Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 NEXT
 

this was a hilarious review i just wish you had gotten the health care bill right its not free health care its our grand government forcing us to buy health care if it was free health care i would jump on it like a bog on a scrap of bacon that was just dropped form the breakfast table

Good review.

Now excuse me I have to go pre-order Yahtzee's novel on Amazon.com or Amazon.com.uk

Good review but I have to point out one thing. Mario 3 had no ability to save your progress (not counting remakes). That is why the whistle exists and why earlier Mario games had warp zones. They serve as a way to allow people to try and pick up from where they left off without forcing them to redo everything.

kaboose25:
this was a hilarious review i just wish you had gotten the health care bill right its not free health care its our grand government forcing us to buy health care if it was free health care i would jump on it like a bog on a scrap of bacon that was just dropped form the breakfast table

Yes but they were trying to give us 'free' healthcare to begin with and the people didn't want it because they are idiots and thought 'free' healthcare meant 'kill the elderly'; so now we all have to have healthcare (which really is the first step because the insurance companies didn't want people waiting until they were sick to get healthcare).

I really enjoyed the first three games, although I agree with pretty much everything he's said about Conviction.

I'd just like to point out that in CT several levels gave you "The option to go in the front door, back door, or sneak down the chimney," and in most levels of SC1 through CT you could play through without killing people.

This game takes away all of that and encourages you to play it like a shooter instead of sneaking around trying to avoid detection. The story (and the way it's presented) is just a complete ripoff of 24.

That said, Hitman and Thief are still way better stealth games.

As a person who (reluctantly) lives in the States, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the 'Americans are apes' bit.

ForgottenPr0digy:
I love the TMNT joke about master splinter

Heh, me too. And i didn't at all took it personal or anything.

I had the same idea of the white house knowledge from games but i was thinking more on the lines of being a tour guide or something.

Am i the only ones whos missing some more challenge in games today other than playing on a higher diffculty? Anyways genius review. Yathzee always makes me laugh even at 1:15 in the morning.

I agree mostly, but I still think it's a fun game and does the stealth pretty well. I thought the lighting was a nice touch. It adds a sense of urgency when you slip into the light and the screen changes colour.

However, I'm not sure how long it will take me to get back to playing it, seeing as my file has been erased 2 fucking times. I really don't feel like doing the intro again.

What a surprise, another review with hate towards America. Maybe the Mana Bar will be so successful that you will finally be able to put ZP out of its misery.

Hey Yahtzee (I hope I spelled it right), when you do your rating and ranting on video games could you/would you/should you please at least if your going fill-in on what the game is about please add more detail. I don't mean to flatter you, but you really do a great job, it's hard for people to criticize games and give their own opinion (like how well you do...crap I complimented you!) because their head is so chalk full of just playing it and not realizing how bad it really is! BUT, if you could, add some more detail on what the games plot and story line is instead of badgering on how awful it is (even though that's your job).

Sincerely, TheChickThatKnows

I have Conviction and I thought it was all rite it did seem a bit easy and a bit short and the multiplayer in my opinion was a bit solid.

Seeing how he appreciates the real sneaking games (Thief) it is no surprise how he treats the Splinter Cell series. I played Chaos Theory and while it was enjoyable, it was very much mediocre. It seems to repeat and repeat all the worst flaws of the sneaker genre, as highlighted in Yahtzee's vid.

Lol so funny and true.

Had I not read the book version three months before the game came out, I might have actually bought the game. And now that I know the mechanics are broken, I definitely won't be buying the game.

In case anyone cares, the book was actually pretty decent. Too bad it wasn't written by Tom Clancy either.

after chaos theory ended the series went down hill fast i was enjoying the series till double agent R.I.P :( splinter cell please

Ghostwise:
Dude....I want a game where I'm a tiny man riding on someones back controlling them. Sounds familiar though.....

You're thinking of Master Blaster from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome aren't you...lol

tburke0:

Vault boy Eddie:

tburke0:
If you just ban everyone who posts in the first 5 minutes of the thread, why not just lock the thread for 5 minutes?

