Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

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JacobyPAX:
People don't need seat belts in Halo because of artificial gravity and/or some other advanced and vague technology.

It's a game set in a fictional future where we have faster-than-light slipspace travel and where we're fighting aliens with fucking plasma rifles. And you're concerned about the fact that there are no seatbelts?

Artemus_Cain:
Yeah, I'll rent it. I can't believe some people actually reacted ti this game just like Egoraptor's Awesome Reach (look it up). This is NOT going to be the end of Halo, and there's something wrong with people who think otherwise.

One last thing, Escapsit. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE stop with that stupid Slim Jim commercial. I know they're giving you money, but can you please just put a banner ad or soemthing? It's too long, it's stupid, it's geared to six year olds, and it definatly doesn't make me want to buy any. Frankly, I'm insulted everytime I see it, and I have to put up with it almost every time I watch a damn movie here. I go on this site everyday, but I'm concidering stopping if this keeps up and I'm probably not the only one.

Oh, god damn it yes, that fucking slim jim add, is this what people think gamers find fun or cool?

CronoT:

ilovemyLunchbox:

CronoT:

orangeapples:
I'm surprised. He didn't hate Halo Reach...

No, he hated it. But, it's nowhere near the level of hate that he has for games like Too Human and the Wolfenstein Reboot.

Also, I've never liked the Halo games precisely because there's no iron-sights aiming. In FPS games, I specialize in sniping and long distance single shot kills. So, a game that forces me to get up close with an underpowered weapon and stand there like a slack-jawed mental patient holds no appeal to me, whatsoever.

One, when taken in the context of the way he talks about video games, he clearly liked it but is annoyed by fanboys. Two, you clearly are bad at FPS games if you think that is how to play Halo. If you are a fan of headshot kills, most things in that game can be killed with three or less headshots on Legendary (the annoying setting full of artificial difficulty - seriously, the enemy is no smarter, just has more health), so there you go. Also, why would you ever get that close with a Spiker, the only underpowered weapon in the game?

You seem to be under the delusion that I actually care about the Halo games or ever bothered to really play them or learn anything about them. I would have thought that my statement about the games having no appeal for me would indicate that I've never really played them; except for the 4 days that I owned Halo 2, hated it, and traded it in for Metroid Prime 2, which was a far superior game, too.

When it comes to FPS games, I stick with the Rainbow Six games, the Metroid Prime games, and the occasional Call of Duty games. Halo is the Wal-Mart of FPS games: Everyone goes there, the prices are cheap, the store is large and comfortable; but, the selections are bland, the employees have no real excitement, and there are half a dozen different stores that have lots of stuff better anyway. You just have to be willing to fork over the cash.

>Claim to have no real experience with Halo and not care about it
>Proceed to make an inaccurate analogy about entire Halo franchise

This is not how logic works.

double post

I love how he just put into words the feelings I've had about Halo fanboys for years. Metacunts. Yeah, I like it!

for most cases, a game having to hold up on single player alone is true but there were still ppl playing halo 2 online while Microsoft was trying to close down the original xbox servers. Halo is so popular and loved that it never looses so many ppl online that the multiplayer aspect becomes useless. it does diminish when a sequel comes out but that's not going to happen for a few more years.

What I'm saying is that you CAN review the multiplayer of halo coz there are always going to be ppl playing it even for years to come.

Speaking of seat belts that's one thing that continually pissed me off about this game. Why is it that no matter what vehicle you're in, you can get killed before the vehicle does? Even the friggin AA cannon. It's friggin retarded. And yes I realize it's a game play thing, but it's the single stupidest thing about this universe. Anyone heard of an armoured crew compartment.

The exception being of course the space fighter. But that doesn't really count.

SaberSpellSword:
it does diminish when a sequel comes out but that's not going to happen for a few more years.

What I'm saying is that you CAN review the multiplayer of halo coz there are always going to be ppl playing it even for years to come.

You think they are people.
How cute.

Akalabeth:
Speaking of seat belts that's one thing that continually pissed me off about this game. Why is it that no matter what vehicle you're in, you can get killed before the vehicle does?

I would be more concerned on how a .50 pistol can puncture a tank...

Well I liked it at least.

But hey that is the beauty of opinions.

