Duke Nukem Forever

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Great, now we really won't be able to see anything, because the developers will read this, take Yahtzee's advice literally, and constantly place tits directly in the player's field of view, blocking h- wait, that's not a bad thing...

I gotta agree here, that would be a huge let down if they develop a game because of nostalgia but then break that effect by using the conventions of and making it like every other shooter out there at the moment. This worked great for Serious Sam, bucking the current trend in favour of old Doom 2 style action, and that was way back in 2001.

Through all the hype it has had...I wonder, will it be able to live up to any of it...

As long as people aren't willing to temper that hype with a degree of reservation (and do they ever?) then no, it won't live up to the hype. I think I tend to enjoy games a lot more because I really never get on the hype wagon. I never expect much, and I'm frequently pleasantly surprised.

It almost feels like a viable business model now: announce a game firmly in the inundated style of the present day, then wait a decade until people are clamoring for it again.

those weird Where's Wally-style games

Oh God. How the hell did those take off? I perused my local Best Buy's PC section, having spent the last two years shopping on nothing but Steam, and noticed a ton of those "hidden picture" games. The worst part is that they make themselves out to be a wealth of intrigue and story-telling and as soon as you see the term "hidden picture" you realize that you're going to be staring at an (admittedly pretty) enormous picture looking for a few pixels that lead you ahead in the game and you wonder where the actual "game" is supposed to take place.

Not that I can talk about simple puzzle games, since I lost a couple of hours of sleep last night playing the new Professor Layton game, but the charm of those always gets me satisfied.


Jack and Calumon:
-Super Snip-

Serious reply? In MY Escapist?!

Its more likely than you think.

Fancy a non serious one then?

Yahtzee is looking forward to a game?



Calumon: Not really. I didn't get any cake.

Will it be worth the wait? maybe, probably not.
Will it change/revolutionize the genre? meh. still probably not.
Will it be fun? I think it's safe to assume that's a "yes".

Duke Nukem, in his announcement video at PAX Prime:
After twelve fucking years, it'd better be!

Should you buy it? Well, lets wait and see how it looks at release. But so far all signs point to "yes".

Its nice to see Yahtzee's cautious optimism. (or maybe that's just his cover while he reloads, only he knows for sure.)
I'll finish by echoing his sentiment:


Stabby Joe:

More classic Doom! More Serious Sam! More Painkiller!

yes! If duke can pull off the same fun as the original dooms + comedy, it will win game of the year hands down.

The problem is that it will most likely never happen now that its been announced for consoles as well. I wont be suprised if the speed is nerfed down to Alien Vs Predator (the new one) level and we get chest high walls everywhere. I dont really have words for how sad this will make me.

The actual REAL release of DNF has made me go from total excitement to being incredibly skeptic.

I just hope gearbox dont ruin this to please slow moving, slow aiming console players :(

PS: I own a PS3, and previously an xbox360 before it died, but I have to date not played a fps on consoles that has been even remotely satisfying.

I guess it's cool that this is finally coming out since people obviously love the games. Never played 'em myself. But when I read the plot outline about aliens kidnapping babes, I kept thinking, "Seriously? SERIOUSLY? This is a thing I am reading, that has been made, and people are going to pay money for?" It sounds like the sort of plot you'd find in a D-grade sci-fi porno comedy like Flesh Gordon. Or an April Fool's prank. But that's what people like about it? Apparently? Maybe? Man.

I guess it just isn't something I "get". Oh well. I hope everyone who's been looking forward to it enjoys it.

Jack and Calumon:

Fancy a non serious one then?

Yahtzee is looking forward to a game?



Calumon: Not really. I didn't get any cake.

And the natural order of things is restored.

Here, have some cake; I have plenty to spare.

It wont be worth the wait, but as you said, if we forget about the wait and treat it like any other game, there may be a chance, as it'll hopefully be a breath of fresh air from previous games. Fingers crossed anyway.

I doubt many people were still seriously waiting for this game, pretty much gave up on it and moved on. So I don't think we'll have the problem that this will be worth the wait.

Half-Life killed 'fun FPS' because after THAT intro, everything had to have a serious story. The genre needs to de-evolve into being mindless again. DNF won't be the game to end all games but maybe it will tell designers what a FPS is suppose to be all about.

More hordes of enemies, more OTT weaponry and less caring.

No it didn't kill the 'fun FPS', it can still exist with more serious shooters around. I'd love to play both.

It's not comedy only what DNF needs, it also needs mindless killing spree; I agree that standing on the middle of a firefight with no cover whatsoever gave good ol' games a nice vibe. Let's hope for the best.

If the game has a sense of humor about itself, it should be fun if nothing else. I don't expect it to be anything more than that.

I'm glad to see classics like Duke Nukem and Mortal Kombat (gone back to its roots) coming back.
I remember as a child when Duke was seen as over the top and obscene from what I've heard of the trailers their trying to be even more extreme.

Enough with all this Duke Nukem bullshit...

Pop in a copy of Serious Sam HD and go to town. It's the best we're going to get.

well they changed everything about every 3 years or so...so really this DNF game has only been in development for 3 years.
They better release it with all previous versions that would KICK ASS

Im all for tits in my face too. :D

Making my most recent video has made this all very clear to me: silly 90s style action shooters are something we desperately need back. Quickly, please. Because the alternative is more hideous, grimy, ditchwater dull piles of putrid elephant guts like Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days.


Also good job mentioning Serious Sam and Painkiller (and Doom).

I truly don't believe that DNF will be the epic sweeping masterpiece of gaming as an art form.
At best it could be a campy look into gaming traditions long past. I'm just glad to see that Gearbox isn't going with the approach of the developers of that standard space marine thing that inexplicably holds the name Turok.

but I will at least rent DNF when it comes out.

