Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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I have a spacesuit in the form of a HTC Desire. It protects me from those pesky Martians.

Jikuu:
I appreciated the last line. Yes, I don't have an iPhone. The lack of weather's lovely on the red planet. Movie was fun. Thanks.

xD The hardest thing I found about Mars was not the oxygen problem but getting damn internet installed.

If I had to guess about Yahtzee, he made that last remark to troll... professionally troll that is

Well you see, I sat underwater until I learned to survive without oxygen.

Anyway, great review.

I must be that extraterrestial life that NASA found, obviously.

No Yahtzee, I don't have an iphone.

And breathing? Who needs that nowadays anyways?

Oh Yahtzee, you dolt. You haven't learned by now that this is how we breathe on Mars?

oh man, my iTouch is alright with some games support, but I haven't bothered buying anything on it

I did try Plants Versus Zombies on the iPad though...holyyy craaap!
so the mouse and keyboard PvZ...bleh hate using that, just the feel of a mouse and keyboard (I'm thinking...spreadsheets)
but the touch screen for the iPad I was like man...I'm like the plant god king fighting off these zombies hahaa

and yeah, awesome review and video...been a while since I burst out laughing so many times ^^

I can breath on mars by using my HTC Oxygen Pack.

I breath on mars because the dinos terraformed it, thanks space velociraptors.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
SNIP

Didnt do what right?!

I asked you what you'd been doing since the GBA came out (in 2001) and you said you'd been playing the DS, which came out in 2004.

emeraldrafael:
Oka, look at scribblenauts. Tell me hte deep complexity of that game.

It doesn't have any; Scribblenauts is ass. There being at least one bad game on a system (or class of systems)doesn't say anything about that system since it's true of all of them, and to be fair, Scribblenauts was certainly trying.

emeraldrafael:
name me a few games that havent had console versions that were deep, involving, and story driven.

The Etrian Odyssey games are pretty deep, but there's little story beyond "explore!"

I'm fond of the Phoenix Wright games, which are certainly story-driven, but I suppose you could claim the gameplay isn't deep.

How about Jeanne D'Arc? Hotel Dusk? The most recent Castlevanias?

Easy, the few hundred dollars Ive saved by not buying one act as this amazing filter that magically turns CO2 to Oxygen

I just noticed that the first two posts of any Yahtzee topic get that poster put on probation.

I expected AC: Brotherhood today, but this is cool too.

theultimateend:

Cyrax023:
angrybirds is over rated.

No it's not.

It's a simple entertaining game.

It sells itself as a simple entertaining game.

Folks call it a simple entertaining game.

IT's exactly rated for what it is.

It's place on the chart is by >sales<, and many of these sales aren't from bullshit preorders either.

cool u story mad bro ? .

I'm a bit of a newb, but can someone tell my why the first 2 users to post were put on probation? O.o

I don't understand why Yahtzee can say that Sonic Colours is a bad game not worth reviewing just based on the existence of cutscenes; avoiding the question of whether the gameplay is any good. I think he may have been using that as a way to avoid reviewing the game, but that's just me. I think I'm just dissapointed that I won't get to watch him getting angry, it's really entertaining.

(Edited for Accuracy)

I prefer Android to iFail.

Nowadays, tortured cutscene bullshit is the only thing keeping new games "new." I saw the trailer for L.A. Noire (Rockstar's new GTA clone) that was 100% cutscene.
I kind of expected you to review Colors, since it's a fitting sequel to Uncoordinated (I mean Unleashed). The gameplay is also more 2D than Unsatisfied had by proportion, and there's more running into sudden death traps. I'm still expecting a Fable III review, unless there's too much sameitude for your attitude.

I thought Yahtzee hated big corporation - what a sell out!

Go Android!

According to Yatzhee, not owning an iPhone means I must be living on Mars....

Awesome! I'm a mothafuckin' Martian! Suck it, iPhone owners! While you play about with your silly little touch-screen hand-held appliance, I'm building death rays! (I'm assuming that's what Martians do all day. I'll report back on my progress.)

It's very easy, Ben. All you have to do is just practice holding your breath for really, really long periods of time. After a few strenuous months, maintaining yourself on a lifeless planet is child's play.

