Stolen Pixels #209: Please Let Me Arrest You

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Stolen Pixels #209: Please Let Me Arrest You

Resident Evil's Chris Redfield is the worst zombie cop ever.

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hahahahaha!!!! Chris is an idiot!!!

Love this one

EDIT: If he was pointing that gun any harder he'd be bleeding out of his ears!

You can't shoot a woman in a dress like that!

It's probably designer.
Maybe Chris should take the Squad from SWAT4 with him when he goes Zombie hunting, they always seem to fill people with lead the very moment that the blinded and gassed criminals don't put their guns down when I'm playing.

haha XD o lolz the god forsaken expositions always get in the way!

incidentally TAKEN was one of my fav movies because he didnt talk much and especially in the boss fight at the end ;)

"I think my family got the impression Resident Evil 5 was some sort of voice-activated game based on how much time I spent screaming at the screen, "Shoot him! Shoot his face! Shut your stupid mouth and pull the trigger you damned fool!"

EPIC awesomeness as always Shamus/John. This bothered me too. My primary consolation was the fact that a revolver was the best weapon in the game.

Jack Bauer would've shot her in both knees like THAT.

Yet another reason to never, ever, ever play the Retarded Evil Games. So many times you are forced to do somethign stupid to advance the games or prevented from doing something intelligent to preserve them.

Why did I like that game again?

Ahh...Infinite ammo is fun. That's why.

Even just an infinite ammo pistol. I beat the game with just that...Good times.

I can't tell you how much I hated my first playthrough...

Not to mention that Chris traded all his brains cells for MUSCLES!

Its so true...his custody records must be so light, cant take anyone in at all!

Couldn't be more true.

I think this is true in SO many games.. theres clues all over the place, and if you read them, you conclude that the baddie is in the next room. Then the protagonist just HAS to stop and ask who the hell they are anyways.. ARGH! ITS THE VILLAN! SHOOT IT!

I actually LOLLED in Mass Effect, where this scene starts and a villan-type starts yapping his mouth and you can kill him douring the cutscene before he stops talkin. (known as gaspipe-scene)

So true.

AmrasCalmacil:
You can't shoot a woman in a dress like that!

That's why it counts as effective armor.

JeppeH:
I actually LOLLED in Mass Effect, where this scene starts and a villan-type starts yapping his mouth and you can kill him douring the cutscene before he stops talkin. (known as gaspipe-scene)

Which was immediately countered by going headfirst into a collector ship that may as well have been called the SS Obvious Trap with noone commenting on just how easy everything was until after they get ambushed...

Anyway, remember kiddies - your guys may do stupid things in the cutscenes, but if they actually did their jobs in these things people would be bitching that they did all the cool stuff when you can't control them...

Oh, metal gear has been doing this for years, and far more headbangingly. Take the time you meet liquid snake near metal gear rex, and he gives you a big lecture for 10 minutes on genes and crap, and you're just pointing your damn gun and doing fucking nothing for the entire time. snake even tries to shoot him eventually, but after he's gotten into the cockpit and it's too late.
Gah, Video game protagonists piss me off!

BlueInkAlchemist:

AmrasCalmacil:
You can't shoot a woman in a dress like that!

That's why it counts as effective armor.

Side boobs give a +10 AC

Onyx Oblivion:
Why did I like that game again?

Ahh...Infinite ammo is fun. That's why.

Even just an infinite ammo pistol. I beat the game with just that...Good times.

I can't tell you how much I hated my first playthrough...

Not to mention that Chris traded all his brains cells for MUSCLES!

Those arms required more then 1 brain to be so big, that's why the AI is so stupid.

Infinite ammo always fun...with shotgun and bow xD

JeppeH:
I actually LOLLED in Mass Effect, where this scene starts and a villan-type starts yapping his mouth and you can kill him douring the cutscene before he stops talkin. (known as gaspipe-scene)

Have you ever tried not shooting him? It's hilarious. He keeps talking forever and the little symbol letting you know you can interrupt him stays there the whole time, occasionally making the noise from when it first appears again. They really want you to shoot him in the cutscene.

Chipperz:
Which was immediately countered by going headfirst into a collector ship that may as well have been called the SS Obvious Trap with noone commenting on just how easy everything was until after they get ambushed...

Are you kidding? There's a whole section of the stage at the beginning with nothing but empty halls and cutscenes, and the whole time the only thing anyone talks about is what an obvious trap it is. The thing they're surprised by when the trap is sprung is

So fucking true. Maybe that's why I never bothered to finish this game, the cutscenes had me raging because I done all this survival stuff and balanced them out between my retarded AI partner only to let this guy escape because I have no control.

This is what I call "Masturbating to your own cutscenes" Gears at least let you blow shit up and feel satisfied about it, except for the ending, with the Locust Queen.

I'm afraid this is a media schtick we'll never we rid of.

Outright Villainy:
Oh, metal gear has been doing this for years, and far more headbangingly. Take the time you meet liquid snake near metal gear rex, and he gives you a big lecture for 10 minutes on genes and crap, and you're just pointing your damn gun and doing fucking nothing for the entire time. snake even tries to shoot him eventually, but after he's gotten into the cockpit and it's too late.
Gah, Video game protagonists piss me off!

Doesn't actually matter though, b/c you could have emptied clips into Liquid and it still wouldn't kill him.

"I was pointing my gun at her as hard as I could! What else did you want me to do?"

.......

Ummm, maybe shoot her in the leg? Or face? Either one would have worked Chris.

