Zero Punctuation: Bulletstorm

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Ah the old age. Getting old means only one thing, nostalgia. I can complain about something say it was better in the past (not actually true) and say that world is ending.
During that era I remember asking how would it be with realistic and good graphics. Well I got, COD, Battlefield and MoH. Back to the BulletStorm, defenetly a buy for me, but only after getting on sale on steam :p

I played the Bulletstorm demo yesterday and thought to myself "this game is trying really, really hard to be DOOM and Gears of War at the same time, but it just doesn't work."

Glad to see I wasn't the only one.

I want DOOM 3. A *real* DOOM 3, not id's attempt to mimic what their game spawned.

Smeagol150:
Entertaining review, but I believe Bulletstorm is not supposed to be thought about very hard.

few games are.

Still, they did try and shoehorn in a story, so they shouldn't be surprised someone used a couple brain cells on it.

I could have sworn for a second that this was a review of a game called "Grape Nuts" 0.o

The review very funny, but the closing joke seemed a little off to me.

gameinformer gave this flotsam a 9.25/10.... so i guess if portal 2 gets anything under an 11/10 im shooting myself in the face

Bit of a shame that People Can Fly didn't just make a new Painkiller. I like GoW but adding that unrealistic element doesn't sound like a smart move. Oh well.

i'm amazed he didn't mention the flaming gun with tits?

Another game trying too hard to be too many things and thinking just going totally overboard is "Funny".

No mention of the tits on fire thing. Sad! :(

I watched the review hoping for that. x.x;!

I am sad he didn't mention that one of his ideas was crafted into the game. Especially since he mentioned Painkiller several times.

Look here for an explanation if you don't already know...which you should already know about, http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/107995-Bulletstorm-Dev-Honors-Yahtzee-With-Priceless-Gift

Well I guess he can still mention it in an Extra Punctuation or something.

Smeagol150:
Entertaining review, but I believe Bulletstorm is not supposed to be thought about very hard.

If it wasn't meant to be thought about it would avoid doing things like:

Offering an explanation for a mechanic that, in the context of the world, seems short sighted and insane.

Wrangle a series of words into a phrase that makes no sense, then have the player character point out that it makes no sense, followed by doing the former a trillion more times.

Attempt to justify my murders of a planet full of people.

Make me somehow feel bad for murdering said planet full of people.

Simultaneously make me lament the loss of characters the game never bothered to characterize while offering plenty of evidence that suggests the world was probably better off without them mass murdering whatever happens to be handy.

In short, if you don't want me to think about the things I'm doing in the game, don't present me with questions and scenarios that ask me to do precisely that. Unreal never questioned the morality of murdering the denizens of some god forsaken garden world, doom never dared wonder if shooting Satan in the face was the correct choice and painkiller never really tried to question just why Heaven needed a hitman.

For the first time, in a long, long time, I agreed to mostly everything Yahtzee said about the game. The game is a far cry from what People Can Fly used to be with Painkiller. The game doesn't decide if it wants to be serious or a parody or something.

I mean, I liked it and it was a good diversion for a weekend, but that's it, it's not an earth shattering game, it's just Gears of War meets Painkiller. The thing is, that, while the game wanted to be an epic space opera at times, it doesn't feel as fun and engaging as Painkiller, Doom, or my newest love, Serious Sam.

So yeah, I'd say that, for console gamers, just rent it and enjoy it for a weekend, and for PC gamers, wait for the price to go down, there are lots of games already available that are a lot much better than this. Or better yet, buy Serious Sam and/or Painkiller instead.

If you listen closely, you can hear its actually a good review....

It has been too long since I enjoyed his reviews. The part with Epic and People Can Fly actually made me laugh by being funny, or unexpected.

I could almost not finish the demo for this game. I saw what they were trying to do, and that was respectable, but they weren't achieving it and the more they failed the more painful it was to play. Also all the references to penises and anuses made me very uncomfortable. I would have found that to be hilarious when I was 14, but I'm not 14 anymore and now when a guy talks about that all day it usually is anything but funny.

ZZoMBiE13:

That said, I can't really stand Bulletstorm. And sadly I could not even figure out why. It just had no soul. It felt packaged and synthetic.

That's because they were trying to package 'arcady fun' which is something most game developers in the world no longer understand. You might as well be trying to package acting talent, or child-like innocence.

Squilookle:

Now I think about it I don't remember ANYONE complaining about unrealism in shooters in the 90s.

God I miss the 90s....

