Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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Hilarius review.

And by the way, I find the best way to breathe on Mars is to imagine that Earth doesn't exist.

First one since Other M that made me laugh. A lot.

Also, hooray for me! Apparently I'm a martian.
So I don't have an iPhone, big deal. I'll just use my death ray to obliterate all of yours, so then nobody has them. :P

Space suit, it is pleasant but lonely here on mars.

I don't have a smartphone at all.


I will go and place a shotgun in my mouth now then.

so, those games...ä pay money for? not wow-gold like real money?
because i feel like i played all those. for free. with a mouse as flashgames. to keep me from actually doing stuff

Breathing on Mars is quite easy. As for iPhone games, I don't know, what you described there hardly seems innovative. It's just that the indie market who've been making those games for ages now have moved from making them for PC/internet (and making no money off it) to making their colons spacey enough for Apple to get some cash from the whole thing.

Don't get me wrong, I don't disapprove, hell, I might end up there myself for a while at least, considering I'm going after the games industry, but it's just that I don't consider those things to be "real" games due to their simplicity and lack of pretty shiny things on a big screen. To quote GTA SA "I know, I'm a shallow person - drown me". But to be frank, you had a sort of a similar point of view when you were reviewing Sims 3.

Well, this thread is boringly predictable; gamers avoid or dismiss anything Apple. Of course, that's cause gamers are boringly predictable. The funniest thing I've observed about the Apple hatred is that it's mostly people who have been dealing with computers for 5 years or less. Take anyone who's been in IT for 15 years or more, and their response is usually "went Mac and never looked back at anything else." After a while, you learn a very important lesson about computers(and machines in general): you choose either to have the machine work for you, or you end up working for the machine.

Dear Dr. Yahtzee,

The trick is to get degrees in Physics and Aerospace Engineering, join up with NASA and then recruit everyone with any ambition or motivation in the company for your own side project when you realize nothing's fucking happening in this institution anymore.


Jack Wynand
Head of Actually Doing Shit

Breathing on Mars is not too big a technical challenge. I for one have a hydroponic garden for my O2 needs. I get the water from polar ice caps and fertilize the plants with reclaimed organic material and chemical fertilizers manufactured from local resources. All of it is powered by wind turbines and batteries.

Dear Magic the Gathering: Cookies and Milk,

Showing your ad in the MIDDLE of ZP is a certain way to guarantee that I will NEVER buy your product again.


Guy with 3 binders full of Magic cards and an entire Dark set

we're discussing breathing on mars and nobody thinks to mention total recall? there's something wrong with this. i like the idea of going ninjitsu on the produce section of my local grocer, and at least i won't get arrested this time.

I breath on Mars by....shit I can't breath on Mars *dies*
I was surpised when the Zp said Iphone Games. I really like it when you do the little guy support. Thanks for reviewing somthing I wasn't excpeting.

I'm with verizon, therefore I have a Droid X. And I Love it!

I don't have an iphone

and, actually, it's easier than you think

just, don't breathe, aliens do it for you ^-^

Wow there are more of us on mars than i thought there were, and incidentally i created a giant air dome that now houses four cities.

But anywho, nice review it was a breath of fresh air and a welcome change to all the mainstream games (not that i don't like them it's just nice is all to see something a bit different).

I don't own an iPhone since I have a Droid but have played iPhone/iPad games on my boyfriends stuff. I personally prefer Plants VS Zombies to Angry Birds though my boyfriend loses himself in Angry Birds frequently when he isn't sucked into Fallout New Vegas. :0

Chips!? You traitor!
Those are crisps and don't you forget it!

Funny review. Well done. I too have played the gaudy monstrosity that is the overly popular Angry Birds. Yes. It's fun. Yes. It's frustrating. Yes. It's a casual game. Yes, it's fun.

Looking forward to Ass Creed Brotherhood and Fableshit 3.

I have this HTC desire phone, (its technically better than a iphone), it also has android, ( the Microsoft phone os); and that's how i managed to breath on mars.

Why don't I have an IPhone, Yahtzee?

Because I'm poor...*sniff*...

Well, obviously I can survive because I'M AN ALIEN

Is that a smile I see on little Yahtzee's face? Has the iPhone games market induced a feeling of joy on this once harsh gamer?

Probable not, the effects will ware off as he gets back into Sonic


It's easy to breath on mars, when you are an Android ;D

i have a blackberry therefor i can breath on mars

Right before watching this video I was playing Angry Birds on a HTC Wildfire. The view from Olympus Mons is fantastic.

This is actually one of the better reviews Yahtzee has done lately, because he talks about the games. Still a little too much whining about things he's already whined about alot and is too thick to accept (aka his stance on MOTION CONTROLS R BAD AND IF U DISAGREE UR WRONG TEHEE). Reminds me of the good old days when ZP made me laugh, rather then facepalm.

see, i have an iPod, so the whole mars question doesn't really apply to me. thank you middle upper class parents of kid who's iPod i took :)

Lots of people on mars today - must be monday.

I liked the "interupted" joke the most XD

"cat+internet=youtube." that made me laugh. Although wouldn't that be cat+internet=4chan?

Hahahaha, Bat**** sandwich! xD

This one was pretty funny. I've been waiting for a funny episode. <3

The iphone/mars thing sounds suspisiously like he thinks everyone should have one :/

I wouldn't tanke an iphone if it were the last piece of digital equpment on the face of the planet.. seriously, I'd do without.

I went with the Adam West method of strapping a fishbowl to my head. Seems to work pretty well actually. So yeah, let me know how Korea turns out, I'll be watching the Middle East from Mons Olympus.

I love doodle god....

I thoroughly enjoyed that one, and he's spot on regarding the state of the game development space on the iPhone. It doesn't matter what you think of Jobs, the iPhone or AT&T, there's some interesting stuff going on there. Sure, a lot of it ends up on the Android platform and elsewhere, but the fact that so many small gaming studios are able to tap into a revenue stream from iPhone customers is a huge, huge deal.

I probably spent the most time on Angry Birds than any game I've played on the iPhone, if nothing else because I absolutely loved the sound effects and some of the trickier later levels. I've not yet spent anywhere close to the sort of time on my iPhone games that I do with PC or console, and while I know the purpose of most iPhone games is a very quick get in and get out sort of gaming fix, there's no reason those games can't also have longer term play.

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