A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

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A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

Follow these few simple rules to avoid the wrath of the fanboy.

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You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

I really agree with that. I have been proven wrong before because I prejudged a game.

image

What else am I going to do? Let them continue being wrong? :)

This is pretty darn funny, and all of it is true.

So, you can't judge a game!

Got it!

I am now safe from fanboys.

Right?

Needs more swearing, questioning of the others sexual orientation, and saying that they've fucked my mother.

Other then that, dead on.

You also can't judge a game unless you played it in it's native language, gotten 100%, and agree with my opinion on it.

Also, if you work for IGN, you also can't review a game, but that's for different reasons.

You lost me at "it's not about the story" OFCOURSE it's about the story - games and we have evolved so far luckily that we can, and should, demand a good story and storytelling from games. I don't care if the game has incredible gameplay mechanics like Modern Warfare 2, if the story is horrible then I have no reason to play it. Same goes for movies and books, if the story isn't there, I'm not watching/reading any further, no matter how good the technical side is.

Yup. Perhaps someday we'll realize that civility and politeness are just as important on the internet as they are in real life. But I suspect that it will take a few generations for our social rules to catch up to our technology.

In the meantime: GIFT

Let's keep a running count of how many people completely miss the satire.

The count is at: 1

Yeah, well, this article clearly fails since the author hasn't read enough articles on fanboying to have an informed opinion on how to properly fanboy. Where's the references to Kleinhammer's 22nd Thesis in The Fanboy's Compendium: Volume 12? You also failed to make note of the famous Freudian treatise on Fanboyism And Why You Want To Sleep With Your Mother. How anyone could profess to call themselves a "fanboy/girl" without reading these very basic works is beyond me.

Lolz, gb2reading failface. This is blatant sarcasm. I enjoyed the article very much.

Hilarious! Am I the only one that caught your sarcastic tone throughout?

SpiderJerusalem:
You lost me at "it's not about the story" OFCOURSE it's about the story - games and we have evolved so far luckily that we can, and should, demand a good story and storytelling from games. I don't care if the game has incredible gameplay mechanics like Modern Warfare 2, if the story is horrible then I have no reason to play it. Same goes for movies and books, if the story isn't there, I'm not watching/reading any further, no matter how good the technical side is.

I think story and games are like looks and toys. if a toy looks amazing it may be crap to play with but you still have to get it just to look at it or if a toy is really fun to play with but looks OK you will still get it if it looks bad most likely you won't get it.

You forgot about the people that played it on the wrong console / platform... because everyone knows that platform Z is the best and playing a game on platform H proves you are dumb and deserve what you get.

Seen this a lot recently when reviewers get a bad port as their review copy.. then the console haters get to play.

Shamus, I think that one person who missed the point of this is either a fanboy or fangirl. A person who reads something without thinking, jumps onto someone without seeing their justification for their opinion. A person so enamored by something that there couldn't possibly be anything else to it. I'm not going to explain your point on this though. That would take away the fun in seeing how many people can't read for meaning. By the way, hilarious and true.

Shamus Young:
Let's keep a running count of how many people completely miss the satire.

The count is at: 1

You also forgot the "can't judge a game until you've played through until the end even if the first part is atrociously bad." (see the FF13 comments under Yahtzee's review)

Shamus Young:

The count is at: 1

I'm counting 3...

BlindMessiah94:
Hilarious! Am I the only one that caught your sarcastic tone throughout?

Lol. Nope.

/salutes

I thank you and America thanks you!

It reminded me of Sander Cohen's self-fanboy words really: "What's that look?! You don't like it, do you! I don't need to be judged by you...by ANYONE! SCREW YOU!! SCREW ALL YOU FUCKING DOUBTERS!! HERE'S WHAT I SAY TO ALL OF YOU!!!"

/nutcracker

:D

Quite possibly one of the best articles on this site, as always Shamus, your writing is inspired.

You're not allowed to judge games by their stories.

Remember that it's not a plot hole if you can come up with a justification for it later. If you can, it just means the story is "ambiguous" or "thought provoking". It also means you're smarter than the hater. Remind him of this.

Besides, games aren't about story. Their stories don't need to be good. If you want story, go read a book. Games are about gameplay.

I know this is all satire, but i genuinely DO think games are about gameplay, and the story can go fuck itself, or, at best, be told THROUGH the gameplay.
Also, I'm a graphics snob :)

PS: Funny thing though..... I've said I'd never post here again, after my problems with the moderators..... guess this article was just THAT good.

A Nicely sarcastic article, even a little bit true. However, I disagree with your thesis. Instead of the definition of a fanboy being based on what they DO like, I think in our community we see fanboyism more often being based around what people DO NOT like.

