That was the most entertaining thing I've read since I finished "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell". Great story mate!

chuckwendig:
Oh, and for the record, my PC's a year old and is not overclocked.

I've played PC games for a long, long time, and this has been a persistent issue across the board, regardless of the PC, regardless of the brand.

I'll always come back to PC gaming, but it doesn't change the fact that getting games to run properly can feel as productive as smashing one's own face into the desk.

These days, with technology being where it's at, I expect minimal tinkering. Or, if it requires significant tinkering, then I want good quality customer service -- another thing lacking across the PC gaming "platform."

-- Chuck

I haven't had trouble like you have trouble ever, not even with my 7 year old piece of shit dell that has been shipped across the country a half dozen times, dropped off a table at a lan party, and was actually slowly melting because I was trying to run crysis on a computer below the minimum requirements. On my new (year old) computer, i have zero issues, not even with old games (windows 7 64 bit etc).

As we say, PEBKAC.

Look it up.

Timbydude:

1) Jade Empire: Special Edition. I bought it over 3 years ago on Steam, and encountered a game-breaking issue for which no fix was available until 2 months ago. It had to do with the fact that I have 64-bit Vista; in other words, I really couldn't have done anything. Now, is it fair that I had to wait three years (during which time the game's plot was spoiled, anyway) to play a game for which I paid full price?

Vista always was a goddawful piece of dirt that Micro$oft should apologise for. The amount of basic things it couldn't do was immense.

2) Mirror's Edge: It's just plain incompatible with SLI. It "works", but seeing as how the screen repeatedly flickers during play, it's not quite for me. I could disable SLI and play with one video card, but then I'm stuck with mediocre performance on middling settings; that's not why I bought a $3000 computer.

Google Mirrors Edge SLI

1) Install Mirror's Edge
2) Install ME Patch 1.01
3) Update Nvidia drivers to version 181.20 (Beta drivers)
4) Update PhysX system update 9.09 (from nvidia.com)

Settings for Nvidia Control Panel
PhysX: Enabled
SLi: Disabled (seems like the game will use the 2nd card to process Physx)

But two examples in one hundred games? You're telling me that Xbox Team Fortress isn't as broken? PS3's 3.41 isn't causing multiple crashes? Wii's don't crash out?

chuckwendig:
In this case, we're talking about how PC gaming can/should/could offer a more stable experience.

I can tell you why Saint's Row 2 crashes so much. Because it was a lazy console port. Your crusade to make things easy just leads to ignoring the system that manufacturers can't control. And it's those "controlled" systems that get higher prices, pay to go online, only go through our browser, KEEP TO OUR RULES ALL THE TIME AND SALUTE ZE CEO!

You can make PC gaming more stable, but only by making sure all of the manufacturers of hardware and software collabarate, which, as we've seen with Vista etc. won't happen.

It's still no reason to pour petrol on this particular flame war though.

Heh, this takes me back.

I remember writing a small start up menu in Basic back in the day so that my system would start up with the correct drivers loaded to give me enough Higher/Extended memory to play whatever game it was I wanted to play :) So much arsing about.

And yeah consoles are easier, but I get a nice feeling inside knowing I'm a member of the PC gaming master race.

Oh, and it is a physical impossibilty to find an RTS on a console that doesn't make me want to tear off one of my arms.

nofear220:

1) building a PC is less expensive then buying a prebuilt one
2) A 5 year old could do it, its not hard
3) The time you waste on the internet in one day or less you could be done your pc

You're the kind of moron who'd recommend an EVO lancer to a soccer mom looking for a fuel efficient safe 5 seater sedan.

1) Yes, it is less expensive: If you know what you're doing and know what you need. Otherwise, forget it, you're gonna wind up wasting a shit ton of time and money buying the wrong parts.
2) No, a 5 year old couldn't do it, excepting adult help and supervision. I build my own computers, and my friends do as well, and we're pretty damn good at it. But something ALWAYS goes wrong. Your motherboard is DOA, your ram timings are wrong, god knows what. Something goes wrong.
3)Really? You can research and purchase and have all the items shipped AND build your computer AND have time to fix any problems in one day? No, you can't.

