Don't Film These Games!

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Don't Film These Games!

These are the videogame movies MovieBob really, really doesn't want to see.

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Good article aside from the traditional halo bashing... it's actually getting a bit boring bob, sure the games 2 onwards are WAY too short but thats always been my only real complaint,

some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...

hey at least we won't get rapelay live action!

I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.

I like how any psychotic murderers and gore is called Saw related when Se7en came out in the 90s.

How was that mortal kombat doohicky a saw knockoff?

Puddle Jumper:
I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.

Have you see his series...

The Game Overthinker?

http://gameoverthinker.blogspot.com/

God. I wish he'd update that more often...

Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

1. Metroid
2. Zelda
3. BioShock
4. Ninja Gaiden

I'd add Zelda to that list.
A Zelda movie would never work. The games usually have a fairly basic story, the strong point of the games is putting you in the role so well, all the fantastic locations and things to do, great weapons and the excellent dungeon design. That's all gone so you're left with a basic save the princess plot from a character who has contractual immortalitly. The framework works in the games, but it'd translate horribly being the primary focus. Plus, link being voice acted: Ewh...

I will take it in step farther
No video game should be made into a movie
I have hated over 90% of every Video game based movies I have seen
the only 2 I liked are the 1st Mortal Kombat (because I was a little kid when I saw it)
and Silent Hill (not anymore after playing the games)

Video game movies suck hands down

I thought the first tomb raider movie was great.

Batsamaritan:
Good article aside from the traditional halo bashing... it's actually getting a bit boring bob, sure the games 2 onwards are WAY too short but thats always been my only real complaint,

some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...

hey at least we won't get rapelay live action!

More or less my thoughts exactly, Why do you have to hate on Halo's community so much? Enjoying a simple game and enjoying sophistication are not mutually exclusive, much less in two different media!!

MovieBob:
P.S. Yes, I've seen that Mortal Kombat Rebirth thing, and I think it looks like ass. Yeah, the MK franchise could use some improvement. Y'know what improvement doesn't look like? A Saw knockoff.

Oh no you did not just call one of the most epic looking 9 minutes on Youtube bad! Nuh-uh, I think most of us will agree that was pure awesomeness in a sandwich.

Calumon: Lizards with Human Heads!

Shame about your views on Halo, though I am glad you at least recognise the possibility of making it into a movie if you add or subtract certain elements. As a Halo fan, it might irk me, but I'm open to change if it gets something Halo related on the big screen. Nonetheless, Jackson and Blomkamp must have thought there was potential if they were planning to helm a film themselves, that must count for something right.

Regardless a Halo movie is getting made one way or another, Frankie O'Connell said as much, we just don't know what form its going to take.

Christina Hendricks in a Power Girl uniform.

Excuse me, I just need to visit the bathroom.

But Fishlips Jolie? NOT Lara, not by a long shot.

Squaseghost:

Batsamaritan:
Good article aside from the traditional halo bashing... it's actually getting a bit boring bob, sure the games 2 onwards are WAY too short but thats always been my only real complaint,

some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...

hey at least we won't get rapelay live action!

More or less my thoughts exactly, Why do you have to hate on Halo's community so much? Enjoying a simple game and enjoying sophistication are not mutually exclusive, much less in two different media!!

I dont see where he bashed Halo. He bashed the idea of a Halo movie, and it was in DEFENCE of teh fans, saying that such a movie would ruin Halo. Otherwise it just suggests Halo fans are suckers for anything with Halo attached.

Batsamaritan:
Good article aside from the traditional halo bashing... it's actually getting a bit boring bob, sure the games 2 onwards are WAY too short but thats always been my only real complaint,

some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...

hey at least we won't get rapelay live action!

I don't think he was bashing all of the Halo series, rather only the storyline and characters, and he's right, how boring would Masterchief be in a movie?

YodaUnleashed:
Shame about your views on Halo, though I am glad you at least recognise the possibility of making it into a movie if you add or subtract certain elements. As a Halo fan, it might irk me, but I'm open to change if it gets something Halo related on the big screen. Nonetheless, Jackson and Blomkamp must have thought there was potential if they were planning to helm a film themselves, that must count for something right.

Regardless a Halo movie is getting made one way or another, Frankie O'Connell said as much, we just don't know what form its going to take.

So....you are saying you are a sucker for anything with Halo attached? (see my other post)

YodaUnleashed:
Shame about your views on Halo, though I am glad you at least recognise the possibility of making it into a movie if you add or subtract certain elements. As a Halo fan, it might irk me, but I'm open to change if it gets something Halo related on the big screen. Nonetheless, Jackson and Blomkamp must have thought there was potential if they were planning to helm a film themselves, that must count for something right.

Regardless a Halo movie is getting made one way or another, Frankie O'Connell said as much, we just don't know what form its going to take.

When I heard Jackson was part of it I had hope. So much hope. When that project was scrapped I lost any hope for a good adaptation.

