Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops

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Oh, sweet satire. I don't quite agree with the virgin metaphor though, America is more like someone who have had a long drought.

It disturbs me how many reviewers actually seem to like Black Ops' story.

Haaahahahah. Nice one.

Now I know what is "juxtaposition", and why it makes sense for BO to be awfully boring... or should I say... it being a mind-blowing repetitiveness overkill bomb.

Well America is in luck, North Korea just bombed some island of south Korea.

thatstheguy:
I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.

Maybe it's uneventful because you keep doing the same event the whole time, without variation. just shooting guys very quickly.

OT:that was a very funny episode.

Trust Yahtzee to openly show desire for another World War - it's why I like him; he's not afraid to say what he thinks (even in jest) and he doesn't care who he offends in the process. A man true to his word.

He's also quite entertaining, especially with the 'Did you know grenades explode?' bit.

This is really why I don't play FPS games that focus almost entirely on multiplayer. I mean, seriously, that's all anyone plays MW for. I don't hear people commenting on the grand narrative, the deep characters, and poignant political commentary of the "campaign". You get a insignificant controversy with the "Russian level" or whatever, then it's back to ranking up. This game isn't any different. "Look! He ate glass! Edgy!* Now shoot these guys unendingly for no reason."

I've always felt video games should be like interactive novels, or even movies. They really do require compelling stories and characters, and Valve (Half-life) and Nintendo (Metroid Prime) have shown that it is possible in an FPS. Hell, even Dead Space and Doom 3 were more interesting. And of course the most triumphant example: Bioshock. It is possible. Games like these just come across as lazy. Either that or people just don't care about thinking or being a part of an interesting story, so that it's just not worth the developers to make them. They don't all have to be RPGs people.

These kinds of games are just sports for people not athletic enough (but far too competitive not) to play sports (and I've got nothing against sports, I follow American Football and UFC pretty closely). Or jingoistic enough to feel proud of killing a simulated "terrist".

Pretend killing: patriotism at its finest

All in all, enjoyable review as always. I don't know what it is about Yahtzee's reviews, but I always find myself agreeing with at least part of it. Even the games he bashes that I like, Smash Bros. or Soul Calibur, I can at least agree with his basic assessment while still enjoying the game.

*Pun ruthlessly intended

chemicalreaper:

FinkAboutIt:
After playing for two hours, I seriously had a migraine! WFT?! I think Yahtzee is so right that this game overwhelms you. I also never got that part, when glass mouth joins my side and is able to speak in normal sentences and move like normal when we've just smashed some glass into his mouth. Seems like this was like a fitness milk shake for him.

A migraine? I just don't think you're epic enough to handle the story then :P (I say that jokingly, of course).

However, I find the second part of your argument a bit petty. I mean ...it's a game? Let's be honest: it wouldn't be much of a level if you're supposed to protect and question a guy who can't walk and isn't able to talk.

Plus, films and television programmes often take liberties in order to advance their story. So it's not like Treyarch has just ruined the entire video game industry because of a discrepancy.

OT: I'm not really sure why we still watch ZP. It seems like nowadays he tries too hard to be funny -- which ultimately fails -- by tearing apart the biggest games. Well, 'tearing apart' would imply that he was actually doing so... perhaps, 'bitching of anything he can make a metaphorical pun about' would be a better description of his job?

Oh no, consequences for our actions. We couldn't have that! It'd ruin the fun. =P

Also: Congratulations on your first ZP viewing. Hurrah.

Yay, set the record straight and kill the smelly cancer which is uncompelling and uncreative fps games.

Wow, that first minute was VERY disturbing

snowman6251:
I keep telling myself I won't buy the new Call of Duty games but I always do. Its the multiplayer. Its the ultimate skinner box and I can't get enough.

Speaking of multiplayer though, I know its not Yahtzee's thing but I think its a huge improvement over MW2. Everything's been nerfed and the game is much better for it. Everything feels more balanced.

thats all well and good, except the fact that sniper rifles suck big time, they even made sleight of hand pro, aim faster for all weapons (except sniper rifles). and u have to wait till level 27 until u get a sniper worth using. (one hit kill).

i do love the game though, and apart from that, its much fun to play.

Best review in a long while, and that's saying something. Great job, Yahtzee!

I don't think Yahtzee so much hates this game as he doesn't like "Things American" (or his perception thereof). It's your gig, Yahtzee, but seriously: Shut up and review the game! Don't go all "Dixie Chicks" on us. Fan Bois, flame on!

Yeah we need another war.
But people, seriously, stop bagging on a country.
Some people take pride in it, granted I have very little but its just not that cool.

