Stolen Pixels #241: The Gaming Afterlife

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Cracked up when I saw the RE5 on the hell line. Good comic.

"The release shedule is set by valve"

Vavle aint THAT bad, it's just the HL series. Since 2004 valve have actually made 5 games , with 2 new IP snot includung things like DoD;Source and CSS. But the point is taken, they DO run on Valve time.

Vetinarii:

Firepowered:

InterAirplay:

What? we have Greggs, steak pies, and invented the Fish and Chip shop!

*storms off angrily*

Vetinarii:

You don't like Meat Pies? Cornish Pasties? Haggis? Scotch Egg? Fish and Chips? Yorkshire pudding? Sunday Roast? Eel Pie? Steak and Kidney Pie? Really bad Curry?

Oh yeah I see what you mean.

And especially the french lovers...

Well, I suppose I could have gone for better restaurants during my travels in England.
Unfortunately I was on school trips, and eating fish and chips only for one week straight leaves a REALLY bad impression of the local food :)

Oh Gawd school trips. No. Erm the examples were jokes. Our food is bad except the food we stole from other countries (though not scotland they are as bad as us).

I suppose you mean Haggis? :)

Scrumpmonkey:
"The release shedule is set by valve"

Vavle aint THAT bad, it's just the HL series. Since 2004 valve have actually made 5 games , with 2 new IP snot includung things like DoD;Source and CSS. But the point is taken, they DO run on Valve time.

Yeah, but the L4D team is actually another gang of developers whom Valve hired, if I'm not mistaken (Not completely sure though).

Firepowered:

Vetinarii:

Firepowered:

InterAirplay:

What? we have Greggs, steak pies, and invented the Fish and Chip shop!

*storms off angrily*

Vetinarii:

You don't like Meat Pies? Cornish Pasties? Haggis? Scotch Egg? Fish and Chips? Yorkshire pudding? Sunday Roast? Eel Pie? Steak and Kidney Pie? Really bad Curry?

Oh yeah I see what you mean.

And especially the french lovers...

Well, I suppose I could have gone for better restaurants during my travels in England.
Unfortunately I was on school trips, and eating fish and chips only for one week straight leaves a REALLY bad impression of the local food :)

Oh Gawd school trips. No. Erm the examples were jokes. Our food is bad except the food we stole from other countries (though not scotland they are as bad as us).

I suppose you mean Haggis? :)

And deep fried Mars Bars =P

As long as obsidion is putting out games, i could care less where i end up.

BEST EVER! WOO!

Well, Valve's virtue creates its vice.

Nice one! Good new take on that old joke!

Off-topic: I initially tought this was about the place we go when we die. I really wish we have a gaming heaven with all sorts of games, no bugs, no copy protection, and infinite time...!

Lol'd at Bioware for Dialog... The badass comment options in ME2 never was as "fuck you" as they should have been.

Ah HA! Who knew that Sheamus is an "Hetalia" fan?! BRILLIANT!!!

Mysnomer:

Tom Phoenix:
Wouldn't it be more correct to say "In Hell, stories are written by Capcom"? While I am sure recent stories written by Square Enix are bad, they still don't have the reputation of being elementary student bad. :P

Nevertheless, one of your best comics yet. Hilarious and quite true.

I dunno, I think Megaman Legends and Zero are pretty redeeming in their quality, but I definitely think Squeenix is a cut above Capcom.

My true complaint is how you fudged Square Enix into the stories for Hell. Every game (barring the already simplistic) will sound stupid when you reduce it to only it's most absurd elements and then string them together. Hell, even FFXIII, possibly the most reviled Final Fantasy had a good story (or at least a good 3/4ths of a story, I haven't beaten it yet). It feels like a cheap dig, rather than true parody. Maybe it's just because I associate the argument of "ridiculous story" with bandwagon FFVII haters. Sorry if I'm just misplacing my rage.

Edit: Snaps, I just remembered the FFXIV debacle. Okay, second most reviled FF game.

