Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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I don't have an iPhone, I have a Droid 2. It's just like an iPhone, only you aren't supporting a company that is quite as evil. I predict it only a matter of time (unless Apple does something incredible) that the Droid will eventually overtake the iPhone. Not as much bullshit to deal with. And I can play Angry Birds. Lots of fun.

emeraldrafael:
iPhone gaming to me is like handheld gaming, in that yeah its nice an convenient, but it can never be really viewed as a full game.

Where have you been since the GBA came out?

you're a ninja...and there's fruit.,..FUCK FRUITS...my new favorite line...

Reasonably funny, I think Yahtzee stole that Cat + Internet = Youtube bit from Kongregate but shit happens.

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:
iPhone gaming to me is like handheld gaming, in that yeah its nice an convenient, but it can never be really viewed as a full game.

Where have you been since the GBA came out?

Playing the DS mostly. I dont like the PSP's one analog stick system and i just have too much money invested in my DS Lite now (I custom modded the shit out of it to the point where i could by a full console if I wanted. Or just two more DS lites. and a game). But my opinion still stands. I mean, yeah, they make full games for the DS and for the PSP (Pokemon, God of War, um... oh, Metroid Prime Hunters) but when you look at them from their console brethren (pokemon not included since I never really saw a pokemon that wasnt an excuse to put your team on your TV instead of add to the story. Cept XD. SO yeah, pokemon too, but htats a bad example) they just dont compare. And i know, they're not supposed to really, its just to give you on the go gaming for the console games you love, but still. And the stuff they make for the handhelds and not the consoles are simplistically... well... simple.

But thats just me, i like plot story, character development and games that go for 40+ hours so i get my money's worht.

I love Iphone games. They're so simple in design but so fun to play. Apart from the top 3 mentioned, some other top games are:
- Plants vs. Zombies (multi lane tower defense)
- driver (great psx port, with added radio)
- Hawx (nice port, grahics are nice
- Knights Onrush (castle defense game where you can throw your attackers around, sacrifice them to dragons, kill them with fireballs etc)
- Starwars the force unleased (swipe a certain way to perform force powers, kind of like black & white)
- Conquest (risk clone)
- Osmos (move by expelling mass, absorb things smaller then you, if you move, you expel mass thus become smaller)
- Game Dev story (management game about making your own game studio
- Geodefense swarm (maze tower defense with nice vector graphics)
- Skysiege (Augmented reality shooter with helicopters and rocketlaunchers)
- dr. Awesome (kill diseases by cutting them apart, patient's names are taken from your contact list)
and last but not least: Pocket God (sort of a God sandbox game, with alot of minigames hidden inside it, like doodle jump and FallDown)

Dl;dr: Iphone games are awesome.

Puddle Jumper:
I brought an oxygen tank, yahtzee. Duh.

I have no extra oxygen so, either God loves me or, Aperture Science isn't quite ready to kill me yet. Also, Sonic Colors on the DS looks more playable than the Wii port but then, that statement can apply to many DS ports of Wii games.

I don''t have any cellphone in any way shape or form, and have no long term plans of getting one, possibly because I am quite happy living on mars.

and another case of sarcasm goes unnoticed :)

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:
iPhone gaming to me is like handheld gaming, in that yeah its nice an convenient, but it can never be really viewed as a full game.

Where have you been since the GBA came out?

Playing the DS mostly.

You...didn't do that right.

emeraldrafael:
the stuff they make for the handhelds and not the consoles are simplistically... well... simple.

No. This is not true. Handheld systems have become retreats for any game with a 2D art-style due to 3D bias on consoles, and RPGs that don't have the cash to become the over-produced wrecks the console version of the genre demands. For many years now handheld systems have been the artistic equals of the consoles...because processing power has nothing to do with art.

Too bad I don't have an iPhone, just some old Alias that doesn't play games. Still, Mars is a lot less crowded than Earth, and there's no Jersey Shore up here.

Suck my balls Sonic Colors was great.

Haven't found a way to breathe on Mars but I did buy a HTC Desire.

strangely enjoyable video there, good job.

breathing on Mars is easier than one would suspect.
Still always good to know what's good.

I have a HTC Desire. Android ftw! Can get all the best App Games on either.

I found the easiest way to breath on mars was creating a fully contained biosphere with all the money i saved not having a 400 dollar phone or the contract that goes with it.

I'd say this is the most just matter-of-fact yahtzee review I've ever seen. I enjoyed it.

I just saw what I believe to be a fighting game with RPG elements with what looked like Shadow of the Colossus thrown in. I can't remember what it was called, but I saw an ad for it and I was like 'Interesting idea...awesome graphics...I'm totally getting this game."

Then at the end, I saw it was for the iPhone. Which I do not have. Two statements followed. One was a question, the other was an exclamation, and both included enough swearing to put Issac Washington to shame. Not really. He's in the Ginneas Book of Records.

Well i guess it makes sense that the smaller consoles, like the DS and such, is where one has to look in order to find just a little forward thinking and innovation, or at least games that arent all military shooters. As for the Mars thing my Sony Ericsson X8 will do just fine thank you! ;-)

I don't have an iPhone. You know why I don't have an iPhone? Because I believe a phone has a very specific purpose- TO MAKE FUKCING PHONE CALLS (and send SMS)! If I want to play games on the go, I have my DS for that.

They should release a DS cart that has tons of iphone games on it....
I'm not about to buy an iphone for the apps alone, ya dig?

Fronzel:
SNIP

Didnt do what right?! and what? Oka, look at scribblenauts. Tell me hte deep complexity of that game. and name me a few games that havent had console versions that were deep, involving, and story driven.

i survive on android. powerful and delicious mmmmmm froyo

Nice review, I like seeing something a little different.
I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only person who dislikes the rating system in Angry Birds.

Apparently Martians aren't so fond of being locked into AT&T contracts, either...

Oh god, I wish The Escapist would hire a small crew to help out Yathzee with the animation, the editing, the recording, his gay bar, or something so we could get more reviews more often.

It's only December 1st and Sonic: Colors, Epic Mikey, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Medal of Honor, Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, and Gran Turismo 5; are behind. None of those games deserve to escape un-reviewed by Yathzee

Also, I'm from Mars, and proud to be :)

you can actually breathe on mars since the atmosphere there is the same as it is on earth

its just a big conspiracy that it isnt so those without iphones can go there in peace and not be annoyed, its like our own little club house/planet :)

but sshhhh dont tell the iphone users they'll spoil it

i brought 2 tanks of oxygen

Awesome but im starting to feel like hes putting off doing fable 3.

I can bend reality by denying everything living on mars is easy if you don't care about what gases are on it

FUCK FRUIT.

And fuck iPhones, too.

I love that smug pear!

Infernoshadow211:
I didn't think the escapist would be kind enough to shell out for an Australian iPhone.

He's owned one for awhile now he mentioned that he bought one when the punchline was that an iphone payment is more expensive than human life.

You want to know how I found a way to breathe on Mars? It's very simple. I'm one of the monkeys they shot into space that never came down. At least they trained me on all the shit that they gave me beforehand. Having opposible thumbs helps, too. Also, bananas!

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