Zero Punctuation: Kirby's Epic Yarn

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I haven't seen it yet. Is there 15 minutes of bashing America for a game produced in Amsterdam? Oh gosh I so hope ...

Coming up next, blaming Australians for something the Austrians did, and blaming Brits for something in Azerbaijan. Gee this is fun.

portal_cat:

SnootyEnglishman:
and here i was expecting a Dragon Age 2 review. Well expectations shattered i still enjoyed this.

Same here. I guessing it will be a while before he reviews Dragon Age 2 but I can wait.

His column indicated that he is playing or has recently played DA2. Should be next week.

ADDLibrarian:
Ok, so I've gone through and found the only letters you don't have on your list are Q, X (I don't count Xbla) and Y

Suggestions:
Q- Sorry, all I can find is Quake, Queen Singstar, and Q-Bert. Help me out guys! Maybe there's a Quest of the blah blah type game somewhere.

X- X:Beyond the Frontier (ooh it's a space game- you like space games, right?), X-Men game (i.e. X-Men Legends, X-Men Next Dimension, etc.)

Y- You Don't Know Jack (oh please oh please oh please), Yogi Bear (oh boooooy a movie license game), Yoshi, Yakuza, Yugioh

Well, Graham Stark appeared for a mini-review of X-Blades (before Yahtzee appeared and booted him to review HALO Wars). Does that count?

Come to think of it, I think that X-Blades review was an April Fool's joke. And April Fool's Day is just over a week away. I say, brace for April Fool's jokes from Zero Punctuation and Unskippable next week, fellow Escapists...

Alright, so I didn't really expect anything different from a review of a game like this from a guy like Yahtzee, but one thing I do want to complain about was his portrayl of Kirby in this review. It sucks.

And I don't mean that in a "lol Kirby literally sucks up stuff" sort of way, I mean it's a lame representation of what Kirby's supposed to look like.

Gay joke in the credits? Subtle.

WHAT? This came out last September over here!
Fuck Australia!

mgabrys:
I haven't seen it yet. Is there 15 minutes of bashing America for a game produced in Amsterdam? Oh gosh I so hope ...

Coming up next, blaming Australians for something the Austrians did, and blaming Brits for something in Azerbaijan. Gee this is fun.

He's a comedian. Have a sense of humour about it.
Anyway, it's only 5 minutes of Ameribashing. and he doesn't make any jokes about America.

Is it me, or is Kirby the brand name Nintendo sticks on their more innovative (i.e. not another bloody Mario/Zelda/Metroid) games? I'm looking over the few Kirby games I have on hand, and they don't play like each other.

re:"He's a comedian. Have a sense of humour about it."

You're right - I should wait for his montage of jokes about people in Japan floating face-down in the water while radioactive. That'll be a laff-riot. After all he's a comedian and you should have a sense of humor about the new Japanese game, "umumi-puffypuffy - drowny drowny nuclear core go explodey explodey".

And I won't take offense because "He's a comedian. Have a sense of humour about it.". That makes it all better.

Great review! I don't see the point in games where there is no challenge whatsoever. You might as well make a Kirby Yarn cartoon movie and sit the kids in front of it then.

This has me think back to a brief rental with Kirby and the Crystal Shards for the N64. From what I played, it was a pretty fun platformer what with the combos and everything when you absorbed enemies. But these days the cuteness in that would still be overpowering; I can't imagine this yarn version sans any difficulty. That's partly why I don't turn on my 360: Damn cutesy avatars...[1]

[1] The other part being that I don't use it.

Lol that was a Moral Orel reference wasn't it???

Thank you Yahtzee for turning that ridiculous child argument around with evidence. Parents are always screaming "what about the children" and "won't someone think of the children". So I'll just go with what George Carlin said about the children.

When you boil down things enough to "sanitize" material for children, this is the kind of crap you are left with, and what real messages are the kids getting from these experiences, if anything at all?

Honestly, I've always felt that Nintendo had a good marketing strategy to aim towards a young audience. Those of us who grew up with the first Nintendo always thought we'd have Mario throughout our lives, living through new adventures and watch as Mario kept up with the times and we'd all be old and still trying to save the princess in another castle. How does a guy (Bowser) with no pants afford so many damn castles anyway? But unfortunately, Nintendo has let a few of our childhood memories fall to the wayside only to be appealing to the next generation. I agree, I have no concept on the point of what Kirby is, but I get the feeling you'd get more accomplished by plugging a Kirby vacuum into a tv than playing that game. And it would teach kids something!

jamiedf:
haha, loved it, yeah fuck the children (not in that way)

HA! Made my day. XD

WTF!!!! Who gives a shit about this crappy wii game?! You would review wii games ment for retards but won't review epic RTS games like Star Craft or Total War?

