Zero Punctuation: Two Worlds II

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About what I expected, honestly...
...and somewhat disappointingly(of the game, not the review).

Regarding the review, it seemed less negative than I'd have expected. Which is fine.

I choked on my food at the very end. WITH A ROTTING HOUSES HEAD. XD

Oh spinning white circle of doom, how you continue to taunt me for a solid 6 hours of not being able to watch this video for some asinine reason.

I'm not sure about the "brooding, angsty mage" thing that you're familiar with in fantasy settings. Dragon Age had plenty of magic happy characters, Morrigan and Anders specifically.

I cast licorice goulash at the darkness.

Ugh, I hated Two Worlds 1 and this game doesn't seem must better. Dead horse spoon lol.

well of course he would read cracked

This game did quite well because there was a lot of hype and good reviews (I'm pretty sure all of which was paid for by the developers) that hailed it as the best RPG ever and the best thing since Oblivion and Fallout 3 etc (not that Oblivion was any good).

Go track down some of the reviews that people wrote about this game. They're so biased they're funny. Anyway, at the end of the day, the game wasn't terrible, but I got bored after about 6 hours due to the stupid graphics blur (which you couldn't turn off without editing config files. I could have done that, but frankly it shouldn't have been there to begin with!) and the terrible combat. I went as an archer and arrows were just SO SLOW! I can throw darts faster than arrows traveled in that game... even the 'fast' arrows.

Voice acting was truely awful and the story didn't grip me at all. It was just a very average play experience. I think they're doing a 3rd one tho :-/ Maybe it will progress to decent this time. At least they're on an upward trend.

Do not buy this game unless you want a good opportunity to waste your money. I bought the Royal edition and I whole heartedly regret it.

Jandau said it best with,

the game is poop. Terrible interface, sluggish controls, laughable "plot", atrocious voice acting, lack of remotely interesting characters (the one dude that seemed like he might be fun gets killed off in the first 15 minutes of the game), overly complicated magic system which also happens to be the least effective combat method and is also made needlessly annoying by the poor interface, the list goes on and on.

Having given the first game a good try, I actually found it decent enough. Flawed, but decent. The initially interesting system of combining similiar weapons quickly broke the game, though. A mid-level weapon, if common enough, could be combined into doom-bringing death machines. Add a bazillion poison gems, and dragons go down in one hit. (With an atrocious animation.)
Still, it was an ok game if one were into the genre, and slightly less buggy at launch than Gothic 3.(Which did not allow me to play for more than five minutes befor crashing. God damn you, guru.)

This would probably only enter my collection as a method of wasting time until the launch of Skyrim, though. And that post is already filled by Oblivion.

I really can't see what the problem is in losing track of the main story by method of side-quests in any game, actually. Oblivion is the best game to use for that; several hundred hours played, and I'm not even half way through the main campaign. There are so many (generic) dungeons to raid first. So many quests to take. With the level-scaling guaranteeing total freedom of exploration.
Risen was horrible in that regard. Every quest brought one closer to the end of the game. Dreadful.

Brilliant and hilarious.

I'm surprised he did not mention the horse-controls. Seriously. THE HORSE!!

However this was a downgrade from Two Worlds I
In 2W1 I went in to the lands capital, took out my bow and went nut(after the guard refused my bribe for catching me stealing - he started!), reducing the popularity of the fucking CAPITAL to zero.

In 2W2 you couldnt do this, because many NPCs are invulnerable or something.

And, yet again - THE HORSE!

Surprised you didn't mention the allegations of bullying and questionable PR practises surrounding 'Two Worlds Two' reviews. A topic for Extra Punctuation perhaps?

A laptop? Are you kidding me?

In spite of complaints I liked the magic system, by the end I was summoning a rain of anvils to create an orbiting shield destroying all in my path (looking at an interface and going "OMG TOO COMPLEX!!!11!!!" isn't a good reason to avoid the funnest play-style of all). Frankly compared to the last game this game is WAY WAY better, the crafting system is simple and deep (my kind of system) and the amount of customizing you can do is mind-blowing. Overall I enjoyed my time with the game., was it by any means perfect, f**k no, but I wasn't pissed I spent money to play the game.

I loved the Cracked reference, I read that article as well!
Nice review as always, but your last ones were better. Still a good one, you're coming back to true form!

I love playing a mage, so I hate it when games force you to go through tons of menus or give you non regenerative HP so even if you ARE a mage, you have to be a warrior too. That said, I still wouldn't mind trying out Two Words(too whirled?/reference to ZP and Unskippable crossover) 2.