Dear Yahtzee, did you also get a massive headache from playing the game? Srsly, it hurt...a lot.

Great vid, Yahtzee, i even tho last few episodes were not that good.

Also, i mostly agree with you.

Yahtzee, I have one thing to tell you. At the title screen repeatedly press L and R. Go over to the terminal that you can actually interact with. Enter in "DOA". I now present you with the best thing in the game.

About the Juxtaposition bit: Black Ops has SOME balance in that regard. I agree that it was nothing compared to Modern warfare but it was still something. i guess it's downside is that in the places with no 'constant explosions' you're generally not doing anything. but is it still not better than the Shit that was last year's Modern Warfare 2 where on THREE separate occasions the game went:"Right, this is a stealth Mission. you have to quietly infiltrate the base,BANG! Airfield Blew up/Tanks start shooting at you/You stepped on a MINE(?!) now just start shooting because we couldn't make the effort to add in more than 5 minutes of stealth in a level.

I have a feeling he never beat the campaign, nor did anyone else bashing the game who has admittedly never played it, especially since he never mentioned Nova 6 or Sgt. Reznov, now Black Ops story isn't novel material but is certainly better than MW2's. The ending really ties all the things together especially with the major plot twist. I don't know maybe me being a JRPG fan has turned me into someone who cares more about the cutscenes than what you actually do on screen pressing buttons. But I do agree the JFK voice was a horrible impersonation, I cant believe they couldn't find someone who could do that voice better.

Sneaklemming:

This is only an interactive movie...

No, while while it may be possible to run past the first mission it will just get your killed during the later ones. I got killed a good number of times during some of the missions, and I was just playing on regular difficulty.

I have a feeling he never beat the campaign, nor did anyone else bashing the game who has admittedly never played it, especially since he never mentioned Nova 6 or Sgt. Reznov, now Black Ops story isn't novel material but is certainly better than MW2's. The ending really ties all the things together especially with the major plot twist. I don't know maybe me being a JRPG fan has turned me into someone who cares more about the cutscenes than what you actually do on screen pressing buttons. But I do agree the JFK voice was a horrible impersonation, I cant believe they couldn't find someone who could do that voice better.

A friend tried to show off his new TV with this game and it essentially broke down to back seat yelling as Yahtzee illustrated.

"no not there, they're shooting at you!"
"drop the shotgun and grab a sniper rifle!"
"watch out a grenade!"

etc.

Whoa, i wasnt prepared for the fat american chick metaphore! Great video as always. I guess black ops arent as stealthy as they used to be, heh.

Nah, why invade America? They'll just degenerate themselves to the death.

Teeheehee, that made me giggle, another fine review by the man in a hat. :D

Speaking of white anglo saxon tough guy hero names, Alex Mason also reminds me of Alex Mercer.

Also, you cannot use Gabriel Stone, there were already characters called Christopher Stone and Troy Stone in Freedom Fighters.

Only thing I see into this game is an overpriced brownish rail shooter with zero depth. Im craving for good FPS good lord.

It's too late to stop the war game craze now. I'm sick to death of the same old Call of Duty games too (In fact, I never liked them to begin with), but until an FPS comes along that further revolutionizes the genre, we're going to get COD games each year and millions of people are going to buy them.

I agre with him on the amarican thing... its cinde of said now.
P.S Im a Amarican
P.S.S I cant spell becuse of dislexia, not becuse Im amarican

He's improved from last week with the notification of zombies and America's a fat virgin metaphor. But US might get to blow off some steam in the increasingly likely Korean War II (calling it that it will be called that) or World War III (should it turn to China and NK vs US and Russia and SK and Europe and whoever the hell else likes war and winning. Unless China and NK nuke then holy dooly Fallout sequels came awfully quickly to the console of reality.

thatstheguy:
I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.

Yeah that was a fun contrast. Yahtzee says too much action, Russ Pitts says he spends too much time being bored.

Also I enjoyed that jab at Switzerland at the end.

Invading America would be a silly idea. Our citizens are actually allowed to own guns here, what a concept.

And who will start it?

Bamboodpanda:
We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Vb2U89EJG4

Haha, exactly what I was thinking.

MST3K FTW!

Daemascus:
Lots of creepy metaphors today. As for the next world war, North and South Koreas little spats might be a trigger, with the USA backing the South and China backing the North...
I really hope not but you never know...

no thats not gonna happen china is pissed at North Korea and they kinda like the US right now.
Now when Iran finaly pisses off Isrial then we have world war 3 and its gonna be realy horrible and it will change the world forever.

Wow... that was the most WRONG opening you've done yet.

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