Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops

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It was one of his better reviews. But why does he even do the effort. We could all now he was not going to like the game really and i am pretty sure almost everybody bought the game. So he does it for our entertainment or he is forced by the escapist show. I would like to see a review of kirby. That one is original and i don't know what he's going to say. I don't need golden eye, because he is going to compare it to CoD and complain about the game freezing sometimes.

Sir John the Net Knight:
These games are never going to have good single player modes. Not when hordes of sweary, teabagging teenagers are lining up to pay for multiplayer mode so they can wave their digital derriere at someone's bullet ridden corpse.

This is a sad truth, I wish there would be more focus on single player (or more preferred co-op campaign) but hey the kids needs simple deathmatch outlets now a days.

A larger part of America's interest in war has to do with spending way more on our military than any other country coupled with the fact that we're the number one producer of military hardware in the world. So there's a significant number of people out there who figure if we happen to get involved in war that'd be best for our economic interests despite the overwhelming recent evidence to the contrary.

We've gotten to the point where war games are becoming their own genre. The only problem is that Call of Duty seems to be taking up about half the seats.

Hey Yahtzee! If you want to go to a different war not related to America, try playing Jeanne D'Arc for the PSP then. It's a (not so) faithful recreation of France's last war with Britain, the last war France actually won, played from the eyes of the character who gave her name for the title.

I was rather sad to find out that it's just another run & gun.
I was hoping for more of a SPY game like No One Lives Forever (1 & 2).


Except for "Contract J.A.C.K." that game REEKED!

I liked the Sahara desert idea. And have the people who make the decision to go to war be on the front line.

Oh man, that was hilarious. USA, a virgin, now that's funny. That comment on the grenade section is so spot on. I hated when grenades were thrown at me and there would be "press this button to pick it up and throw it back" flashing in the middle of the screen.

Could've shortened that first analogy by a fairly large amount and we wouldn't have missed anything. In fact, we'd be less traumatized. Is this just not the show for me anymore? I know Yahtzee feels like he needs to up the ante every week but that'll happen on its own, without having to Hostel/Saw-style torture all his increasingly horrible metaphors.

It's gone out of funny-town, is what I'm trying to say. I still gag at that last... well, gag in Kane and Lynch 2, please stop making it worse!

Great job yahtzee, funniest one in awhile.(not saying the others were bad or anything)

Haha I f*cking rolled on the floor non stop about the damn USA being war hungry and all.
Spot on!!

Just to be fair, several of the missions do actually require you to be sneaky - the one at the space rocket base, for example, though you're nearly on rails for most of that segment, and a decent stretch where you're using the crossbow to take out unaware Russian guards. Both of these do eventually have you go into "plan B" mode and start blowing **** up, but there are SOME sneaky bits. It's probably still accurate to say there are less than the original MW, though.

But that leads to another point - several of these "black ops" essentially happened in real life, and the reason we know that IS EXACTLY because they weren't very deniable. Nixon sent troops over the Vietnamese borders into Laos and Cambodia, which we all found out about, and which was ostensibly a "black op." The CIA did actually try to assassinate Castro, on multiple occasions, and we all know about that too, especially about the disaster they took part in with the Bay of Pigs. Maybe they didn't have a couple American soldiers fighting their way through half of Havana to do it, but they still tried, and failed, and we all know about it, so deniability wasn't great there, regardless.

I'm not a real fan of the game or anything, but just looking at the history of the period: plenty of things that would have definitely been classified as "black ops" became huge public ****-ups with little real deniability, so the game's title isn't all that misleading. Perhaps they should have called it "Black Ops... that within five years everyone will know about."

I do agree that there could have been some really fun stealth sequences though. Indeed, the slower-paced rocket base mission was one of my favorites (until everyone started shooting),
and if could have been even better if they'd let you lead the way instead of just holding your hand through it. More missions like that would have been welcomed - sneaking a scientist out of East Berlin would have been a great option for one, I think, though there are plenty of other ways they could have gone.

Black Ops is like Modern Warfare 2 which in turn is like Modern Warfare. So everything you bought after CoD4 is an overpriced DLC.

So countries CAN get laid eh?

The that struck me about Black Ops was the OTHER modes. Everyone was already waiting for it to have another Zombies mode but was anyone really expecting a top down zombie shooter with cyborg gorillas?

Wait why would say the U.S. was a virgin when it comes to war?

Oh yahtzee, you should take over for Ebert when the remainder of his head falls off.