Akalabeth:

FlyAwayAutumn:
no forge, custom games, multiplayer or firefight review. I guess multiplayer is sorta understandable why he didn't review it but come on the others are all playable by yourself or even with buddies in real life.

Firefight from what I can tell is a massive waste of time.

I played one solo yesterday, took me like 25 minutes and got to the 4th wave and at the end of it all I got was like 60 friggin credits. 60???? For real??? What the hell's the point of that shit. I get more off the lotto machine on any deathmatch.

By yourself? As in the type of firefight where you play by yourself? For that you can change all the options, so if you got a lot of credits for it, then you could change the options so that you're invincible and can kill things instantly, and just farm all day long.

If your talking about firefight matchmaking and you're only getting 60 cR then you suck.

ilovemyLunchbox:

CronoT:

ilovemyLunchbox:

CronoT:

orangeapples:
I'm surprised. He didn't hate Halo Reach...

No, he hated it. But, it's nowhere near the level of hate that he has for games like Too Human and the Wolfenstein Reboot.

Also, I've never liked the Halo games precisely because there's no iron-sights aiming. In FPS games, I specialize in sniping and long distance single shot kills. So, a game that forces me to get up close with an underpowered weapon and stand there like a slack-jawed mental patient holds no appeal to me, whatsoever.

One, when taken in the context of the way he talks about video games, he clearly liked it but is annoyed by fanboys. Two, you clearly are bad at FPS games if you think that is how to play Halo. If you are a fan of headshot kills, most things in that game can be killed with three or less headshots on Legendary (the annoying setting full of artificial difficulty - seriously, the enemy is no smarter, just has more health), so there you go. Also, why would you ever get that close with a Spiker, the only underpowered weapon in the game?

You seem to be under the delusion that I actually care about the Halo games or ever bothered to really play them or learn anything about them. I would have thought that my statement about the games having no appeal for me would indicate that I've never really played them; except for the 4 days that I owned Halo 2, hated it, and traded it in for Metroid Prime 2, which was a far superior game, too.

When it comes to FPS games, I stick with the Rainbow Six games, the Metroid Prime games, and the occasional Call of Duty games. Halo is the Wal-Mart of FPS games: Everyone goes there, the prices are cheap, the store is large and comfortable; but, the selections are bland, the employees have no real excitement, and there are half a dozen different stores that have lots of stuff better anyway. You just have to be willing to fork over the cash.

>Claim to have no real experience with Halo and not care about it
>Proceed to make an inaccurate analogy about entire Halo franchise

This is not how logic works.

Exactly. Once you learn or figure out how the weapons work together (plasma for shields and ballistic for flesh and armor) the game gets really fun.

But you sound like a massive camper. Unless you nab yourself a melee weapon or a sniper rifle, its really difficult to camp in Halo since grenades are the only other instant kill weapon. that's why you probably don't like it. Am I right?

Try playing a game of SWAT in multiplayer. you'll love that (or get extremely pissed off). no shields so head shots are instant kills.

chemicalreaper:

JacobyPAX:
People don't need seat belts in Halo because of artificial gravity and/or some other advanced and vague technology.

It's a game set in a fictional future where we have faster-than-light slipspace travel and where we're fighting aliens with fucking plasma rifles. And you're concerned about the fact that there are no seatbelts?

Yeah, plasma rifles and FTL drives but their big counter attack is a bunch of dorks in friggin Jeeps. Don't the USMC or whatever have any real fricken armour or combat vehicles? Yeah, scorpion. But where are the APCs? or anything. Hell where are all the vehicles from Halo Wars. Some of the set pieces from Reach were frankly absurd.

Worgen:
I was expecting another super smash brothers, where it takes him 5 months to do it, oh well.
It always bugged me how open and flimsy the vehicles looked in halo and the no seatbelt things when your rolling a warthog

Have you looked at the passenger, they're supposed to be sitting but instead they're crouching, they even have their foot on the dashbaord

FlyAwayAutumn:

Akalabeth:

FlyAwayAutumn:
no forge, custom games, multiplayer or firefight review. I guess multiplayer is sorta understandable why he didn't review it but come on the others are all playable by yourself or even with buddies in real life.

Firefight from what I can tell is a massive waste of time.