No, Square-Enix still has NO idea how stories are written. FFX in particular relies on coincidences, deus-ex-machina and characters making bizarro-logic choices to keep the story going, and the writers practically write themselves into a corner after every major quest. Go through it again and take a sip for every plot inconsistency - you'll be in a coma before you leave Besaid.

The thing is, it's not a bad story, it's just put together by an idiot instead of a professional writer. Things like plot structure, consistency, cohesion and pacing are nowhere in sight, and they really complicate the plot WAY beyond what they're capable of handling. It's weird because FFVII was at least competently told, and IX had a charming simplicity to it.

The reason why people (myself very much included) love FFX is that Yuna, her quest and the romance subplot work well and the game is very focused, almost a precursor to the "60-hour-linear-corridor" that was FFXIII. Except it worked in the game's favor in FFX.

HankMan:
"But basically the jist of it is that Italians are all tossers." :P

Thank you for quoting Yahtzee on that XD

HAHAHA Nice!! Brilliant Comic Shamus!!

HankMan:
"But basically the jist of it is that Italians are all tossers." :P

Great catch! Yeah, Sorry Shamus, but a snarky British guy beat you to the joke.

Doesn't mean your version isn't funny, though.

Seneschal:
No, Square-Enix still has NO idea how stories are written. FFX in particular relies on coincidences, deus-ex-machina and characters making bizarro-logic choices to keep the story going, and the writers practically write themselves into a corner after every major quest. Go through it again and take a sip for every plot inconsistency - you'll be in a coma before you leave Besaid.

The thing is, it's not a bad story, it's just put together by an idiot instead of a professional writer. Things like plot structure, consistency, cohesion and pacing are nowhere in sight, and they really complicate the plot WAY beyond what they're capable of handling. It's weird because FFVII was at least competently told, and IX had a charming simplicity to it.

The reason why people (myself very much included) love FFX is that Yuna, her quest and the romance subplot work well and the game is very focused, almost a precursor to the "60-hour-linear-corridor" that was FFXIII. Except it worked in the game's favor in FFX.

So are you saying conceptually, they make good stories, but they are poor writers? Because I would agree with that to an extent. Also, I think FFX was better because of all the interactions and characters you meet along the way, the various minigames and distractions, interesting leveling concept, and overall lively tone. FFXIII on the other hand is barren. The characters you can talk to have nothing interesting to say, there's nothing to explore and no minigames or sidequests until chapter 9 or so. And the environments are generally bereft of life or anything interesting to look at. Oh, and even your character advancement is linear and restrictive.

British cooking is better than people give it credit for. It used to be awful (like int he 50's and 60's), but now is going through some sort of renaissance or whatever, because people were ashamed of it. The Italians have Brits beaten hands down though. Good stereotypes there

Mysnomer:

Seneschal:
No, Square-Enix still has NO idea how stories are written. FFX in particular relies on coincidences, deus-ex-machina and characters making bizarro-logic choices to keep the story going, and the writers practically write themselves into a corner after every major quest. Go through it again and take a sip for every plot inconsistency - you'll be in a coma before you leave Besaid.

The thing is, it's not a bad story, it's just put together by an idiot instead of a professional writer. Things like plot structure, consistency, cohesion and pacing are nowhere in sight, and they really complicate the plot WAY beyond what they're capable of handling. It's weird because FFVII was at least competently told, and IX had a charming simplicity to it.

The reason why people (myself very much included) love FFX is that Yuna, her quest and the romance subplot work well and the game is very focused, almost a precursor to the "60-hour-linear-corridor" that was FFXIII. Except it worked in the game's favor in FFX.

So are you saying conceptually, they make good stories, but they are poor writers? Because I would agree with that to an extent. Also, I think FFX was better because of all the interactions and characters you meet along the way, the various minigames and distractions, interesting leveling concept, and overall lively tone. FFXIII on the other hand is barren. The characters you can talk to have nothing interesting to say, there's nothing to explore and no minigames or sidequests until chapter 9 or so. And the environments are generally bereft of life or anything interesting to look at. Oh, and even your character advancement is linear and restrictive.

