Unskippable: Final Fantasy 13

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riottrio:
I didn't find the commentarys all that funny, but i did laugh at certain points. anyway, i just realised how much this is actually trying to be a Final Fantasy 7. No, hear me out. Yahtzee said you were on a train, going to fight an evil corporation with a black sidekick. but not only that, you're also an ex soldier (just like how cloud was an ex-SOLDIER). Also, there are some crappy useless guys who you don't here anything more about who help you and who come on the train with you. on top of all THAT the first boss you fight is a big scorpion thing. really... really really really. here is the first boss battle to FF7 just incase you didn't know.
image

okay, sure, the mechanical scorpion boss comes later and cannot fly in FF7, but seriously, there is something severely wrong with this opening. and i'm a big fan of Final Fantasy, but the only 2 bits i noticed which seperated the FF7 and FF13 openings (excluding the obvious different names of evil corporation and characters) was that the black guy didn't have a gun for an arm and that the "badass" protaganist is now a "badass" (i.e. total bitch) girl rather than a whiney boy.
oh, that and the extreme sci-fi/technology differences.

Now that you say that.... it does make sense. I'll look into it.

Alright I haven't actually played Final Fantasy 13 yet, maybe it's really bad of even conveying meaning through context, but here's something to keep in mind everyone.

If each character was to spit out a minutes worth of dialogue to explain each and every term, the game would have just as much problems with their dialogue sounding stilted and robotic. You don't tell someone you had a PB&J sandwich for lunch and then detail to them the history of the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich because you already expect them to know what it is. That's how people actually talk to each other.

Slycne:
Alright I haven't actually played Final Fantasy 13 yet, maybe it's really bad of even conveying meaning through context, but here's something to keep in mind everyone.

If each character was to spit out a minutes worth of dialogue to explain each and every term, the game would have just as much problems with their dialogue sounding stilted and robotic. You don't tell someone you had a PB&J sandwich for lunch and then detail to them the history of the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich because you already expect them to know what it is. That's how people actually talk to each other.

You have no fucking idea

Slycne:
Alright I haven't actually played Final Fantasy 13 yet, maybe it's really bad of even conveying meaning through context, but here's something to keep in mind everyone.

If each character was to spit out a minutes worth of dialogue to explain each and every term, the game would have just as much problems with their dialogue sounding stilted and robotic. You don't tell someone you had a PB&J sandwich for lunch and then detail to them the history of the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich because you already expect them to know what it is. That's how people actually talk to each other.

Replace PB&J with something like...SW&R and that'd be a bit closer to the mark. And no, neither myself nor anybody else knows what the hell an SW&R sandwich is.

Blue-State:

TheDrunkNinja:
Initiating rabid fanboy rage in 3... 2...

BLAST OFF!
image

Rangers. IN SPACE! I'm sorry but I just fucking had to... At least power rangers in space had a good space setting. *awkward silence and birds tweeting* Yeah I'll just show myself out.

MatParker116:
These were some of the questions I had after four bloody hours of that garbage:
What's a Cocoon?
What's a faicie?
What's an icie?
Who's the blond douche in the trenchcoat?
Who's the black guy?
Who are the people in hoods?
What's the Purge?
Why did the Giant thing turn a lake into crystal?
What do the fourteen year old's have to do with anything?
What the fucking hell is going on?

planet
angel
deputized angel
snow
sazh
people being purged
try the dictionary
crystals are cool
wat
angels are trying to revive god

hi

Space Jawa:
Yet you kept playing? For 30 hours worth? And yet you're still playing? At what point do you stop and say "No!" to unfun gameplay?

Fun is subjective...

I've played for 100 hours.

Akalistos:
Yes, there a plot. They have to fulfill something hinted by a vision. If they don't, they turn into zombies, if they do, they turn into a piece of rock. That's your plot. Now, drop the FF13 disk on the ground and run like it was a live grenade.

Way to completely undermine what is actually a really interesting plot marred by terrible execution. I could rant (and have done) for a long time about this game and the many executional flaws the story holds, yet I still thoroughly enjoy it - primarily because I'm a big RPG fan; but there's something about the game that stops me hating it despite its flaws - the atmosphere I believe. I'm going off-track here; this game, in my opinion, has a really interesting plot that, bar the main villain, is well thought out and diverse. The problems are in the writing, the way the story is told, and the linearity.