I played one solo yesterday, took me like 25 minutes and got to the 4th wave and at the end of it all I got was like 60 friggin credits. 60???? For real??? What the hell's the point of that shit. I get more off the lotto machine on any deathmatch.

By yourself? As in the type of firefight where you play by yourself? For that you can change all the options, so if you got a lot of credits for it, then you could change the options so that you're invincible and can kill things instantly, and just farm all day long.

If your talking about firefight matchmaking and you're only getting 60 cR then you suck.

No like I say, I get 60 credits from a fricken lotto machine on match making. Nevermind the actual points from the game. I don't know how many I get offhand, couple hundred minimum.

But what's the point of firefight? You can play it solo, but you can kill like 30-40 guys and get shit all for a reward at the end. No story. No points. No nothing.

First off I was amazed he actually played it but when I watched it and realized he wasn't going to completely rip it to shreds I think my mind exploded a little.

Yes, Yahtzee, it actually was an original ending... two years ago, when FFVII: Crisis Core did it.

Akalabeth:

chemicalreaper:

JacobyPAX:
People don't need seat belts in Halo because of artificial gravity and/or some other advanced and vague technology.

It's a game set in a fictional future where we have faster-than-light slipspace travel and where we're fighting aliens with fucking plasma rifles. And you're concerned about the fact that there are no seatbelts?

Yeah, plasma rifles and FTL drives but their big counter attack is a bunch of dorks in friggin Jeeps. Don't the USMC or whatever have any real fricken armour or combat vehicles? Yeah, scorpion. But where are the APCs? or anything. Hell where are all the vehicles from Halo Wars. Some of the set pieces from Reach were frankly absurd.

The scorpion tank is designed so poorly :/
You would think they would make something better than that tank.

PortalParadox:
What I learned today:

I technically don't exist, seeing how I am a hardcore Half-Life fanboy and also think that Halo is a fantastic series.

Thank God for these forums, or I never would have realized that.

Well, since I love Portal, and love Halo, I'm also mythical. What should we call ourselves? Bavles?

OMG HE WAS WRONG ABOUT THE STORY!!! YAHTZEE IS AN IGNORANT FAG!!!!!!!! just kidding haha great video though i dont think that was the start of the covenant war. i confess to reading the halo novels and thats how i know it but i think they mention how long the war lasted at some point during the game, dont quote me on that though.

thatstheguy:

nik3daz:
Repetitive gameplay? Are you kidding? Every headshot, every twitch kill is a completely new and different experience from the last. Like in the degrees you turn. And who you're killing. And stuff.

...That's like saying office work isn't repetitive because every group of words you write/type is completely different from the last.

He's being sarcastic, I suck at recognizing sarcasm on the Internet and even I got that.

McMarbles:
Yes, Yahtzee, it actually was an original ending... two years ago, when FFVII: Crisis Core did it.

Remember the Alamo...

rofl jet:

Worgen:
I was expecting another super smash brothers, where it takes him 5 months to do it, oh well.
It always bugged me how open and flimsy the vehicles looked in halo and the no seatbelt things when your rolling a warthog

Have you looked at the passenger, they're supposed to be sitting but instead they're crouching, they even have their foot on the dashbaord

yeah, really the vehicles in that game wouldn't be good to fight in but they would be great for launching your passengers into space with

RexoftheFord:
(Angry Joe said it too).

Oh christ a that guy with the glasses fan

ProfessorLayton:
You already made the "Hello, Goodbye" pun on the Halo 3 video... or was that intended...

I am actually surprised that he didn't tear it apart, but I still think that saying "a game has to stand up on single player alone" is a very silly statement. So is the quality of an MMO diminished because there's no mode to grind quests by yourself?

Recall that he has said that he really enjoys Team Fortress 2. I'm starting to think he might enjoy Halo a lot more if there were no single player campaign. Basically, if there's a single player mode, he's going to judge it based on that and the multiplayer is just extra. If a game is meant to be ABSOLUTELY nothing but multiplayer, then that's the only thing he can judge it on.

gay-lo reach-around

love it

hilarious and irreverent as always..but i did feel the "sup ya'll niggas" was a bit much this time...