Hm, this one wasn't as funny as usual. Or maybe that's just me.

Due to the kerning of the title, I had to scrutinize the ZP menu screen and came to the conclusion that the game is called, "Kirby's Epic YAM." Considering all the eating Kirby does, that title could work too! :)

Kanazuchi:
Is it me, or is Kirby the brand name Nintendo sticks on their more innovative (i.e. not another bloody Mario/Zelda/Metroid) games? I'm looking over the few Kirby games I have on hand, and they don't play like each other.

Funnily enough, Kirby is one of Nintendo's best-selling franchises, and is right behind Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, and Metroid in terms of popularity.

Sooo, how was the game like?

... No seriously, how was the game? I don't think I ever got an answer for that in the review.

wheres my pokemon murder simulator?

CriticalGriffin:
Sooo, how was the game like?

... No seriously, how was the game? I don't think I ever got an answer for that in the review.

If that remains unanswered after you watched a review, not worth it.

BreakdownBoy:
WTF!!!! Who gives a shit about this crappy wii game?! You would review wii games ment for retards but won't review epic RTS games like Star Craft or Total War?

those types of games are only played by fanboys of that genre, so they already have their audience.

Mydnyght:

Well, Graham Stark appeared for a mini-review of X-Blades (before Yahtzee appeared and booted him to review HALO Wars). Does that count?

Come to think of it, I think that X-Blades review was an April Fool's joke. And April Fool's Day is just over a week away. I say, brace for April Fool's jokes from Zero Punctuation and Unskippable next week, fellow Escapists...

Oh you're right! X is crossed off the list then!

Hardcore_gamer:
A Kirby game? I can't say I was expecting that.
lol.
I guess he will review Homefront next week then.

I was shocked to. But hay if your main goal is to be funny why not pick on something so unimportant it won't hurt to act like Yahtzee.

On the plus side I don't have to hear about Dragon age 2.
Which will sound like "I like it but I don't like it becuase........." insert back handed verbal blow job here.

but really the review was fun. I think this is the first time I forgot to look till a day later, and felt horribly under whelmed after seeing it.

Selvec:
All the new games out, and you pick a game that was released a few months ago xD.

Its always nice to hear Yahtzee take the piss out of a Wii game, even one that doesn't use that horrible masturbation aid.

but you DO realize how he complained about release delays? It was released on feb 24 in AUS (compared to oct 17 in the US), so it's not THAT old for him. XD

Man, I remember what it was like as a kid, every slip up was a death, every death took you closer to the game over screen and when you get there...saves? Don't make me laugh.

If you want to finish a game you have to do it in one marathon sitting (though they were thankfully shorter)...

Giving kids games where you can't die...honestly...give them the pain, the mockery when you lose out! Watering it down now will only give them hope! Crush it, let them know how their dreary life will really pan out (and that getting stabbed kills you, not makes you lose money)

Hey Yahtzee, didn't you just say in Extra Punctuation that you LIKED the Sonic-style health system? Now you are complaining about it? Mhmmm....

and really, a Kirby game revolves around decking out a virtual apartment? Huh?

ps: Does anyone else think that guy in the Alienware commercial is furiously masturbating? They don't show his hands.

The lute line warranted a rewind and then a re-watch.

This is the game the stopped me from buying anything more for the Wii.

Iwata mentioned kirby during his GDC keynote: explaining they wanted to make a game you couldn't fail - and still make it fun - to address the rising difficulty levels in games. I wish I'd heard this before I purchased the game. I was suckered in by the art-style, figuring it must be Nintendo's answer to Little Big Planet (which I loved. hugely great experience with friends, that drew in several girlfriends who usually don't game).

I played EpicYarn for about an hour, by myself, hating every minute. baffled. It felt like a demo which someone forgot to plot out.
No motivation at all continue playing. I still can't tell if this is due to the no-fail mechanic (which I don't remember noticing, honestly. Just thought it was easy at the time). I expect it's due to the non-sensical non-plot.

it's too bad they didn't hide an adult plot away in the harder parts, instead of ... apartments? ... I actually didn't know there was any reward for playing through the game, so this review was very useful for pointing this out. far more useful than other reviews which drool over the fabric graphics. (other reviews of this game have also baffled me. great graphics? huh?).