Magic system is well made if your attention span exceeds that of a cat noticing a string during a hunt. Combat system takes a bit of practice and the shield issue does annoy me. The graphics are excellent if your computer wasn't made in the early 90's. The NPC's are dumb as rocks but will kick your ass if you fuck up. If you actually get into the story it's very good as those "mediocre" quests do actually have meaning most of the time. I too found his voice strained and unrealistic as if the character was voiced by a guy who really wanted diversity in the characters and tried to whisper/talk quietly in order to achieve said goal. I always thought that the locks sounded like the cocking of a shotgun. I noticed that you didn't mention the alchemy system. I imagine because it's an excellent aspect and we simply can't have any positive content in your sad existence. (I mean it, you having to play those awful games would make me want to run to a foreign country and start anew.)



Why is that so funny?!? I literally just laughed for a whole two minutes at that one photo!

Wow they made a very crappy sequal to a very crappy game in the first place. No really why the hell do you have to do a check list routine to just kill something... usually you think you die,

what a crappy sequal

Wow, that inventory system sounds terrible- didn't anyone playtest it?

And is it strange that the bit that turns me off fantasy games is the whole... fantasy part? Give me a good medieval Robin Hood game and I'd be in seventh heaven, but ohhh... you just had to put spells in it, didn't you... It's like post apocalyptic games feeling that they just have to have mutants for some arbitrary reason. Did Mad Max 2 need mutants to be the best post apocalypse film ever made? No it bloody well didn't!

Wow they made a very crappy sequal[sic] to a very crappy game in the first place. No really why the hell do you have to do a check list routine to just kill something... usually you think you die,

what a crappy sequal[sic]

Why did they even make a sequel? The previous product was bashed to Narnia.
I can understand stuff like "Fallout 3", Hell even "Godfather 3" where the previous stuff was worth it's money. But this is ridicoulus, like "World War II 2 - Now with more Mustach Power!"

About what I expected, honestly...
...and somewhat disappointingly(of the game, not the review).

Regarding the review, it seemed less negative than I'd have expected. Which is fine.


Dead Raen:
I'm kind of surprised you didn't stick with the mage, even with that card changing mess.
I've found that when you can pick out of the three classes, the mage is almost always the way to go with Western RPG's (Dragon Age, Fable II, et al.)

There's just something about lighting people on various flavors of element that never really gets old, as opposed to a sword or bow class.

Having played the game I can tell you this: It's pretty darned good. Yahtzee's only real complaint was that he didn't understand the quick set selector, where in you can put a whole set or armor and weapons on a key to swap at any time. I want you to run your fingers across your number pad 5 and 4 keys and tell me if they feel the same. And I'm happy with that said he wasn't really all that negative. Always assume he's blowing something out of proportion. You DON'T have to do a crappy check list, but it would have been nice if you didn't have to manually sheath and un sheath your weapon. If you don't actually pull your weapon out your character starts doing unarmed attacks. Which suck and will make you die. They apparently don't kill people? But most people/animals/monsters/demons don't care about your well being so good luck with that. And it's easy to forget you have to pull the weapon out. It's a minor nuisance but it's not as game breaking as he makes it sound.

That magic creation system is pretty neat. Say you have a fireball attack. You'd make that by combining fire and projectile cards. Add a powercard and now you have a massive fireball attack. Add a homing and a richochet card and now you have a massive fireball that kills something then bounces to another enemy and kills it too. Add a summon card and suddenly you have a massive burning hell hound that tracks down your enemies for you. Take away the power card and he's now a tiny burning hell hound. Take away the dog/summon card and add a wind card, put two of the powercards back in, take out the homing card. Now you're making fire tornados that suck enemies into them.

I don't know, the magic system was pretty good once you got into it. Any game that lets me fire a fireball that explodes and summons 6 stone golems on contact is okay in my book. :P

Exactly. This guy. He gets it.

The game has some wonderful writing that turns RPG conventions on it's head. You can fail a lot of quests just by doing exactly what the quest tells you to instead of using your actual wits. There is a quest for instance where you see some men building a house. One man tells you that they're having trouble building the house because baboons keep stealing all his tools. He thinks maybe they're building something. Outlandish? Yes. But this is typical RPG math right? Go to point a, kill baboons 1-15 and return to point b for reward X. Only it's not your typical RPG. You might notice that this quest seems weird, perhaps even implausible. Or that the men working on the house are all armed. You might dismiss this as typical video game stuff. Turns out they were bandits and when they saw you riding up they pretended to be working. The guy you talked to was being robbed and told you something so stupid he thought nobody that was sane or non-retarded would ever believe it, hoping you'd notice they were armed and would help him. So dead baboons later. Quest failed. The game is full of these moments where you shouldn't make the default "good" or "bad" choice (not that there aren't moral decisions) but the smart one, use your own intelligence and perception and not just follow the guide like an automaton. And I liked that. If I gave you more examples I'd ruin them for you. Sufficed to say this was a good idea and the game deserves some positive recognition for it. they use your learned RPG/video game logic against you. The first time you spot one of these for yourself, go off the rails or just do what you'd expect to do in real life and get "quest complete" it's incredibly rewarding.

