Stolen Pixels #232: The History of Civilization, Part 3

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

Stolen Pixels #232: The History of Civilization, Part 3

Historians widely consider the Lennon/Bach/Cobain collaboration the best supergroup of all time.

Read Full Article

Didn't they say you will meet leaders in different locations based on their personality? SO if i start a game with random personalities, i can see Ghandi next to this burning city? Would be more accurate anyway.

I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

Oh these comics are so funny... I want Civ5 now _

This made me roflcopter so hard. Especially the pirate ship. Happens ALL THE TIME!

(PS, there's an errant comma in 2050)

lockeslylcrit:
I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

The_root_of_all_evil:

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Damn Ninjas.

yeah and they may not have houses but they have a pretty nifty black market...

OH MY GOD! Wow this was the funniest one I've read in so long! I really really want to play Civ 5 so I can win at history too!!! City's on fire again?

Well, Askia must have been drinking Powerthirst. It makes you win at everything forever, including running, football, arson, weddings, art, irony... and now HISTORY!

The Montezuma panel made me laugh.

The_root_of_all_evil:

lockeslylcrit:
I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

I never thought about it that way. That actually makes sense.

So like i decide to play random yesterday and manage to get Montezuma on the same Island. I have no idea what anyone meant when they said he was a Douchebag But after about 3000 years, he had conquered 3/4 of the island leaving me with 2 cities...he then backstabbed me... at the same exact time. The last of the AI, Persians, are on the other island by himself had tech to early modern era while im still in the first half of the industrial era... WTF! >.<

this game is messed up! if i hadn't rolled with a tiny empire, Montezuma would have steamrolled me! yay for having a 5 hex front line versus a 20 hex front XD

I kind of like how in Civ3 they updated the appearances of the leaders to reflect their era. It's always weird talking to some of the leaders in the modern age.

BAttle of lololololol... Oh my God I pissed myself. Shamus you awesome Bastard

I always view Emperor Askia and Montezuma as enemies. Really, they make a very bad first impression when you meet them.

I wnat civ 5 so much, looks amazing i could be failing so many classes thanks to it right now.

Those barbarians are a nuisance. They don't scale up quite as fast as most civ's though, and on my archipello game they weren't actually trying to attack my HMS Kickass ships though (although they might as well have. Ranged attacks don't cause retaliation so it won't kill them untill it's my turn, and even if they'd been smart enough to just sail the other way, I played as english, had the Great Lighthouse, and the Naval tradition social policy. My destroyers could move about 4 times as far as those guys). They're still annoying though, since they cut you of from trade routes and sea resources untill you pulverise them.

About the terrorists-comparison though: Yes, those have machine guns like the barbarians but Shamus remarks how that makes sorta sense. But terrorists don't have a fully functional state of the art navy. Actually, I think the Somalian pirates have on occasion tried to attack warships (probably by mistake). That went... pretty much like Shamus shows here.

And yeah, the fact that Bismark and Washington wear suits in 2000 BC, and the Aztec still wears a tribal suit at the end of the game is kinda silly.

I was actually hoping Shamus would do a short Shamus-plays with this game. Sure, he normally does MMO's but you could tell the story of your leader through the ages. But I guess he did something like it now, which is nice, and he probably won't do a whole new story on it, which is a shame. I wonder what (if?) we'll get another series. I already read all the Champion online stuff. He seemed pretty entausiastic about Guild Wars 2, but that won't be out for some time.... We'll see.

bificommander:
But terrorists don't have a fully functional state of the art navy.

AK47s are just as easy to come by.

Wow, imagine if someone invented a time machine and made the Mozart-Presley concert possible! Or a concert with Beethoven and Michael Jackson.

Dude, a Motzart/Presley concert? That really WOULD bring on a golden age. It would also cure all kinds of cancer and probably also bring back the dinosaurs, because they were too awesome to just stay dead.

Drivin me crazy. "De wanno wunga" is from Star Wars. I can hear the words spoken, but I can't place them. Who/what said those words in the movies? I know it was original trilogy.

pacati:
Drivin me crazy. "De wanno wunga" is from Star Wars. I can hear the words spoken, but I can't place them. Who/what said those words in the movies? I know it was original trilogy.

The advisor to Jabba. When Luke shows up to talk:

Da Wanna Wunga, Jabba no bah-gan.

Also: Nice one.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Uga..
Uga uga uga?..
Red October standing by!

UGA!

I want Civ5 so bad...GAH! I NEED MONEY!!

OT: Great comic as always. But why collect famous people? Use them!

Gotta love how history does literally become your own =D

"Unga bunga" being Captain Caveman speak... oh the indignity.

Civ has always had this weird combo of things that scale well and things that don't scale at all. There is no reason for the wooden fort of barbarians. 1 more graphic and the same flag for weapon upgrades.

"Dude your city is on fire again" made me spit out my Mellow Yellow.

The_root_of_all_evil:

lockeslylcrit:
I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Wow that actually makes total sense. I still have a problem with landing in the Americas and watching the barbarians go from having longbowman to grenadiers though. Seriously I just made contact with you guys.

And I also find it weird that whenever I talk to some of the ancient leaders in the industrial age they're still running around with their ancient clothes. Or conversly when I talk to Roosevelt in the bronze age. (I talking about Civ IV but it works with Civ V too)

Motzart and Elvis combo would be so epic it would literally BREAK music!

I guess you could define the 'barbarians' in the Modern Age as similar to the Somali pirates we deal with in reality, individuals from a failed nation just trying to get by. Modern day terrorists are pretty much our barbarians.

EDIT: Damn, ninja'd.

I love talking to Askia too, he always responds like he got caught with his pants down. Everytime I talk to him it seems like he's saying "Sup Dude, oh, the city in the background? Totally not one of yours, I promise."

Ah, The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. A short, sharp encounter on the high seas. The stakes were high but in the end, the Booyeah won simply because it's cannons could fire seventeen times further than the pirate ship.

Nice one Shamus. I loved the Mozart and Elvis combo.

What irks me more about Emperor Askia is when I met the guy in the first game he told me that "We're a peaceful nation, but we're ready to defend ourselves if necessary." or something along those lines.

Yet there he stands, with a huge sword on his shoulder and a burning city behind him. Yeah, really peaceful.

so... another good band would be the Bach Turner Orchestra :P

The_root_of_all_evil:

lockeslylcrit:
I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

The names may change, but their position and motivations stay the same.

Shamus' portrayal is still funny.

I appreciate that Montezuma is, apparently, Jabba's majordomo. ;)

Ell Jay:
I appreciate that Montezuma is, apparently, Jabba's majordomo. ;)

Shamus Young:
The advisor to Jabba. When Luke shows up to talk:
Da Wanna Wunga, Jabba no bah-gan.
Also: Nice one.

And yet, no one knows Bib Fortuna's actual name. It's kind of sad they wasted such a cool name on a minor character. I guess I should move my Ubernerd badge to the top now that I've bothered to flaunt my Star Wars trivia.

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here