Another way to sum this game up might be : it's children's entertainment that offers a big fuck you to adults. I don't understand why someone would WANT to make something like this. on purpose.

(thought it was widely accepted that great children's entertainment can be enjoyed by both children and adults. it lets them come together and bond. it gives children a little something to aspire to. and adults a little something to remind them of youthful fun and innocence. offering nothing for adults reeks of teletubbies and barney - random colors and sounds offer no bridge to the real world.)

They should have called it "Kirby: Fuzzy Test Patterns"

Excellent review as ever!

It's pretty amazing that he went through the whole thing without mentioning if it was FUN or not.

CriticalGriffin:
Sooo, how was the game like?

... No seriously, how was the game? I don't think I ever got an answer for that in the review.

Well, I thought it was pretty good, but it mostly came down to how amazing the visuals are, how wonderful the music was, and how painfully adorable the whole game was! The gameplay itself was pretty good, a nice little twist on regular platformers.

MB202:

Kanazuchi:
Is it me, or is Kirby the brand name Nintendo sticks on their more innovative (i.e. not another bloody Mario/Zelda/Metroid) games? I'm looking over the few Kirby games I have on hand, and they don't play like each other.

Funnily enough, Kirby is one of Nintendo's best-selling franchises, and is right behind Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, and Metroid in terms of popularity.

Well that's good. Maybe Nintendo isn't as intellectually bankrupt as Yahtzee suggests.

Yatzee went full retard on this review. He should leave reviews games aimed to kids to 1) Kids, 2) People who have kids or (at the very least) 3) People who played the other games in the serie. Hopefully his eventual "hypothetical son" will set him straigth here.

Of course, any complain about Yatzee will be meet with resistance, but he doesn't have a leg to stand on here, and I actually welcome any rebutal other than "but but but that game is soooo eaaassyyyy". Yes, it is : It's aimed at 5-8 y/o kids. Are you 5-8? No? Then STFU about that "fact".

Let's start : The apartment building and it's tenants are NOT an Apartment Decoration Mini Game. If he really think that it is, then he didn't play the game, or even just interacted with the tenants he hate so much. Each of the "tenants" are really just Challenges Menus, nothing more than that. They are there as a cute way to introduce challenges to the players. The serve the same function as a list menu containing sub-menus, and to see it as anything else than that is being quite obtuse. But guess what? It's a menu that a kid too young to read can still understand.

There is about 100 of them, maybe more. They range from finding a number of objects in a level within a time limit to things like races or killing all the enemies in a level, and some of them are Meat Boy hard (the 1st and 2nd level of Meat Boy maybe, but still)

Why is he complaining? Every fucking games now have the same unlockables, Epic Yarn is just doing it in a way that catch the interest of the target demographic (which isn't Yaztee or his hypothetical son)

Also, about 25% of the levels are hidden, and unless he killed all of the Bosses without taking a hit (and some of the levels without taking a hit), he didn't unlock them, which means that he (or his hypothetical son) didn't finish the game.

You seem to have forgotten that not every gamers got their start with Mario, Contra and Zelda. Some played Kirby, Wonderboy and Alex Kidd, and Nintendo was trying to reach the same kind of people, not your hardcore hypothetical son.

There is about 10 other Kirby games in the serie AND THEY ALL PLAY LIKE EPIC YARN. Complaining about Epic Yarn is complaining about the formula that made Kirby what it is over the last 20 years. It's like complaining that there isn't enough car chases in Final Fantasy or wishing that Super Mario be more like Super Meat Boy.

For example : Metaknight isn't Kirby's nemesis since quite a few games ago, that's why he loan the Halberd to Kirby. This is part of the story established ever since the very first Kirby, 20 years ago. Metaknight lend a hand when Kirby needs it, he always does. He not only didn't play them, he is completely ignorant of anything that has to do with Kirby.

There are differences of course, the main one being that Kirby lost the ability to inhale enemies, but then again he couldn't do in the first game in the serie either. It's still Kirby though. I bought it knowing full well what it would be, and my expectations were more than meet.

Also, what's with his obsession to "learn" something in a game? WTF? Not dying means not trying? For fuck's sake, what a retarded assertion. What is the difference between not dying and dying, but just starting from the start of a level when you continue?

