Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

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In pretty much all of Tom Clancy's post-Cold War stuff, the bad guys are idiots. The good guys aren't usually much better, but immediately notice the bad guys' every little mistake, no matter how miniscule.

If you just ban everyone who posts in the first 5 minutes of the thread, why not just lock the thread for 5 minutes?

Because they are hoping people aren't gonna be DICKS! But small flaw with that, this is the internet. DICKS that make a new account to troll a forum will always exist, you know, cause they're DICKS!

Nice review. Better than the last few. Nasty cracks at the US and Montreal. I liked it.

Wait... That means I'm the same height as Fisher?

I have to say the little cartoon at the end credits where Fisher was scared off by the christmas tree lights was damn clever.

I thought conviction was an amazing game. In my humble opinion it still has the stealth that makes the series great even thought it is slimed dow a little bit it is still good also they added new things to keep this series fresh. also I thought it had a engaging plot throughout while the single player was a little short the co op makes up for that. all in all worth the purchase of the game.

ps I thought the america line was going a bit far. I know people like making fun of america but at one point it stops being funny.

I have not and will not play this game. Everything I saw and read about it previously seems well summed up by Yahtzee: a game that basically plays itself, built for retards. I saw a video review where they showed the whole "ghost" mechanic of where guards last saw you. Literally, his "ghost" was 2 feet away, while he hid in a small shadow, and a guard walked right up there, turned, looked at the ghost, and went "He's not here!"... without looking around. Just staring at where he last saw Fisher like a complete moron. Stuuuupid game.

Conviction is the only Splinter Cell game I've actually enjoyed. Previous titles in the series seemed to make you randomly trip over an untied shoelace, alert everyone and reset you for being seen. You can complain that Conviction is too arcade and that running and gunning is too easy to do in it, but I prefer it to Double Agent where I gave up during some silly timed obstacle course.

And, of course, all stealth game guards are particularly stupid and loyal. Honestly, most security guards would soil themselves and beg for their lives if you so much as flashed a gun. Certainly, no one is going to keep shooting at you with their seven closest coworker buddies leaking from fresh holes in their foreheads. It would be interesting - actually, it would be terrible as a game - to play something where people acted naturally.

Oh look, another game he doesn't like.....I can't really agree on anything he said....mainly cause I have yet to play the game, the only game I actually played of the SC series was Chaos Theory

Wow, you finished your book? I've been waiting for this about as long as I've waited for And Another Thing... and I finished that one long ago :D Great, something else to look forward to!

Also, I loved your USA simile. I'm gonna have to memorise that.

Wait... That means I'm the same height as Fisher?

WOW, I'll bet you're the same height as a heckuva lot of other people as well!!!! :O


WOW, I'll bet you're the same height as a heckuva lot of other people as well!!!! :O

5 ft 8" is actually pretty disgustingly short :(

I laughed quite a bit. Epecially the part about the bear. XD

valid points made, but i enjoyed the game anyway

At first I thought that the gameplay sounded very similiar to how I felt about MGS4, my number 1 dissapointment in games, but then it got even worse. I wonder if Yahtzee was just so fed up with the cut-scenes in MGS4 that the gameplay seemed halfway decent, or is Conviction really that bad?

Totally buying the book!

not buying. either the game nor the shamelessly plugged book.

I think there are different brands of stealth. And spliter cell's brand is for as much market appeal as one can get. Guns = money.

Right! The Novel! Buy, gtg!

Shit! Gotta get a credit card first.

Shit! Gotta change bank first, here we go.

"As fiddly as a fiddler crap fiddling with it's tax returns."

I want that on a T-shirt. You want my money. It's win-win.

Make it happen!

Ha ha, the America joke is so true, except for maybe the obesity part. I know a lot more health freaks here than fatties. At least this was a funny stereotyped joke though.

Oh yeah, and nice shameless self plug. Not interested though.



WOW, I'll bet you're the same height as a heckuva lot of other people as well!!!! :O

5 ft 8" is actually pretty disgustingly short :(

I think that's quite far from short. Maybe below average (if you're a guy), but still quite normal-middle height. Being just over 6' I find myself at just the right height, I can consider myself tall without attracting attention or suffering from it. I'm guessing you're quite young.

I think this was one of the more hilarious videos in a while.


I didn't even realise that there was a new splinter cell, they're like Guitar hero's now...

You've got to be kidding - this is the first one in 3 years.

Holy cow you're right!
That's how little of a shit I give about those games...

Regardless I take the comparison bit back, well pointed out.

wow not a high view of America eh?

Ha,ha, this sounds fucking hilarious. Now I'm sure the game isn't a complete pile of shit like Yahtzee makes it appear but it sounds fun hating it. I can't form my opinion until I've played it (which I might soon...perhaps) so I'll just enjoy the review.

Hey...I live in Montreal!

Them's fightin' words! You British/Australian....kangaroo...who likes...crumpets....or something...

...Shut up!

Thank you! Finally, someone can explain it right~

It's the same shit with the last games. Not only does the AI suck, but so does the general gameplay, i.e jumping, running, giving melees. I just can't see who the hell would like Splinter Cell games at all.

Great review

I liked the fiddler crab joke, it was very Blackadder.

As for Splinter Cell, I downloaded the demo, got into the warehouse, got bored and deleted it. Like he says, the game plays itself for you.

I live in Montreal and I agree with Yahtzee that people here are fucking retards.

They're people here who say "Fuck the French et Vive le Quebec Libre!" while ignoring the fact that "Vive le Quebec Libre" is a quote from a Frenchman.

Sad to agree to everything in this review, Ubisoft fucking suck, 4 years for this shit, and you need a constant internet connection to play it.

I'm only keeping it because EB games gave me a free copy of Chaos Theory/Pandora Tommorow because I pre-ordered it.

I agree on every point made on the AI. It's idiotic and no wonder Sam is an expert in hiding. There aren't competent people to look for him to begin with, Christ. Failure of a game.

I never understood how people cannot see those 3 neon green optics or realize that Sam might flank them, they all dumb-foundly focus upon one point. Also they done away the Stealth. He's now supposed to be this mean bad-ass. Great evolution..Not!

A game that got too much credit than it actually deserved. Frankly, most games are like that.

Great review, enjoying the game myself right now.

Gotta ask Yahtzee, who did you prefer? The old Sam who very obviously liked the shadows maybe a bit too much or the new Sam, basically the Jack Bauer of videogames?

I wish I had a giant Sam Fisher to ride.

Good Horsey.

What did I take away from this review... That Yahtzee has a problem urinating, in all my life I don't think I've ever had drops of pee dribble down my leg... Maybe it's a technique thing.

It seems different when he's insulting a game you love.

Yes, I love that game, as I do the whole SC series.

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