Yes, the concept is rather strong in many FF games. For examply, Sin is a great plot device, it adds a bit of "FF meets Godzilla/Cloverfield" vibe, and Yuna's quest is rather well-structured, having a sort of "road trip" feel to it. The game lacks a true villain, but some may say that it's its strength, keeping the story about "humans vs. catastrophe". And of course, the combat system and character advancement in FFX is great.

But look at a far less questionably bad title, FF VIII. I find it amazing how many people still like the game despite it being the pinnacle of bad writing and incoherent plot, riddled with plotholes, coincidence-reliace, bad characters, squaresoft-dialogue. The first disk is good, even has a neat James Bond feel, but then it all dissolves into this utterly pointless time-traveling stupidity. And the junction/draw/GF system is just horrendoulsy abstract and unfun.

I haven't played XIII yet, and from what I've heard, at least it's not a meaningless meandering mess like VIII, but what they've done with the linearity seems to be even worse. It's nearing that point where its status as a "game" comes into question.

explain to me how the first 3 parts of the "In heaven" bit arent Blizzard?

when has blizzard failed at a good game since they started making good games? Lost vikings was cool, Warcraft really rebuilt the RTS, Starcraft singlehandedly made Multiplayer a Viable design option, Diablo kicks more ass then Krato's boot, and their new IP is going to be half Awesome, Half Mindflay, Briliantly Designed, and written with the skill with which books like The Bible and Quran are written with. Their cutscenes own, and their gameplay is legendary years after release.

So in heaven, The Game is made by Blizzard, Q&Aed by Valve, and the release schedual is by Capcom

In hell, the story is written by ArenaNet, The Dialog is by Bungie, the Cutscenes are by Michael Bay, The Q&A is done by some 5 year old who they brought in to playtest 5 minutes before the session, and the release schedual is set by 3d Realms

reasons:
Blizzard: Does not make a bad game
Valve: good Q&A
Capcom: @resident evil

ArenaNet: there isnt a strong point in any of the Guildwars Stories. the badguys are too predictable, introduced too early, not given time to develop, or they just stagnate completely and never get more evil
Bungie: there isnt a well delivered line in the entire halo series.
Michael Bay: He had one mythicly good movie, his talent has thus been very poorly used since
5 year old: The reason halo got a second game. if they arent old enough to comprehend a game past the face value of a .50c round making people's heads bloom in full 3d with blood and gore, they certain to hell shouldnt be the playtesters or Q&A panel
3d Realms: when your release schedule alone gets your company gutted and dismantled, you deserve this position.

I don't think "QA testing" is really the term you want. Valve's QA testing is dodgy at best. The Source engine *still* doesn't quite work right, every TF2 update is accompanied by a selection of bugs, glitches, and exploits, and actually I just had TF2 crash on me last night.

Playtesting and iterative game design, yeah, but of course that's not as short or snappy.

That was one of the funniest things I've read all day :) totally loved it!

This one was awesome. I thought it looked familiar, and was about to google the old joke, but you just had to explain it. Still, good job.

What the fuck!?? Square Enix is a bad story writer and OBSIDIAN is a good one?? I guess it's your opinion but, fuck, I don't think I've ever disagreed more in my life. I can understand not enjoying Square's stories, I suppose. But saying that Obsidian is the best and square is the worst? O.o

Heheheh, this is now my favouritest takes on that joke ever.

Edit for repeat post. I blame the TOS screen that was just thrown at me.

But wouldn't releasing a game that sucks like valve releases games be a good thing? I mean that just would delay the coming of incredibly bad game. It creates one of those afterlife parardoxes like sending mausachists(i'm pretty sure i didn't spell that right) to hell

It's funny b/c it's mostly true.

Obsidian's dialogue is also better than Bioware's. Their problem isn't w/QA testing but the amount of content they create given their schedule. Knowing about a bug doesn't mean you've time/resources to fix it. Especially given there're more important bugs you know about.

Heaven might be Deus Ex's combat system (as fat as RPGs go) and hell would be FF's.

This is my favorite single comic on this entire site. Like, this one comic is my favorite, not the entire Stolen Pixels webcomic.

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