Zero Punctuation: MindJack

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dathwampeer:
As soon as I saw the trailer I knew it'd suck.

Watch Ghost in the shell much mr game designer?

Holy carp, that's bad. At least there's some subtlety in Ghost in the Shell.

HellspawnCandy:
Even though Square Enix only published this game, it's making me wary of how Human Revolution will turn out. If they have faith in a game as bad as this I'm getting scared.

At least the cinematic and gameplay trailers for Human Revolution are good. I'm pretty confident that Human Revolution will be a decent game -- I'm reserving judgement on whether or not I accept it as a prequel to Deus Ex.

I really hoped you would tear this game a new one.

psivamp:

dathwampeer:
As soon as I saw the trailer I knew it'd suck.

Watch Ghost in the shell much mr game designer?

Holy carp, that's bad. At least there's some subtlety in Ghost in the Shell.

Ghost in the Shell is really good. It's got a great concept and a brilliant plot.

This game just looks like a cheap knock off.

It uses pretty much the same premise and I think it even uses the same time frame, that's to say nothing of how much of the imagery and style they just outright steal. The whole DOS based cyber world is a direct lift fro GITS. Even if they made it blue. Along with the symbolic floating brain ect.

Even the major point of the game, hacking into peoples brains, was done in GITS.

But all of that wouldn't bother me. Because I'd just tell myself I was actually playing a GITS game. The problem is that it looks atrocious.

Gaming King:
Gettin' REAL sick of these ZP reviews of games nobody's fucking heard of. REVIEW FUCKING SONIC COLORS ALREADY!!! SOMEBODY needs to give that horrible piece of shit game the buttfucking it deserves. Do it, Yahtzee, PLEASE!!

You complain about him reviewing games no ones heard of.... Then ask him to review 'sonic colors'?

Hypocrisy, thy name is 'Gaming King'.

ever see something so bad, even the trailer couldn't make it sound good

that would be this game, the official trailer did more to turn me off this game the Yahtzee could ever hope to

it's kinda a like some one itemizing reasons to hate twilight actually, you knew it was gonna suck ahead of time, now you've just got more reasons to burn it at the stake

This is the best review from the last few months.

BAD BAD BAD BAD DON'T DON'T DON'T PLAY IT.

Honestly it IS sometimes hard to see how much Yahtzee dislikes (or likes) a game. Then again, his trademark is being nit-picky, so there you go I guess.

Anyway, I thought this review was the most clever one in a long time. The game sounds disastrous, so Yahtzee probably just saved me another 50-60 bucks.

AgentBJ09:
Thanks a ton Square, for making another badly done game. As if FF XIV wasn't a bad enough way to end 2010. Piece of advice: Stop making games for a while and focus your efforts on single projects. I think you need it at this point.

As someone else kindly mentioned to Yahtzee above.. SQUARE ENIX DID NOT DEVELOP MINDJACK. FeelPlus did. Square Enix merely slapped their publisher title on it. That's all.

Regarding FFXIV, also kindly STFU. Yes, I also gave up on playing it. Until Hiromichi "I single-handedly fucked up FFXI AND FFXIV, yet I only just decided to admit it NOW" Tanaka was swiftly booted from the producer/director role. The new guy that replaced him is.. Actually.. I can't believe I'm even saying this, after playing FFXI for 5 years and barely tolerating the vague, bullshit updates there.. He's actually DOING something. He's regularly writing directly to the players, conducting frequent surveys and polls about what players want and the majority of it has.. Been added or is in the process of being added. It's rather weird to even see it happening.

Hell, the new FFXI development team is doing the same thing and have FINALLY given its players a MUCH easier/time efficient way of leveling, rather than solely grinding 6-man experience parties at one set camp site. I don't play FFXI anymore, but from what I've seen, it's definitely improved.

But yes, I never bothered with MindJack, but it's not because it's "a Square Enix game". It merely has their name on it as publisher. Hell, using Yahtzee's logic, Just Cause 2 is a Square Enix game! OH FUCKING SNAP.

Gaming King:

dathwampeer:

Gaming King:
Gettin' REAL sick of these ZP reviews of games nobody's fucking heard of. REVIEW FUCKING SONIC COLORS ALREADY!!! SOMEBODY needs to give that horrible piece of shit game the buttfucking it deserves. Do it, Yahtzee, PLEASE!!

You complain about him reviewing games no ones heard of.... Then ask him to review 'sonic colors'?

Hypocrisy, thy name is 'Gaming King'.

Bullshit. You probably just don't play Wii games. It's a huge game, hailed by retards as Sonic returning to form, which couldn't be farther from the truth. People say it is good, but it's not.

YOU say it's not good. That's all. YOU. It's personal opinion. Not saying others don't hate it too or whatever, but your personal view of gaming means absolutely fuck all to anyone else. People will play what THEY want to play. Who the fuck are you to dictate?

Another funny and compelling review, and i just dont under stand why people cant see he is exaggerating and making fun of the game because he's being paid too.