Blue-State:
Don't be a fake out, don't be a fake out...
Edit: Yes!
"Are you implying that certain aspects of this game were designed just to look cool?" LOL'd
At least the 'planes' look like they can fly this time.

Guys isn't Purge pretty much self explanatory? When was the last time purge meant anything good?

"I purged my bowels of the fecal material, and MAN, did it feel good."

See? Not entirely evil!

OT: Oh god, I laughed so hard at, "...And I brought a junior rowing team with me!"

I don't even know why.

D_987:

Akalistos:
Yes, there a plot. They have to fulfill something hinted by a vision. If they don't, they turn into zombies, if they do, they turn into a piece of rock. That's your plot. Now, drop the FF13 disk on the ground and run like it was a live grenade.

Way to completely undermine what is actually a really interesting plot marred by terrible execution. I could rant (and have done) for a long time about this game and the many executional flaws the story holds, yet I still thoroughly enjoy it - primarily because I'm a big RPG fan... blah blah blah, i stop reading at that point.

No! BAD! There no excuse for the story. NONE. When you FAIL do engage the players. When you FAIL to place exposition to get the people up to speed. When the plot is mostly padding. When you FAIL to make a believable world. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. Not one author would get aways with a single book that need a full encyclopedia to understand. I love RPG. But there flaw that should NOT BE EXCUSE IF WE WANT GAMES TO GET BETTER AND BETTER.

And if you're such a fan of 13, how about buy my copy before it dump it in a fire?

Was that a Bill Bailey reference I saw there, guys?

Well played.

Maybe the chocobo its brand new baby a baby polar bear is only like 3 lbs at birth.

I know how bad it is, but I'm buying it anyway once I get a new console.

I'm certain it's better than XII. That game was disastrous.

hahahaha
dudley do right!
gotta love rocky and bullwinkle

MatParker116:
These were some of the questions I had after four bloody hours of that garbage:
What's a Cocoon? Cocoon is a place that hovers above Pulse.
What's a fal'cie? They are responsible for the creation and maintenance of the land where people dwell, and indirectly govern their lives.
What's an L'cie? A tool of the Fal'Cie
Who's the blond douche in the trenchcoat? Snow, leader of NORA
Who's the black guy? Sahz, a guy that who's son got caught up in the mess and is now looking to rescue him.
Who are the people in hoods? People being purged from Cocoon
What's the Purge? Anything that comes into contact with elements from Pulse are "purged" from Cocoon. Were you not watching the cutscenes?
Why did the Giant thing turn a lake into crystal? It's been awhile. I don't reall
What do the fourteen year old's have to do with anything? To feed obvious trolls
What the fucking hell is going on? Pay attention to what you're playing, it might help

Honestly this kind of thing floors me. I didn't read a lick of the Datalogs and had no trouble understanding the concepts and story.

Love it as always. But damn that makes me want to play the game.... now if only I had the game... or a PS3... or a TV... huh...

LightspeedJack:

Jim Grim:
Wow, y'know I was considering buying this. Now, having seen this, I would be embarassed to have it running on my T.V.

Wow after seeing the opening cutscene with the highest production values ina ny game ever you decide against the purchase...to quote a battle droid; does not compute.

I couldn't put up with hours of that. My decision hinged on whether I thought the dialogue/story would be interesting. That cutscene was cringeworthy. Call me small minded if you will, I just don't want to spend time with those characters.

Its a sad type of game that requires that you have the Final Fantasy Wiki open on your laptop while you're playing it so that you can have any kind of idea who these characters are, who they're fighting, what they're fighting for, and where the heck they're supposed to be.

By the way, who builds a city out of nothing but bridges and green fog?

After watching this video I'm beginning to see the minimalist's approach as a long forgotten utopia. It's like writing a text composed entirely of all the nice, shiny adjectives you can find.

These games are more random than stray bullets.

