Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops

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So predictable. What's the point of reviewing games everyone knows you'll hate?

Why did you have to remind me of the inspector gadget theme?

It's last year's Call of Duty game but with another new irrelevant mission pack.
How fitting is it that I found the Nazi Zombie mode (the most cliche' thing to hit games since Left 4 Dead became popular) to be better than the beloved multiplayer and story missions.

Oh well.
Can't wait for next year's flavor of this same fucking game....again.

This was one of the best ZPs in a long time, probably one of my favorites of all time!

Gary Cummings:
So predictable. What's the point of reviewing games everyone knows you'll hate?

You haven't seen a lot of episodes of Zero Punctuation yet, have you? The entire point is that he completely shreds games, it's supposed to be funny and not a serious review.

Joshimodo:

thatstheguy:
I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.

It IS uneventful when there's no time for a breather. There's no buildup, tension or drama. It's just corridor shootout-open area with respawning enemies (go there, then here! Now here.)-corridor shootout-set piece, repeat.

There's a lot happening but none of it is very interesting and it just feels like a chore.

To be fair, I believe Russ Pitts basically said that every now and then there are large stretches where you effectively have no control and can't actually alter anything. The example I believe he gave is the start of the mission where you blow up the missile. You follow someone, hide from choppers, follow again, kill someone, walk in a straight line, hide a body, have your partner save you, follow some more THEN you get to shoot.

There are several variations on this theme, Hudson getting blown up and you carrying him, lots of stabbing people situations, torturing people, and of course the "stealth" mission where Reznov tells you exactly what to do and if you do it wrong you fail. Stuff is still kinda going "WHIZ BOOM WAHEY!" in a variety of those situations so it is still over the top VISUALLY, but as a game you know there is minimal danger so it is still boring.

I maybe wrong but that's kinda how I took both of their statements.

Sir John the Net Knight:
These games are never going to have good single player modes. Not when hordes of sweary, teabagging teenagers are lining up to pay for multiplayer mode so they can wave their digital derriere at someone's bullet ridden corpse.

Did you miss the original Modern Warfare? Cause that was probably, nay certainly the best (pure) FPS I've ever played, singleplayer wise.

i don't play fps so i don't really care about the game, just looking for a laugh, and i have to say, i tire of the anti-America nationalistic superiority kick that is so in fashion at the present. I'm not angered by it or anything just bored with it.

You know the ol' saying "Careful what you wish for..." --See you in 2012 Yahtzee.

...oh who am I kidding! You live in Australia, what the fuck do YOU care.
When the Nuclear Holocaust will end, you guys will still have wallaby-powered cars to drive and Mad-Max to lead you :P

Night Knight:
[...] America wants another war so badely they're litterally trying to piss the world off so they can fight again.

I do believe you're thinking about North-Vietnam. USA's just in it for the Oil.

I actually had to pause the video after that first analogy I was laughing so hard. Very well done.

radicaledward92:
You know that be a perfect way to settle disputes instead of sending people off to die so that two old farts can play a game of WAR as if soldiers were just toys.

Can't really imagine the worlds powers settling disputes playing Warhammer 40,000.

Man, why even bother with Black Ops? You should have used the same excuse for not reviewing this as you said you would for music games and just stop because it's all just the same. What's different between this and the last one? Maybe two more guns and two less maps (both of which will be delivered later in its own highly-publicized DLC patch containing it and only it and which goes for the low, low price of 800 Microsoft Points?)

Don't let same-y franchises like Call of Duty get to you, Yahtzee, or else they'll rub off on you and make your reviews all same-y, too. For a while, your opening statement was going on so long I was wondering if you would even get to the game part (or if you even needed to, which is questionable in my opinion.)

lol not so clever Yahtzee...aren't video games the way we all get it out of our system

oh and forget about the U.S. starting genocide, looks like the world can just all jump in with the Koreas and their current ongoing slap fest!

BlueInkAlchemist:

Worgen:
its so weird how much we love to have games set in hypothetical invasion situations when you consider that its sooo unlikely, its much more likely that we would have another civil war

And the tea party conservatives would win. They have all the guns.

