Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

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Wow that was brutal! The vacation did you well! KL2 deserved every insult you hurled its way. Man what a piece of crap. I mean, not as much of a giant flaming piece of crap as the first one, but still pretty awful. I can kind of appreciate what they tried to do with the visual presentation, but it's completely overshadowed by the rest of the game, which is a crappy to mediocre 3rd person shooter full of flat characters flinging obscenities like they are going out of style. Attempting a conceptual presentation is pointless when the rest of the game is so juvenile.

KimberlyGoreHound:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

Oh dear, delicious irony...

awesome review...im gonna make a guess but it seems like next review is gonna be peace walker
ive been waiting some time for that!
yahtzee and MGS dont go well together but they do make for a great episode!

A great review that made me laugh very hard. Most of the recent ones have been amusing, but haven't really made me LOL.

wow o.0 come on Yahtzee, tell us how your really feel and don't hold back this time, but good to see my non interest in the game was well founded :D

Shit this was a funny one. About halfway through I was actually thinking "this sounds like it might even be fun once you get past all the generic action stuff" but by the end I was thoroughly convinced. I'll stick with Mafia 2.

That last joke slayed me, primarily I think to the flawless derisive delivery. Yahtzee you are coming on leaps and bounds, keep it up.

Awful games make hilarious reviews.

Finally someone who calls em as he sees them.

Yahtzee, please tell us what game you have for next week, maybe mafia 2 or halo reach?
please, just a hint so i wont be disappointed you tried a game that from the cover looks like shit. I mean, seriously, why even give this one a chance to fail, when it was obvious, are you just at the bottom of the barrel or were you forced to rate this shit for a pay raise? Did you just want to bag on this game so someone would? seriously, be nice to us next time and rate an interesting game, even if its 3 years old, like shadow of the colossus which i am trying to find a copy of right now for anything, because i noticed a copy of it for pc and was hoping to see it again. please, just not two fat idiots 2 again.

Damn.

I expected an angry review, but that was way more than I expected. I guess Yahtzee had a lot of pent-up bile after his week off, eh? Still... What the game was breathing... ew.

In other news:

KimberlyGoreHound:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

This person was then put on probation in what is one of the funniest cases of irony I've seen for a while.

I know it's been a while since we seen any PC game Reviews, though if you're reading this Yahtzee could you please look up and review Amnesia: The Dark Descent. It's a new survival horror that stands out against all others who make the claim, you have no weapons and your character has Amnesia, on top of that he's being followed my some evil shadow that's warping reality around your character as you try to survive and unravel the mystery.

Blimey that's one angry man.

GeneticallyModifiedDucks:

BlueInkAlchemist:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.

And Yahtzee once again proves his clairvoyance, as the DNF business seems almost frighteningly prophetic. It's finally coming out and it's going to be another generic brown FPS. Hoo-ray.

Actually, it may very well be the exact opposite of that (going by the blowjob, peeing and poo scenes). But that certainly doesn't mean it'll be good, or that it'll even turn a profit.

After a twelve year development time, I'm almost certain that it wont turn a profit. It'll be damage mitigation if anything.

Luckily i had just finished my cup of tea or I would have sprayed it all over the screen with that last joke

Erm... I can't view this because the advert won't go away. As much as I love LOST and want the complete boxset, this is kinda annoying.

Ah Blood Money, one of the best games in the Hitman series. After it was released I was hopeful of a new wave of interesting new stealth mechanics. Yet so far we get two mediocre shooters and an oddly cartoonish ninja game...

...where's my Hitman!? If you wanted to be fresh make another Freedom Fighters, that game is old by today's standards so a sequel would be fresh!

This review sounded suspiciously like it actually had punctuation.

Youch.

Yahtzee: officially not screwing around this week.

I will agree with Yahtzee even though I really, really, really, really, REALLY don't want to...

They might as well have called it Kane & Lynch 2: Dog ****

I mean after playing Kane & Lynch one which started ok and then after the rather good part in the campaign where you exit Tokyo it all of a audden turns to crap and tries to be a another generic piece of **** shooter. Having said that I had fun playing Mr. Badass in K&L1 up until that point and had an good time robbing the bank and working my way down the skyscraper commanding my squadmates. I reckon it was a well thought out game but still felt unfinished.