I want them to do a Sims film!

Just because I wanna see how they go about it (I'm aware of the script in development hell, I think the plot in THAT is the best I've heard so far. It could be quite a brilliant comedy)

The script in Dev. Hell says that a group of friends who create themselves for a laugh on the Sims suddenly realise that everything that happens to their Sim-selves happens to them in real life a little bit later

If done right, it could be hilarious, with people trying to artificially instigate a relationship with the hot girl, someone else trying cheats, someone breaking into their mate's house at night to try and play the game etc.

Sylocat:
Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

1. Metroid
2. Zelda
3. BioShock
4. Ninja Gaiden

5. Assassins Creed ... I'd like to see that.

No game needs a movie make-over.

It's just us nerds that are praying to Hollywood as if it's the Almighty who will hopefully one day bless us with a good movie version of our favourite game. It's never gonna happen, EVER.

Even the best possible game-movie will be subpar to the actual game. So why bother?

I agree with you Bob. As much as I really love Halo, I'm pretty much against making a movie into it.

I also agree if it was going to be made, that Master Chief and the Halos should not be in it. If they go with a story like when the war started and have it look like that awesome ODST commercial then I'm all for it, but sadly I doubt it would happen. So until that happens (and I doubt it) I'm against the making a Halo movie.

That Sim's idea actually sounds fucking hilarious.

Now, I know a game that would make a great movie...no...a great TV show: X-Com UFO Defense.

Think about it. a team of multi-national secret agents fighting a constant war against a fucking alien empire that is invading the planet Earth with mysterious UFOs. You have so many character choices: The general commanding it all, the smarmy politicians who X-Com has to deal with it keep their funding, the squad that goes on the missions and the scientists who try to study the alien technology that the team captures, to turn it against the alien menace.

There is betrayal, as some nations secretly sign treaties with the aliens!

There are scary scenes, when the team first runs into fucking crysilids and their fucking goddamn zombies.

And finally, there is the fucking awesome climax, with the team taking on the alien base on mars, fighting desperately through hordes of aliens to set blow up the reactor and zoom home in a spaceship made from alien materials and good old fashioned human know how.

BAM! Awesome. Lets shoot it and make money.

When it comes to video game movies it can get very, very, very, very, very complicated. Everyone has their own theory on how to make it work. I for example think a Ninja Gaiden movie could best be made using the low budget ninja movies of the past as a model instead of the super expensive blockbusters of today. Thats why I think a fan film could work for it.

Also, I'm kind of interested in the new Mortal Kombat movie, I don't think it'll be great, or thoughtful, but I'd say it COULD maybe be a worthwhile movie. Heavy emphasis on could.

Again with the Halo bashing? The expanded universe adds enough for a good movie to be made without tweaking the source material (Albeit, this would probably piss off the XBL idiot demographic...which would be a plus in my book). It'd probably be best to not base it around the Chief (although, as far as Super Soldiers go, he really isn't so bad), but it wouldn't just be a Starship Troopers clone.

In the end, I really wouldn't want to see a Halo movie, nor a movie based on any other game in that list, but the Halo bashing is getting a little old. Looking forward to your "Must Film" list

That is exactly what I am saying. I'm a sucker for almost anything Halo related before it comes out, only afterward once its come out can I see if I like it or not. For instance I didn't really like Halo legends, Anime isn't my thing but I had hopes going into it beforehand. There's nothing wrong with liking something to the point were you'll lap it all up, within reason of course. So yes I am a sucker for all things Halo and for all things Star Wars, we might as well get that one out there too.

I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

i think a phoenix wright movie could work. heres what i think they could do. for one thing they'd have to keep the comidy/drama thing the game has. they'd also have to change the cases a little so they just arnt reading the cases in the game so that people wo have played the game in the audince won't know exactly what happened. some cases will have to stay the same like the second and forth but they could change how things played out. as for how the movie looks, when there isn't a case going on, they could make everything look normal, but during trials, the shades could be changing, lots of spicle effects could be oging on, like when somone yells OBJECTION it would show up on screen. the could make the crecters look like they came right out of the game. no mondernizing or anything. the movie would probobly be about 2 hours and 30 mins long so that there is a half hour for each case, alittle mor time for the final case(u know why if you've played the game, i wont spoil anything)and a few minutes to use as they please.

Drangen:
I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

Pretty much what I was about to say before I refreshed my window...I didn't get the Saw vibe at all from the clip. I'm personally happy they followed through with plans to go darker, if anything I thought it seemed more like a Batman the Series to Batman Begins progression =/.

Sylocat:
Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

2. Zelda

How would Zelda ever work as a movie?. The protagonist doesn't talk, he's not interesting and he has no personality. Most of the story is about going into dungeons, finding a weapon or item that will help you on your quest... then travelling to another dungeon to get a weapons or item to help you on your quest. There's barely a plot to the game and watching a mute kid going around into dungeons for most the movie wouldn't really sell or be interesting. Stuff like that only work in video games. Don't get me wrong by this rant... I love the Zelda games, I think there ace... they just wouldn't work as a movie.

