the hatred for the Friday the 13th reboot. whereas all the other films PD chose to re-make ranged from flawed but beloved cult films(Hitcher) to legitimate and influential classics of cinema in any genre(TCM, Nightmare), and the remakes are therefore reviled as squandered opportunities to tell a story in a fertile narrative environment. i get that, and again, i sympathize. but in what way was Friday the 13th not a Friday the 13th movie? yes, it's dumb as a bag of hammers, convoluted, formulaic, and it's only reason to exist is to provide us with splatter-soaked fun-house scares coupled with gratuitous nudity. JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER ENTRY IN THE FUCKING SERIES. Jason was always a poor man's Micheal Meyers, and the series(best remembered for Death by Corkscrew, Decapitation via Uppercut, and Debi Sue Voorhees' magnificent rack) was always the lowest form of shlock with a slightly higher budget than was customary. the remake wholeheartedly embraced this with plenty of nudity, quite possibly the biggest body count in the series, and tweaked the kill order and life expectancy just enough to keep things interesting without devolving into Scream-esque irony.

seriously folks, i am right there with you, torch and pitchfork in hand, to make these bastards pay for fucking up John Ryder, Freddy Kruger, Leatherface, and the Amityville House, but they nailed Jason.

I would never wish that even upon my enemies!

Michael Bay should juststay the hell away from EVERYTHING.

But then again, perhaps Halo would actually work for Bay. Maybe it's his kind of plot.

I agree - Michael Bay + Halo = happy Halo fanboys.

Go have fun.

Nice review, Bob, and thanks for saving Mr. Haley from the ire.

I think scientists should actually make a theory that implies anything by Michael Bay turns to crap as it's damn near a law of nature by now. The only decent movie he ever made was The Rock and that's probably because he was scared stiff of Sean Connery and Ed Harris stringing him up and using him as a pinata if he didn't allow them to act.

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