Zero Punctuation: Kirby's Epic Yarn

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Yahtzee, if you think Fox News is "mainstream", then I wonder what you'd think if you watched CNN, MSNBC, CBS, or ABC. Aka the "If you don't support Barack Obama in every way, shape, or form, then you're a fucking racist!" media...

Though, I must say, if this game's as bad as you make it out to be, then I can't help but be disgusted with you.

I, myself, enjoy challenging games. And if Epic Yarn has no challenge, which I was hoping that it would because I though the concept could be pretty damn sweet, then that's just one more reason I'm thankful that I have an XBox 360 instead of a Wii.

These days, I wonder what a child would do if confronted by, say, the final levels of Super Mario Brothers 3 or Super Mario world. God help them if they played Devil May Cry...

SO the kirby game doesn't let you die or fail, but rather just get spooked and try to collect money/items for profit to please other people in apartments? Something doesn't seem right, I think it is teaching kids how to become business men.. and also kids like action and adventure, I don't think they want to count cash and know how to decorate their apartments.. just my opinion. Anyhow splendid review Yahtzee! :)

jamiedf:
haha, loved it, yeah fuck the children (not in that way)

God it would have been awkward if you hadn't added that last part.

"A game shouldn't be afraid to tell you, YOU FUCKED UP, when I was a kid, they did it with fucking fanfare and rubbed shit in your eyes, AND THAT'S HOW WE LIKED IT!"

This is why I love ZP. He states the truth in out-fucking-landish ways.

First of all, YES someone who also hates children and isn't afraid to say so.

The Human Torch:
Further proof that the Wii truly is meant for childeren. First adult who I see playing this game will get a lollypop and a colorful cap with a propeller on top from me.

I love Epic Yarn. It's so cute and it's quaintly fun. On long hard days of wanting to strangle customers I come home, get under a blanket, poor a cup of coffee and play games like these. It's my way of telling a angry psychotic world to go abuse someone else for a while, I'm on break. Now, give me my damn lollipop!

spwatkins:

SlothfulCobra:
... Also, it's pretty terrible that the use of the word "epic" to just mean "cool" is being reinforced more and more.

I remember when this happened to the word "awesome".

It made more sense with "awesome," although it is a bit of a shame that word was cheapened, but "epic" had a more specific meaning, it was supposed to be a noun meaning a sort of long narrative following a legendary hero.

Kirby's no Odysseus, and Meta Knight and King Dedede are no Scylla and Charybdis

mjc0961:
This game was pretty good, until I tried doing those little mini-games those apartment renters make you do. Holy shit, those things are frustrating and awful. And all you get for doing them was wallpaper I wasn't going to use, more money that I didn't need, and some points towards 100% which doesn't really mean anything important. Yay, I got 100%. So what? Once again I wasted my time playing something unenjoyable for something that when I look back on it now, it means fuck all.

Rest of the game was pretty fun though.

Okysho:
Also, it looks like Epic Yarn took everything Sakurai couldn't put into SSBB adventure mode and threw it into one big game. I know HAL entertainment are notorious for secrets and backtracking, but FUCK!

Well, it didn't. It was made by Good Feel, not HAL. Thanks for playing though!

Epic Yarn was made by Feel Good AND HAL. Kirby isn't Nintendo's property, it's Masahiro Sakurai's, the owner of HAL who "technically" went 3rd party after finishing Brawl, but still only makes games for Nintendo.

yeah... This is Sakurai's doing...

So EA payed so much that even Yahtzee can't say anything about DA2 huh? Lovely.

Anyway, if the game is not a challenge then it's poo. I say we let kids play DMC and not give them food until they're done.

Unhappy Crow:
I still want this game even if it is short and easy.

Short and easy. Like a promiscuous dwarf.

Sorry, I just had to.

Anyway, good video, funny like always. Don't have a Wii, though, and I don't plan to get one.

mrhateful:
Come on give us DA2 review, I want to hear you hate on it :D

He must not have anything funny to say about it yet.

Yeah, this game is pretty much only challenging if you go for Gold Medals on every stage. (Lousy bleepin' train stages...)

The "not dying" thing wasn't that much of a loss for me. I'm the type of perfectionist that tries to get the highest score I can on the first playthroughs of platforming games. Trust me, when you spend all that time collecting those beads to get a gold medal just to have it all lost because you or your partner fall off the stage or got owned multiple times by an enemy, it's pretty much the same feeling you get when you die in any other game.

Not surprising to see Yahtzee didn't like it. This is one of those games that isn't nearly as fun unless you're playing it with someone, unfortunately. Except for the boss stages, which are great, the game as a whole is pretty simple. I never got to that apartment part of the game though. I might have to boot the game back up again.

This review was epic to the point of going beyond epic and entering MONUMENTAL!!

Not for the actual review of Kirby, mind you, but the social commentary which is especially poignant in it's reflection of today's kids.

