Zero Punctuation: Pokemon White

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wc alligator:

Onyx Oblivion:

Falseprophet:

Pokemon is now the middle school version of COD and Halo?

Do you know what Pokemon REALLY is?

It's secretly the deepest competitive strategy game ever.

IT HAS TIER LISTS

http://www.smogon.com/dp/articles/intro_comp_pokemon

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah... wait you aren't kidding.

Yu-Gi-Oh! has tier lists too. That doesn't really indicate anything.

Yu-Gi-Oh! is still way better than pokemon actually. I don't know why it gets so much hate while pokemon doesn't.
Also, at least Yu-Gi-Oh! DOESN'T HAVE FUCKING LAND CARDS so I don't really see why MTG gets so much more respect than it either.

Nope. Instead, it has field cards, which are a lot like land cards.

Emolga. The little fucker. Burn the flying squirrel bastards!

When i saw that the reviews name had a "pokemon WHITE" in it, i already knew that he was going to make a joke about why he chose white power instead of black one.
But anyways, really nice episode, it made my day. Thanks!

nice one i would still love to live in the pokemon world even if i have to wear that chip atleast everybody agrees modern schools are terible and its a smarter idea to yust let them leave there home to catch animals and hope they dont die or blow up the world.

Jyggalag:
HAHAHA Ben Yahtzee doing a Pokemon review? I didn't even watch it yet and I can already tell it's going to be hilarious!

Yeah, I was hoping he would do one. :P

I enjoyed playing Pokemon red when I was younger, and was immensely disappointed when playing Pokemon Diamond.

It was the same game, with 1,000 gimmicks and side shows tacked on - the Underground, Secret Bases, Dress Up & Accessories? Am I meant to be glad I didn't get the copy that had phone call spam from a braggard with a Rattata as a feature?

The graphics had gone from acceptable at the time of release (Red) to rather shoddy actually (Diamond). When the number of pokemon's rocketed up, the size of the project to animate them (so they look like something other than bouncing pixelated cardboard cutouts making screeching noises) shot through the roof. The sprite sheets from Streets of Rage 2 characterise the minor thugs better than event pokemon from a RPG released from nearly 2 decades later - even allowing for what is essentially pallete swapped shiny pokemon.

This is not a stylistic choice, it is low expectations on the players behalf. Pokemon's business model creates bloat - or really just a "here we go again!" ending - and this is a sign of a project choking under its own weight. Even rare or specific flavour animations don't exist. When two pokemon that are supposedly rivals (zangoose v seviper, for example) are brought out to battle, there is no additional roaring or snarling. When a pokemon flinches, it doesn't visibly flinch. Its like a 1920s silent film, where everything is spelled out.

Any attempting roleplaying in a game as linear as Pokemon is bathos. This is a show where even where the meat in food comes from has a don't-ask-don't-tell element to it. Everything is branded with the word "Poke-" in it. It is as immersive as banging your head against the outside of your locked front door and saying "I'm inside, I'm home, really!"

No actual skill can be used as an alternative for simply memorising the formulae that drive the game - the type effectiveness and weakness chart, the special abilities of individuals. Yes that's challenging, but its memorisation. There are no strategies - indeed using something like the FEAR Rattata is criticised, or considered plain cheating. Why? Because a player is no longer mechanically using the type chart and grinding to a high level to try to gain an advantage.

Pokemon Red was a great game. I will not hurt the feelings of fans of later games by insulting the sequels, but I will say this: they have been disappointments for me.

what's wrong with living in Crazy Nutjob Land, Yahtzee?
You can find Tom Cruise and Charlie Sheen living in there :P

Onyx Oblivion:
You got your game strategy thrown off by EMOLGA enough to complain about it? Pokemon wasn't EASY enough for you that a Gym Leader you COULDN'T sweep with one move is a negative point against it?

image

The bane of Yahtzee's existence.

In all fairness, I got thrown off by that gym too. There are heavy hints everywhere towards using ground pokemon, all of the trainers in her gym use typical electric types, and then she uses electric/flying. Me and Palpitoad were pissed. Also, I never really think what yahtzee says about the games are truly negative as much as just nitpicking things that bugged him. Which in this case, I laughed hard, because I understood his nitpick.

Onyx Oblivion:

Still the Rock Tomb TM was in the area before the gym, and most Ground types can learn it. And should have learned it, expecting Flying types or not.

You really expect everyone to take the alternate path and get their ass kicked at the desert resort?

Orekoya:

Jman1236:
Yeah the flying/electric type took me by suprise the first time I challenged that gym too. Whats worse is that she has 3/4 of them each with a TM move called Volt switch which damages you and swaps with a different member in her team, and here I thought that the Elite four were cheap.

That's actually really easy to counter, open with your slowest that is strong against flying and it'll use that move without fail but the second one will be hit so go with a heaviest attack move. Next move swap to a rock type to block the electric attack because it'll do it again and ko that weaken paper cannon before it can finish it's double team spamming to make itself untouchable.

I had a rock type thing, which I taught a move that damaged the pokemon whenever they switched in. I sat there using harden and allowed them to slowly kill themselves -.- boring but still quite satisfying :L

Holy shit a Syndicate Wars reference. That'll go over the heads of so many people.

Pokemon white was hard yahtzee?


I pretty much had NO trouble with the gyms or bosses in black/white, like even less than usual. the elite four was laughably easy, and the only reason I had ANY trouble with Ghestis at all was because i didn't have an ice type. This accusation of the bosses being too hard confuses me.

Also, aren't the characters in Black/White supposed to be like 18? