Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

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Why do you need a new mic? Your voice sounds fine to me.

Sonicron:

canadamus_prime:
So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?

Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.

Lobo? As in the Zarnian Bounty Hunter Lobo? That had to have been interesting.

I'll probably only get this game because it includes Splatterhouse 1, 2 and 3. That's not a bad deal in my oppinion, and I'll probably still end up playing the new one even if it does suck.

Doesn't Yahtzee get sick of deliberately reviewing crap games? Anyway good review.

Sounds like an awful game. Not a bad review, but I can't say I was the hugest fan of the terminally-ill-children jokes at the beginning. But he obviously would have known that people would find those tactless.

Dammit! I wanted this game to be good! WHY MUST LIFE DISAPPOINT?!?

Eh, I'm still buying it. Great attempt at comedy though. Look back to your other videos, you're slipping.

I love this review. One of the funniest in recent months.

I had no idea that i cause diarrhoea until today :(

Yahtzee, was that part at the start really that necessary? I mean the rubbing-it-in-terminally-ill-children's-faces thing? It didn't work for the Chasers and their Make a Realistic Wish skit, so what made you think it would work for you? It's definitely not funny. And while we're on the subject, how does it take you a whole minute to focus on the game instead of the jokes?

Why is it that games try to be too hardcore? After Yahtzee's superb XP articles, you'd think that the video game industry would have learnt that blood and gore can't hold up a game by itself.

I was against the R18+ at first because I felt that it would just encourage game developers to focus more on spectacle rather than substance (please refer to the declining state of the Final Fantasy series) but now I feel that after this court case, the industry's going to be more careful from there on. Thank god for that.

And I was that man.

They probably dispense well aged Bourbon!

philzibit:
Surprised at the lack of "Like God Of War, But" stamp

Uh, maybe because that would be an insult to the "God of War" series, which in itself was already an insult to the first "God of War" game, which in itself was already an insult to-AAAAUGH!

Coming back from that headspin meta, I completely agree with Yahtzee. Gore might add to the gritty atmosphere of the game, but overpiling gore is just a juvenile move that should not be done unless they are a)Programming games in the 80s and 90s, or b)A bunch of twelve year olds who had just learned how to program a game. In lieu of lacking evidences for a time machine, I'd say "b" is the more probable explanation. Though, I have been wrong before... -goes in search of a Flux Capacitor-

That was rather enjoyable, thank you.

Some Random Tosser:
Yahtzee, was that part at the start really that necessary? I mean the rubbing-it-in-terminally-ill-children's-faces thing? It didn't work for the Chasers and their Make a Realistic Wish skit, so what made you think it would work for you? It's definitely not funny. And while we're on the subject, how does it take you a whole minute to focus on the game instead of the jokes?

Why is it that games try to be too hardcore? After Yahtzee's superb XP articles, you'd think that the video game industry would have learnt that blood and gore can't hold up a game by itself.

I was against the R18+ at first because I felt that it would just encourage game developers to focus more on spectacle rather than substance (please refer to the declining state of the Final Fantasy series) but now I feel that after this court case, the industry's going to be more careful from there on. Thank god for that.

That's just his schtick, man. I mean, hey, he poked at MY buttons with his whole "YMCA" thing, but I still recognize comedy for what it is, no matter how dark. And besides, he probably doesn't read the forums anyway.

And about the whole R18+ thing, I think the way to make the industry actually listen is to hit them where it hurts: their pockets. People need to spread the word about calling bullshit when they see one, and I salute everybody in the Escapist and other gaming-centric websites like it for being on the forefront of doing as such. If we could get just enough people to shout "AWW HELL NO!" whenever the industry decided to be stupid, I think this beloved medium of ours could grow up to encompass some very interesting potentials.

Wishful thinking, yes, but maybe just for now. I mean, after all, whoever thought that a niche market that was started by a yellow blob eating pellets and ghosts could transform into multi-national, multi-million dollars industry as it is today, right?

Cant say im surprised since the originals were cheap crappy platformers whos only charm was the amount of gore.

this is a freaking hilarious review

Darks63:
Cant say im surprised since the originals were cheap crappy platformers whos only charm was the amount of gore.

I wouldn't say that the charm of the 3rd one was in the quantity of limbs flying around.

This mike looks good and I found an Australian review
image
Blue Yetti USB Mic

No mention of the voice of the mask being Jim Cummings? Huh, I was hoping that he at least liked the voice

I actually liked the game. It was zen-like playing it, I didn't feel like acting out the finishing moves like I did for God of War, and the ending was kinda suckish...but the mask being Jim Cummings and imaging Pete calling things pussies and swearing was kinda nice. Plus I felt like near the end there were points that the mask wasn't just talking to Rick, but me, the gamer, the one controlling the man behind the monster.