I only liked 3 games on the iphone:

Face Fighter

Ninja Ropes

Zen Bound

In summary I am able to breath on Mars because I do not need an expensive fashion accessory that does a little bit of everything in a half assed way, including the function in it's name: phone. I had also never got along, with touch screens ever since I found out some high school gossip about me originated from him. Where I live, iPhones are also a mugging magnet.

PS: I would use my Uncle's Oki 900, if it still worked.

So this is what Yatzhee likes huh? iPhone games. This guy is becoming a little too indie for my taste. (Indie in reference to the style of the games, not the mega corporation that is apple of course.)While I do appreciate his outlook on mainstream video games and their various...issues, I can't help but think that he is a little too biased towards his own personal favorites of long ago. Yes these reviews are meant to be very jaded and most of all funny, but being that he has said more positive things about these iPhone games than he has any of the half way decent titles that have been released this year, I can't help but think that Yatzhee's idea of innovation is in fact over simplicity.

Fronzel:
SNIP

How about the castlevania games on the consoles, sinc ei said games that werent on consoles.

I packed it in a million inflated condoms. How else would you do it?
Iphone games though? Can't say I expected that. I'll definitely try none of those titles.

Also remember the Brisbane-based Krome studios that went out of business after you called their The Force Unleashed Wii port crappy? Yeah. I blame Yahtzee.

I mean it was a crap port, no denying, but since a positive Zero Punctuation review correlates directly to a 300%+ sale spike, a negative review correlates directly to a company going bankrupt...

Breathing on Mars actually isn't that hard, you can filter breath through your bum if it isn't filled with iBone.

Tiewing:
So this is what Yatzhee likes huh? iPhone games. This guy is becoming a little too indie for my taste. (Indie in reference to the style of the games, not the mega corporation that is apple of course.)While I do appreciate his outlook on mainstream video games and their various...issues, I can't help but think that he is a little too biased towards his own personal favorites of long ago. Yes these reviews are meant to be very jaded and most of all funny, but being that he has said more positive things about these iPhone games than he has any of the half way decent titles that have been released this year, I can't help but think that Yatzhee's idea of innovation is in fact over simplicity.

No halfway decent mainstream titles were released this year. Every independent game, from VVVVVV to LIMBO to Super Meat Boy has offered more polished, bigger, more innovative, and just plain more fun experiences than the likes of Red Dead Redemption and Call of Duty: Black Ops could ever hope for.

I mean, last year from mainstream games, we had gems like Assassin's Creed 2 and Batman: Arkham Asylum. This year, what do we have? Grand Theft Horse and more knock-off shovelware sequels. Gah.

When the technology is used to great effect, that's when we get a stand-out classic. Mainstream games do it occasionally - but the independents do that all the time, just on a smaller scale. They have no choice, because they don't have the cash monies to make huge, truly expansive games. And while I don't regard Casual indie games like the ones he's reviewed on iPhone to be up there with the "big boys," certainly every PSN, XBLA and Steam indie title has had a more profound emotional impact than usual this year. I mean, look at Amnesia!

oi It's really easy to breath on mars. you just make that red rock your BITCH!

sellout.

I didn't say anything bad towards indie games in general, just iPhone games perhaps. Regardless of our opinions on whether or not the mainstream gaming industry has released any gems this year or last, the point I was making was simply that Yahtzee has gone too far on the other spectrum by presenting simple "pass the time while taking a dump," iPhone games as the type of innovation that the indie community is capable of. Hence why I pointed out his rarely positive attitude(for the most part)towards these games.

"because FUCK FRUIT" is probably the best rationalization for anything I have ever heard. If I ever get an iPhone/iPod touch, I'll definitely need to check that out.

I wear a goldfish bowl on my head. What? It worked for Mario!

Interesting, but I would have preferred a review of an actual game (Fable 3, Goldeneye, Blood Stone, and Majin the Forsaken Kingdom come to mind) than games for the iphone i don't have that will never be as detailed and powerful as console or computer game, though I definitely agree that mainstream games could learn a lot from the innovation seen in the iphone market.

Oh, and I can't wait for the Brotherhood review. That game is the first game I have ever preordered the special edition for, and it was definitely worth it. Not to be like Peter Molyneux, but I'm cautiously optimistic that he might like it given that he somewhat enjoyed ACII

happyschnapps:
I thought Yahtzee hated big corporation - what a sell out!

Go Android!

Yea, cause Google is a family owned business.

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