Mysnomer:

Outright Villainy:
Oh, metal gear has been doing this for years, and far more headbangingly. Take the time you meet liquid snake near metal gear rex, and he gives you a big lecture for 10 minutes on genes and crap, and you're just pointing your damn gun and doing fucking nothing for the entire time. snake even tries to shoot him eventually, but after he's gotten into the cockpit and it's too late.
Gah, Video game protagonists piss me off!

Doesn't actually matter though, b/c you could have emptied clips into Liquid and it still wouldn't kill him.

It's true, no character in Metal Gear Solid can die unless there's a sad violin theme playing in the background.

A good strip Shamus, Chris' final line is excellent.

It's... frankly amazing how many times this happens in so many computer games.

I suppose it's just one more example of cutscene incompetance.

Yeah, the exposition portions of some games can be infuriating. . . and are so outdated now. I call it MwwHAHHAH cliche - a stillborn writing technique carried over from the old Bond days (until the brilliant Goldfinger came along).

I actually got thrown out of a tabletop campaign because of my loathing for this narrative nonsense. The GM had us enter a room with the Big Bad and started taunting us with his plans for World Domination. Before he could get a syllable out:

Me: I shoot him in the face.

GM: Huh?

Me: I shoot him in the face.

GM: But he hasn't stopped talking yet.

Me: Don't care. I shoot him. Full auto.

GM: * looks at notes, fumbles his dice nervously * But . . . you can't!

Me: Why not?! He's blabbing there like an idiot. I have the drop on him.

GM: * stunned silence *

I thought he was going to start crying XD

ZephrC:

JeppeH:
I actually LOLLED in Mass Effect, where this scene starts and a villan-type starts yapping his mouth and you can kill him douring the cutscene before he stops talkin. (known as gaspipe-scene)

Have you ever tried not shooting him? It's hilarious. He keeps talking forever and the little symbol letting you know you can interrupt him stays there the whole time, occasionally making the noise from when it first appears again. They really want you to shoot him in the cutscene.

Chipperz:
Which was immediately countered by going headfirst into a collector ship that may as well have been called the SS Obvious Trap with noone commenting on just how easy everything was until after they get ambushed...

Are you kidding? There's a whole section of the stage at the beginning with nothing but empty halls and cutscenes, and the whole time the only thing anyone talks about is what an obvious trap it is. The thing they're surprised by when the trap is sprung is

If I was the Illusive Man, my thoughts would run like this:
Before Sending them:
"should I tell them them it is an obvious trap? Nah! They do not seem that stupid. "
After sending them:
"Wow. They really are that stupid. I wonder what I can talk them into doing next."

I stopped playing MGS, RE and FF games because of this annoying trait. Although I did like the Bioshock version.

Otterpoet:

I actually got thrown out of a tabletop campaign because of my loathing for this narrative nonsense. The GM had us enter a room with the Big Bad and started taunting us with his plans for World Domination. Before he could get a syllable out:

Me: I shoot him in the face.

GM: Huh?

Me: I shoot him in the face.

GM: But he hasn't stopped talking yet.

Me: Don't care. I shoot him. Full auto.

GM: * looks at notes, fumbles his dice nervously * But . . . you can't!

Me: Why not?! He's blabbing there like an idiot. I have the drop on him.

GM: * stunned silence *

I thought he was going to start crying XD

Ok. I lol'ed. Seiously, why not just shoot the damn guy? Nothing's holding you back.

How about pulling the trigger, Chris?

I think my family got the impression Resident Evil 5 was some sort of voice-activated game based on how much time I spent screaming at the screen, "Shoot him! Shoot his face! Shut your stupid mouth and pull the trigger you damned fool!"

I get the same reaction when I watch the news: "You know, they can't hear you through the TV."

While this series is often amusing, this is the first time it's actually made me laugh. At length. I nearly drowned in by generic brand bottled (not from a tap!) water.

To be fair to Chris "Trigger Unhappy" Redfield, there was one occasion when he started opening fire straight away. His flashback with Jill in Spencer's old mansion. He bursts into the room, sees Wesker, shouts "WESKER!" and both he and Jill immediately start opening fire.

And then promptly proceed to get their ass kicked anyway so...yeah, nevermind.

Maybe he was traumatised from that event and vowed never to open fire straight away during a cutscene again?

Love the refreshing gag about 'pointing the gun as hard as I could' love it.

K4RN4GE911:

Otterpoet:

*DM Stuff*

Ok. I lol'ed. Seiously, why not just shoot the damn guy? Nothing's holding you back.

Doesn't sound like a very good DM. You should always have a comeback ready for situations like that, be it a panicked dodge or to actually let you shoot his head off and maybe have one of his henchmen pick up the pieces of the plan.

Dectilon:

K4RN4GE911:

Otterpoet:

*DM Stuff*

Ok. I lol'ed. Seiously, why not just shoot the damn guy? Nothing's holding you back.

Doesn't sound like a very good DM. You should always have a comeback ready for situations like that, be it a panicked dodge or to actually let you shoot his head off and maybe have one of his henchmen pick up the pieces of the plan.

Better than my DM. She just said "You can't." and then outlined all the ways she'd kill me if I tried.

Grey Carter:

Mysnomer:
Doesn't actually matter though, b/c you could have emptied clips into Liquid and it still wouldn't kill him.

It's true, no character in Metal Gear Solid can die unless there's a sad violin theme playing in the background.

Well, I was more talking about how Liquid is an [nigh] invincible badass, but I guess you could go the humor route as well.

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