Duke Nukem Forever

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Corpse XxX:
Certain body parts inbetween titts is also good!

like, more tits!?

tits between tits is awesome!!!

(that is, if they are two subjects, because if it's one subject with 4 tits, god help us)

but yeah, on topic, it's nice to see some variation in our fairly conservative gaming world =P

Hey, Ben, don't blame me; I voted for your Painkiller review- if for no other reason than it got turned into a marketing blurb on Steam.

But, really, I do agree... something a bit more of a throwback, more cartoony, is really of what the FPS genre needs right now. I like story, I like complexity, I like clever mechanics- but I also like unloading inordinate amounts of ordinance (inordinance?) into the faces of exceptionally ugly monstrosities. A break from having game companies attempt to mimic high literature through the mouth of Beefy McStoicman would be nice.

And who knows, maybe the game really WILL wow us. Stranger things have happened... like the game getting finished in the first place.

You know what my two favorite FPS's are?

Timesplitters Future Perfect
and
Bioshock

One of the main reasons I like both of them (Timesplitters especially) is that they don't have cover combat or gritty realism.

Timesplitters is pure arcade fun and Bioshock puts you in a not really gritty city under the sea which looks awesome and then gives you super powers and tells you to go fight mutants.

Cod4, Battlefield etc. only remain fun for so long then they get tedious.

Serious Sam. The fun I had playing that in co-op in a all free-for-all rampage. We had so much fun, more than I did with Gears of War 2.

Duke Nukem, Forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
naw, i dont care

I think this parallels my opinion on the subject nicely. It seems strange that, for as often as Yahtzee asserts or implies an opinion that neatly matches my own, he will offer up one that I find foreign threatening and weird.

It's like I'm being trolled, but I'm not sure if it when he agrees with me or when he disagrees.

teh_Canape:

Corpse XxX:
Certain body parts inbetween titts is also good!

like, more tits!?

tits between tits is awesome!!!

(that is, if they are two subjects, because if it's one subject with 4 tits, god help us)

but yeah, on topic, it's nice to see some variation in our fairly conservative gaming world =P

So, you are opposed to the existence of the Cow? Generally at least those come with four "teats". Baking as we know it relies upon their existence. Sure, we can always find a new source for dairy products, but if you want to restrict yourself to the "two tits per subject" rule, that narrows the field to people and monkeys.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to make cookies with monkey milk.

Eclectic Dreck:
So, you are opposed to the existence of the Cow? Generally at least those come with four "teats". Baking as we know it relies upon their existence. Sure, we can always find a new source for dairy products, but if you want to restrict yourself to the "two tits per subject" rule, that narrows the field to people and monkeys.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to make cookies with monkey milk.

no, I'm not against the existence of cows, they are awesome

besides they only have one teat and 4 nipplz (oh god, am I really saying this!?)

and by subject, I mean, yes, Humans

Why do I read these; every week I read Yahtzees opinions and get annoyed with them. Stick to the comedy.

Anyways, Yahtzee, your job is not a review what a game SHOULD be, its to review what a game IS. It seems like your saying "I stick by my fake review because screw making new opinions: it better be a titanic super-game!". In which case, you're wrong.

DNF was a game that was just kept on getting the shaft. 3D Realms wasnt a big studio, and it didnt help that they had to scrap the game and start over again because of shifts from generations. A bit of a sob story, but, alas...

Games are supposed to be judged off of their merits. They couldnt finish the game, so they passed it off to get finished. ANd your example of switched studios is weak, since that RARELY happens. Yes, we know YOU didnt like Wet, that doesnt mean every crossover from company to company will be bad.

Trust be told, the game should be judged when it comes out as good or not; not "bad because with a 12 year dev time more could have been done". 3D Realms, for whatever reasons, couldnt do the job. Personally, Im buying this game when it comes out, and Ill judge it for what it is. Its finished, its all that matters.

Also, about your 1990's appeal, I assume you didnt play the demo or watch any videos on it? Its defineately wacky; theres a piss stream mechanic ffs! YOU CONTROL YOUR PISS STREAM.

Worth $60 just right there.

