Critical Miss: Noobgrues

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This is why I hate the average FPS player. They can quicksnipe a dude from 300 yards off but they can't equip a +1 Helm.

The grue is crazy OP, I mean it one hit kills you! I hope TreyArch patches it soon.

why do i think there is more on that comp besides doa and zork

KEM10:

Bek359:

GeneticallyModifiedDucks:
Did they really include Zork? I think this is some kind of Critical Miss joke I'm not getting (again x_x)

Indeed they did include Zork. I have absolutely no idea why.

I have been wondering the same thing. Unless they had extra space on the disk and needed to make it look like they didn't rip you off. You know, like with CDs that have 15 minutes of silence after the last song.

Also, replay value.

Well if they had just extra space, they could add about every Text-Adventure ever made.
You know they wont be bigger than 200KB each

...

ok... is it wrong i want to buy black-ops just to play Zork???

i mean, i have never played it, but i love text based adventures.

...
...

IŽll be over here looking for Zork on the net.

Bek359:

GeneticallyModifiedDucks:
Did they really include Zork? I think this is some kind of Critical Miss joke I'm not getting (again x_x)

Indeed they did include Zork. I have absolutely no idea why.

There is Zork to be had?

*runs off to play Zork*

Ahhhh Zork. The Bane of all with short attention spans.

Im guessing they put it in for irony. They knew 90% of the people that bought the game couldent play it.

archvile93:

Delusibeta:

archvile93:

Ah yes the classic creative thought method of clicking random inventory items on random things in the environment in the hopes something will happen because you already tried the things that made sense and they didn't work. And who could forget the classic 'you missed the all important item that there was no indication of it mattering or even that you could pick it up and now you can't go back and get it so the game is unwinnable. have fun starting back at the beginning asshole! Oh, and were not going to tell you where you screwed up either, or even that you screwed up at all.'

You've been playing Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy, then.

King's Quest and Space Quest actually. My dad had a few that a tried, I didn't like them. Text games are even worse.

Example: The door to the room I'm in is locked, there is a key on the table.
Me: take key
Game: I can't do that
M: Get key
G: I can't do that
M: Grab key
G: I can't do that
M (starting to get annoyed): pick up key
G: I can't do that
M: Why won't this fucking thing work!? *thinks for a moment* walk over to table
G: You are now in arms reach of the key
M: pick up key
G: I can't do that (I didn't word it right most likely)
M: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

Those are my favorite games still love going back and playing the space quest games. Once you get through a few areas you will start to under stand the lingo needed.

Also if you type in naughty words they have some pretty funny responses for them such as would you want your mother to hear you talking like that

archvile93:

King's Quest and Space Quest actually. My dad had a few that a tried, I didn't like them. Text games are even worse.

Example: The door to the room I'm in is locked, there is a key on the table.
Me: take key
Game: I can't do that
M: Get key
G: I can't do that
M: Grab key
G: I can't do that
M (starting to get annoyed): pick up key
G: I can't do that
M: Why won't this fucking thing work!? *thinks for a moment* walk over to table
G: You are now in arms reach of the key
M: pick up key
G: I can't do that (I didn't word it right most likely)
M: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

As much as fans of adventure and text based games will deny this, they have largely died out for a very good reason (the above post touches on just one of these reasons).

Let's face facts people, these games had more than their fair share of suckage (sure, some of them were funny and clever but that didn't keep them from being any less annoying and unintuitive).

Back to the comic though, it made me laugh although it's kind of sad to think that there is no doubt at least one person out there who will do and say exactly that.

Iron Mal:

As much as fans of adventure and text based games will deny this, they have largely died out for a very good reason (the above post touches on just one of these reasons).

Died out? Oh no...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_andrew.shtml

There's also the entire Sam and Max series...Monkey Island...there's still a few adventures around, in fact....there's this little graphical adventure that's quite popular I hear...

image

When I had originally seen Zork as an option in the PC screen, I laughed quite hard. Can't be arsed to play it right now however, having to much fun with the rest of the game. 4 player split screen is hilarious in DOA.

lol. I actually laughed out loud. I like how on the Wall you can tell the guns are fake because orange tips and he even has the NV goggles lol.

i LOVE this

Hahahaha! That's just awesome! I know I've been trying out a bit of Zork myself on Black Ops. It's neat, considering it's the first text based adventure game I've ever played. Awesome comic

The toy guns on the wall were a nice touch.

Yeah, while I can see how the Doom generation of FPS players might appreciate it, I doubt that the largest part of the COD audience will understand it.

I just finished reading through all your comics and have come to the following conclusion: I am in love with Erin. Yes, she is fictional, this I know, but I love her none the less. I hope you realize this unrequited love will cause me to shun other, real women for fear of being unfaithful to the only woman who could ever truely understand me and result in my eventual death as a lonely, embittered old man.

On an entirely different, yet related, note: you guys are awesome, your comic is awesome, and it now sits proudly alongside Penny Arcade and Order of the Stick in my "check every night before sleep webcomics list"

That last panel was a bit too familiar...