For most people who are into PC gaming but not hardcore enthusiasts, a dell xps or one of the newer ASUS desktops is fantastic. They're well put together, customizable, and pretty damn cheap. And you don't have to deal with the ton of shit that learning to put together a computer requires. If you tell me that you've NEVER had anything go wrong building your own computer, you're a liar. If you tell me that you've never done anything wrong building a computer, you're a liar. Problems happen, and they happen a lot more than with a premade computer, so if you're not in the position or if you don't have the expertise to deal with the problems that pop up, you're screwed, because building your own computer doesn't come with a 3 year warranty.

edit: Proud pc gamer since my uncle got me a 486 when I was 7 years old, but unlike a bunch of people who share my hobby, i'm not a blind socially challenged shut in, and I realize that not everyone is as involved in it as I am. But you should still play pc games, I need people to play starcraft 2 with (against) and have a good time (beat them).

Oh god, I'm just like Wendig! Except I finally decided that PC gaming should rot in Hell and only buy Valve games for PC now.
Saints Row 2 is one of my favorite games, and I have PS3 version. Insert the disk and play. And I've played through it several times without any problems at all.

Fallout 3 on PC - yep, same as you, game crashes. And Mass Effect causes BSOD (which is actually a known issue, admitted by Bioware and it won't be fixed ever). And there are tons of examples why PC gaming should really die for good.
The only problem it won't. Cancer, global warming, Bobby Kotic, PC gaming - they all are here to stay. You just have to learn to avoid them.

I dunno if this has been said already (probably has), but I can sum up all of the OP's problems with two phrases:

He had an ID-10-T error or it's a PEBKAC.

I have been PC gaming almost exclusively since D2 came out and have never had the kind of problems he is complaining about, not even with Fallout3.

Awesome that was one really fun article! Thank you sir! for your excellent words!
Ans Sorry for your troubles..
Ive only ever played Oblivion on my pc and well it was fun with all the mods and stuff but I had the graphics at the lowest settings and had no grass come up.

Sadly this is the sate of affairs from PC gamers, developers need to focus less on graphics and flash and more on making you damn game solid
*fix the damn bugs(especially if that bug makes it so you can't play the game anymore, I'm looking at you Bioware and your Dragon Age Redcliff glitch, fix that shit already, it's been 4 patches, stop with the DLC and fix the core fucking game already)
*make sure the damn thing doesn't crash to desktop whenever it feels like(Fallout 3, WAR)
*make sure alt+tabbing doesn't give the game an aneurysm(ME1 and 2, Alpha Protocol, Bad Company 2, DOW2)
*and finally make sure the damn thing can work with major graphics cards like ATI, about half of the people out there have one, is it that hard to test for(SC2)

The computer illiterate are quite funny.

I've never had any issue with any current gen PC games. Only problem games have been older titles on Steam.

10 pages of comments, all spouting opinions and arguments that have been slung around umpteen times before. Come on people, lets take the blinders off and be honest. There is no perfect gaming platform, if there was we'd all own one and peace would rein in gamesville as forums all across the internet closed down due to lack of this vs. that threads.
PC gaming has pros and cons, console gaming has pros and cons. Pick one, pick both or hell pick none and be done with it, just stop deluding yourself that one is unequivocally better than the other, 'cause it's not...it's just what you prefer.
People have different preferences for different reasons, it doesn't make anything better/worse than anything else. Would you get this passionate over a coke vs. pepsi debate? Of course not, common sense tells you that for some unknown reason people just prefer one over the other. Gaming is no different.

Tell me good sir, do you use a mac? They are known for catering to people who want their computers to be "simpler."
I personally wouldn't like it, but who knows? You might.

