Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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Actually, its pretty simple to breathe on Mars. You just breathe through your bum. Yep, thats it. All that is needed is some extremely fine diaphragm and anal muscle control. I find that the intestinal track actually filters out every gas but oxygen, and my stomach acids take care of any organic or inorganic particles that might sully my oxygen.

Sure... my breath might stink like arse now... but are you hanging out with hot martian chicks...? I think not...

and yes, that is my way of saying I don't have an eye phone.

Puddle Jumper:
I brought an oxygen tank, yahtzee. Duh.

So did I! It's called "Android". :D

Got a SonyEricsson X10 and it kicks the living daylight out of my sweet loving partner's iPhone, or as I call in in my native tounge: i-Fåne (mean i-Fool). And all the games that Yahtzee reviewed are on that too.

/S

Iphone minigames on a games meccha site? new low.

Why does yahtzee review Psp, Nintendo DS, Gameboy games, Junk with a battery, screen, dpad etc. anyhow?

If you need a list of pc/ps3/xbox360 games to review which don't bore your mind out of your skull let me know.

I'd concider anykind of 2d game antique now. I bet if someone would put alex the kid or mario 1, bubble bobble, golden axe on the ipod whatever and resell it would be the "best game ever" on those machines :P.

Only 2d sidescroll games i ever found interresting are flight games and maybe a few war games.

Anyhow for 2d games, the flash game creators probably beat them by far in innovation but grafics they can't win in.

mars is lovely in the winter and my fellow iphones less brethren all have a plethora of air tanks and good games by law of Mars

Triple360:
I have this HTC desire phone, (its technically better than a iphone), it also has android, ( the Microsoft phone os); and that's how i managed to breath on mars.

My brother has the Desire HD which is better than the original desire you say you own, and its specs are identical to the iPhone4. But where the Desire HD has a better camera, the iP4 has a better display so its really just down to which brand you feel like humping.

Oh, you also fail incredibly hard, I mean stupidly INCREDIBLY hard, for thinking that Android is Microsoft's mobile OS. ITS GOOGLE YOU NIT-WIT.

I don't own in Iphone, in fact I have a Nokia prepaid gophone my phone only does calls, texts and has a flashlight and yes I am proud of having a cheap phone thats only a phone.

Although I have played the games mentioned in the review except the physic game he mentioned but a played a very similar flash game in fact I played all of the rest as flash games, so if your interested in playing the games just do a google search without buying an Iphone or paying any money at all they are all rather fun. My only problem with them is none of the games mentioned with the exception of doodle gods is original, if you play flash games you would have seen this games years ago done by different people. I do like the Flash and phone games it's a great place to try something new or just really weird without huge risk but half of them are still just tower defense games or physic puzzles.

Breath on Mars? It's a very complicated process, converting Carbon dioxide to elemental Oxygen, so I best not strain your little pea brain. Totally worth the view of the Valles Marineris.

Zanaxal:
I'd concider anykind of 2d game antique now.

That's an extremely shallow view of games. A variety of games, puzzle games for instance, can't possibly benefit from 3D graphics and even if we confine ourselves to "kill monsters" action games, your view would consign excellent games like the handheld Castlevania games to irrelevance.

PS: I am pro-cider.

Zanaxal:
Anyhow for 2d games, the flash game creators probably beat them by far in innovation but grafics they can't win in.

And you think this speaks poorly of flash games?

I bet he did it, just so he could make The Escapist buy him an Iphone
and I'm totally cool with it, I would have done the same

This is why you never look at the charts. There are MUCH better games than that on the iPhone.
The Asphalt racing games, even though they are based on tilt sensors, are incredibly fun. N.O.V.A. Near Orbit Vanguard Alliance (yes you actually have to put the dots into 'nova' to find it on the app store) is clearly a Halo wanna-bee but damn, I hate Halo but NOVA is actually pretty decent.
Though my favourite games right now are two I used to own on the Amiga back in the early 90s. Pinball Dreams and Pinball Fantasies! :b

I use a really really long straw from earth to mars to breathe.

Sonic Colors? I was more interested in a review of Sonic the Hedgehog 4...

Dr. Paine:
In all seriousness, very funny review, first time I've actually done a real laugh at a ZP video for a while now.

Agreed. The ninja game description alone got me.

You can skip the cut-scenes in sonic colours. AT least i think. But he did the gameplay, so he could at least tell if that was good or not. And i hope he will review donkey kong, kirby and epic micky. Hopefully there will be a wii game he likes ( propebly not )

I'm pretty sure rooted Android phones have an app that lets you breathe on Mars...

Tell Apple to call me when the iPhone gets buttons. And stops being expensive as hell, along with being on AT&T which is also expensive as hell and quite shit in my area (by the way, Mars is great this time of year, none of that cold and snow bullshit). Or when the iPod Touch stops being expensive as hell and loses the cameras again.

Kinda sad to hear that Sonic Colors isn't going to get a full trashing. I guess I've just been burned by the little blue turd so many times that anytime someone hurts him back makes me smile.

I'm sad you weren't more critical. I mean, what the hell? There's more innovation in free Flash games than on iPhone. But you didn't have a bad word to say about any except Doodle God.

This is the first time I've felt Yahtzee is being retarded, and it's because he screwed up on telling them they suck.

