Zero Punctuation: MindJack

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so wait, i'm confused... you liked this one, right?

Actually, you won't believe what you have to do to defeat bosses like the giant robot: you have to kill all the common enemies in the area (forget about the robot) and once you do it, the robot spontaneously explodes! WHAT! THE! HELL??!!!

By the way, I'm surprised he didn't mention that you can't pause the game.

HankMan:
Very clear indeed Yahtzee, not that I had high hopes for this game anyway. Actually I am a little disappointed they couldn't make good use of the core concept.

Indded. I love how he points out the reason why he nit-picks every single flaw in a game.
"It's like Chinese Parenting only less nightmarish" XD

Reminds me of this

I'd seen the Unskippable trailer review beforehand, so as soon as I saw the title I knew what I was in for.

Good review haven't laughed like that in a while

AgentBJ09:

Thanks a ton Square, for making another badly done game. As if FF XIV wasn't a bad enough way to end 2010. Piece of advice: Stop making games for a while and focus your efforts on single projects. I think you need it at this point.

MindJack was NOT developed by Square, it was published by them. It was developed by feelplus (started out as a MS development team to aid mistwalker according to wikipedia, so take that with a pinch of salt), they have co-developed a few other games that peopel think have been made by square but actually have only been published by them :P

Tell you the truth, the multi player that was described did kinda sound like fun, but then again I do like to grief other peoples stuff.

I'm crying with laughter. Good show.

Also: Yobbos. Feeling Australian, are we?

Mindjack, huh? I guess it's possible that the developers watched "Gundamjack" one too many times.

Jack and Calumon:

I would also like to say I am not brain damaged. Just putting it out there.

Calumon: Why would they think that?

Possibly because of Calumon, Calumon.

OT: Between this and the Big Picture, there's a lot of hilarious bad vibes making the rounds.

"Leave some innovation for us, daVinci!"

Made my day.

HankMan:
Very clear indeed Yahtzee, not that I had high hopes for this game anyway. Actually I am a little disappointed they couldn't make good use of the core concept.

I was disappointed with what they decided to call the game. MindJack? That's terrible! Especially considering that it's called MindHack in the game.

So my prediction of "Mind Wank" is pretty much accurate for this game.

(Jack-off being a euthism for wanking-off in Britain).

The suggestion of some etheral parasite using people as hosts while does sound interesting, it would of course fail in a video game if the UI is mentally challenged. The review does imply that the game developers wanted to create a new form of earthquake resistant skyscraper out of Dutch Edam Cheese, but lacked the technology and tools to make it work.

I had a feeling this game would've been pretty interesting, turns out I was wrong. I felt it could've been a sort of, 3D, cover shooter with Abe's Odysee elements. I dunno, too bad it's awful.

Wow this was the meanest Yahtzee review I have ever seen...he might be a little mad this week.

Onyx Oblivion:

But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.

I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...

...just sayin'

I haven't played any Square Enix's games since The Last Remnant since I want to leave that publisher in a good note...

Boy did i come to enjoy that decision...

Edit: I was gonna say FFX-2 but i quickly remembered TLR...

zelda2fanboy:
What was with the naked fat female cousin joke? I feel dense because I didn't get it. I went back to the beginning a few times, but I didn't see any setup or anything. Am I missing something?

The imp is unable to make sense of YZ interpretations due to inbreeding.

(At least he didn't put an American ball cap on the him)

OT: I laughed the hardest at the short bus joke. Does that make me a bad person?

Natdaprat:
So... did he like it? I couldn't tell.

Yes he did like it. He said it wasn't quite as good as portal but was still probably his second favorite game ever made.

Angry Joe said this was the very worst game he ever reviewed. Wonder if Yahtzee considers this above or bellow Too Human

ILTE7:

Onyx Oblivion:

But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.

I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...

...just sayin'

Oddly enough, Square Enix published his GOTY last year. Just Cause 2. I don't see him mistaking them for the developer in that case.

Mindjack? I'm surprised Yahtzee hasn't reviewed Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom. Majain is a great game and seems like something Yahtzee would like.

I want to see how terrible this is. When does it go on sale at gamestop for a handshake?

MindWHAT? Never heard of the bloody thing. Squeenix have a horrible habit of never advertising anything without the words Final and Fantasy in it's name.

Man, I completely forgot about this game.

From the sound of things, I'm probably better off for it.