Thirty seconds into the brew-time on your coffee-maker the device instead sprays hot java on your balls, searing them to the corduroy. You don't like that? Not a fan?

Actually happened to me, save for the testicles bit, the pressure would blow off the handle smashing mugs and spraying grind everywhere.

As for Fallout I dodged the install crap by downloading it (somewhat illegally but I do own it on PS3, realised I wanted mods), in general that game was just as unstable on my playstation as my PC but careless modding can be pretty detrimental (entirely my fault/problem obviously).

Reminds me of the time Duke MP refused to unlock the next level... I was convinced that Satan had been released on the game files since I had just finished the old quake 2... It was a phase... replaying all the old genres... I never did finish the last level of DMP... Sigh... so much for always seeing something through to the end... Uninstall with force I did... even did a rm -Rvf on the whole partition just to make sure I had removed every inch of it...

Then I found a patch to fix the game after enough googling which led me to torch the install disc while sharing a nice bottle of rum with my pug...

the problems on the PC are nothing new nor is it the most exciting to fix a game you really want to play however a large percentage of PC gamers enjoy the thrill of fixing a problem, some may do it as a passion or some do it as a living (which most do).

if you cannot maintain a level of sanity because of this problems then either:

1. go to console gaming, in which then a)it's fine to change as you get older b)quit your job (if you fix software/hardware for a living)

and/or

2. go and see an Psychiatrist/therapist because clearly you cannot deal with your emotions and you may present a danger to yourself and/or others

MegaSlaan:

AcacianLeaves:

MegaSlaan:
Heres some ice for you vagina OP, and a copy of Steel Magnolias so you can have a good cry the next time you can't get a PC game to run. Your main problem is that you bought a stock desktop because you obviously lack the basic cognitive and motor functions required to build and excellent gaming rig for half the price you paid for that abomination that is the Dell XPS you bought.

And some people say PC gamers are elitist and condescending! Bosh! Flimshaw!

Yep were elietist big secret champ here's your cute wittle Troll achievement pop up, ooo and it even makes the cute wittle Xbox chime too. We get to be elietist because the knowledge employed in building a PC also translates into a job in the real world, and we make good money from fixing and building shiny new PCs. I just hate doing what I love for a living le sigh.

You know what else translates into a job in the real world? Social and spelling skills, both of which you seem to lack. And no, you can't get a job based on the fact that you can put together a build-it-yourself rig. Anyone with enough time on their hands can do that. Retail computers are not manufactured in the United States. You may be able to make $12/hour working at a local computer repair shop, congratulations? Although you would most certainly need additional training and not just the skills required to plug things into other things a la building your own rig.

Wow, geez. I've never had that much trouble with my PCs... then again, I build 'em myslef.

I guess the strength and wealkness of the PC are all the bazillionmilliontrillionbillion options. Also, games like FO3 are more like bugs with a game and crysis is a hardware murderer.

Also, don't own a console, never have and never will though I have played a deal at friends places. For me, it feels dumbed down, can't aim for shit and get the crampiest hands EVER.

Everyone's boat floats differently I guess.

chuckwendig:

You'd think that with all that pent-up agita, you'd actually read the article.

Clearly, I am playing PC games. How do I end the article? Fuck PC games. Except for, y'know, other PC games. Yes, I am going to come back to this poisoned teat again and again because it offers games I can't get elsewhere. (Ahem cough cough Civ 5.)

But newsflash: I don't have time to build a PC. I don't have time to build a television, a blender, a fridge, a car. I don't sew my own clothes. I do not slaughter my own cattle. I buy something, I personally would like it to work with minimum frustration.

You don't have these problems? I'm not suggesting you do. I wrote an article. It's full of True Things. People seem hell-bent to dispute my experiences, as if my experiences must be also indicative of their experiences.

They're not.

You love PC gaming?

Keep playing those games. No harm, no foul.

As I said, I'll keep going back to them, too. And I'll probably bitch about it and put my foot through my monitor, but that's my bag, not yours.

