Zero Punctuation: Transformers: War for Cybertron

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here is what i think of trancformers, stop makeing new trancformers stuff, or better yet just stop messing with my childhood. both trancformers and sonic need to stop.

Heh, Transformers is one of those things I am glad I grew out of. I mean, I still have some nostalgia but boy, it was so retarded. I mean, many childhoods amusements remain more or less viable when you grow up. Not this one.

"You shall not pass!" That part really cracked me up...I might be going insane.

voorhees123:
Actually on a side note, since i only had the original toys. Optimus Prime and Megatron, i am not sure if its bad memory or me remember the original toys being made of metal as being superior to the lame plastic versions in later years. Also i remember them being complicated to transform from robot to truck where as the newer versions were more simple. Is this true or just my bad memory?

The Toys varied in material some had metal others just plastic the rest had both.Also the whole G1 series of toys was remodeled from exsisting Japanesse toys from Takara before being rebranded as Transformers by Hasboro (Which means alot less spent on concept design and product testing) Which the second Generation didn't get any shortcuts on and needed full development to produce.

I think I have to agree with you here, yahtzee, as this may be the best Transformers game ever made, and that's kinda like saying "the most polished turd". They have never been great. I was hoping more for a Twisted Metal style free-roaming war zone, but instead I get Gears of War in highly indistinguishable outfits in an environment that has the character of said turd. I played it a couple of times and then wondered why I spent 60 bucks on something so forgettable. Throw away the toy line names and it's a mediocre shooter no one would care about. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I never liked FPS games unless they had a sense of humor. Bring on Timesplitters 4 or Duke Nukem Forever and I'll get interested in toting a gun again.

BlueHighwind:
Michael Bay should make a movie based on those weird Eastern European Commie cartoons. It will be an awful, awful movie, but people love it when Michael Bay makes shit. So enjoy.

Are you kidding? I'd love to see Micheal Bay's version of Mister Twister or Nu Pagodi.

And, oh man... I can just imagine an adaptation of Kin Dza Dza.

Gameplay was actually exacted good above generic even
For what remains of the review (lots) spot on

I mean come on even halo has more variation in enemies then that

I wish he'd stop insulting people just because they aren't him.

My avatar and I feel very out of place now XD

Personally, I enjoyed the game but I'm a fanboy. Ah well, hilarious as always.

Thank God someone finally said it. I got this game from Gamefly when it was still bright shiny and new and I'd read a half dozen glowing reviews so I was so excited to play it.

Then I played it.

On a good day this is nothing but an average game wrapped in fanservice and nostalgia.

That first part about how how toys and videogames are money milking machines was brutal... And completely right. I'm sure it was a pretty nice surprise for the accountants in those fields when once the kid demographic grew up they'd still be loyal consumers... even without children of their own. D:

Nice one, Yahtzee.

Well it was, but nonetheless this was a fairly well-made criticism, unlike some other reviews I could name.

this sucks I can't see it. it wont load. Man i missing the fun you guys (and girls if any) are talking about...
I feel like tossing the computer out the cunting window if only to see it suffer... ad then get arrested for attempted murder to the occasional passer by. :[

I never got Transformers. Maybe this is why I always gave the cartoons funny looks as a child and just stared blankly at the screen while I tried to figure out what was going on. I still don't get it now.

I think those eastern european films rubbed off on Yahtzee because he thinks buying toys you enjoy is the equivalent of being milked, and what else were you going to spend your money on as a kid besides ice cream?

Oh and I've never watched Transformers, I did have some happy meal toys but that was it, I never knew the stories or any of their damn names.

Then again that does mean I don't know whether the toys were worth it or if they were indeed milking the franchise, but I guess Yahtzee probably doesn't know either.

From a person who liked the game, this review was fantastic. Good points and really funny.

romxxii:
Also how come some of the TF's don't seem to have their respective abilities, or had them severely altered? Starscream's famed Null-ray cannon, an all-purpose phlebotinum-powered blaster with stun-locking abilities, becomes a sniper rifle anyone can wield. Sideswipe doesn't have his trademark shoulder cannon or jetpack, choosing instead to spin around like a mad robotic top of death. Worst of all, Soundwave only deploys the cassettes when he's a boss; as a playable character his powers are a shield and a static drone. WTF? They should've made the cassettes his powers: deploy Lazerbeak or Ratbat for mobile recon drones, and Rumble/Frenzy as attack drones.

Seriously, how can you fuck this kind of shit up, Activision?!? To think the developers actually called themselves TF fans.

