Love Like A Nerd

Love Like A Nerd

Would it surprise you to know my romantic education was largely gleaned from geek culture?

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...This is stuff I already know though D:

...Thank you though.

No it doesn't surprise me, really.

& Homer & Marge get divorced (again, technically) in the future when Homer buys an underwater house with the family life savings.

On the other hand, who doesn't want to live in an underwater house?

"Would it surprise you to know my romantic education was largely gleaned from geek culture?"

Before your Everyday Cosplay article? Maybe. After? No, no it doesn't.

The only thing I would think to add to the article is something learned more from being around(ok, and being) nerds more than something I learned from geeky media. People who are generally categorized as nerds and especially those who give themselves the title seem to often be obsessive about their interests. MovieBob talked about this some the other week when he was mentioning how major sports have many of the behaviors of nerd culture even if they often aren't categorized that way.

This isn't a bad thing on its own except for the fact that I see a lot of people apply this focus to relationships as well. Its amazing how many people talk about how they just want to find a gamer girl or drool over someone of the opposite sex just because they catch them doing one of the hobbies that interests them. The other night Seth Green was on Conan O'Brian and was joking about his wedding, kidding that he saw a hot girl in a comic store so he asked her to marry him.

One interest does not a relationship make! That thought isn't limited to nerds(How many times have you seen something akin to 'She likes action movies? Thats hot.'), but people of that mindset have some extra hurdles.

Warning: Stereotyping ahead.

First, is that because of the devotion most nerds have for their hobbies they often both expect their partner to invest more in their likes while having less interest to give to the things their significant other fancies. Everything in a relationship is give and take and in my experience those who have strong focus on certain topics have difficulty with that. Sometimes its hard to understand someone only having a mild interest in something you are fanatical about or really liking something you don't care about at all.

Just because they like to game doesn't mean they will have an interest in going to that con. They might go anyway, part of that whole give thing, but that doesn't mean you need to be offended that they won't dress up as a character with you, instead just see that they are making the effort to understand your interests even if they don't share them. On the other hand you also need to understand that you can't spend all your time on your devotions, even the shared ones, because they will have other needs too. You might miss a raid now and again to take them to the zoo or beach(damn you sun!) even if its not really your thing. Understanding things they like outside of your own realm of experience can do wonderful things for your relationship, showing that you care about them more than just the fact that you can read comics together.

Phew, end rant.

This isn't news, why is it in the news section.

Oh, and as an aside I did want to point out that I've been noticing more and more of your articles since you started being a contributor Elizabeth and I have really been enjoying them, both your writing style and the shameless amount of pop(nerd) culture references you throw around.

I've had a number of things that I have been reading recently and liked so I scrolled back up to check the author and saw your name, and I've found the last few I didn't need to do that because I recognized the style. It seems you've found your voice quite well and I wanted to say that I'm glad you are part of the Escapist family.

Interesting article, some good advice for the more hormone ridden members of the escapist community.

I am also beginning to see the niche your articles are filling, and it is good that the escapist has a writer who will keep those with more feminine interests coming back to the site.

Haha, I chuckled pretty badly when I read no. 6 and saw a picture of Mulder and Scully. XD Entertaining article!

The article has great insight and uses some good examples to drive home a few points for sure; one of your points reminded me of a piece of a poem that goes:

a Soulmate
is a wish too scary to whisper for fear of jinxing it

So proclaim it to the world that you may make it so
Relationships take work because they're worth it
dive into Affection with Kamikaze feverance
you don't have long
so make it count
- Double Edged Sword by Tui Scanlan

Good advice to be sure... now if only you could share some advice for people who are pretty cool, but just can't seem to find that special awesome someone. Like places to go, how to meet people... signs that someone might actually be interested. I think I, like a lot of people, am very willing to take a chance, but don't want to keep throwing myself out there because, after awhile, it starts to make me feel like a player or like the people I'm asking out don't actually matter to me... but I suppose this isn't an advice/response column. Hah, anyhow great advice!

Baldr:
This isn't news, why is it in the news section.