And for the record, my mic is not a cheapy mic. Works great for Skype. Further, my microphone on the 360 works just fine, too.

-- Chuck

Pish. PISH I say! I got System Shock (1994) working on Windows Vista using MS-DOS emulator DosBox and one helluva lot of command-line modding. I had more "salt the fries" errors than an eighteen stone wideboy with Parkinson's Disease. (Yeah, I'm going to hell for that one.)

Anyway, I completed the installation of that game. It took me three days, fourteen or so hours, and at least three gallons of super-strength black coffee. And at the end of it I felt like a MAN. Rawr!

Some day I actually gotta get around to playing that game...

Trebort:
You're saying "Fuck PC Gaming" because your PC is shit?

What an idiotic article. Buy a better PC or piss off with your iPhone.

Congratulations on reading comprehension? The man has made it abundantly clear that his machine is up-to-date and actually quite beastly, able to play Crysis at a smooth framerate with minimal difficulties. Are you saying that there are no technical issues with any PC games? That it doesn't occasionally take hours of browsing tech support forums to identify and resolve an issue?

Hell many games encounter problems specifically because the machine you try to install it on is too up to date. I recently had to wrangle with my machine for a good hour to get it to run KOTOR 2, and most of those problems were due to the fact that my machine was operating on Windows 7.

It amazes me how many people get so offended when someone says that it's occasionally frustrating to try to get games to work on the PC. He isn't saying that PC gaming is dead, or that PC games are inferior, or that he'll never play PC games again. He's just saying that it is occasionally frustrating, which I don't think anyone could argue against with a straight face.

Dell make me want to punch a baby seal, Vista makes me want to punch a baby seal. Sky make me want to murder whole swathes of cute animals. But these aren't problems with PC gaming in general any more than being allergic to mushrooms makes me hate the concept of eating.

Incredibly stupid article, there's nothing wrong with PC gaming, its your computer or Windows setup. I've been gaming hardcore for several years with minor issues at best.

I have to give it to you the writing style and descriptions were enjoyable, but I was laughing at you as much as I was the writing.

I had an experience like this with Galactic Civilizations II: Twilight of the Arnor. As you may know, the expansion was never released on a hard copy in Australia so I eventually decided that the game was awesome enough to warrant installing Impulse just to get it. So I did, paid $20 by credit card and downloaded the game. It didn't work. It crashed to the desktop immediately after the opening movie, producing some arcane error message as it did. I tried everything I could, including completely redownloading and reinstalling the original game and the first expansion through Impulse in case there was some kind of compatability issue with my installed hard copy. No sale. I asked my much more tech-savvy friend for advice. He couldn't come up with anything. I spent literally DAYS in email correspondence with the Impulse tech support, doing everything they suggested and not getting DICK to show for it. When eventually it became obvious that the tech support guys didn't have a fucking clue what was wrong with the game (they started asking me for detailed readouts of pages of stats from somewhere deep in my system diagnostics) I just gave up and accepted that I'd wasted my money and I would never get the chance to play the greatest 4X game ever made.

Shortly after, Demigod was released, so I downloaded the demo through Impulse to try it out. It also failed to work, freezing up every time I tried to join a lobby. So this time I didn't make a big deal out of it, just uninstalled it and forgot it. Since then I haven't even touched Impulse because as far as I'm concerned, it simply doesn't fucking work.

Steam sales are horrible...

I don't have that many problems with PC games. Which is surprising considering how old my poor notebook computer is. I'm trying really really really hard to stop buying games for my PC considering I think we're getting to that stage where we can't play all the newest games any more (I'm sorry sweetie, it's okay, we'll make it through). It's fine because I have an Xbox too but when you can get a game for half the price or less on PC it's really tempting to break the rules.

The only real trouble I have is playing a game for several hours at a time, it starts to run very slowly. I chalk this more up to the age of my computer then PC games in general being of bad quality. Still my Xbox doesn't do this. But getting Dragon Age on console seems practically criminal.