This one heads straight up to the top of the list of reviews I favor. And between that and Lisa Foilles Top 5 this week, I am one happy reader (watcher?) whatever.

Yahtzee's GF looks like Faith from Mirrors Edge.

I cry myself to sleep knowing that I will never be able to get an XBOX 360 or PS3 because of my family's money troubles. I just have to get my hardcore giggles from the Wii, which is like getting your milk from a coconut.

Think about it.

Madara XIII:

XxOyasumixX:
I miss old school kirby crystal shards for the n64 THAT was an epic kirby game
fire+fire=UBER FIRE
lightning+ice=FRIDGE
Fire+Ice=USELESS

i could name all of them XD

YES YES YES YEEEEEE*Orgasms*EEEES

Thank you for bringing up that awesome game. That's what Kirby was about god dammit.

By far one of the hardest last bosses I've ever faced IMO as well.

I KNOW! such a pain! def my favorite kirby game
Everyone was friends in that game!
whenever I see King Dedede or Waddle Dee as an enemy I'm like NO WAY THEY USED TO BE FRIENDS XD

Whahah...

"I don't know why a game should be afraid to tell someone they fucked up. When I was a kid they did it with fucking fan-fares and rubbed shit in your eyes. And that's how we liked it!"

Yahtzee sure was "on fire" this time.

Regenerating health can be kinda ridiculous, but it's not normally game breaking.
Therefore, Nintendo proudly presents to you a main character with infinite health... wait, what.

I saw this game at E3 and it looked so good, without even playing it I just thought I had to have it.

I also live near Australia and had to wait forever before it came out. What a disappointment. It looks great and is fun to play for about 5 minutes but it's just boring. No fun at all. (and that's coming from someone who thought Yoshi's Story was fun). All style no substance.

His son's name: Bob Jenga Croshaw. Sorry I had to.....

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Kirby's Epic Yarn

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Kirby's Epic Yarn and Colorful Apartment Management Simulator 2011, which may in fact be the same game.

Watch Video

You Sir, are a legend!! lol, I find that you can even take something like this and make it funny pure genius!!

But the grass Yahtzee! It feels like pants!

Taunta:
But the grass Yahtzee! It feels like pants!

I like the line, "Suddenly, Kirby turned into a car!"

Just insert THAT into casual conversation.

Yahtzee's apartment rant reminded me of this scene in Fight Club:

As always hilarious stuff.

For me, the biggest disappointment about this game is the fact that you can't die. That really killed it for me. I don't really mind the whole "kiddie" aspect, since I've always had a soft spot for Kirby, but this was just taking it a little too far.

wii i think your grave is deep enough stop bloody digging already

Is the not dying comparable to the 2008 Prince of Persia? Because I didn't have a problem with it in that game, where it was just a game restart from the previous platform instead of a "game over" screen.

Yahtzee himself explains in the first minute of this review why he shouldn't have done this review at all. His blind hatred of children and anything to do with them leaves him completely unable to rationally analyze the game as a game ("could have been on the SNES", indeed). Better to just take a week off than to release something this inferior.

EDIT: And since when do games not located in carnival midways have to "reward" you at the end? Isn't the experience of a game, the gameplay and graphics and so forth, generally considered its own reward. Ah well, if you're determined to give something lousy marks, better make sure the goalposts are nice and far away.

EDIT EDIT: And since when are we, especially the subset of "we" who consider children awful and useless anyway, expecting games to teach kids useful ANYTHING? Has Yahtzee joined the Australian Board of Censors (or whatever it's called) since last week or something?

Was it just me, or did anyone else feel that Yahtzee was talking a bit more cynically than usual. Good review non-the-less.

I hope he reviews The Sims Medieval next week (seriously).

Great review, first time in months I actually lol'd at a ZP. I'm going to get this game now, my nunchuck is shit and I assumed this used one. Now that I know it's only Wiimote controlled I'm going for it!

You know, Yahtzee, I think it's for the good of humanity that you don't procreate. :P

Honestly, this one was not half as funny as any previous ZP I have seen since I started watching them on You Tube. This one was just too preachy for my tastes. Much more so than any other review. It had less 'funny jabs at the game' and more 'this is what I don't like about X, that is unrelated to the game'. Please try again.

Ok, so I've gone through and found the only letters you don't have on your list are Q, X (I don't count Xbla) and Y

Suggestions:
Q- Sorry, all I can find is Quake, Queen Singstar, and Q-Bert. Help me out guys! Maybe there's a Quest of the blah blah type game somewhere.

Y- You Don't Know Jack (oh please oh please oh please), Yogi Bear (oh boooooy a movie license game), Yoshi, Yakuza, Yugioh

Edit: X removed from list- Mydnight brought up the X-Blades review!

Loved the review - probably the best so far this year!

Yeah kids have it too easy these days - bring back the "You Suck" life lesson fanfares.

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