Frightening.

dang...plus the NRA and all their children and all their children's children and their children's pets and pet toys (grenades) are armed to their teeth...

doo doo doo doo doo inspec-tor ga-dget

GO GADGET GO!!

and well, yes, Yahtzee makes a point. A captain obvious kind of point but then again, some points are like that

Seriously, I was expecting some sort of screamer at the end of the video... or just some very loud noise

Night Knight:
Yahtzee i wish you could actually talk with the American gaming companies and get them to f#cking stop making the same game just different titles and blablabla. Its always America basically doing whatever the f#ck it wants in regards to war. Personally in a Canadian's oppinion why dont we have a war game were WE ARE ACTUALLY IN IT!! I mean come on! Canadians have to fight along side the Americans, although we fight for the right reasons, Americans just shoot whatever they want and think it justice. Regardless Yahtzee is right about it all, America wants another war so badely they're litterally trying to piss the world off so they can fight again. Think I'm wrong? Does the term WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION ring any bells, i thought so. I hope the USA gets its war and they lose but the attackers leave Canada and Mexico and everywhere else that people enjoy alone. I have nothing against Americans a few of them are actually nice people (Movie Bob being a good example) but America as a whole is bloody bat-sh#t crazy retarted. This is just an opinion so dont shun me for saying something that might just be the truth. Truth hurts fokes, get use to it. Yahtzee is awesome =)

hahaha truth hurts...but truth also points out that everyone in this world are dicks to pretty much the same degree if you look at the spectrum as a whole

I like how you said Canada cuz ur Canadian but then again people would probably wouldn't notice Canada (lucky) anyway
Mexico...what would the world do without their drug trade!

but yeah sure, let's have another war so we can all have something to do except yell insults at each other on YouTube ><
I notice North and South Korea have started something...let's have at it :P

edit: oh oh Canadians are in Call of Duty 3 I heard, maybe check that out? my friend told me so I don't know for sure

HK_01:
This was one of the best ZPs in a long time, probably one of my favorites of all time!

Gary Cummings:
So predictable. What's the point of reviewing games everyone knows you'll hate?

You haven't seen a lot of episodes of Zero Punctuation yet, have you? The entire point is that he completely shreds games, it's supposed to be funny and not a serious review.

Don't get me wrong I like ZP, but these reviews lack meaning when Yahtzee's opinion is literally a foregone conclusion. I didn't need to watch the review to know he'd hate the game or complain about the whole American thing.

hahaha...

Best review evar!!
Best part was when he said 'stupid cunt"
also that bit about america...

Ha this came out on my b day which finally gave me a reason to laugh my fucking ass off also good job yatzee

i agree that people are dicks but its hard to say everyone, the nation in which you live can be war craving morons (America) but the individual can be a kind person and one who is liked in todays community. I am lucky to live in a place where we strive for peace instead of war, we as Canadians are peace keepers. Im always glad to hear an American agree when they say the USA has some.... ok ALOT of problems XD.

edit: It might be true that there would be Canadians in Call of Duty 3, but I was hoping that Canadians would be shown as the true peace keepers everyone knows we are.

I had this strange feeling you'd miss this entirely because of it's popularity, but nope, can't get away with nothing these days.

I'm strangely in favour of 'Another War', I don't know why.

Next time the western world decide to do a war with some extra dudes like japan or china... please donīt be so selfish and call it white fancy pants war, redneck hooligan war, mountain dew war but not "World War"

PD: Whoever have Korea and some robots on his side will win... cause they have the apm

I liked this review except for ONE THING. The Metaphorical Virgin America probably should have been a boy. I've never known a girl to sit around thinking about losing her virginity the way he describes...But in High School I met plenty of dudes who would literally beg for some girl, any girl, to de-virgin them. Some of them to the point of harassment.

America, with all it's super soldier war games, reminds me of those young guys who tell all their friends they gave every girl they ever met ten thousand orgasms, despite their only experience being a quick handjob in the parking lot. They're getting more antsy to actually DO IT because they're afraid all the other countries are going to find out the truth and make fun of them.

Just my two cents.

he wants a war, trust me it will happen soon enough

Fronzel:
Let me point out the Reservoir Dogs reference in the credits so we can move past that.

Oh, never mind; fifty other people are going to mention it anyway.