Also I don't my playing around with my computers settings. I like to think of it as bonding time. We're good friends :)

chuckwendig:

dochmbi:
You shouldn't even be playing PC games if you don't want to put work into it. You have to make sure you are clean of viruses and adware and bloatware which often comes with pre-installed computers. You have to check your temperatures and update your drivers, occasionally clean-up the insides of your PC, maybe additional fans are needed if the manufacturer didn't build the system with 100% load stability.

I build my PC myself with custom cooling, I picked out all the best components for price-performance-ratio and quality, I install my operating system myself and as a result of my work I have a PC which runs every game perfectly and without any problems.

It's just funny to me, because this attitude is almost entirely unique to PC gaming enthusiasts.

I cannot imagine if *any other technology* required this level of attention in this day and age. I mean, ye gods, can you picture the lava-scorching hate that would rain down upon the Internet if this same level of work and attention were necessary to get an iPhone 4 to not drop calls? "Well, you just need to stand under a fan. And you need to whisper sweet nothings into the phone. And you have to make sure all the screws are tightened and that the fromitz board and badistor switches are aligned."

Again, to each their own. It just surprises me that the PC gaming niche still holds this level of customization as not only fun, but necessary.

-- Chuck

Because it is fun? I built my own rig, update every now and again ... I find it enjoyable to customise parts and fix any programming issues on PCs. I enjoy the chase of it. For example, Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy on Steam. Took me 4 hours of work to have the ability to get it to work with my rig. But it made the game even sweeter for my efforts.

Also took me 7 hours to work a physical fix (creating my own ultra cooling system involving a garbage bag, 5 litres of ice and a fan) so that Maass Effect wouldn't overheat my PC.

Personally I find your comments and personality to be one of the greatest problems in gaming in this age. Wherby everything is so simple and is so quickly delivered that gaming has become a cheap thrill that everybody does without any considerations to the ideal that gaming is also a HOBBY.

Games for you seem to be a cheap thrill ... but would you also take the same attitude to picking up a new sport you've never had the chance to invest physical effort in like tennis or fishing? How about billiards?

All require patience, all require organization, all require time, all require effort. This culture of instant gratification in gaming reduces the complexity of experiencing videogames as a medium for the exchange of ideas and art. You're not helping the fact with your incessant diatribe against problems for which my personal experience informs me is but a base defamatory attack on a cultural medium that is both fallacious and grievous.

Perhaps if you adopted the attitude that gaming shouldn't be about instant gratification, and more a hobby that you do when you have nothing else, your attitudes to the diversity of PC games of ages past (Planescape: Torment, Diablo and original Warcraft) you would enjoy it more.

In other words, you're not really a gamer and you have about as much insightfulness to talk on the subject of pc gaming as a 4 year old has educating people in the tenets of comtemplating the differences in JSM's utilitarianism and Kant's categorical imperative..

Jeez... well at least I TRIED to lighten the tone there. Evidently it didn't work. Just so you know, in the unlikely event that a sense of humour should ever appear here, you guys can fight amongst yourselves for it.

FTR I quite enjoyed the article. Otherwise I wouldn't have commented on it. Anybody else remember the pre-Internet days when it was just good manners to keep your mouth shut unless you had something interesting or humourous or both to say? I miss them.

This is TMDC, in what's probably the most depressing thread I've read on this site, signing off.

I ONLY play pc [i have a psp but that doesn't really count] and yea it crashes, but from what i hear from my friends is that the red ring of death is waaaay worse. I hear crap about how you have to but a damp cloth on it to work, and stuff like that.

I kinda sympathies, but maybe its, like these other fine gentleman have said, something with your hardware and not the game itself, that's usually the cause of the problem for me.

Oh and steam sales are only good for games that have been out for 2-6 months. Whenever a big new games comes out its almost always full price.

