Stolen Pixels #232: The History of Civilization, Part 3

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"Du wunna wunga laser-guided munitions unga bunga" So much win.

Cowabungaa:
What irks me more about Emperor Askia is when I met the guy in the first game he told me that "We're a peaceful nation, but we're ready to defend ourselves if necessary." or something along those lines.

Yet there he stands, with a huge sword on his shoulder and a burning city behind him. Yeah, really peaceful.

How do you know you didn't just interrupt him in the middle of a very involved LARPing session?

Great comic. Just one thing (don't know if it is Civ V or not). The historical figure is called Moctezuma, not Montezuma. It feels wierd to read the other, Spanish-influenced name.

bificommander:
Those barbarians are a nuisance. They don't scale up quite as fast as most civ's though, and on my archipello game they weren't actually trying to attack my HMS Kickass ships though

My favorite is watching the City-States scale up. Just finished a game where I was going for the Cultural Victory, so I was doing my best to take the isolationist view and not interferring with international politics. However, I was by far the most technologically advanced civilization on the map.

I'd learned in my first game that you don't piss off the City-States. Yes, they're small and isolated, but if you conquer enough of them, they ALL go to war with you, even the ones that haven't met you yet. Plus it sours relations with all of the other civs.

Apparently, Montezuma didn't get that memo. Of the nine cities he owned, FIVE of them were once City-States. He took his horde of Riflemen, Trebuchets and Cannons and conquered one after another. Finally, the other City-States had enough and all declared war on him. The alliance took their MECHANIZED INFANTRY and steamrolled through his empire. Kuala Lumpur alone captured two of his cities (including the capital) and pillaged a third. I don't even know where Kuala Lumpur is, but in my mind now, it's a nation made up of were-Koalas that you do not want to make angry.

crotalidian:

The_root_of_all_evil:

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Damn Ninjas.

yeah and they may not have houses but they have a pretty nifty black market...

With those Battleships they don't NEED Houses. ^.^

FUck.. I didn't notice it until I read all the way down to the credits, that you did DM of the Rings. Awesome shit man!

The_root_of_all_evil:

bificommander:
But terrorists don't have a fully functional state of the art navy.

AK47s are just as easy to come by.

I love the fact that the second pirate in the article photo appears to be facepalming.

Geo Da Sponge:

The_root_of_all_evil:

bificommander:
But terrorists don't have a fully functional state of the art navy.

AK47s are just as easy to come by.

I love the fact that the second pirate in the article photo appears to be facepalming.

LMAO, I hadn't actually spotted that.

Is it just me, or is Emperor Askia's line delivered in the voice of Old Man? I mean, OLD man?

I love me my research agreements and science buildings/wonders. So far when I end up going to war, the civilization on the short end of it has always been laughably far behind me. Though my victories so far have been science and culture, and lower on the difficulty scale. It's my third game, I'm on Prince, playing Japan, planning to win by stomp. We'll see how that goes!

Orzene:
FUck.. I didn't notice it until I read all the way down to the credits, that you did DM of the Rings. Awesome shit man!

And here I thought most of us followed him over here from that.

CitySquirrel:
"Du wunna wunga laser-guided munitions unga bunga" So much win.

I know, 2 days later I'm still laughing at that one.

Cowabungaa:
What irks me more about Emperor Askia is when I met the guy in the first game he told me that "We're a peaceful nation, but we're ready to defend ourselves if necessary." or something along those lines.

Yet there he stands, with a huge sword on his shoulder and a burning city behind him. Yeah, really peaceful.

"We are a peaceful people. Well, we are now. See this city? This is what used to happen a lot when we weren't. Don't you want to be friends with us? Yeah, that's what I thought"

Mysnomer:
And yet, no one knows Bib Fortuna's actual name.

I actually did. God, but that's sad...

The_root_of_all_evil:

Geo Da Sponge:

The_root_of_all_evil:

bificommander:
But terrorists don't have a fully functional state of the art navy.

AK47s are just as easy to come by.

I love the fact that the second pirate in the article photo appears to be facepalming.

LMAO, I hadn't actually spotted that.

I thought it looked like more of a "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" situation. Which, if you're going to stand behind a man firing a rocket launcher, is probably pretty apt :-P

When I met Emperor Askia for the 1st time I thought the burning city in the background represented the fact that he had just munched his way through the other civs in the game and the background changed to represent that (Wouldnt that be cool?). So in fear and seeking self-presevation i signed all the pacts and trades i could with him in order to keep him on my side..... and only when my military advisor said something like "I dont think he has any armies at all" I checked Askia's score and noticed he was a good 500 score behind everyone else :/ d'oh

The_root_of_all_evil:

lockeslylcrit:
I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

Shamus Young:
The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Yah its not perfect but would make more sense. Maybe call them Rebel factions for political correctness?

Ldude893:
I always view Emperor Askia and Montezuma as enemies. Really, they make a very bad first impression when you meet them.

Yeah Civ 5 is the first Civ game I have ever played and Askia was the first leader I met. I was so scared I literally stared at him thinking "How the blazes did he set an entire city alight 5 turns in?!" on top of that the fact I couldn't even see an army behind him made me wonder if he personally went in there hefting that bloody huge sword of his and burned the place to the ground himself.

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