I can't get past the first message. All I get is, "It's Here!" I try to open the mail box, I try to go to the house...nothing. I keep getting, "It's here!" That's great.

WHAT'S HERE?! ARGH...

Is it seriously included?

OT: Awesome strip this week XD

TimeLord:

Andronicus:
It's weird they should put Zork in. Why would the average CoD player want to play a text-based game, even as just a diversion? Or, better still, would the average CoD player even know what a text-based game is, or how to play one?

I resent that! I am an average CoD player and have played a couple of text-based games in my time.

But thats the thing, the fact that you are on this site, have over 7000 comments, and have a Doctor Who avatar means you are not the "average" player this comic is talking about.

It has Zork? Man oh man Christmas cannot come early enough.

Then again, this won't be the biggest thing that'll have COD fanboys raging:

Hehehe...awesome strip this week.

So it is true. I'm curious to know the percent of those millions of CoD: BO players that'll take the time to play this game. Also adding this game to a Call of Duty game is weird.

Okay, Critical Miss is now my favorite webcomic EVER. I remember mapping the whole game out with my dad when I was nine. Plus it's sooooo truuue...

People who work on Critical Miss, here is your well-deserved cookie:

Haha, these comics are always awesome.

"I don't know the word quickscope"

Maybe they could make an FPG (First-person grue) game. They'd likely do quite well at descending upon helpless prey in the darkness. The real challenge would be finding and getting into melee range of an adventurer before they light up a torch. Since no one knows what a Grue looks like, they'd be ideally suited to first-person gaming.

I think I would regain all respect for Treyarch if they made each and every achievement in the game related to Zork. Yeah that would be fun.

This far and no one's linked to this?

Woah. That's yet another point in favour of me getting Black Ops.

Scrumpmonkey:
You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. Nevermind that most people think if you aren't shooting at something RIGHT NOW the game is "Boring". I would love to see the results of a CoD head attempting to survive in the zone of exclusion. There's no regenerating health here boy, quite the opposite if you hit radiation.

I guess to get to a wider audience things need to be acessible and i do get that (that's the main point of motion controls, simplicity. but people MUST realise that for more complex tasks a controller/ M=KB are infinitely better) but there is 'acressible' and down right 'played for you'

Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

archvile93:

Delusibeta:

archvile93:

Ah yes the classic creative thought method of clicking random inventory items on random things in the environment in the hopes something will happen because you already tried the things that made sense and they didn't work. And who could forget the classic 'you missed the all important item that there was no indication of it mattering or even that you could pick it up and now you can't go back and get it so the game is unwinnable. have fun starting back at the beginning asshole! Oh, and were not going to tell you where you screwed up either, or even that you screwed up at all.'

You've been playing Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy, then.

King's Quest and Space Quest actually. My dad had a few that a tried, I didn't like them. Text games are even worse.

Example: The door to the room I'm in is locked, there is a key on the table.
Me: take key
Game: I can't do that
M: Get key
G: I can't do that
M: Grab key
G: I can't do that
M (starting to get annoyed): pick up key
G: I can't do that
M: Why won't this fucking thing work!? *thinks for a moment* walk over to table
G: You are now in arms reach of the key
M: pick up key
G: I can't do that (I didn't word it right most likely)
M: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

I think that this article has to be the absolute funniest thing I've ever read about Zork and text adventures in the modern age of gaming.

Scrumpmonkey:
You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. -snip-

Now I'm not a big COD fan other than the very first one which I loved, but if someone can't figure out Half Life 2, that is seriously fucking pathetic. I mean how short does your attention span have to be not to be able to walk or drive ol' G-Dawg Freeman to his next Combine wasting encounter. I can only imagine if someone like that was playing Bioshock. (I was just replaying HL2 last night. Highway 17; my favorite chapter. A beautiful drive along the coast running over antlions, doing 'Dukes of Hazzard' jumps and dropping storage containers on people with a crane. Good times ... but I digress.)

The Great JT:
This is why I hate the average FPS player. They can quicksnipe a dude from 300 yards off but they can't equip a +1 Helm.

What the hell is a +1 Helm? Oh crap, does that make me one those guys? To be fair though, if it's something from an RPG or MMO, I simply don't play those. Nothing to do with my attention span, I just find them uninteresting. I do like point and click adventures though. Still, I wonder who at Treyarch decided to include Zork and whether it was just on a pique.

TheRealCJ:
I think people have given up on Half-Life 2 because Ep. 3 is about a billion years late.

Poor Gabe Newell, if only he hadn't discovered the all-you-can-eat buffet down the road...

Hahahahaha! That's awesome. DAMN YOU KFC!!! The next time I'm enrolled in a college course, I'll politely explain to my professor that all my papers and projects will be completed on Valve Time.

Made me giggle...hard!

Good show, King of the Yetis. haha.. can't stop laughing

treyarch is better for the seires than infininty ward

still would like to see valve do a cod game though

Hyper-space:

Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.

That comic was perfect. Thanks for the laugh.

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