TheMadDoctorsCat:
Jeez... well at least I TRIED to lighten the tone there. Evidently it didn't work. Just so you know, in the unlikely event that a sense of humour should ever appear here, you guys can fight amongst yourselves for it.

FTR I quite enjoyed the article. Otherwise I wouldn't have commented on it. Anybody else remember the pre-Internet days when it was just good manners to keep your mouth shut unless you had something interesting or humourous or both to say? I miss them.

This is TMDC, in what's probably the most depressing thread I've read on this site, signing off.

Ehhhh when someone blatantly says "Fuck pc gaming", it should be expected for some people to get pissed off.

PaulH:

Games for you seem to be a cheap thrill ... but would you also take the same attitude to picking up a new sport you've never had the chance to invest physical effort in like tennis or fishing? How about billiards?

All require patience, all require organization, all require time, all require effort. This culture of instant gratification in gaming reduces the complexity of experiencing videogames as a medium for the exchange of ideas and art. You're not helping the fact with your incessant diatribe against problems for which my personal experience informs me is but a base defamatory attack on a cultural medium that is both fallacious and grievous.

You're conflating "learning the rules of a game" with "creating the effort necessary to get the game to a stable starting point."

Learning how to fish = learning how to play a game.

Learning how to fish does not *require* building your own rod, your own pond, troubleshooting the reel, adjusting pH levels, updating the fish drivers, or any other hundred errors.

I go buy a rod and some bait, I can start to fish. Maybe not well, but I can fish. I don't have to study the discipline. I don't have to be a rabid hobbyist. I can just... fish.

And, I can choose to master the discipline if I want to.

But I can do it as a beginner without worry.

PC gaming is difficult for the amateur, average gamer. It's becoming increasingly marginalized, and I suspect some actually *like* that it's marginalized.

-- Chuck

Thank you for this very entertaining article :-) I've been on a PC gaming hiatus for about two years now, and it feels good! But now my overpowered PC is used only for emails, browsing the web and chat: it feels like something's wrong.

Too bad that, as seen in the comments, PC fanboys are almost as unpleasant and socially inapt as PS3 fanboys (http://www.destructoid.com/fact-ps3-fanboys-are-the-worst-149259.phtml) and can't take what you say with humor, rather than feel hurt that you can pinpoint what's wrong with the platform.

And I don't know if I'll be able to resist Civ 5...

I work as tech support for my university. I am also a PC gamer. While I did run the gamut against Fallout 3, it was fixed rather quickly with a simple reinstall, and a patch from the developer.

My personal experience is that it boggles my mind how many people seem to have problems with their computers. How people get viruses used to be one of my top offenders. Neither of my Windows machines have had more than 1 problem in their life on my desk. My home-built PC picked up a virus once while I was helping a friend troubleshoot his computer. It was my own mistake, and I knew better than to do what I was doing, but knee-jerk reactions are bane in computing, and I had to spend 10 minutes of my life dealing with the problem. The other was because of buggy, mandated university software that was neither properly tested or properly supported. When I solved the problem, it gave me a good 6 months of 'do whatever' job security.

So when I hear about the latest problem that someone is having with a machine, I can't help but wonder what the masses are doing wrong. It's one of the reasons I generally try to AVOID talking about computer problems with people. If I've had problems with DRM, it was that I entered the CD key wrong. Software problems could be attributed to my former actions of piracy, and the fact that cracking games sometimes breaks stuff.

I could never go back to console gaming. I like being close to the screen so I can see stuff better. Console gaming just... it's too locked down, and, after mastering my many-button keyboard, just seems clunky and analog.

That said, your point about too many options is heard, internalized, and repeated. As much as I hate Apple's insistence on using only THEIR hardware with their devices... as far as preventing incompatibility issues, they did it right. If you have one platform, with one compiler, on one configuration, it is so much easier to deal with development and debugging, and once you're done, it will work all the time, every time.

Of course, if PC gaming was standardized like that, I think it would lose its identity as a separate platform. And I rather like being a part of the 'PC gaming master race.'