Well, that had alot of shiny animation, I guess. But, as others have said, that does not really look like my kind of game anymore if it takes those CGI scenes so seriously at the expense of gameplay.

nice one guys

Yeah, so don't ask any questions in Final Fantasy, because they won't answer you until about the 75% Point, which is 25% after the Tutorial ends. They just make you ask 'wtf?' about 38 million times.

It took me about 10-15 hours to figure out what was going on (uh, sort of...?). That is really not good. It took me maybe ~30 minutes to get the general idea of, say, Mass Effect.
It took me about five minutes to HATE EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. (Exclusion: I did not hate Lightning when she punched Snow in the face.)

The characters all just looove to spout terrible clichés at any given moment. For example, one of the worst ones:
Annoying bitch-kid called "Hope" sits down, sighs and says "There's no hope."
Bitchy hot-girl called "Lightning" turns around and says "There's always you..."

...At that point, I made a spastic flail with my arm and hit myself in the head with the controller and screamed out loud at the incompetence of the "writers" for this bullshit. (Or maybe it was the pain of hitting myself with the controller. Maybe a bit of both.)

You pretty much do three (four?) things in FFXIII:
1. Run around in linear corridors that are so linear I'm almost insulted they even give me a minimap (I seriously don't see how I could get lost here), where you either dodge monsters or poke on things.
2. Teleport into "fight mode" where you fiddle with a menu system to assign for yourself to heal your retarded team members who have a tendency of dying a lot, and in between that, tickle the monsters with your massive gun-blade-thing.
3. Stare at in-game cutscenes where everyone bitches a lot and spout clichés.
(4. Stare at pre-rendered cutscenes (which are really pretty) where cool stuff happens that you are never allowed to play.)

Mind you, Final Fantasy 13 does not automatically turn into an RPG by there being some sort of levelling system in the same fashion that I do not automatically become a car by standing in a garage.

(I actually survived playing past Bartholomew or whatever that boss was called. Then I shouted "Fuck this shit!", stood up and traded in FFXIII at GameStop for Splinter Cell: Conviction.)

Akalistos:

Keith K:
An ostrich egg is about the size of your hand and it grows up to be a chocobo-sized bird.

Also, Sci-Fi is fiction based on science.. this does not apply.

Do you mean that we can't build Giant flying Scorpion with 4 Saws as fingers? Or that train is made of magic?

There are of course Sci-Fi elements; A bullet train suspended in the air? Totally Sci-Fi. But to claim the entire thing is steeped in Sci-Fi with no element of fantasy is categorically incorrect. It presumes all Fantasy is "High Fantasy" which is, distilled to it's most quintessential elements, just Lord of the Rings derivatives.

wow... so much hate for this game... I loved this game. :)

Akalistos:
No! BAD! There no excuse for the story. NONE. When you FAIL do engage the players.

How exactly would you propose a game like this engage the player in any other way? It provides them with all the information they need after just a few hours of gameplay; all questions bar a few plot inconsistencies are answered, and all the incredibly basic concepts explained. It's really not a particularly difficult plot to follow once you get a few hours into the game. If you weren't engaged by the story then that's your experience with the game; and if you can explain why you weren't engaged after a few hours through none-subjective arguments I'd be happy to hear - otherwise it's just not your type of game.

When you FAIL to place exposition to get the people up to speed.

Again, how exactly could they do it any other way? The game explains all you need to know after a few hours; references all key locations, and personnel from time to time and remind you of past events; and if you miss anything there is the data-log (which you shouldn't have to use to understand the story). If they'd had the characters out-right explain everything straight away there would not only be an information over-load; there'd be no meaning or anything for the player to base this information around. They are told what's occurring as it does, and the significant of that event becomes apparent to them soon enough. The exposition isn't the best - the dialogue is extremely poorly written, but the player is told what's going on.

When the plot is mostly padding.

Name me a high-profile RPG this generation that hasn't got a padded out plot...the fact that the game slowly reveals the characters to the player, and how they adapt to the situation is well done, even if they're cliché (such as Hope). Each area offers new characterization or information to the player; they each have their specific purpose.

When you FAIL to make a believable world. THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

This I don't follow; a "believable" world is completely subjective; but I felt the world itself was well-done, and immersive, despite the linearity.