Also, the main character sounds like JC Denton. It's not him it turns out, but darned if he isn't doing a heck of an imitation. Also, I liked something Yahtzee pointed out. The armor shop will indeed end you. Once you start buying stuff, you can't stop. It's all so good and you want to match right?

I'm not saying it's a great game. It has it's flaws But it's actually pretty fun imho. You may not agree, but before you judge it crap give it a rental first. Maybe you'll hate it maybe you won't. I rented it because I heard this one was better than the sequel and I walked away with a positive, non-sponsored opinion.

But Yahtzee didnt cover the most important aspect, do they switch back and fore between normal modern english and ye olden times theeing and thouing english, mid sentence. That really ended the first game for me, just gave me a headache.

There is one guy who talks like that in the second game. He is in a tavern. The main character makes fun of him.

Madara XIII:
You mean that FPS rip off of Wild 9 for the Playstation 1 with even more cheesier dialoug than the 90s?

Yeah....I played it and was PISSED!! At least Duke Nukem is original


You were saying?

Mystery as to why in the hell they thought it merited a sequel. TW was a huge, festering turd and a criminal waste of money. Horrible, horrible game. It was educational, though, at least for me - it taught me to never, ever, again, make impulse game buys. Or at least promise myself that :P

I suppose the company has invested too much in their engine or development time, and felt a second whack at this excrement-filled pinata might result in a few nuggets of gold. Or enough money to plague the world (or worlds) with yet another drink coaster, Two Worlds III!

Odd you called it a "Western RPG" - I tend to equate most of those with quality, like many of Bioware's titles. I suppose it is, when compared to JRPG's and the like. Just doesn't sound right. Maybe ERPG would be a better fit, and warning.

What, it sold well? Where, in Germany? Oh, the shame of having contributed to the emergence of a second title.

Yes, still po'd over buying it (TW 1) . [/RANT] hated western RPG because despite of the epic scale of what the diddly hoo haa is going on, there is no sense of flow in the storyline, and yet you also hated JRPG because despite of the flow of storyline, everything is skittles and unicorns and singing dancing babies with googly eyes and hair that Don King would go green with envy.

Oh Yahtzee, you poor, poor bastard. Don't worry, a sandbox game worthy of your glee would come along soon enough. >:3

I am so happy that ZP reads Cracked

Hehe. He made a reference to Cracked. Makes me warm inside.

I'm enjoying it so far (on the Xbox, for the record).

The game itself seems not to take itself seriously at all....while it would be nice to have a more coherent plot, the side quests make it all worth it. From murdering someone's aunt so you can sell off her closet full of medicines, to delivering a severed head to a necromancer, to fighting a host of absurd opponents in gladiatorial's just goofy and fun.

The magic system is good, but you only really get the ability to do anything worthwhile when you level up talented tongue, wisdom, get a bunch of +x willpower modifiers on your equipment, and can actually use a decent staff in the element of your choice. But there is nothing more rewarding than launching five homing poison bolts from an arch necro staff on a settlement full of varn.

Thank you for making me want this game even more.

Another pleasingly scathing review. while I enjoyed his Mindjack one more, it was still as hilarious.

OT: I was looking in my fridge last week and guess what I found: A jar of BRANSTON PICKLE! When I saw it, I just stood there, shocked for ten seconds.

it's funny how the covers symbolizing western rpgs are all from bethesda(and 2 worlds 2). does nobody else do rpgs these days

You should review Magicka! I haven't played more than the beginning of the demo, but it looks entertaining. At the very least, it's non-dark fantasy in which you can light things on fire all over the place.

Was kinda hoping it'd be Bulletstorm but oh well.

WTF, Yatzhee reads articles?
My world is shaking.

Where does he mention/reference Cracked?

At the very end, in the credits. The funny thing is that I did read that Cracked article too...

Here's to seeing Dragon Age 2 getting a new one ripped in an upcoming ep.
hee-hee, nothing like a troll with an audience :)

Srdjan Tanaskovic:
............................a laptop?


you play a demanding game on a laptop?



Amazing review like alway, couldn't stop giggling. Also, I'm glad you read cracked :D That made my day.

The player in two worlds II, yeah.. I love that! Oh sure your father has been lost and there are nasties about. Oh right yeah I might look into it *yawn*

So good! It gives that game something special :)

But well mmm a bit middle of road still daring to go that path in this time. At least it is out before Skyrim hit the market!

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