The easiest way to breath on mars (or to put it better not have an iPhone) is to have the HTC Desire (or in fact any android phone) it's like an iPhone but you know actually worth having...

Cyrax023:
angrybirds is over rated.

No it's not.

It's a simple entertaining game.

It sells itself as a simple entertaining game.

Folks call it a simple entertaining game.

IT's exactly rated for what it is.

It's place on the chart is by >sales<, and many of these sales aren't from bullshit preorders either.

Angry Birds is a big fat rip-off. It's almost a perfect copy of ArmorGames's Crush the Castle, even though it's not technically by them, I couldn't be bothered to look up who it was. Point is, Crush the Castle has been on PC for years.

Cut the rope is fun, but it's annoying at times. Finding out how exactly to get all stars is a challenge. It has issues, but it's pretty awesome.

Fruit Ninja is boring. It is. I don't like it. Maybe it's personal, but I don't like.

One thing I hate about iPhone games in general is the "holiday skins". The obligatory "omg, now all characters have pumpkins for heads for only 0.79!" Now Christmas is coming up, those start popping up too. Angry birds is particularly guilty of that, promising free Christmas to those who bought Halowe'en...

I do like the fact that it's so easy to access.

If you are looking for a cool game, check out Ash. It's a nice little RPG like we used to play on the NES.

Wow.

i planted a tree and it made some breathable air. yep. terraforming is in progress.

It's quite easy actually...

All three games are on Android, and you don't need shiTunes to use your goddamn phone

Here's how you breathe on the surface of Mars:
-Go to your local space administration.
-Get trained as an astronaut
-Hop on the next manned flight to Mars
-Upon reaching Martian orbit,visit the surface via lander.
-Leave the lander while wearing a presurized spacesuit,with an onboard air tank.

THAT is how you breathe on Mars!
I'm just following Yahtzee's instructions. There isn't a single iPhone in my home.

Wow. First Yahtzee makes a career out of ripping on every minor imperfection in any game he can find.. and when he finds a bunch of lazy half-arsed commercial knockoffs of tedious Flash games from two years ago, he can't praise them enough. What the hell?

He even went easy on the spectacularly atrocious Doodle God, possibly the worst thing to ever have been promoted as a 'game', never mind sold for actual money to paying customers.

I have an android as well, nexus one. I have angry birds but I pretty much just play emulators on it.

I hope by "don't have an Iphone" he meant "Don't have a smartphone"

I just don't want to pay for Apple brand. Buy an Iphone and pretty soon I won't just have to start paying to charge it with the only compatible "iElectricity" but I'll be forced to pay for authentic apple brand "iAir" to breathe.

Android suits me much better.

It's quite simple actually...i simply made a deal with some aliens from an unspecified galaxy to allow me to breath on any surface or in the vacuum of space...the only problem is, i can't actually get into space due to human limitations but hey, watcha gonna do?

De Ronneman:
Angry Birds is a big fat rip-off. It's almost a perfect copy of ArmorGames's Crush the Castle, even though it's not technically by them, I couldn't be bothered to look up who it was. Point is, Crush the Castle has been on PC for years.

Cut the rope is fun, but it's annoying at times. Finding out how exactly to get all stars is a challenge. It has issues, but it's pretty awesome.

Fruit Ninja is boring. It is. I don't like it. Maybe it's personal, but I don't like.

One thing I hate about iPhone games in general is the "holiday skins". The obligatory "omg, now all characters have pumpkins for heads for only 0.79!" Now Christmas is coming up, those start popping up too. Angry birds is particularly guilty of that, promising free Christmas to those who bought Halowe'en...

I do like the fact that it's so easy to access.

If you are looking for a cool game, check out Ash. It's a nice little RPG like we used to play on the NES.

I remember thinking "Angry birds is REALLY popular, I need to check that out"

And then thinking, what the fuck is this? I've been playing this for years!

Seriously, the thing it ripped off is BETTER also, it's ironic, at least the original had different types of ammo and such.

dont have an iphone and dont want one, I'll stick with my android thank-you. the only game I enjoyed on my friends iphone was robot unicorn attack but you play it on facebook.
LMAO at cat+internet=youtube, thats definitely true

tadaaaaa:
I'm sad you weren't more critical. I mean, what the hell? There's more innovation in free Flash games than on iPhone. But you didn't have a bad word to say about any except Doodle God.

This is the first time I've felt Yahtzee is being retarded, and it's because he screwed up on telling them they suck.

Yahtzee is a game critic, not your personal comedian. If he humours you, it is just to keep your attention. Although why he doesn't clap again is beyond me.

I don't even have a mobile phone, much less an iPhone.

Cool episode, but I take offence at the final comment regarding not owning an iPhone. Not only do I not own an iPhone (or anything like it), almost none of the people I know don't own one and it's a general consensus (with a few exceptions) that only entitled dipshits whose parents have too much money own one. While that consensus might be open to debate, the point that iPhone is not a platform everyone probably owns still stands.

Kinda crowded here on Mars with the other people who don't own iPhones.

Still enjoyed the review. Some of those games did seem interesting. Still a little casual. I would probably check out Fruit Ninja, though. And Angry Birds.

You betray Gametraders Robina?!

And I played through the whole of Doodle God in one session on Kongregate...it. was. hell.

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