Not one author would get aways with a single book that need a full encyclopedia to understand.

How long did you play if you really didn't understand the terms the game used? There's nothing overly complex bar the history of the game-world (and that's because there's a lot to recall) and possibly, if you didn't follow the storyline fully, the Fai'ci's motivation.

I love RPG. But there flaw that should NOT BE EXCUSE IF WE WANT GAMES TO GET BETTER AND BETTER.

Better is subjective. All the "flaws" you've pointed out are subjective. If you really didn't like the game then good for you, don't play it. However, you haven't actually pointed out anything objectively wrong with the game in your impressively poorly written rant.

I must admit, the first few hours are very confusing, and they never properly explain the terms to you (what the hell is a l'Cie?), or they wait forever to do so. Still enjoyed the game though.

riottrio:
I didn't find the commentarys all that funny, but i did laugh at certain points. anyway, i just realised how much this is actually trying to be a Final Fantasy 7. No, hear me out. Yahtzee said you were on a train, going to fight an evil corporation with a black sidekick. but not only that, you're also an ex soldier (just like how cloud was an ex-SOLDIER). Also, there are some crappy useless guys who you don't here anything more about who help you and who come on the train with you. on top of all THAT the first boss you fight is a big scorpion thing. really... really really really. here is the first boss battle to FF7 just incase you didn't know.
http://www.ultraninjas.com/images/articles/finalfantasy7_3.jpg

okay, sure, the mechanical scorpion boss comes later and cannot fly in FF7, but seriously, there is something severely wrong with this opening. and i'm a big fan of Final Fantasy, but the only 2 bits i noticed which seperated the FF7 and FF13 openings (excluding the obvious different names of evil corporation and characters) was that the black guy didn't have a gun for an arm and that the "badass" protaganist is now a "badass" (i.e. total bitch) girl rather than a whiney boy.
oh, that and the extreme sci-fi/technology differences.

Those were my thoughts too. Aside from a few minor details and the train fight, it was almost identical to how Final Fantasy VII started. Of course, the difference is that back when FF7 was released, the unique mixture of fantasy/steampunk/science-fiction was something unique and a refreshing change for the series. By now, however, it has become completely standard.

Also, am I the only one who finds it ironic how often Final Fantasy games are accused of including teenage angst, yet most of the characters aren't actually teenagers? If you take FF7 as an example, the only character in her teens is Yuffie and even she is a completely optional character.

Akalistos:

canadamus_prime:

Enigmers:

canadamus_prime:
Wow those guys must've had one hell of a wanted level for them to bust out the giant flying mecha-scorpion buzz saw tank-thing.

Didn't you hear, a bounty is the new wanted level!

Yeah, but I don't think they have giant flying mecha-scorpion things in the old west.

To be fair, i saw a giant mechanical spider fighting Will Smith. It didn't go well as you'll hope, he beat the spider.

Oh yeah right, I forgot about that. Well whatever, Bounty or Wanted Level they still must've had like a million stars on it for them to bust out the giant flying scorpion mech-thing whatever.

there was something i always wondered about where does the chocobo go to the bathroom?

A guy with a chicken in his 'fro ? Really ?

FinalHeart95:
I must admit, the first few hours are very confusing, and they never properly explain the terms to you (what the hell is a l'Cie?), or they wait forever to do so. Still enjoyed the game though.

Best I can tell a i'cie is someone with a stupid tattoo

one of the best episodes ive seen, a dougly do-right reference, lots of small jokes, and a great ending, very well done =)

This...actually makes me want to play FFXIII. Not so much as a game but as a movie with some battles.

MatParker116:

FinalHeart95:
I must admit, the first few hours are very confusing, and they never properly explain the terms to you (what the hell is a l'Cie?), or they wait forever to do so. Still enjoyed the game though.

Best I can tell a i'cie is someone with a stupid tattoo

Well a l'Cie is someone who is given a mission by fal'Cie (essentially Gods). They get special powers from the fal'Cie and if they fulfill their mission, they become crystal. They they don't they become Cie'th, which are basically zombies.

Still, at this point of the game, you don't know what the hell they are.

Your an awesome duo guys. Great vid.

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