I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.

It IS uneventful when there's no time for a breather. There's no buildup, tension or drama. It's just corridor shootout-open area with respawning enemies (go there, then here! Now here.)-corridor shootout-set piece, repeat.

There's a lot happening but none of it is very interesting and it just feels like a chore.

Amazingly brilliant.

We Americans DO need another World War
My flamethrower has just been gathering dust since random street barbeques lost their appeal

I know how you feel buddy..

zombies are taking over EVERY Media.

Great idea Yahtzee.
Can the WW3 wait a bit longer though?
Just until my robotic world domination army is completed.

Also: Yes, why is it always a zombie apocalypse?
Why never a robot uprising/apocalypse?

I wouldn't justify America's bloodlust based on a game from the developers of Ultimate Spider-Man. I still liked Black Ops (about as much as Ultimate Spider-Man).

I've been reading through the comments, and I haven't seen a single voice of dissent. Just because Yahtzee has an opinion about something doesn't mean everyone has to agree. I'm not too with the "America is a fat Virgin" metaphor because 1) It wasn't very funny, and 2) it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Is America a Virgin to war, because we've had a few for everyone generation of people. And what the hell does that have to do with Black Ops, that game takes place in the 60's.

Onyx Oblivion:
Some fanfiction is written by men, I believe. Not much, but some.

those arent men, those are manjinas

and the black ops story doesnt really make sence up until the second plot twist, which anyone with any sense would realize is coming from a mile away. the game is way too violent and not sneeky enough for being named black ops

I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.

I was thinking that too.

Too todo dodo Inspector Gadget


It does seem like the US fighting someone is the theme of EVERY FPS that isn't Scifi or fantasy based doesn't it? Over I think there are 2 laws in FPS gaming now.

1: It must have zombies somewhere
2: It must feature a helicopter gunner sequence.

I think Halo Reach takes the cake though because later it lets you fly the helicopter too, that's above and beyond the FPS laws. (And Bad Company letting you fly in multiplayer)

Damn this SP really brings out the epilepsy in you.

Why can't we have shooters like the great Max Payne series where you have points of calm to just soak in the atmosphere etc.

God I miss those days.

Yes America is a bit nutty

yep, i figured he would have something to say about Cash-In of Duty's too crazy singleplayer (kind of goes along with this week's XP as well)

i figure next week's XP is going to completely ignore ALL outcries for him to review the multiplayer and hes not even going to mention those little fuckheads.

anyways, he also didn't mention anything about the "Cracked code" that's been circulating, if that will change his opinion of the story at all :P

I've given up on the Call of Duty series at this point. I didn't even get MW2 because I knew all my friends were going to get it.

Just not my cup of tea.

Switzerland blowing the starting whistle... nice one :D

And yeah... Mecha-Godzilla versus Ami-Mechas... now that I'd play :D

I am an American and I did not find this offensive.

That said, good review as always.

Awww, I was hoping for Assassin's Creed.

Oh well, fun review nevertheless.

ditto :(
zombie modes? what could go wrong



This is only an interactive movie...

i couldn't agree more !

I've been reading through the comments, and I haven't seen a single voice of dissent. Just because Yahtzee has an opinion about something doesn't mean everyone has to agree.

Yeah, man, everyone is a sheep but you! You're the only real person!

Or maybe just happens to agree, or maybe most people aren't taking this most recent installment of the Yahtzee "troll America in war game review" schtick too seriously.

Yahtzee i wish you could actually talk with the American gaming companies and get them to f#cking stop making the same game just different titles and blablabla. Its always America basically doing whatever the f#ck it wants in regards to war. Personally in a Canadian's oppinion why dont we have a war game were WE ARE ACTUALLY IN IT!! I mean come on! Canadians have to fight along side the Americans, although we fight for the right reasons, Americans just shoot whatever they want and think it justice. Regardless Yahtzee is right about it all, America wants another war so badely they're litterally trying to piss the world off so they can fight again. Think I'm wrong? Does the term WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION ring any bells, i thought so. I hope the USA gets its war and they lose but the attackers leave Canada and Mexico and everywhere else that people enjoy alone. I have nothing against Americans a few of them are actually nice people (Movie Bob being a good example) but America as a whole is bloody bat-sh#t crazy retarted. This is just an opinion so dont shun me for saying something that might just be the truth. Truth hurts fokes, get use to it. Yahtzee is awesome =)

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