Zero Punctuation: Mafia II

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Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Secondly, didn't it end with the main character doing a monologue about how shit normal life is and that he will go back to crime the chance he gets because it's just that much better?

Yeah the only thing that really keeps me playing this game is the shooting people. And the playboy masturbatory material.

DanHibiki:
Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Did anyone else here yahtzee say N***er at 1:29?????

OT: great review. I love the part about the clothing shop standoff.

Haha, that ending was good. i see what you did there.

Well here we go, another week, another video of rapid fire waspishness that is as conducive to deciding whether I might be interested in a game or not as being kicked in the balls would be to helping me stay upright and not collapsing into the feotal position. Let me point something out to you morons that patronize this pretenders "cutting edge breakout" review videos - IF HE'S FUCKING REVIEWING IT, IT'S PROBABLY (read: as certain as I'm never going to drop by Alpha Centauri for tea and scones with the locals) GOING TO COP A FUCKING PASTING!

Seriously, this guys reviews are utterly redundant. Not only does he seem to be permanently disgruntled with anything that isn't Silent Hill 2 or whatever the hell the other game it is that makes him cream his knickers, his 'reviews' lack any information that is in any way relevant or helpful to actually making an informed choice about a game. Which, last I checked, is what a review is supposed to be for!

Now don't get me wrong, I find Yahtzee's videos side achingly funny - his rapid fire, simile drenched vitriol combined with the simplistic yet graphic nature of the accompanying cartoons is a formula sure to tear a laugh from a rock. Sitting at the bottom of a frozen lake. On the moon. In fact, just last night shortly before writing this I think I was laughing so much I woke up my flat-mates as they slumbered in an adjoining room.

While I seriously do enjoy what you do, what I take issue with is the representation of this fine work as review rather than what it is; notably, one mans mission to shout loudly about how he hates everything to come out of a games studio recently and be thoroughly entertaining about it to boot. Listening to your bitter ranting with that slightly British inflection makes me wonder if you're the progeny of a steamy affair between Alan Rickman and a lemon. This of course would be ten shades of freaking awesome, but isn't exactly helpful when it comes to reviewing games.

Never mind that I agree with you on a lot of the points you make in your videos or that I admire anyone who appears to be this volatile and yet hasn't set about murdering people in a brutal and horrific manner. I'd just like something a little more informative, something that makes mention of the elements of the game as well as your impression of it as a whole and rates it. You know, like a proper review? Something a little more even handed and perhaps something with a little more consistency. I mean, if a games a sandbox, you hate it. If it's too linear, you hate it. If it's from Nintendo, you hate it. If it sticks too closely to the conventions of the genre, you hate it. If it doesn't print money and give you a blowjob every night before you cry yourself to sleep, you hate it.
And this is coming from a guy who started out making adventure games with MS paint? Puh-lease, get over yourself! What I'd like to see is you do a better job of creating a modern game (not one whose genre went the way of the dinosaurs at least 15 years ago) under the high pressure conditions that companies do these days without having every other narcissistic whiner immediately rubbish it in order to give themselves an ego inflating hard-on they could have achieved by ducking down the chemist for some Viagra.

And let it be known that at that point if you do I will, quite deservingly, eat my own hat.

In conclusion: Mr Croshaw, you are not, in fact, a games reviewer - you're a gigantic fucking spleen that's been cut open and is currently leaking bile all over the internet. Please stop telling us porky pies to the contrary and just rebrand what you do here for what it is - fiery dark humour that just happens to use games as its sparking point.

And keep up the good work. I do actually thoroughly enjoy it.

See you at Trivia, you pretentious, whiny narcissistic douchebag ;-)

And now, before you rush across to the report button if you haven't already, a snippet from later in the evening...

CHAT PARTICIPANT ONE says:
lol
go to bed old man
CHAT PARTICIPANT TWO (Me) says:
I can't, I'm busy constructing a rambling diatribe to discredit someone who makes a living performing random diatribes.
CHAT PARTICIPANT ONE says:
oooooookay.

ethaninja:

DanHibiki:
Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

DARTH VADER IS LUKE SKYWALKER'S FATHER!

what was the lego set?

Good review yet again Mr.Croshaw.

I just finished the game recently and the vid was spot on.The game was very linear,with barely any sandbox gameplay.

EightGaugeHippo:
Did anyone else here yahtzee say N***er at 1:29?????

"Anyway, Vito and Joe join a Mafia family, get a whole bunch of pretty cars and fast whores, and then everything is lovely forever. Or that could just have been the point where the PCP kicked in."

No, I didn't. (Hell, the text is right there for you to read yourself at 1:37.)

wow! Out little seaside town is finally famous enough to be part of a Yahtzee joke!? Blackpool must really be moving up in the world!

Great review as always.

I was sure he would complain about the Vehicles :P As they're worse than GTA 4's and he complained about them too. I guess I was wrong.