I'll counter his "experience" with children (eg : with his hypothetical son) with my (concrete) experience, coming from a real flesh and blood daughter : Last Fall, she played games with Dora The Explorer, Diego, all the Disney Princesses, Cooking Mama, etc. All of them were about wiggling her wiimote about, nothing like what I used to play at her age. She is a girl (!!) so the choices of games aren't that amazing. Bratz games and botched Barbie offerings, everything sucks. Then I bought Epic Yarn. In the space of 4 months, she beat it (at 100%), and she was asking for more... I got all the Kirby games on the VC, gave her my Gameboys and emulated the ones I couldn't find legitimately. She beat every single ones of them, all of them with all the unlocks. She even finished Avalanche, which is quite hard.

What did she learn? TO USE A D-PAD AND TWO BUTTONS. You rant about motion, what he should realize is that a *lot* of kids raised on a Wii can't use a D-Pad. They learn to use a D-Pad when they get a DS these days. Also, that games can be fun even without colors or 3D. She learned more about gaming more than with any other games she played, and she seemed to enjoy games more like how I remember enjoying at her age. (again, 5-8 here)

She spit on motion control now... In fact, she seem to be able to hold the pad in any direction. I saw her play holding it behind her head, upside down and even reversed. She put me to shame.

Anyway... This review felt thrown together based on a cynical kidless adult presumptions. I'm sorry, I wouldn't be defending the game if I didn't see it played nearly every day, along with all of it's ancestors, for the last 8 months. Kirby is quite Epic, ever since the first.

Wow that's a fucking wall of text...

TD;LR : Yatzee got it all wrong, and he wish his future son to be a cynic like him. Also, it's a fun game, if you are between 5-8 or have kids that are in that age.

warrenEBB:
Another way to sum this game up might be : it's children's entertainment that offers a big fuck you to adults. I don't understand why someone would WANT to make something like this. on purpose.

Wow... just wow...

I don't know about your father, but mine didn't really play my copy of Kirby's Adventure. Maybe he though that Nintendo was giving him a big fuck you? Wow I understand my childhood now?! Or maybe it was too wasy for him, but fun for me?

Maybe, just maybe, you bought a game for kids? Wanna try Barbie Goes Riding A Horse next and tell us how there is nothing in it for you?

beema:
Hey Yahtzee, didn't you just say in Extra Punctuation that you LIKED the Sonic-style health system? Now you are complaining about it?

You can still die in Sonic. Yahtzee stated that, in this, you just get kind of spooked when you've run out of your "currency" and can never actually die.

Maraveno:

DolorousEdd:
Damn, so they streamlined Kirby and dumbed it down. (So that no one takes me for a fan of this series: this was in allusion to the missing DA2 review.)

Luckily not everyone makes new acounts solely to bash meaninglessly ey?

First of all, I didn't make a new account (?) to bash meaninglessly. Second, I didn't even bash, I just related a common perception in a humorous way (like, humorous review and stuff?). If you agree or not, that's basically the refrain around which to build a criticism or praise of DA2.

Or did I even step on the toes of some hardcore Kerby-fans here? :O I didn't know people actually take this very, very seriously.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who rather expected a review of DA2 by now, and I wanted to express this in a not too straightforward manner (as some might have cried out "WHAT'S WITH THE REVIEW OF SO-SO" as I've seen in the past).

Not that any of this is remotely important, really.

Kanazuchi:

MB202:

Kanazuchi:
Is it me, or is Kirby the brand name Nintendo sticks on their more innovative (i.e. not another bloody Mario/Zelda/Metroid) games? I'm looking over the few Kirby games I have on hand, and they don't play like each other.

Funnily enough, Kirby is one of Nintendo's best-selling franchises, and is right behind Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, and Metroid in terms of popularity.

Well that's good. Maybe Nintendo isn't as intellectually bankrupt as Yahtzee suggests.

Nintendo's huge enough to have multiple divisions, so which games are more creative than others kind of depends which division is making the game, at least that's how I see it.

Also, I'm surprised that I'm the only one who didn't see Kirby's Epic Yarn as inherently kiddie, at least not right away.

Well, I have kids and we have this game, and I thought this was the funniest review ever. One thing about the inability to lose or die is that when my kids play two players, they have a shitload of fun just arsing around totally unseriously and annoying the hell out of each other and laughing and that's really what playing games is about, isn't it?

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