I was gonna :)

Funny video. Even though i haven't and won't play the game.

duchaked:

Night Knight:
Yahtzee i wish you could actually talk with the American gaming companies and get them to f#cking stop making the same game just different titles and blablabla. Its always America basically doing whatever the f#ck it wants in regards to war. Personally in a Canadian's oppinion why dont we have a war game were WE ARE ACTUALLY IN IT!! I mean come on! Canadians have to fight along side the Americans, although we fight for the right reasons, Americans just shoot whatever they want and think it justice. Regardless Yahtzee is right about it all, America wants another war so badely they're litterally trying to piss the world off so they can fight again. Think I'm wrong? Does the term WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION ring any bells, i thought so. I hope the USA gets its war and they lose but the attackers leave Canada and Mexico and everywhere else that people enjoy alone. I have nothing against Americans a few of them are actually nice people (Movie Bob being a good example) but America as a whole is bloody bat-sh#t crazy retarted. This is just an opinion so dont shun me for saying something that might just be the truth. Truth hurts fokes, get use to it. Yahtzee is awesome =)

hahaha truth hurts...but truth also points out that everyone in this world are dicks to pretty much the same degree if you look at the spectrum as a whole

I like how you said Canada cuz ur Canadian but then again people would probably wouldn't notice Canada (lucky) anyway
Mexico...what would the world do without their drug trade!

but yeah sure, let's have another war so we can all have something to do except yell insults at each other on YouTube ><
I notice North and South Korea have started something...let's have at it :P

edit: oh oh Canadians are in Call of Duty 3 I heard, maybe check that out? my friend told me so I don't know for sure

I agree that people are dicks but its hard to say everyone, the nation in which you live can be war craving morons (America) but the individual can be a kind person and one who is liked in todays community. I am lucky to live in a place where we strive for peace instead of war, we as Canadians are peace keepers. Im always glad to hear an American agree when they say the USA has some.... ok ALOT of problems XD.

edit: It might be true that there would be Canadians in Call of Duty 3, but I was hoping that Canadians would be shown as the true peace keepers everyone knows we are.

Gary Cummings:

HK_01:
This was one of the best ZPs in a long time, probably one of my favorites of all time!

Gary Cummings:
So predictable. What's the point of reviewing games everyone knows you'll hate?

You haven't seen a lot of episodes of Zero Punctuation yet, have you? The entire point is that he completely shreds games, it's supposed to be funny and not a serious review.

Don't get me wrong I like ZP, but these reviews lack meaning when Yahtzee's opinion is literally a foregone conclusion. I didn't need to watch the review to know he'd hate the game or complain about the whole American thing.

you don't watch to find out if he hates a game or not thats a generally accepted trait of all of his reviews, you watch to see all of the flaws of the game brought up and hilariously made fun of

Well, now that North Korea is shelling the crap out of South Korea, America may very well get into another war. It's a bit sad that all of the countries capable of matching the United States in conventional warfare now have nuclear weapons, so we can't fight them. So what America has to do is go to war with multiple developing nations at once, it's like hiring two or three cheap whores to try to get the satisfaction one would get with one expensive whore. It's pretty sad.

Also, I quite enjoyed this video and I must say that you (by which I mean Yahtzee) have been really improving recently. That's not to say that your old videos are poor, mind you, it's more like transmuting silver into gold.

Pirate Kitty:
God lord, that virgin metaphor was disturbing.

So is your DP. I keed I keed.

I am glad he just is bashing the game down, Black Ops my ass. Either way, he was right MW1 had more stealth and a rather broad spectrum of missions that kept the variety and enjoyement high. I will never forget the Nuke and the sniper mission. Damn that was awesome.

HankMan:
We Americans DO need another World War
My flamethrower has just been gathering dust since random street barbeques lost their appeal

I know what you mean, my american flagpole/spear hasn't killed anyone since the reagan administration

hahah yahtzee asope: lets have a war.
also did anybody else have stuck in the middle with you playing in their heads during the ending?

I didn't find this weeks ZP funny, it was just angry.

Oh well, maybe next week it will be better.

I don't understand how people found the single player campaign confusing.

Made perfect sense to me, even the "glass-in-the-mouth guy" joining your party made sense considering the horrible life-ending gas that was leaking through his house and the Spetznaz forces trying to kill him.

That metaphor was disturbingly on the nose. And probably the only thing worth mentioning about this game besides zombies. I had hoped you'd say something about the shameless shoehorning-in of bonus content like that, even though (from the looks of it*; I haven't bought the game because... well yeah) it might have made a decent game in its own right. It's not enough that we get the campaigns bundled with only-vaguely-related deathmatches to force everyone to buy two games for the price of two; now they're throwing in completely unrelated games and not even packaging it as the Orange Box-esque bundle it clearly is.

Maybe that'll be the focus of next week's column.

*Seriously, a co-cop zombie game with JFK, Nixon, and Castro? Sounds like the best Left 4 Dead mod never made!

Yahtzee just said "disorientated" didn't he?

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