Games today are made by tens of thousands of drones in a sterile environment working for a humorless suit (often being Microsoft). There is simply no feasible way for them to achieve the character and fun factor of games in the 90's, and the harder bulletstorm tried, the more it failed.

i'm somewhat surprised that he didnt mention the special gun with fire and tits..
though i imagine it isnt exactly what he meant.. they just tossed a little sticker of firey bosoms on the side off the gum.. i imagine yahtzee would like the gun to have actually been on fire.. and to actually have had tits.

Realism sucks. There, I've said it.

Give us ESCAPISM. That's why we're here.

Crimson_Dragoon:
I'm surprised he didn't mention that they answered his wish to have a gun that had tits on fire on it. Sure, it was just a painting on a gun, but it was a nice little call out to his Painkiller review.

Yeah, i wonder did he forget to mention it or is he so much above us that he can't be bothered by such things.

esliang:
Bit of a shame that People Can Fly didn't just make a new Painkiller.

Er.... no it isn't. The Painkiller sequels slowly go down hill and are generally sucky.

Bulletstorm is better than most of the sequels.

I couldn't agree more, Yahtzee. Whatever good elements of mindless violence were resurrected in Bulletstorm from the crypts of mighty ancient first-person shooters, all that was invariably covered over with the shit and piss of modern day "realism".

Good review :)

lol that was about as negative as I thought it'd be.

Personally I really enjoyed Bulletstorm, and it didn't come across as the Chest High Wall Shooter Yahtzee thought it was, granted, you do need to take cover, but that's in every shooter...

I found the super macho chars to be satirical, but the main char's whine did get on my nerves by the end, and it looked quite good.

Also, he's a loser cos he got it on Console, not PC :p

Hey Escapist, the ad for that retarded shogun game fucked up the video. Apparently once the browser loaded the ad, it thought it was done. Nice to see where your priorities lie.

vrbtny:

esliang:
Bit of a shame that People Can Fly didn't just make a new Painkiller.

Er.... no it isn't. The Painkiller sequels slowly go down hill and are generally sucky.

Bulletstorm is better than most of the sequels.

Don't think People Can Fly made any sequels. As far as I'm aware, the released 'sequels' were basically mods/expansions by 3rd party developers.

And none of them are called 'Painkiller 2' ;)

I thought the skill shot system was a great way to encourage players to try and use other ways to kill their opponents then just the plain spray-bullets-at-them-till-they-die method. Killing someone with the machine gun is 10 points. Shooting someone through the throat, attaching an explosion to them, kicking them into a spiked wall and detonating the body is over 100 points.

I never got to play Doom or Painkiller, but I never once felt as though my character was slow. Then again, I just used leash-and-kick all damn day, so I was too busy bringing enemies to me to complain about bringing myself to them. Also, burnouts cluster together all the time until they get close to you. I remember one fantastic experience of leashing a burnout, attaching grenades to him, kicking him into an oncoming group of burnouts, killing him with the sniper rifle, and marveling as the grenades exploded anyway, killing all burnouts nearby, showering me with points.

Also, it never seemed like the main character couldn't choose between being angsty or being an insane killing machine. He started out as the latter, then moved to the former as he realized the number of consequences his actions had.

Yahtzee admitted that he had (some) fun with the game, though, and I guess that's all a person can really get.

Bulletstorm is... booring.

Advancedcaveman:
Well this is the only review that properly addresses the fundamental problems I have with this game. It's completely tied down by the awful bullshit of modern shooters. You can only carry 3 weapons, the levels are completely linear hallways with all the interesting scenery existing in the skybox outside the level, you have to push the alt fire button to "prepare" shots instead of simply firing them, the game wastes the right trigger on an ADS command, you are crippled by the usual low survivability + regenerating health problem that forces you to squat behind boxes and walls instead of simply running around shooting, and the game constantly tries to pile on the retarded Gears style mantard melodrama. Much of the joy and humor is shoved right out of the game as it wastes time trying to justify mechanics. The game would be better if it shed all these crappy contrivances and sported a completely nonsensical storyline where the characters just drunkenly rampage around the universe for no readily explained reason instead of wasting my time trying to act like a movie.