I gotta admit though the multiplayer in both Kane & Lynch games is awesome. And the arcade mode in K&L2 is just wicked. It's a shame they couldn't of just based the campaign around that and added story elements to it because I reckon that would have saved it a bucketload.

And I loved the Hitman series... Seriously it is win and they should have made another sequel... Though they probably should just let it go because it's too risky now that those ****heads bought IO.

Knifewounds:
Not like this is a big deal or anything, but why does your Kane look like ur Niko Bellic?

because there's a limit to what can be done with a very restricted icon set... :)

I'd suspected it'd be Metroid: Other M, or maybe Peace Walker. Maybe we'll see those in the coming weeks.

Oh well, that was a little surprising.

I thought he was going to totally hate this game.

The game had S*** story and semi-decent gameplay. Versus the first game that had semi-decent story and S*** gameplay. Premise ain't bad if IO were worth a damn anymore these days.

Very funny review keep it up.

Holy crap, chest high wall of suspensions on the first page.

Anyway, I was actually considering testing the game out. But Yahtzee's points made me think otherwise.

Rather good review. Job well done Yahtzee.

sheogoraththemad:
why does he put the first 3 always on probation or ban,
other than that great review.

Because they post for "1st!" and they post when they cannot have possibly seen the video.

I'm still stuck on the "final boss is 2 dogs" part. I wonder if that's why the game is called Dog Days, har har.
But seriously, do you actually throw a bone to defeat them? Because that would be the worst final boss since ever.

EDIT: Just watched a gameplay video. The camera is making me nauseous.

After a ho-hum day of classes on things I really couldn't give two farts about, this review was just what I needed. Some unabashed 'telling it like it is'. K&L2 wasn't on my list of games to eventually get to and now it's on my list of 'games that if I see it in someones collection I'm going to look at them like they have two heads and ask "Why?"' Thanks Y.

RIP Reviewers who died trying to review this game.

Terrible game, which gives me an undeserved sense of entitlement for having stuck it out and beaten it. Spot-on review.

It looked great, except that they used that great system to make areas look bugs-crawling-all-over-you disgusting. And populated it with hundreds of copies of an overweight balding Chinese man wearing half a shirt. And pixelated half of the gore and all of the nudity.

On that tangent, it's gotta be the most inane, puerile, nonsensical (With some more redundant insults thrown in for good measure; this deserves them all) move to treat the game as if some mystery person is watching it on YouTube. The loading screens are purposefully (Why?) reminiscent of buffering a video from ten years ago, violence and nudity is instantly pixelated as if it's a news video, and there's a cameraman holding your point of view and doing it terribly. Except he is invisible, and obviously doesn't exist anywhere in reality. So the entire presentation is at odds with itself, as it's made up of at least three (I think I would go up to "four") wholly incompatible realities. Apparently the creators were just told to mash any viral-video-related concepts they could think of into the presentation?

Your alert that a fresh wave of fat barely-shirted men is approaching is to hear one of the characters yell "FUUUUCK" again, in a "God-DAMN I'm getting annoyed at having to shoot even more of these guys, is there nothing else to do in this game?" tone of voice.

So it is an unintentionally hilarious game, I suppose. I had a good time mocking it. I had a good time hearing Yahtzee mock it. I know exactly what he's talking about with those dogs at the end, too (Fortunately, I was playing co-op. My brother held back -- while I sprinted hell-bent-for-airplane -- to shoot them, so we could finally stop replaying that retarded final level. Many groans of frustration were had that night, and absolutely not just because of that one part. However, being forced to fail due to shitty game mechanics did extend the playtime considerably. Which was not a good thing, except on paper).

KimberlyGoreHound:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

And knowing is half the battle.

I am so going out to buy Kane and Lynch Dead Men (used)

What he said.... GO, YAHTZEE!!!!

At first i didnt like the story but when i started to just go with it i realized that is was brilliant. cant really explain why but it's the same thing as watching lost highway and try to explain that. Also the weaponhandling was really good the moment you realized that is isn't modern warfares shitty rodeospray but a quite good realistic recoil that pushes the gun upwards and needs to be constantly adjusted to hit something. Something new for most consolers i think ^^

The only shame is the game being so short and lacking in variation.

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