It wasn't the greatest game, but I had fun with it, though I imagined Yahtzee's opening words something like "For anyone who argues that gaming has evolved beyond being just mindless, excess gore and titties would be absolutely wrong because anyone who tries to argue this can be reminded of Splatterhouse, a game about excess gore and titties."

It was genereic, but again, I had fun in a zen-like state, so I consider that a win for the game

Plus you can unlock the original 3 games and there's an arcade mode of nothing but excess more and more titties. 40 bucks new I'd buy it, but I'm asking for it for xmas because I'm smart (rented the game, btw)

Well this is another one of those games that i didn't really care about until recently. Sadly it seems like a mild disappointment. Still gonna get it eventually, but there are other games right now that i am more interested in.

I was kinda hoping he'd dive into sonic colors some more. I heard nothing but good things about sonic colors, i wish real skeptic would emerge..

rickicker:
That's just his schtick, man. I mean, hey, he poked at MY buttons with his whole "YMCA" thing, but I still recognize comedy for what it is, no matter how dark. And besides, he probably doesn't read the forums anyway.

And about the whole R18+ thing, I think the way to make the industry actually listen is to hit them where it hurts: their pockets. People need to spread the word about calling bullshit when they see one, and I salute everybody in the Escapist and other gaming-centric websites like it for being on the forefront of doing as such. If we could get just enough people to shout "AWW HELL NO!" whenever the industry decided to be stupid, I think this beloved medium of ours could grow up to encompass some very interesting potentials.

Wishful thinking, yes, but maybe just for now. I mean, after all, whoever thought that a niche market that was started by a yellow blob eating pellets and ghosts could transform into multi-national, multi-million dollars industry as it is today, right?

I know that's his style, but... *sigh* I do miss the times when he wasn't trying too hard to be funny, when he didn't pay attention to the forums complaining en masse when he wasn't being funny. He's a goddamn game critic, he's not a comedian! I know he's funny, but I do like humour and intelligent criticism to be balanced appropriately, and the scales are tipping in the favour of the former.

That's a good plan- I do agree with you- but we have the die-hard fans that will follow Final Fantasy, Star Wars, Metal Gear Solid, Pokemon, Mario and the like to the ends of the Earth. Mind you, Mario is still good, but the fans won't admit that the franchises that they loved since birth are stagnating. I've tried arguing that Final Fantasy XIII sucks, but no-one listens to me.

canadamus_prime:

Sonicron:

canadamus_prime:
So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?

Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.

Lobo? As in the Zarnian Bounty Hunter Lobo? That had to have been interesting.

Indeed it was. By and large, The Mask has always been presented to the broad public as a crazy, but ultimately benign prankster - but the source material does not skimp on the blood and guts. Double the 'crazy' with (slim to) none of the 'benign' there. If you can get your hands on some of these, grab 'em.

Wait... Michael Atkinson stepped down?!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TheDstryr9:

bjj hero:
congrats for not mentioning GOW though...

He did. "In classic 'Wad of Gore (GoW) fasion"...

Ahh, that one passed me by.

Hrm, ZP on iPod/iPhone/iPad. Very tempting, Escapist. If I only I actually owned any of those devices.

But nice try! You almost got me to open up my wallet for you. Almost.

Yay! Yahtzee meets contempt, albeit very much self-aware contempt, but fun none the less! Poor Splatterhouse.

Yahtzee, I was wondering if you could please do a sands of time trilogy-esqu review of the metal gear solid series (1-3) that you made a reference to in your extra punctuation column, as not knowing about them made it quite hard to understand how good they were, and gave me no real point of reference for your metal gear solid 4 video. Thanks.

mechanixis:
I want a poster that says "MISSION STATEMENT: EAT ALL THE PIES"

Heh, same here, same here

I already heard once before that the game wasn't going to be that great, so I wasn't disappointed by this :3

Damn, I was kind of hoping against hope that this would be good and remind me of the frustrating old games. Oh well, maybe I'll give it a rent and see how I feel after.

YAY Caligula reference :3

Funny one of the LPers I watch loved Splatterhouse 9 as a kid. Even did a Lp on it. XD

SadisticPretzel:

i am not god:
"Always, always love you more if you finish into their face." That's the kind fo stuff we want to hear.

Seriously, I found that hilarious.

I promise, he's lying.

Thats why I found it amusing.

Nice review as ever, but if he wants pointless gore he should review one of the Saw games. Next week Donkey Kong please, Meester Crosshaw?

Heraklitus:
That was one of his worst ones. One too many REALLY tasteless, not very funny jokes.

I thought it was extremely entertaining, informing and funny.

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