My guess would be when (If it wasn't an idea from the very start.)they planned out the multiplayer of the game ever character model can't have it's own uniqe special ability or sets of them be animated to do specialized moves like ejecting cassettes from there chest without looking like a Soundwave/Blaster rip-off or endup with parts that don't do anything like Sideswipes shoulder rocket that wouldn't have a purpose in the alternate mode. Here's hoping the sequal (If one is made) adds a little more flare and indivuality to them all for at least the storymode/Co-op multiplayer.

"my lawn is corrupted by dandilions"
Love it.
Not even a that good-er line but made me laugh.

great review as always....however i just feel that this is truly called for at this moment..

R.I.P my 18-wheeled friend...

Great Review. Enjoy your holiday! I am curious though if you will review the scott pilgrim game, Probably not.

Man, I used to dream about the awesomness of Omega Supreme.

Being a kid was awesome!

To be honest, the only Transformers cartoon I thought was at all worthwhile was Beast Wars, and even then it didn't get properly good until they started killing each other while quoting Shakespeare.

It was my nostalgia that made enjoy the game as much as I did, but I think that's a good thing. It was awesome to see the faithful but still unique designs of Omega Supreme, Trypticon, Bumblebee etc., and having Peter Cullen and Johnny Yong Bosch among the voice cast was all the better. Oh, and Stan "The Touch" Bush doing a song over the end credits^-^

Transformers was and always will be loveable shit (excluding the modern films which are just shit). The dialogue was crap, characters were dubious and action was laughable but we all love it for the nostalgia value.

It's not exactly alone in this, all cartoons made in that period of time were equally as bad with perhaps one or two exceptions.

But then on the other hand compared to He-man it's a masterpiece...

HAHA! absolutely brilliant. as soon as i thought that the magic was lost, you hit back with this hilarious episode.

I think i want to watch it again now.

It's a cover shooter w/ vehicle sections for the kids, and in that respect it does its job (i.e. giving the little snotrags a Gears of War alternative so they stop playing it.) But I agree completely with the review, Transformers HAS been getting a free ride due to nostalgia.

Lucane:

Not G. Ivingname:

Lucane:

"We used stealth by turning into loud vechiles that no robot had ever seen that could only really ram into other robot's."

Somehow that made even less logical sense then I thought it would. :P

The Decepticons where the more violent ones so they would likely incorperate weapons sooner into the vehicle modes than Autobots, and they weren't built at the beginning of the universe they were built for mechanical slave labor while starships and mass transit devices already exsisted.Decepticons wouldn't know what was a treat right away when the Autobots 1st learned how to transform into transport shuttles and such You'd waste resources and energy shooting/attacking anything that could possibly be an Autobot or just a normal energon cargo feighter.

True, but you think that the Decepticons would instantly change their tactics from "shoot auto-bots" to "shoot anything that moves."

Lolol best in a while!

Product costs money, cor blimey !

That dog...reminded me of something:

All in all, great review ^~^!

estoria-etnia:
I never got Transformers. Maybe this is why I always gave the cartoons funny looks as a child and just stared blankly at the screen while I tried to figure out what was going on. I still don't get it now.

Same here, I don't see the point and hype of transformers in any media or form beyond the toys really. I'm glad there are some people including yahtzee who also sees this.

He has it nailed just right; the entire franchise was always going to be based on the success of the toy sales, giving them enough money to create another spin off saga and produce yet more toys based on it.

Circle of life 'n all that really. Sorry if I sound overly cynical in this but it's just reminds me of the "zombies, ninjas, pirates and monkeys are things people should stop banging on about"

I clearly see the point regarding how transforming into a car is basically a faster sprint mode as I felt this in the PS2 game Energon or something like that

Is he freaking kidding....Othello was AWFUL

First time posting, long time fan.

When you get back could you possibly do a video on Castlevania: Harmony of Despair?

Not G. Ivingname:
~Snip

True, but you think that the Decepticons would instantly change their tactics from "shoot auto-bots" to "shoot anything that moves."

Well all of this is superseded by it's based off of toylines before making a backstory to tie it all together but,playing any shooter game will tell you it's a real bad idea to shoot at everything that moves before you figure out it's friend, foe, or a streetlamp becuase sooner or later you'd either get tired,paranoid,distracted or worse of all run out of ammo before they actually attack,Actually the wosrt cast scenario would be shooting a teammate at least in my book.

How the hell did it get a "9" on IGN?

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