Overall I agree with the way he spoke about the game, I played it and it was ok, story was fair despite the same enemy's from halo 1, regardless I only got 2 hour into the game and was like "you know I played halo 1-3 I think its time to go back to game stop" but I have to say the new name fits it, Gay-lo reach around = epic title from Yahtzee.

As for multi player, I'll just play it at my friends house, but to actually own the game Id rather have the 30$ I got back for the game to spend on another game, like when Black Ops comes out, ill try that and see if it disappoints as well.

As I get older, I get more selective of what games I buy.

When I first saw Halo #1, I never really saw what all the commotion was about; It was an "OK" shooter BUT still just a shooter.

As the franchise grew I STILL couldn't see the appeal. There was nothing "new and improved" about it, at leist to the point where I'm willing to part with my cash.

What I find really funny is when I mention that there are other games that are sooooo much better... I don't have to say what's better; The Halo fans do that for me!

LOL!

Wow, I really thought he wouldn't like any of it! Anyways, I agree with pretty much everything in this review except for the non-mentioning of firefight, which I could understand if it was just a horde knock off but.. ah, what the heck it probably got mentioned in the last 10 pages. I saw most of those flaws and I too wish the space section could've been longer and that the spartans were a little less comfortable in their clunky armor on the edges of pelicans. Although with their super-strength and reflexes I guess they can just do stuff like that. I really enjoyed it anyway, though, more than any other pure shooter. Good review!

"A game must be able to stand on its single-player alone."

What bothers me about this statement, which I have heard numerous times from Mr. Croshaw, is that it's the one part of ZP that he never treats like an opinion. He raises this almighty statement above us lesser beings like it was in one of the fucking Ten Commandments of Gaming.

It may be true for him, but it's not true for most of us.

And he has to acknowledge that because he's not making this review solely for the denizens of Yahtzeeland. I mostly respect his harsh opinions, but he talks about multiplayer like a born-again virgin with Asberger's talks about orgies. And the only reason he's voicing his opinion is because he writes for "Parties Monthly" and is required to attend.

Saying "single-player is the only real thing of merit in a game" is like saying that "parties must stand on the quality of the food and music alone". For a lot of parties, that's true, but those of us getting laid aren't going to care much about the cold pizza. True, there's the risk of venereal disease in the form of squeakers, hackers, and trash-talkers, but it can be worth that risk.

In other words, what upsets me the most about the statement is that it says "This thing I generally hate is objectively without merit" with no awareness of the hypocrisy. You can't expect to accurately judge something's merit if you've judged it before you know the specifics. This is why those in the know ignore a well-respected critic by the name of Roger Ebert when they can tell that he's talking out of his ass.

I know what I don't like. I don't like racing, sports, and straight-up action games (a la God of War). Yet at the same time, I understand that people do and that the ultimate worth of a game is how much net enjoyment it creates per targeted user. And if I notice that the people who like this sort of thing are happy, then I'll say that the game has plenty of merit for those people and call it a success.

It'll just never be one for me.

james castle:
He doesn't mention the multiplayer (which is basically what makes Halo Halo) because a game has to stand up on its own on single player? Really? Unless it's L4D apparently. Go watch his review where he says "It is fun as a shared social experience...Like I said it's up to you whether this is all worth 50 bucks."

Apparently all the bashing of Bungie fanboys doesn't stop him from being a Valve fanboy.

BINGO.

Halo Reach. It must have been on the top shelf.

Top that, Yahtzee.

Am I the only one who's having trouble watching the vid?

Akalabeth:

No like I say, I get 60 credits from a fricken lotto machine on match making. Nevermind the actual points from the game. I don't know how many I get offhand, couple hundred minimum.

But what's the point of firefight? You can play it solo, but you can kill like 30-40 guys and get shit all for a reward at the end. No story. No points. No nothing.

The point of firefight is to get together with friends and instead of killing people online just sit back and kill wave after wave after wave of enemies in often comical fashion. Seriously man, Rocketfight and Sniperfight. Fun as all hell. Target locator? Fucking awesome. Who cares about cR? If you want cR play a different playlist, for everything else there's firefight.

sketchesofpayne:
Yes! Make a sequel to Oni, I love that game!

Shoot. Beaten to saying this by ten hours...

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