I could care less about DNF as a game, but I am very much looking forward to the review for it when it actually arrives. :)

Although this text review is certainly a great return to form following the unfunny Kane and Lynch video, one thing he doesn't point out is that the Gearbox dev team tasked with finishing DNF are the same people from 3DRealms who monkeyed around with it for 12 long years. Will this mean more vaporware fumes, or will the change in management mean a completed game that is at least a third of the greatness of the preceding game? Only time will tell.

romxxii:
Although this text review is certainly a great return to form following the unfunny Kane and Lynch video, one thing he doesn't point out is that the Gearbox dev team tasked with finishing DNF are the same people from 3DRealms who monkeyed around with it for 12 long years. Will this mean more vaporware fumes, or will the change in management mean a completed game that is at least a third of the greatness of the preceding game? Only time will tell.

Randy will Mainstream their asses if they fall behind.

I agree, pseudo-realistic military shooters are a horse that's been beaten to death in the past five or six years. What made them good was that there were other options in FPS games if you didn't want to play the old call of duty games. Even games that had fantastic settings seemed slower paced just by virtue of "realistic" mechanics. I think we need more variance in the genre (and less FPS games in general, but that's another rant).

Yahtzee, I can almost guarantee that your final wish will come true. Pretty sure tits are first on the agenda for DNF.

Always bet on Duke.

The big Y has the right idea; if the game can be fun, not take itself seriously, and feature gameplay more innovative than 'well, maybe the wall you hide behind can be broken', then in this environment, it'll be worth while. I'm certainly looking forward to it.

I agree, we definately need those 90's style shooters back. Cover based and realistic Modern warfare combat simulators that we know as COD are getting very boring. Hopefully Duke will bring back that "90's" feel and some variety to our Fps games.

To be honest, was anyone really expecting some mammoth behemoth of a game, the past few games that have had lengthy development cycles haven't been very good, S.T.A.L.K.E.R (which was admittedly not my type of game), and Too Human (see yahtzee's review of it) for example. Even then, it's a duke nukem game, what are you expecting, it will have all the depth of a piece of paper with a drawing of duke killing a alien with 2 girls at his legs, wasn't that the game we've been expecting for 13 years (except in actual 3D)?

image

I'll only play Duke Nukem Forever on these conditions:

1. It ACTUALLY comes out.

2. It's mature as all F%ck.

3. It contains any/all the things Yathzee mentioned in his alternate-dimension parody review.

4. Duke actually remembers to bring more bubble gum when he's kicking ass.

Hail to the king, babe!

AgentNein:
image

Fuck yeah.

I don't expect Duke to be the mind-blowing revolution, but I do expect it to be a nice throwback to classic silly balls-to-the wall, flat-out FUN shooters.

Oh yeah, and titty-faceplants. You can't go wrong with those.

Generic_Dave:
WOW! OPTIMISM FROM Yahtzee! Will wonders never cease. I have to say, I do miss the "I'm a HARD-ASS and you're all DEAD!" run-in's from the old days...the last game I remember having that kind of sensibility that I played was Haze, I know it was panned and killed off Free Radical Games, and the first time I played it I hated it.

But I went back, and was able to appreciate the satire, blunt and hardly intelligent satire, but there nonetheless of the arrogant "Mantel" soldiers, with their "HOO-RAAAAAAAAAAH!"'s and talk about the cannibal enemies. The ability to take anyone to school and the slightly disturbing moments when the invisible dead bodies intrude.

But what was really fun was, that while not an easy game, it never forced you to stop. You could go through shooting, no cover, no dodge, and if you were quick and shooty enough you "Kicked ass and chewed Bubblegum!".

I too look forward to a lower emphasis on "realistic" brown and grey shooters with broody leads and sadistic tendencies. I mean who doesn't prefer Vice City's garish campness to GTA IV's brown and grey (though beautiful and incredibly well realised and playable) scenery. I know which one I had more fun playing anyway. Bring back the less realistic! HUZZAH FOR NOT TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY!

I have no idea why, but reading your review made me think that it'd be hilaribad if someone took say... a Tony Hawk game engine, and used it to create a shooter, complete with skateboarders, cars, and skateable city. Yeah.