Japanese shooter... Makes about as much sense as a spiked codpiece with the spikes on the inside!

Not only do they try to copy American shooters; They copy everything we HATE about American shooters.

THEJORRRG:
MindWHAT? Never heard of the bloody thing. Squeenix have a horrible habit of never advertising anything without the words Final and Fantasy in it's name.

And even then, Fantasy Warrior: The Final Encounter was left out in the cold.

Oh yeah, this game. I remember that they made fun of it on Unskippable, and had joked that it might not even come out. I guess it did, and unfortunately so.

Onyx Oblivion:
But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.

Yes they do. The FF13 box art popped up in the video, and that's the first example I would point to as well. Again, just the box art is all you need: See that thing on the cover? That thing that looks like a man with extremely large breasts? That right there is very ugly. And that's one of the things SE is always doing that makes their games look ugly: they never seem to make characters that look like the gender they are a part of. No Square, slapping giant tits on a character doesn't make it look like a girl when it has an extremely manish face. It just looks like a man with huge boobs, which is very creepy. And very ugly.

samus17:
Lovin it, as usual. But I do find it amusing that Yahtzee mentions both over-done, bored to death, done a thousand times, third person cover shooter gameplay AND knocks the innovative idea of multiplayer into single player. Some games just can't win with this guy.

Well, first off, it wasn't innovative. And second, it's still bad. It was a bad game mechanic when I had to constantly kill myself after each boss in Demon's Souls so I could play the game without being interrupted by other players randomly joining my game to try and kill me without permission. And it's still a bad game mechanic now. I will remind you that it is called SINGLE player for a reason. It means one player, not two or three or four or more, but ONE. When you play SINGLE player, it means you want to play ALONE. It does not mean you want random players to join in and try to kill you.

So, not an innovative idea, it's just eating the stale and moldy crumbs that Demon's Souls left behind after finishing its shit sandwich over a year ago. And those crumbs aren't any tastier now.

ILTE7:
I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...

...just sayin'

Or maybe it's just the box:


I see "SQUARE ENIX" printed on it. I don't see "feelplus" on there. When I was watching the video and the box-art popped up and it said only "SQUARE ENIX" on it, I thought they made it too, until I looked at the game info box under the video on the way to the comments link and went "oh, they didn't actually make it."

So I dunno. Maybe more research would have been prudent here. But on the other side of the coin... If Square Enix wants all the credit, why not let them have it?

well, there we have it, Yahtzee pretty much summed up every single review this game has gotten so far, even mentioning some things that Angry Joe had touched on [the whole, "WAT IZ MINDJACKING?!?!?" thing]

shame though, the thought of jumping into other peoples singleplayer games and ruining their day seems like an awesome premise.

Maybe if a developer tries a little harder, i.e. Makes it so that you have ot be level X to join for co-op, but level X+ to play counter co-op, just like how Mindjack has:

the ability to even teams unlocked at level 24

let me say that again, something that is standard for every multiplayer shooter ever created is now optional. Expect to find games of 7 v 2.

Just wanted to make a note about voice acting. It often IS done with the actors in different rooms, on different days. Often all the actor may have to go on is some stand in reading the dialogue back to them or dialogue the other actor has already recorded, hence why some voice acting is so weirdly disjointed.

Also it's harder to project emotion etc with just your voice than your entire body like normal actors and requires an entirely different skillset, hence why some proper actors who voice act often sound awful too.

To kill the cyberrobot, shoot at it until it dies?

Apparentley you kill that robot by shooting the enemy npcs it spawns, not that I'd recommened playing this sorry for a game.

Ever.

This game concept was already used a few times and a lot better :P Example? Messiah from 2000

Harbinger_:
The game does sound bad but the multiplayer option to 'hack' into someone's single player game and screw with them does sound intriguing. Maybe a few tweaks would make it better?

Just sounds identical to perfect dark's 'counter-operative' mode on n64. While interesting and different, was probably rarely played by anyone and theres a reason why not many/any other games have done it since. On top of all the different types of multiplayer options in perfect dark (normal multiplayer deathmatch, co-op missions, etc) the mode is a welcome added bonus, but as the 'sole' multiplayer for a game i could imagine it being all but useless and unenjoyable.

From your Extra Punctuation I was expecting Two Worlds II.

OT: Great review as always

Mindjack as in mindfuck, we tricked you in to buying a crappy game because of a relatively awesome trailer.

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