All new content is displayed in the News section as well as its respected areas.

Good read, Elizabeth! I really like all of the articles you put out there. Stay classy!

I've read quite a few of your articles now, but it's still weird to read an article like this - and then notice your avatar, once again.

Anyhow, I doubt these kind of articles will remain interesting for ever and ever, but they are a nice variation on the normal stuff I read over here and I like them at the moment, so: huzah.

Well ain't that cute, but it's...wait? Happily, you say? And I'm...

Crap.

I was hoping for a Firefly reference when I saw the title, and I was rewarded for my faith.

Nothing I'm not aware of, but good to hear that I'm not an idiot for thinking these things.

Wonderful article, really fun :) Loved the Mal and Inara section, it was always so close and yet so far away!!

This is pretty generic relationship advice, most of it's either common sense or blatantly obvious by the time you're an adult. I'm sure this advice is helpful to some people, but for most people, this article seems pointless. It's also very similar to what is normally given in any type of "relationship tips" article. I mostly read this article because, as PlasticTree said

PlasticTree:
...I doubt these kind of articles will remain interesting for ever and ever, but they are a nice variation on the normal stuff I read over here and I like them at the moment, so: huzah.

I think I picked some of that up from roughly the same pieces too, though I'd wager a good half came from my parents as well. Though it is what many consider common sense, it is nice to have it refreshed and be reminded that we are not alone in our beliefs, as the world around us, or at least me, seems to be devoid of many of these virtues. A good read, entertaining and educational. Thank you.

I must ask Ms Grunewald, please stop writing so many topics. I always want to read them, but I need to sleep and eat and do this whole university thing. Maybe one a week?

Yeah I kind of learned everything I need to know about relationships from fiction. Love Hina might be goofy, but it certainly espouses some things that really work, and man I have been name-dropping that series a lot lately. The point is that when I was younger my relationships didn't work out, then I started to realise things in fiction, and later relationships worked for longer.

I guess the problem comes when you run into a girl who learned from a different sort of fiction. If you share a fictional love then wonderful, but if you have a nerdy understanding of fiction and she learnt it from romantic novels, you aren't for each other, no matter how much everything else seems to cooperate. (Apparently she's very happy with someone else now, which is a little disheartening.)

Anywho, let's get back towards the topic. One day I hope to meet the girl of my dreams, likely she will be standing gazing dreamily at a huge poster of Nathan Fillion, will speak like Lara Croft and look like Alyson Hannigan, and will most importantly be able to quote Blackadder at me easier than speaking.

I can wait, I can wait.

Elizabeth Grunewald:
Love Like A Nerd

Would it surprise you to know my romantic education was largely gleaned from geek culture?

Read Full Article

Great points, the lot of them. Mostly, it's about being honest with yourself, and then with each other, so that your words, deeds, and expectations all match up.

Unfortunately, introspection and self-honesty sometimes aren't what we nerds are best known for, is it? We do often tend toward wish-fulfillment and escapism (imagine that!) in our entertainment choices. A good follow-up article might be about the associated pitfalls of loving like a nerd:

1. A relationship isn't a roleplaying game. Sometimes your victory or defeat isn't based on your stats. If he/she says "I'm into you because of X, Y, and Z," that isn't a message meant to send you on a quest to "gain a few levels" while taking care of X, Y, and Z.

2. Stirring speeches and cutting one-liners won't have the same effect you think they will. The other person won't respond in the way that best fits the story. They'll respond like a person, so talk to them like one.

3. The cast can change, so don't be a die-hard 'shipper. People will move in and out of your life, so don't feel as though you're forced to find your "great romance" within the handful of people in your life right now. Leave room for others to join (and leave).

4. There is no "supposed to." What happens happens, and what doesn't doesn't. There's no story arc, no foreshadowing, no subtext. Accept what is rather than pining for what "should be." You can't write the story until after it's been lived, so quit trying to skip ahead. You'll spoil the surprise.

I'm sure any of us could find our own examples of these misleading tropes in our favored fictions. Sometimes we have a tendency to learn a little too much from our nerd culture...

