Zero Punctuation: Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions

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"spiders are slow"

A few people have touched on this already, but we have wolf spiders around where I live and those suckers are fast. A wolf spider is around 2 cm in size and can run at 40cm/s, or 20 times its body size. For a 5'6" human, that would be 110 feet per second, or 75 mph. I'd guess that it varies greatly from spider to spider, though, and that "spider speed" is about as consistent as "mammal speed".

Loved the analogy at the end. Sucks that we've still yet to get a really good spider man game, hell sucks we've yet to get any good comic based game save for the obvious arkham asylum.

I was hoping for Sonic 4. I would've like to hear your two cents on that. This was still good though.

Spider Man noir bore too much resemblance to Batman AA but still I think it would've been a good game on its on or the futuristic spider man would've.

Also lol at the end with spiderman at the computer watching porn

At what point did it become mandatory for Spider-Man to have to punch a random guy more than once? This guy can bend screw drivers with a finger!

I used to have that Linkin Park poster. lol

actually proportionally a huntsman spider could run the 100 meters in about 5 or 6 seconds.
great review though

i sorta liked the game but ya it was REALLY REALLY SAMEY. but its worth it for the bombastic bag man costume :P if i knew how to post a pic i would

lilmizzazle:
spiderman, the new mario?

I was thinking more along the lines of Sonic

Alakaizer:
Spider-man 2 not only had good web-swinging, it had Bruce Campbell calling you a moron the whole time. I don't think it would have been nearly as good without him.

Wait what?

Where was Bruce campbell?

OP:Nice episode as usual.

When I heard about the game I thought the premise was a bad idea. seems my assumption was correct.

Yahtzee, you magnificent bastard! Long time watcher (since your Youtube days, actually) but I just registered here to comment on this video.

First of all I'm glad you haven't lost any of your quick wit after so many reviews. I'm always impressed at the pace you manage to keep up in your videos. Also you are still great at the visual puns and your completely unique similes and insults which have always been a strong-point of your work. However, I do wish you'd comment more on the particulars of the game like you've done in your other works-detailing the scene from your recent Amnesia: Dark Descent commentary is a good example.

But none of that has to do with why I wanted to comment on this episode in particular. So without further ado: "The Gideon Bible?" Really? Really?! Why...how do you know about that? Look, I can get behind you on "the hardest difficulty" because that was hilariously awesome and I can see you stumbling across that pic on Google by accident. But listen, with as much knowledge of eldritch abominations you must have to have made your series of games, you of all people should know to stay away from something like this. Get out now while you still can!

Never have had much interest in super hero games. The only game that managed to wow me was *surprise surprise* Arkham Asylum. So this review doesn't surprise me at all.

A keg-sized cartridge on each of Spidey's wrists?...
Uh-oh, Yahtzee, I think you just gave Marvel a new idea...

I guess what these comments are telling me is, if we want Deadpool, we can just wait for Marvel vs. Capcom 3?

I have this kind of love/hate relationship with Deadpool. I hate how he's everywhere, but whenever I do read him, I enjoy it. I actually enjoyed the characters they created for the game. I wonder if they'll restart 2099 and add in their new Doctor Octopus.

I can tell he's either REALLY good at separating his enjoyment of Spider-Man comics, or he doesn't like Spider-Man at all. Oh well, what can you do?

Wait, I am a cider-man too... Does THAT mean we are friends now?!

funny episode
not much else to say

Tonimata:
Newton's pendulum, is the name of the clacky balls thing.

I always thought they were called Newton's Cradle.

The last line of the review was hilarious. Also loved seeing a Marvel writing going overboard on the yays.

You mean this Nolan North as Deadpool?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAI5y20X2Gk (sorry, tired, completely forgot how to embed the vid. :/ )

I kinda like him...

Honestly though, there hasn't been a really good spiderman game since Spidey 2 and even that had it's weak parts. Still, the swinging and skydiving off the Empire State building was awesome fun! :D

lewism247:

Alakaizer:
Spider-man 2 not only had good web-swinging, it had Bruce Campbell calling you a moron the whole time. I don't think it would have been nearly as good without him.

Wait what?

Where was Bruce campbell?

He was the narrator. He was pretty much everywhere in Spiderman 2 (PS2/ Xbox).