Personally I don't really care too much if the game is good or not, the only factor that will affect my disappointment is whether it gets on FOX News.

I'm already giggling at the possibilities.

I'm very impressed with this EP :)

I'm sick of realistic cover-based shooters. I like fun, batshit insane things - like Painkiller: you jump around like a bunny nailing evil monks, masochists and clowns to walls and floor with huge stakes.
I have hight hopes for DNF. Remember lunar boss from Duke Nukem 3D? When Duke ripped off his head, unfolded a newspaper... Yes, that was the moment that blew my mind.

I really wanted Wolfenstein to go further in the competition. If anything because a lot of effort seemed to have gone into making it.
DNF could certainly be a return to form if done right. These days Retro seems to be IN and as far as FPSs go, they don't come much more retro than Duke Nukem. It worked for "The Expendables" afer all, didn't it?

Onyx Oblivion:
I don't expect it to be worth the wait, myself.

But I still hope for a damn good time.

I'm sick of hiding behind cover.

Playing modern shooters on Easy is the closest I can get to run-and-gun intense badassery of the past.

Outside of certain games, like the aforementioned Serious Sam.

Play Mass Effect 2 as a Vanguard, there's your run-and-gun fun. ^_^

Since half the article is about cover-based shooters i think Yahtzee really needs to play "Vanquish" demo and review the game when it comes out .. it really takes a whole new spin on the "cover shooting" thing ... Vanquish will probably make all other cover-based shooters feel 100 times worse/slower.

Yahtzee, we get the point of the fake review. We waited 13 YEARS for Duke Nukem Forever: you can be forgiven for losing patience.

Must resist! Must not give in!
Even The Escapist is losing it!
Oh, the lies the LIES!!!!
Stop giving me false hope.
I just don't want to get my feelings hurt, AGAIN! *starts crying*
I can't believe I'm the only sane person left here. I mean this hype is just so contagious. And the trailers have such catchy music *listens again at the music from the trailer*... Nice *drools*... Must...resist...Mustn't...give...

Ok I can't wait for the BEST GAVE EVER to come out now.
Now it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum!*enters hypnotic trance*

I have not enjoyed a modern shooter near as much as Doom 2. Halo and CoD not as good as a pixal art shooter from the early 90's (take that burnsauce fanboys). Why? Pure fun. Blasting away at a large horde of monsters with a gun the size of a Harley-Davidson, all while dodging fireballs and rockets is much more fun that runnning from box to box and shooting for a few seconds before having to hide so that your health will come back to you. Plus it is hard without being cheap, something CoD needs to learn how to do.

Hopefully the Duke brings fun back.

So far, the only part on the "Mandatory Halo Game Mechanic Checklist" that's probable is the Two Gun limit; though I expect regenerating health to possibly make an appearance.

In any case, it's beyond stupid that a game can sit on its ass for 12 years doing nothing, but still possibly turn a profit.
What the hell does that say about the industry?

Bulletstorm looks like it fits the fun shooter bill. It rewards you for running about kicking people in the balls rather than taking cover, I can't wait for it. I expect it to be better than Duke Nukem Forever, though nostalgia demands I buy that too.

well duke nukem is back.....holy crap!

I agree about Wolfenstein. It's a classic review and one of a kind.

Personally for me, one of the most fun games I've ever played on console is the Ratchet and Clank series. Having mostly rid myself of the console market a while back, I've only played 1 through 3, but all of them were really good, to the point where I blew the dust off my PS2 and started playing it again recently. The story is mediocre but even the developers knew that, you can tell with how the game is portrayed and the story is told. All the way through it is light hearted humour while visually it's bright and colourfull and the weapons tend to be huge, sometimes overcompensatory on our little Lombax, with masive graphical effects. Since then I've not really played any console game that good tbh.

So yeah, go back to colour and big guns and fun and stuff. (Also, why was DUke Nukem Forever voted the besterest? It really wasn't, although admittedly I don't have a favourite, there's been some awesome ZP's like the Orange Box and Wii Sports Resort.)

My expectations for Duke Nukem Forever are the following:

1. Duke Nukem will not run at blazing speeds but will have two different movement speeds, one quick the other slower for precise maneuvers.

2. Duke will have insanely large/powerful weapons the most exotic of which he will rip off of bosses. The main story arch should be about getting the biggest and most powerful gun. NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PLEASE!

3. There will have to be nudity and/or some kind of 'babe' trophy collection system.

4. The game must be really hard, almost masocore on normal setting where around twenty projectiles should be hurdling Duke's way at any given second. Seriously, the game will have a few key/door based puzzles a little platforming and a shit-load of shit trying to kill you.

5. This game must be linear with no open world and no vehicle sections.

6. Weapons should have an alternative firing mode. Please no rpg elements where you have to level up stats because that is boring.

7. There must be a zero-gravity or possibly underwater level that is really-hard compared to the rest of the game.

8. This game must have health-packs and no aim-down-the-sight feature.

9. Again, the game must be an ass-kicker where most of the action revolves around the massacre of thirty or so enemies that are firing different flavors of projectiles at you. This should look like a 3D version of those crazy Japanese side-scrollers where the entire display is alight with ridiculous amounts of ballistics all whizzing around. The climax of the action should be literally an entire death field of slow-moving fire-balls that Duke must navigate through while returning fire. The last few bosses must be veritable 'marathon runs' between you and the boss monster where the only way to win is to outlast the enemy. So, yeah, --- a lot like Contra.

10. The game will be mission-based and as a mode where Duke must defeat all his enemies with his BEAR HANDS --- or possibly a baseball bat.

That is all.

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