Modern shooters are shit. They're all about showing off engine effects in the form of forced non interactive scripted sequences and in-engine cutscenes rather than focusing on actual level design and gameplay. They're held down by this dumb ass 12 year old "I want to be in the marines when I grow up daddy" demand for realism. Any sort of fun and creativity evaporates under the corrosive cloud of realism and delusions of story depth. At this point every shooter looks and plays exactly the same. Every single one of them has the same exact military theme, every single one basically plays like a light gun game, and every single one of them is completely stagnate and devoid of any sort of interesting gameplay. You have a bunch of identical machine guns that you shoot at identical men with machine guns and everything is sequestered off into forced hand holding sequences where you're basically putting a square peg in a square hole over and over again. Walk to the end of this hallway and press the use button to put explosives on the thing.

The only modern shooter that really uses these conventions in a good way is Halo. Halo games take you through a series of sandbox battles where the space matters and everything (weapons, vehicles, turrets) is organically integrated into gameplay rather than being sequestered off into pre scripted "set piece moments." Most shooters however just copy gameplay mechanics from Halo without actually using them properly. The vehicles are sequestered off into special vehicle driving levels, the levels are all straight hallways instead of being large battlegrounds, and everything is so static and non dynamic that nothing you do matters. Either go the full dynamic path of Halo and STALKER or be like Doom and Duke Nukem 3d and be as crazy as humanly possible. Bulletstorm could have done the latter, but instead it's ruined by the usual improper co opting of Halo mechanics.

i hate posts like this but i love you

I do love Painkiller. I still play it on the hardest setting as I futilely struggle to complete it and grind my teeth in frustration as I die over and over again yet deep in my heart I love the pain.
Theres nothing fun about these triple A shooters. Their all the same, their short, the weapons are boring and the gameplay sucks. We need more Painkillers and Stalkers in our lives. Games that give us the gameplay we love so much and then crank up the difficulty to brain aneurysm levels.

anian:

Plus - damn you UDK, that makes all games look the same even though it's a powerfull modern engine!

I think what you mean is UE3, since UDK is a freeware development kit with a promising showcase of indie games.

And I don't think blaming the engine is the right thing to do, considering games with as diverse styles as Mass Effect, Bioshock, Singularity, Dark Void and Arkham Asylum were made with the same engine. Blame the game developers.

Aylaine:
No mention of the tits on fire thing. Sad! :(

I watched the review hoping for that. x.x;!

Remember when Rebecca Mayes wrote an entire song about Yahtzee, and all she got was a passing mention worth about two seconds in his next review? Anyways, good thing he didn't mention the tits on fire - he would've probably made some snide remark about how it was more like bra-on-fire, with no chance of sucking up to them and relenting in his brutality.

The_root_of_all_evil:
Realism sucks. There, I've said it.

Give us ESCAPISM. That's why we're here.

I'm sorry. CoD and GoW don't do realism. Regenerative health is not realistic. 'Lone Wolf' style gameplay is not realistic. What they do is uber-cliched and bad escapism.

The last realistic game I played, way back in the late 20th Century, was Falcon 4.0. And it was awesome.

Once again, an excellent review of lulzyness.

Levethian:

vrbtny:

esliang:
Bit of a shame that People Can Fly didn't just make a new Painkiller.

Er.... no it isn't. The Painkiller sequels slowly go down hill and are generally sucky.

Bulletstorm is better than most of the sequels.

Don't think People Can Fly made any sequels. As far as I'm aware, the released 'sequels' were basically mods/expansions by 3rd party developers.

And none of them are called 'Painkiller 2' ;)

A quick wikipedia visit later.

Oh, yeah. Good point (>.<)

One was a sequel/expansion by People can fly...... wasn't called painkiller 2 though...

Well, I like Gear of War and I like stupid fun, so Bulletstorm was an acceptable mashup of both to me. I guess it helps that I think of Gears of War as a big dumb shooter with over-the-top machismo as the punchline already, so Bulletstorm is more like an evolution of Gears than a different game with Gears elements.

I think Yahtzee has some valid points about the combat being designed with a facer-paced game in mind but overall I had few problems making use of the secondary attacks when it counted, so your mileage may vary on that one.

Yahtzee, you could have at least acknowledged the fact that PCF put in a flaming tits skin for your gun, even if it is only available in the multiplayer (which is a good idea but limited by the fact that you have to play it with other people - who all SUCK). There's someone at PCF watching your review right now and feeling a bit betrayed, like you promised him an apple tart but when he really got was your cock on a plate, smeared with baby food.

...And succeed in downing both him and themselves on a future equivalent of Butlin's that's been taken over by marauding gangs and mutants...

This line immediately reminded me of one of the least enjoyable episodes of Doctor Who ever made -- Delta and The Bannermen (which was shot at a Butlin's resort in Wales).

only one thing: "tits on fire"

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