Actually I'm going to brace my self because I know how rabid the Zelda fans are and not agreeing to a movie will probably have me skewered. I would like to add... this is the same reason I don't think a Half Life movie would work... unless they got rid of Freeman all together and put the focus on a new protagonist just set in the same world. You couldn't do that with Link.

Halo not worth making a movie...

1) The Halo movie is ON HOLD. Microsoft have made it clear they want to make an entry at some point

2) Blomkamp won't be directing. He left to do District 9 and said he poured too much into the project, saw it slow and can't put himnself through the pain again

Now there is actually the planned scrip floating around. You clearly don't know Halo if you say it has a basic story considering the incredible depth, I was playing Halo 1 the other day and looking at the manual's descriptions I saw references that have only been fully developed in the very latest books like Cole Protocol and Ghosts of Onyx.

That said the most promising screenplay is not in Fall of Reach (I wish people would stop saying that) but in The Flood.

The original plan was to set the movie following the actions of Major DeSilva and his Helljumpers placing the Chief as a more secondary character and splitting the focus across the human struggle on the ring using Keyes as the link to bring it all together.

Frankly it looked really good and would have made an epic movie while not destroying the mystique of Chief (since Bungie have shot themselves in the foot by hiding his face all the time, means they can't show him to be just a normal human now).

Please don't take Halo: Legends either. You ignored some of the better ones in your review focussing on Origins which had massive gaps in the Forerunner history (not to mention some inconsistencies in the Human one) and the Package with it's cringeworthy line dropping (not to mention handing the humans shields in about 2545 - what???). On the other hand the Babysitter was well done albeit with an unsatisfying portrayal of the spartan's hair. All the films were done by studios who didn't have the time to check Halo canon and so were not accurate nor consistent everywhere and developed very little (this is why I feel the Babysitter made the best entry by adding while not conflicting, they accepted their limitations). Not to mention the far too short runtime.

The Halo Universe is massive and could take any story placed in it, people are too quick to jump on Reach forgetting that the in media res generated by the escape from Reach was part of the charm that strengthened Halo as a game.

I doubt any of this will get through to any but people who have actually played the games and understood the story rather than simply declaring it bad (I have seen this 1st hand, Friend: "Halo story is crap" Me: "What about ..." Friend: "What?/Oh I skipped that cutscene"). People seem to have the idea that because Halo has fun and mindless (online, in campaign it's more tactical) gameplay it can't have a story.

Anyways just used this account to make a quick post refuting the stuff here.

Bob, please don't make such brash statements without a basic knowledge of the Halo universe (or even oh, I don't know, the fact that a screenplay has been written and is damn good). Stick to what you know and ask someone who does know if you have gaps, you don't have time to play 4 games and read 7 novels, we get that, just don't ignore them.

God Christina Hendricks in a Power Girl Uniform would be a brilliant idea. I just don't know if I'd want to see the Geoff Johns JSA Version of her, or the Palmiotti, Gray, and Connor version (this one is much more fun, which let's face it: Power Girl looks ridiculous even for a comic book heroine) Nice article for the most part though, and good review too.

I've always thought a Halo movie could be pretty good. Have the protagonist as a marine/ODST in a squad, flee from Reach and find the Halo ring. Hear stories of the Spartans and how they think they're all dead, glimpses of Chief throughout the movie, build up a kind of mythic status around him. Then part way through we have the Flood outbreak and for the final climactic shootout the Chief takes the spotlight. But that's just me, maybe I just don't have a problem with a good "man vs alien" story.

Intresting, view point...noit sure I agree with all of it, but, its certainly food for thought

Okay Bob, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I am disgusted that you would make such harsh accusations about a character when you havent even played the games. First of all, I can name half a million video game protagonist that are twice as bland and even more douchebags than Nathan Drake ever will be. (Chris Redfield, all the members of Delta Squad, Altier, and no way Laura Croft is any less guilty of all the crap she's done. At least Drakes games are actually fun.

You see, I've actually played both games, and when I think Nathan Drake, I think Nathan Fillion. I suppose you don't like Malcom Reynolds from Firefly either, considering that he and Nathan look an act exactly the same? Don't you think those accuastions are contradictory to a previous article. Didn't you say you "liked" protagonists that are jerks.

And before you say anything about Kratos, just consider that he isn't any less interesting than Batman. Both of them have a very dark pasts of which they seek redemption for, both fight with an arsenal of weapons (one gets them through magic while the other gets them through money) and yet they have evolved to the point where we don't even care about how dramatic and complicated their lives have been. We just want to see them both beat the crap out of different flavors of badguys. Despite their genericness, both have leigons of fans and followers.

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