Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

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bwahaha that was pretty good i was hoping he'd review this steaming pile of inadequateness

DominicxD:
I wanted a Mafia II review, though this was pretty fucking funny I must admit.

Also looking forward to this, hopefully it is out in Australia and hepland on reviewing it soon (Would also love to see some jabs at Russ' love letter review although I doubt it!

Very funny review. couldnt care lkess about the game so seeing it get well and truly Yahtzeed makes me smile

I thought the first game looked awful, and I wasn't even going to buy the second, so I'm happy to see it get shredded like so. They just don't get the idea that making bad games....is bad.

You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.

Spot-on review, unfortunately. There's no dynamic in this game, absolutely no variety, and the ending is like a slap in the face, you just exit the location you were in, 3 sec. in-game movie, the end. Honestly, I've never seen such insolence from the developers before. How come this game went through even a hopelessly mediocre QA team is beyond me.

No. 1 candidate in the "WTF of the year" category.

I think I could feel the rage all the way from Australia.
Well done, Master Yahtzee. Another atrocious game kicked so hard it entered a different dimension.

ilovemyLunchbox:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.

Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.

Very nice, it's fantastic to watch Yahtzee tear a game a new one.

ShenCS:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?

http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/kanelynchdeadmen/review.html

A senior game reviewer from Gamespot, Jeff Gerstmann, gave the first Kane & Lynch 6/10 instead of the 8/10 or higher Eidos was probably expecting. Gerstmann was then fired. Coincidentally, Eidos had put up Kane & Lynch advertising all over the site before the game's release. People connected the dots (or thought they did, anyway) and blamed Gamespot and Eidos for being partners in crime.

"The biggest threat in the game could have been outwitted by chucking a fucking Bonio at it."

I found that immeasurably hilarious. My sleeping mother, on the other hand, did not.

marioandsonic:
I wonder if Yahtzee has found a new "worst game I've ever reviewed", in place of Too Human.

I'm pretty sure that Too Human is hard to beat. Yahtzee did give this game one compliment (maybe without realizing it himself): It's short. Crappy things that are short are ultimately better than any crap thing that is long. Yahtzee didn't give this praise to Too Human. But I can't read his mind, just saying from a buyers point of view. If I had to play one of the games based on his reviews, it would be this.

Fail game is fail! Yeah, I'll avoid this game. Thanks for the heads up.

This goes back to the point that Extra Credit is making. Don't buy the game and perhaps we can get these CRAP games off the shelves.

BlueInkAlchemist:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.

I second this statement.

To be honest, I kind of expect this. But that doesn't mean it isn't funny.

Personally, I loved Kane and Lynch 1, and I loved the demo for Dog Days.

I'll have to pick this game up sometime.

The demo was borderline torture. I couldn't imagine playing the whole game.

I like how he describes the plot as basically being Army of Two: The 40th Day minus any semblance of sense. Not that Ao2 was a deep title, but Salem and Rios had a reason to suddenly go after the boss after spending most of the game escaping....

This sounds about on par with the first, which was buggy and unpleasant and took itself way too seriously. Game developers need to realize that gratuitous violence and loads of swears does not make something gritty. It just makes it childish.

This review seemed especially acerbic though, so good work.

Now that was brutal, good job to Yahtzee, and I also hope IO does something better, like a good Hitman sequel.

Rofl, I think the game devs won't be able to sit for a couple of days after seeing this review :P

Best one in a while Yahtzee, keep it coming and bring on Mafia 2, think we need a review to take it down a notch :<

AugustFall:
Well the vacation was a good thing, best zp in a while. I was losing confidence with recent reviews but confidence is restored.

This was a perfect target for him: a "AAA" title that is everything he hates in videogames and seriously makes everyone dumber for playing it. I was smiling just from hearing how much he deeply hated it in his voice. He definitely hasn't had one of those in a few reviews.

Back on top form, excellent. 'The plot was about as flimsy as being served coffee by a man with no bones in his arms' Writing everywhere needs to be more like this.

I watched an entire let's play of the game, it's just flat-out pathetic. Christ, he beat it in three to fours hours, and he died a lot too. The only good thing I can say is that the voice acting is pretty good, and I actually did sort of like the graphic style it was going for; but that's about it.

Kane and Lynch are such incredibly repulsive characters. I feel like they should be driving a beat-up Chevrolet truck from 1980s barrelling down an unpaved road to check on their weed grow in the middle of the country. How do these people get the entire Chinese army after them?

A classic! Great review, loved every moment of it!

Another hilarious review by Yatzhee. Even the credits were hilariously mocking the games effects, by having a prostitute pole dance with a light streak. ^^

Although I did enjoy the Angry Joe's review, just about the same.

sheogoraththemad:
why does he put the first 3 always on probation or ban,
other than that great review.

There's a good chance it's because the first few posters are often wankers who line up to vacuum the sweat off Yhatzee's scrotum before they've actually seen the video.

Case in point, the first post of this thread was made one minute after this thread came up. The video is five minutes long.

It might just be an automatic system to get mindless sycophants or "First Post!"-ers. Basically, it you post before the actual runtime of the video, your ass is automatically caught.

Wow, never heard so much hate towards one game before.

Rayne Logan:

ilovemyLunchbox:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.

Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.

I inferred that.

Now this episode was fucking great, probably my favorite! Is this game from the same developers who did army of two? Because that game by far has to be the absolute ultra shit of games.

Wow, it's like this game brings together everything I hate about current games into one crap sandwich. All it would need is a wretched, ridiculous JRPG narrative as the olive on top.

Knifewounds:
Not like this is a big deal or anything, but why does your Kane look like ur Niko Bellic?

Yahtzee tends to reuse images, especially the ones that are drawn (like that boat). I'm assuming it's to shave some time off the probably long, arduous process of putting one of these videos together.

I honestly liked this game. What few qualitys it had really shown through.

Sure, i have to agree with Mr. Croshaw on nearly every word he uttered, but this game was definitly worth a rent.

I guess he didn't like it then?

I found the fact that so many people were put on probation a lot more funny then this particular episode of ZP :P

KimberlyGoreHound:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

And you were one of them this week lol.

Anyway moving on good review however im surprised he didn't give out any *spoiler alert* walking from streets naked or the censor (which i felt got in the way alot of the time. So i sold the game and got ace combat 6.

ShenCS:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?

You could personalise the entire website with Kane and Lynch artwork, and do all sorts with basically Kane and Lynch random junk, now Jeff Gertsmann gave a totally horrible review about it and I for one saw it... now it wasn't that he was being nasty about the game but that you hardly got to see it, the video was basically his face obscuring the game, so all in all a vitriol filled rambling mess.

Eidos took away the funding for the marketing on the site which was reported at the time of 600,000 dollars... or maybe it was the equivalant of 600,000 pounds, I forget which.

ShenCS:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?

One of Gamespots reviewers gave Kane and Lynch a bad review. Eidos had basically given them infinity million dollars in advertisement. The reviewer got fired.

It actually depresses me that this game is so terrible. Hitman is one of my favorite series of all time and I love Freedom Fighters. I just hope IO doesn't go under because of this game.

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