Dx Clairvoyance is limited to a few.

Police actually don't go after you for running red lights. One of the many flaws in their programming.

wooty:
I'm still perched on the fence about whether to buy this one or not, and this review hasnt really helped me to jump to either side.

Rent it, definitely rent as opposed to buy. It will last you about 1-3 days depending on how long you play and has absolutely no replay value beyond achievements.

It's fun, but short and has nothing outstanding.

I like how Yathzee is still entertaining to watch and listen after all these reviews, another great review to brighten my otherwise dull week. Keep on the good work Yathzee!

Anybody else notice a weird stereo mismatch thing going on with his voice in this video?

I'm sorry but can someone explain all the candlejack jokes? I feel like I missed out on some new internet fa

I live in Blackpool :)

i liked the ending...... and the bit when u were running around in thundercats boxer shorts... but that was about it.....

DanHibiki:

ethaninja:

DanHibiki:
Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Wonderful, well done ^~^!

Not evertything has to be fun :| No seriously, Yahtzee seems to have decided "fun" means "general enjoyment" yet he complains about anything for "not being fun" unless it's instant gratification COD deathmatch ... or something like that, you know what I mean.

... oh and in no way shape of form am I defending Mafia II. The first was pretty good, M2 was ... haha, not fun XD

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Snip

Where does your line for wacky fun and instruction for a sandbox game lie?

While your critizing this game for pulling you along by a fish hook, while Just Cause 2 didn't have enough instruction to have a point.

I am not accusing you of anything, but a little clarity on how to balance out "I do my own thing" vs. "What do I need to do sir?" would be helpful for both your viewers and all the game companies that hold your tarnishing of their years of work in five minutes as the freaking words of God.

Injecting things into your eye seems like a really bad idea... >.>

It was ok but not what I would expect it to be.

I didn't play the new game as I have played the old one - yep the old one had a bit of weakness around the whole not so sand box game but for me it was one of the best games. great scripts great feeling great storyline funny full of action varied missions and of course the "extreme" missions after finishing the game :P

Now as for the new game i was always wandering if they should have made a new one. do you really need to bring another game if the game is successful even if the guy in the last game is dead ?!

To be honest for the new game i wanted only a better sandbox game not between missions but for the fun afterward :) so now after hearing this i am not sure what to think.
should i bother playing it... is it just another mafia themed game ? or will it ruin the name of its predecessor ?

Didn't work for Soprano's doesn't work for this ga

Niko I mean Vito and his fat friend Roman I mean Joe...
Yeah the game seemed really good, but I didn't think it was too much like GTA IV, which disappointed me. I've seen Mafia stories before, and I've seen sandbox games done right before. If they could have varied the story a little and let you do more it would have been amazing, otherwise it's just the good game it is now.

ewhac:

EightGaugeHippo:
Did anyone else here yahtzee say N***er at 1:29?????

"Anyway, Vito and Joe join a Mafia family, get a whole bunch of pretty cars and fast whores, and then everything is lovely forever. Or that could just have been the point where the PCP kicked in."

No, I didn't. (Hell, the text is right there for you to read yourself at 1:37.)

I just watched it again today, yeah I must of been hearing thngs. In fairness I was a little drunk last night.

I loved the Blackpool part because I'm from Blackpool XD.

Great review. But I'm still getting mafia II because I loved mafia I and I'm a fanboy of 2kgames XD

For once, I watched a video expecting Yahtzee to spurt out the same opinion that I have about the game; seems most viewers here have.

Oh, and cops don't stop you for running the red light in Mafia II.

Quite a positive review considering Yahtzee hates cover-based shooters. But then again this is a game that demands use of cover and it is fitting with the setting.

It seems that Yahtzee is speaking slower and slower in recent ZPs. Deeply disappointing.

Oh Yahtzee you charismatic nazi, another funny review

I just looked up Bugsy Malone how on earth did I miss this gem.
oh and great video

I liked this game but I was disappointed in the lack of free roam and lack of free roam type missions. Also the CPU's seemed quite suicidal, not caring if they died as long as they overran you.
Great vid again Yahtzee

Another fine bit of game-savaging; well done.

And here's an actual conversation between myself and my fiancee Sabrina:
Sabrina: Did he review Halo: Reach?
Me: No, he did Mafia II this week.
Sabrina: Well, can you make the suggestion?
Me: I won't need to; there are probably about fifty thousand wankers(*) out there that have made that exact same suggestion.
Sabrina: So, will he do it then?
Me: I don't know, he's not exactly known as a Halo fan.(**)
Sabrina: But I still want to see what he'll say about it!
Me: We KNOW what he's going to say about it! He's going to TRASH it!
Sabrina: So?

(*) - Note the use of Yahtzee-appropriate terminology here.
(**) - UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY.

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