You could call it: Hilaribad: The Lollerning.

Melancholy_Ocelot:
Enough with all this Duke Nukem bullshit...

Pop in a copy of Serious Sam HD and go to town. It's the best we're going to get.

Ofcourse! If only I had a credit card......

Yahtzee Croshaw:

After 12 years of development, you've got a lot to prove, Duke Nukem Forever.

I find such a statement bizarre. Since I considered it amounted to vapourware for the longest time, I expected nothing of it. I suppose the other way to view the darkness is a world of possibility but I always figured until something is in your hands anything else is speculation without much basis.

Thank you DNF for helping teach me patience with my anticipation for possible games and go find other fun stuff to do in the mean time.

"There is absolutely nothing the developers can put out that will be in the slightest bit worth the wait."

What exactly does waiting for a game cost?

If one had preordered in cash I could see an opportunity cost, but other than that...

A studio announces a game. At some point, it will come out, and one would either buy it or not.

I can see a game being evaluated as being worth its purchase price or not, but "worth the wait"...

The wait didn't cost anyone anything unless one is so willing to invest one's time and energy into something that, for all practical purpose, does not exist as a consumer product until it is actually released that one feels a tangible loss if it is substandard or never comes out at all.

What does waiting cost?

Unless DNF comes out with a pricetag proportional to its development schedule, should anyone really care how long it took to make? I foresee a deluge of comments to the effect of "DNF isn't bad, but it would have been better if it came out X years ago" which is a perspective I really have a tough time wrapping my head around, aside from graphical fidelity.

DNF will either come out or it won't. It will either be good or it won't. The idea that it has to compensate for the longer than average duration between its initial announcement and its commercial release strikes me as a fallacy.

Uber Waddles:

Also, about your 1990's appeal, I assume you didnt play the demo or watch any videos on it? Its defineately wacky; theres a piss stream mechanic ffs! YOU CONTROL YOUR PISS STREAM.

Worth $60 just right there.

Stubbs the Zombie had that, too. Runs in backwards compatible mode on the 360 I think.

I am amazed by what I've just read
totally agree with Yahtzee on this one! lol

bring back some of the 90s
(need some MC Hammer in the DNF OST...lol jk)

teh_Canape:

Corpse XxX:
Certain body parts inbetween titts is also good!

like, more tits!?

tits between tits is awesome!!!

(that is, if they are two subjects, because if it's one subject with 4 tits, god help us)

but yeah, on topic, it's nice to see some variation in our fairly conservative gaming world =P

Actually, there's supposed to be an alien with three tits in the game...

I happened to be one of those who got to play Duke Nukem this year at PAX. I've never played the original games, (falling just on the cusp of "too young") but the game felt more like an homage to me than anything. Like it was paying tribute to the crude, over the top antics of nineties culture. You start the Goddamn game by taking a leak, (as in, "Press X to piss") and several of the guns have a max ammo capacity of 69. The game, or at least the demo, is self-aware, referencing its long development time and what-not. It certainly won't be anything we've never seen before, but it'll definitely be something we haven't seen in a very long time.

Chuckled at the insinuation that we have all your videos in some sort of filing system.

"Hype and anticipation is like Schroedinger's Cat; everything's fine until the subject actually gets released and then the waveform collapses."

Anyone else besides me bugged by the blatant misuse of Schrodinger's cat (and I don't mean the misspelling)?

It's been already pointed out but back with the silly FPS where you could storm in a room full badguys with only a pistol and still kick their asses. More run and gun games!

People actually want mindless run'n'gun shooters to come back? After all the progress that's been made into actually interesting story driven shooters? Why don't we just return straight to Frogger while we're at it, do away with all this gaming evolution once and for all!

It had better have everything you listed in your mock-review, or I'm going to be very dissappointed.

Koeryn:

I have no idea why, but reading your review made me think that it'd be hilaribad if someone took say... a Tony Hawk game engine, and used it to create a shooter, complete with skateboarders, cars, and skateable city. Yeah.

You could call it: Hilaribad: The Lollerning.

And you could get extra points for executing people while catching air and grinding! I wanna see a shoulder mounted nuclear missile launcher launched from a Skate Board now!

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