Easily one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

And if you haven't played the 1989 adventure game Space Quest III: Pirates of Pestulon, don't even think about reading this comment.

Shamus Young:
Let's keep a running count of how many people completely miss the satire.

The count is at: 1

Oooh here is my chance to be a statistic!
"I find your article offensive because it promotes fanboyism that is already rampent on this site. The fact that you promote this behavior is disgusting." -Me

You really got me on this one, Shamus. At first, I thought this was satire, then it seemed so serious because a few of the rules did make sense for a person who wasn't a fanboy (or girl) and then you'd do an absolute ridiculous one right after that. I suppose that's a sign of a good satire writer, though. Keep it up, Shamus. You made me laugh my ass off.

*Insert Fanboy rage comment here*

Just kidding! Great read, man.

I kind of think some of these points are valid arguments...

Shamus:
Above all, to be a fanboy (or girl, we're elitist not sexist because there are no girls on the internet)

Fix'd in the name of good satire.

strum4h:
You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

I really agree with that. I have been proven wrong before because I prejudged a game.

Tell me about it. I, for instance, dissmissed KOTOR 1 because it didn't have Jedi knight's gameplay. After I played it, it's my 3rd favorite game ever.
I also disliked Rome Total war at first but now it's my favorite strategy game.

Oh, good show man, good show! You hit all the right notes, which made for a jolly good read! Keep up the good work!

It makes me wonder, how would one approach the task of writing a game review based on those guidelines, it might be an interesting social experiment. I should forward this to my old professor at university so he can torment first year student's with it.

SpiderJerusalem:
You lost me at "it's not about the story" OFCOURSE it's about the story - games and we have evolved so far luckily that we can, and should, demand a good story and storytelling from games. I don't care if the game has incredible gameplay mechanics like Modern Warfare 2, if the story is horrible then I have no reason to play it. Same goes for movies and books, if the story isn't there, I'm not watching/reading any further, no matter how good the technical side is.

This, absolutely. If we want this media to advance any further, we need to stop ignoring the quality of the prose, plot, and characters, under the pretence that, "it's a video game."

This would be hilarious if it wasn't so true.

strum4h:
You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

I really agree with that. I have been proven wrong before because I prejudged a game.

That was the only thing I didn't agree with in this article. There have been plenty of games that I thought would be absolute crap going into that turned out great and there were a lot of games that I thought I would like and I ended up hating it.

JaymesFogarty:

SpiderJerusalem:
You lost me at "it's not about the story" OFCOURSE it's about the story - games and we have evolved so far luckily that we can, and should, demand a good story and storytelling from games. I don't care if the game has incredible gameplay mechanics like Modern Warfare 2, if the story is horrible then I have no reason to play it. Same goes for movies and books, if the story isn't there, I'm not watching/reading any further, no matter how good the technical side is.

This, absolutely. If we want this media to advance any further, we need to stop ignoring the quality of the prose, plot, and characters, under the pretence that, "it's a video game."

But... It's a video game. Some games don't need a story. The story in the Curious Village is much better than the story in Resident Evil 4, but I still thing Resident Evil 4 is a better game. Good story doesn't make up for bad gameplay and a bad story doesn't ruin a game; especially if that bad story means that we get to visit new locations. Resident Evil 4 had a horrific story that was like the writer just stopped writing the story and started slamming on his keyboard but in this bad story we got to visit underground mines, swamps, castles, hospitals, ancient ruins, villages, the forest, industrial sites, and even more places. Sure, it would have been improved if the story made more sense, but it didn't ruin the game. And take Team Fortress 2 as well. There is practically no story (unless you read those comics and watch the videos but that's not my point), but that doesn't make it a bad game. I know we need better stories, but sometimes it just isn't needed.

Imbechile:

strum4h:
You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

I really agree with that. I have been proven wrong before because I prejudged a game.

Tell me about it. I, for instance, dissmissed KOTOR 1 because it didn't have Jedi knight's gameplay. After I played it, it's my 3rd favorite game ever.
I also disliked Rome Total war at first but now it's my favorite strategy game.

You're just a KOTOR fanboy aren't you? Everyone knows that KOTOR is rubbish, having a really mediocre, in fact dull, first section on Taris.

Aside from that, great article. I'm glad I'm not a fanboy nor the antithesis of such.

Shamus Young:
Let's keep a running count of how many people completely miss the satire.

The count is at: 1

Oh, keep quiet, you who are clearly of the homosexual persuasion! Your article was complete bollocks, and that makes you less of a man. Get thee off my series of tubes, for you and your opinions are inferior and therefore beneath my further notice. Now, BEGONE!

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Okay. So, now the count is up to 2?

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