OP: I had no hope once I heard they took out the free-roaming. The best part of Spiderman 2 was swinging aimlessly around the city.

Though I wanted to beat that kid with the balloon senseless...

Awesome analogy Yahtzee! Also, you live in Australia and spiders should be everywhere! Including the really fast ones!

I have to say, it was a pretty funny review.

Eicha:
Poor Spidey. He's really getting abused by game makers nowadays.

and movie makers

I was surprised how much Yahtzee disliked this game. Okay, I take that back. I'm disappointed that Yahtzee didn't like this game. I played it, and in my opinion (while not worth a bucket of spit) was that each Spidey had a distinct feel, and Spidey Noir was really a different game. It was kind of a cop out (also my opinion) that he berated the game for being basically all about fighting. What do you expect? It's a Spiderman game. That's like criticizing Call of Duty for being boring because all you do is shoot guns. And his qualifier that there are a distinct variation of enemies that are limited to small, medium, and large doesn't really mean that they skimped out on the variation. 3 enemy types, especially re-skinned for each encounter, is really a lot of variation. Really his main gripe is that there wasn't enough web slinging, but every single Spiderman has a web shooter with which he can swing, so that didn't even make sense to me. Anyway, while I really am a fan of ZP, this episode for me was a rare miss.

Shitty retentions was the best part! ^_^
Unfortunately, Family Guy beat you to the 'web' :/

Note to Yahtzee: New Vegas is out, not sure you caught it in your quest to play obscure mediocre bound-to-be-shit games.

This announcement has been brought to you by

image

I will not comment, I will not comment...oh crap. Spiderman doesn't make the web in his body, it's in web-devices he designed and wears on his wrist, ocaisonally they are biological (the movies for ease of translation and for a brief post Avengers dissassembled perod before One More day period, but he also had lame wolverine-esque stingers then too). Yes it's stupid that a highschool student invents a miraculous new substance with crazy properties, but yeah that's the way it is in comics.

Also Spiderman 2099 rocks, the only goodthing to come from that god-forsaken line of comics.

Edit: Shit got Ninja'd by yachtzee himself in the credits.

~_* batman would never allow such magical metaphysical crap? then I guess you've never read about Etrigan making loads of appearances throughout the batman universe... and that's just one magical metaphysical crap I can think of in the batman continuity..

s69-5:

lewism247:

Alakaizer:
Spider-man 2 not only had good web-swinging, it had Bruce Campbell calling you a moron the whole time. I don't think it would have been nearly as good without him.

Wait what?

Where was Bruce campbell?

He was the narrator. He was pretty much everywhere in Spiderman 2 (PS2/ Xbox).

OP: I had no hope once I heard they took out the free-roaming. The best part of Spiderman 2 was swinging aimlessly around the city.

Though I wanted to beat that kid with the balloon senseless...

Really?

Holy crap I didn't notice!

I kinda like ZP more when he differs from the game in the review, begins talking about something that's grinding his gears and stuff, and elaborates on it like there's no tomorrow^^

Spider man games where once A LOT worse, and fans would still buy it, so I guess it doesn't matter how bad this one is... it's worth something for fans.

HotFezz8:
for fuck sake yahtzee did you like it or not? is it worth any of my money?

Yahtzee is not a reviewer, he is a critic. Entertaining people by stripping apart games. He does not give advice on whether or not to buy it, he never has (except on very few occasions).

fvneopai bvnt jehavaa. zkfnagnqjpiqrhn, abnqern walmart. hahahaha!

gerambne quijibo?

darrinwright:
Ah, a religion bash early in... way to stay on-topic, Yahtzee.

But I guess you're fine with all the other things he bashes then, right? Or you would have told him to stay on topic when he brought them up too.

Metalhandkerchief:
Note to Yahtzee: New Vegas is out, not sure you caught it in your quest to play obscure mediocre bound-to-be-shit games.

Not sure if you noticed but that game literally just came out. Maybe you'd prefer him to make a video of what he thinks the game might be like without actually playing it? How do you expect him to play through the game and make a humorous video about it before the game is even out?

I looked at the plot for this game on Wikipedia and told myself, "Oh man. Yahtzee's going to tear this game to pieces (just like with any other mediocre game he's reviewed)." Turns out I was right :P

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