Because they are hoping people aren't gonna be DICKS! But small flaw with that, this is the internet. DICKS that make a new account to troll a forum will always exist, you know, cause they're DICKS!

It's a legitimate question... I've lurked around here for a while. I've seen some posts "HURR DURR I AM FIRSTANDBEST" that deserve to get yoinked...

But there are others that were right in line with other posts.. "I liked this review and that part where etc etc was funny..." they get pulled (or worse) for being posted too early. Maybe they hit the site right at noon eastern and skipped the credits?

All I'm asking is, if there's a rule that all posts before 12:05 are pulled, why not lock the thread? And yes, I waited until I could post in the first 5 minutes on a Wednesday to make my point... hurr durr...

Unless they are using some sort of sorcery, they haven't seen the video in its entirety, or skipped through it, picked a scene out, and posted just to be first. And that's frowned upon here. It's called being an attention whore, a very sad pathetic attention whore.

I loved the whole thing ESPECIALLY the Montreal dig.

Yeah-heah! SC:C got what it deserved!

awatkins:
Funny fucking review! ahahhhahaaha. That's how much I laughed. Comparing america with a monkey, brilliant.

How so? I'm not getting how fucking hilarious this was supposed to be. Americans are that resistant to free healthcare? Too bad there is actually no such thing as "free" healthcare, somebody has to pay for it. Europeans are dumb as shit. This whole belief that Americans (actually citizens of the US, but everybody just says "American" for some reason....) are dumber than Europeans is nonsense. Anytime I hear any opinion from outside of the US, my first thought is, "Wow, I thought that WE were supposed to be the dumb ones." I think you are just mad, because we get the video games before you. The US as a whole isn't very intellectual, but I have yet to hear an intelligent thought from anybody outside of our country. Just a lot of bullshit posturing.

I must say that I would rather live in the United States then any other country!!! I also like earning my healthcare with the money that I earn from my job. I am also not willing to have more taxes that will pay for some lazy fat gorilla on the other side of my beloved country because he doesn't want to go out and get a job.

I can't wait till this November and the Presidential Election of 2012!!! No more Obama!! woot

Josh_V2.0:
As a person who (reluctantly) lives in the States, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the 'Americans are apes' bit.

More tragic-manicheanism at work. Basically, some Americans are so stuck on their pity pot, because the world doesn't work exactly the way their agenda wishes it would, that they act as if they are engulfed in the forces of evil as the last bastion of intelligence and purity. This country doesn't work anywhere near the way that I wish it would either, but you don't see me whining like a little bitch. I don't like a lot of Americans, but I don't like a lot Europeans either. I've known some really great, and really intelligent people in the US, and I just think it is a shame to disparage "Americans" or "America" when the real problem is a small number of people who happen to have a lot of wealth and power. Of course, half of the people are unhappy, because they believe that there are too many "conservative and libertardians who keep any real progress from taking place," and the other half believes that government is encroaching upon their individuality. This is why so many people in the US jump on the "Americans are all idiots" bandwagon. Both sides of the political spectrum pretend that they are the beleaguered carriers of the flame of truth, fighting desperately to protect it from the hordes of "stupid Americans" trying to snuff it out.

To me the real idiots are the ones who play the game. There is a major election occurring in the UK as we speak that Yahtzee could be commenting on for jokes, but I suppose that most of Yahtzee's audience hails from the US, so he figures that he'll play it safe with the "Americans are idiots" jokes that play to both sides of the US political spectrum (although Yahtzee makes it obvious which side he supports) as well as the people outside of the US. Europe, Australia, and the other modernized countries of the world can live with their coalition governments, patronage, nationalism, outdated economic doctrine, and suck on my big fat American cock while they watch themselves fall even further into irrelevance.

And if anybody thinks that "Obamacare" represented "free healthcare USA," they are deluding themselves.