Yatzee always confuses the developer for the publisher? it works in his advantage though, he can throw shit at the game based on games released previously by the same publisher, but in his reviews, it just sounds like he has no idea of publisher/developer differences and makes him sound like a dumbass.

mid jack was developed by feelplus and published by Square Enix, I have no idea what final fantasy "looking like shit" has to do with mind jack.
Me thinks yatzee was Mindjackingoff when he wrote this review.

LOL@ Like Chinese parenting but less nightmarish.

MattAn24:

Gaming King:

dathwampeer:

You complain about him reviewing games no ones heard of.... Then ask him to review 'sonic colors'?

Hypocrisy, thy name is 'Gaming King'.

Bullshit. You probably just don't play Wii games. It's a huge game, hailed by retards as Sonic returning to form, which couldn't be farther from the truth. People say it is good, but it's not.

YOU say it's not good. That's all. YOU. It's personal opinion. Not saying others don't hate it too or whatever, but your personal view of gaming means absolutely fuck all to anyone else. People will play what THEY want to play. Who the fuck are you to dictate?

Besides Gaming King, as he stated in the Alone in the Dark vid, he's not your "sweary ninja for hire". So I doubt he's going to rip it a new asshole just because you want him to. But hey, Sonic Colors could be on his to-do list at some point, so maybe you'll get your wish by default. Unless he likes it. Can't say he will in my opinion. Haven't played it myself, but this is ZP and a Sonic game we're talking about, so...

Stop praising this game for ripping off Demon's Souls pvp method! That is all.

I love it when he reviews a game that is unambiguously bad, because that's when he is at his most funny.

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Snip

You didn't mention that the game has a co-op mode that is broken beyond repair. The second player normally is supposed to take control of the "faceless female robot" but starts each and every level in the mind projection mode. There are numerous times if the player doesn't jump into the girls head a nano second after the level starts they will be trapped behind a moving door/truck/random pile of junk that prevents the player from back tracking through the game. So your stuck their till the luck fairy comes in and just flings you into your characters body, often after the AI has made them recreate a charge during the first world war.

tryson:
You fucking idiot. How can you complain about the story when you didn't even finish the fucking game?

You don't have to eat the entire turd to know that it's not a crab cake.

It seems like a horrible version of second sight..

I have played it, square made a brown/gray bad looking game. Dear lord it's the end of the world, at least final fantasy 13 was pretty to look at.

And this was picked instead of Marvel vs Capcom 3? I feel robbed.

I know that MvC3 wouldn't be his thing at all (with mvc3 being a competitive multiplayer game with almost no story, and having Nolan North voice work for the title) but it would be fun to see him rip into it.

Imho, Mvc3 is the most pure fun game made this year. It is extremely silly and colorful, everything in the game is over the top, the game mechanics are inclusive without sacrificing depth, and has one of the most diverse casts in fighting game history. Also, a majority of the cast on the Capcom side he has done reviews for, so it would be nice to see what he thinks of their translation into a fighting game (Spencer, Ameterasu, Chris, Wesker, Dante, Trish, etc) . Same goes for Spider-man how his web swinging mechanics work in a 2d fighter or what he thinks. I'm just saying it would be interesting.

Instead, this week's review goes to a game no one heard or cared about. And turns out this unknown title is a piece of shit. It was fun to watch, but the review felt like a waste of time. At least I won't make the mistake of buying a shitty 3rd person shooter that I had no intention of playing anyway.

This game seems very...dry! Yeah i don't know how to explain it, but just by looking at footage from it i can feel my soul slowly being drained.

The abillity to jump into someone's single player game and cause havoc seems like it was lifted from "Demon's Souls", just not well implemented. I wouldn't even give them points for being unique there.

That said, the game does sound pretty bad, and I'll definatly be avoiding it. Shooters aren't my genere of choice anyway, and when I get in the mood to next play one, this almost definatly won't be it.

I'm glad I've never heard of this. You've made it pretty clear that I don't want to play it. Besides, I've never really enjoyed anything by Square Enix.

That one was good. It's been a while.

Damn. This looked interesting.

Oh well. Another game I don't have to try to realize it sucks.

city cider:
FUCKING HELL YAHTZEE WILL YOU STOP USING SUCH SHIT TERMS AS 'WELP' AND 'HURP DERP' THEY ARE THE MOST FAIL TERMS ON THE INTERNET AND YOU'RE JUST BECOMING A JOKE

Yeah it's almost as bad as people who post in all caps.

Thank God for Yahtzee. If not for him I probably would have gone out and gotten this game due to the fact that I actually enjoy most SquareEnix games. Too bad that even great publishers can let a giant turd slip through...

I wouldn't even say the multiplayer idea is all that original. Didn't Demon's Souls do a very similar idea, except instead of taking on the enemies' body, you jumped in as a phantom?

Someone spoil it... is the Twist really that you play someone else mindjacking the main character? If so, that IS a cool twist. (Even if they did it horribly wrong).

Actually, isn't that how voice acting is done much of the time? You know, in different rooms on different days and what not? It can be hard to sync schedules and when you're on a deadline, you take every opportunity you can get.

Even after so long I still fucking hate the intro music.

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