All I've managed to learn from my failed attempts is that I have no idea how to describe what I've learned from my failed attempts at a relationship. Being as abnormal as I am, it makes finding a relationship even more difficult. Once I do enter a relationship, I've got issues that don't come in play during more normal relationships.

I've got issues like having to leave six months out of every 2 years to go do my job somewhere else. I've got a work schedule that can change from hour to hour. I might get a phone call that says "Pack up a suitcase, you're going around the world for an in determinant amount of time. Be here in two hours. Sometimes I hate the things my job makes me do.

Okay, that's just the work side of my life. I'm going to leave the rest of my life private, because I don't feel like sharing that with the internet.

Moot.
Nerds don't love, they rage.

9_6:
Moot.
Nerds don't love, they rage.

I just hope I someday get into a long term relationship...

...so lonely...

Great article! I too was a late bloomer and got most of my relationship advice from nerd culture. I'm still terrible at it, though, so this article will definitely further my education. Thanks!

Funny. Nearly everything I know about why I despise romance has been learned from nerd culture. Yeah, sure, there are plenty of romances contained within nerdy media, but I never watch the media for those purposes, actively seek out media not containing romance, and have severe misgivings about any series which rubs my face in the romance.

This, of course, means that Scott Pilgrim vs. The World acquires my unceasing and eternal ire. Other media will make me think along the lines of "Stop with this distracting bullshit and get back to the plot." As far as I'm concerned, any time wasted on portraying a romance in media is time that takes away from the interesting elements.

That said, I've probably got a lot further with romance with people who absolutely aren't nerds in the traditional sense. It makes sense, really, because the nerdy women seem to be the people least likely to be impressed by my personality - they've seen it all before, and they know they can find better.

Aptly chosen portraits! But arent these the advice just about everyone and their grandma tell you though? Do ppl listen? no and yet i've never seen these advices deviate. (OMG I learned all this through geek culture too! Epiphany! )

Only thing is this Don't force something if you're already happy with the way things are. I see this far too often where the childhood friend scenario or the unrequited love scenario (geek cultural reference and prior to the inevitable happy ending :S).

Sure its true once your in a relationship but not so much if its never started to begin with. You can be happy being friends forever, but take it from me, you die a little in the end. Especially when years later, her facebook picture isn't with you and your arm wrapped around her... excuse me while i shed a tear in my corner.

Love doesn't have rules. That's how you know it's love.

Also, Warren needs to burn in hell forever. That is all.

Never understood this kissing at new years BS, must be an American thang.

See, problem for me is London girls tend to be chavvy, swallow and all that lovely teenage girl stuff which makes them rather boring and annoying, if you ask me.

Also, I'm not really the cream of the crop myself, emotionally nor physically.

You might have been a later bloomer to relationships because of that wicked manstache. :P

I gleamed most of my rules of love through media as well. Was I one of those late bloomers? Why, no, not really, it's just I chose not to involve myself with those that might be detrimental to the future. Those that smoke and drink and what not. And I was much too introspective to put myself out there for various balls and dances.

And so, with years of rules in my belt, I thought if I got the chance, if I just got that one chance, I could be the best. I wouldn't make those mistakes that happen in media, and I would try to make everything work.

And...

It didn't.

I'd blame inexperience, had that tip of "Don't bloody rush" and "Be honest with yourself" not been there. Would this have helped back then? No, I don't think so. I'd still think it was still working, just not as well as I had expected.

Those are good advice... Though even with those advices, relationships are hard.

D'awwww muffin! That was a very sweet read. I'm so mixed up on what's right and wrong in a relationship currently, probably because i can handle crowds of up to about 3 or 4 people before i just can't really socialise anymore, meaning many of my relationships are isolating to both parties whether it suits them or not. It's a pity, I suppose i'm happy to be free from relationships and just have a few "Hug Buddies". Developing your Social Links is difficult...hm.

Very nice article!! Me likey!

Very good advice. Relationships are very difficult. They take time, energy, sacrifice, money, patience, communication, and compromise.

"If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything." - Mark Twain

 

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