Great review, but I was a little bit confused about why you didn't even mention the co-op mode. I know that you're stance is that every single game is one that should be able to be fun in single player, but there is basically a whole other game on the disc. They decided not to make the single player as long so that the co-op mode wouldn't be just a tacked on thing. Although I will admit the story is a pretty traditional, it has a great ending (I know it's just introducing the multiplayer mode but it was still really cool to see how your friend reacted).
The second issue that you didn't really mention was the immersion of the game. I don't know about you, but the projected text and the waypoint system was great and I never had to pause the game to figure out my objectives or any other stupid things like that. I really thought that the developers really succeeded at pulling you in if you wanted to be pulled in.
The last thing I disagree with is how you just seem to be the little man on Sam's shoulder. I thought that's what games are supposed to be. If you want you're character in the game to do something, they do it and do it just as you wanted to. I think that is called good controls. The a button was a little figity at times, but all of the game's other controls worked marvelously. It allows you to do bad ass stuff without needing to think about it, like how the best trained close combat spy would do in a fight against a brainless mercenary.

Great review though!
(this is my first since this is the first game I have that I played before you reviewed it in quite some time)

tkwelge:

Josh_V2.0:
As a person who (reluctantly) lives in the States, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the 'Americans are apes' bit.

More tragic-manicheanism at work. Basically, some Americans are so stuck on their pity pot, because the world doesn't work exactly the way their agenda wishes it would, that they act as if they are engulfed in the forces of evil as the last bastion of intelligence and purity. This country doesn't work anywhere near the way that I wish it would either, but you don't see me whining like a little bitch. I don't like a lot of Americans, but I don't like a lot Europeans either. I've known some really great, and really intelligent people in the US, and I just think it is a shame to disparage "Americans" or "America" when the real problem is a small number of people who happen to have a lot of wealth and power. Of course, half of the people are unhappy, because they believe that there are too many "conservative and libertardians who keep any real progress from taking place," and the other half believes that government is encroaching upon their individuality. This is why so many people in the US jump on the "Americans are all idiots" bandwagon. Both sides of the political spectrum pretend that they are the beleaguered carriers of the flame of truth, fighting desperately to protect it from the hordes of "stupid Americans" trying to snuff it out.

To me the real idiots are the ones who play the game. There is a major election occurring in the UK as we speak that Yahtzee could be commenting on for jokes, but I suppose that most of Yahtzee's audience hails from the US, so he figures that he'll play it safe with the "Americans are idiots" jokes that play to both sides of the US political spectrum (although Yahtzee makes it obvious which side he supports) as well as the people outside of the US. Europe, Australia, and the other modernized countries of the world can live with their coalition governments, patronage, nationalism, outdated economic doctrine, and suck on my big fat American cock while they watch themselves fall even further into irrelevance.

A bit defensive are we? Listen, I understand that you can't just go about labeling entire nations as being this or that. I'm not saying that I feel this way about all Americans, it just happens to be the case with many of them. I found Yahtzee's little joke to be a very well presented description of how the rest of the word views the United States, and if that offends you then maybe you should just go have a word with him.

Another thing, was that 'whining like a little bitch' bit really necessary? Because I don't believe I had anything to complain about in my last post.

Im sorry to say this, but this is the first time i disagreed with you (except for mirrors edge). SSC was awesome, one of favorite games.

I live in Montreal but that little joke was hilarious! :)

Video made me laugh, I'm an American and I have to say the description was pretty close to the real thing, didn't agree with everything though, but I've aways been a big Splinter Cell fag (my avatar is Sam Fisher) so I guess I'm jaded.

This is going to make me sound like a nerd with no life... probably because I am, but I was always a bit bugged that Splinter Cell got credit for a game mechanic Thief did first. The whole hiding in shadows and measuring how much light is on your mechanic.

TheChickThatKnows:
Hey Yahtzee (I hope I spelled it right), when you do your rating and ranting on video games could you/would you/should you please at least if your going fill-in on what the game is about please add more detail. I don't mean to flatter you, but you really do a great job, it's hard for people to criticize games and give their own opinion (like how well you do...crap I complimented you!) because their head is so chalk full of just playing it and not realizing how bad it really is! BUT, if you could, add some more detail on what the games plot and story line is instead of badgering on how awful it is (even though that's your job).

Sincerely, TheChickThatKnows

Just a thought, I don't think the comments this far back are actually read by many people.

Least of all by Yahtzee. [Edit: Never mind. I completely spaced on Extra Punctuation.] I think the reason that he doesn't discuss the actual plot and story in detail is because they are new games and it's pretty poor form to give spoilers.

Loved this review, and agreed with everything he said. I'm sad to report though that I have yet to contract the plague that seems to have afflicted everyone else who watches ZP that makes them completely devoid of their own opinions in favor of Yahtzee's. I really liked the game.

I even agree with the sentiment about how Stealth games should be about going through levels completely unnoticed instead of killing everyone in the room, which was my biggest complaint against conviction, since my favorite way of playing the old Splinter Cell games was going through the whole game without killing a single unrequired person. Although, after a certain part of the story, it didn't bother me so much, since the bad guys really really deserved painful deaths...

Oh, and yay free health care commentary. I always get the impression that the rest of the world thinks we're thick for not wanting it.

Josh_V2.0:

A bit defensive are we? Listen, I understand that you can't just go about labeling entire nations as being this or that. I'm not saying that I feel this way about all Americans, it just happens to be the case with many of them. I found Yahtzee's little joke to be a very well presented description of how the rest of the word views the United States, and if that offends you then maybe you should just go have a word with him.

Another thing, was that 'whining like a little bitch' bit really necessary? Because I don't believe I had anything to complain about in my last post.

Yes, we're all morbidly obese cowboy rednecks with room temperature IQs.

If the rest of the world really views us as this, then they really need a reality check. The comment by Yahtzee was a pure rage induced attack, badly covered up as a joke. It's almost like you could feel Yahtzee's teeth grating as he wrote the script.

I just find it a bit douchebaggish of Yahtzee to bite the hand that feeds him.

And according to websiteoutlook.com, this website is viewed 46.7% by Americans, so Yahtzee's little douchebag comments probably won't be winning him that many fans.

DurianBlink:

Josh_V2.0:

A bit defensive are we? Listen, I understand that you can't just go about labeling entire nations as being this or that. I'm not saying that I feel this way about all Americans, it just happens to be the case with many of them. I found Yahtzee's little joke to be a very well presented description of how the rest of the word views the United States, and if that offends you then maybe you should just go have a word with him.

Another thing, was that 'whining like a little bitch' bit really necessary? Because I don't believe I had anything to complain about in my last post.

Yes, we're all morbidly obese cowboy rednecks with room temperature IQs.

If the rest of the world really views us as this, then they really need a reality check. The comment by Yahtzee was a pure rage induced attack, badly covered up as a joke. It's almost like you could feel Yahtzee's teeth grating as he wrote the script.

I just find it a bit douchebaggish of Yahtzee to bite the hand that feeds him.

And according to websiteoutlook.com, this website is viewed 46.7% by Americans, so Yahtzee's little douchebag comments probably won't be winning him that many fans.

I'd like you to go back and read over the boldfaced text. I just want to be sure you actually read my comment before you posted your own.

Also, about that teeth grinding thing, I think that was just you.

Ooh, burn. That comment at the end was harsh! I felt that Yahtzee was lacking some of his usual venom with his delivery in the Shattered Memories review, but not so here. Would it be fair to say that by the fifth (major) game in the series, people feel that it's making more concessions to action at the expense of the stealth which was supposed to be its trademark?

Actually Chaos Theory, while still linear in nature, often allowed one to chose from different routes and there was also one occasion when you could chose to carry the order or not (it also changed the ending or something). Not exactly Hitman, but it was nice.

Well that said, while I have all the previous SC games, I'm not getting Conviction. I enjoyed SCCT on hard difficulty and I'm not interested in the Conviction for kiddies.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Registered for a free account here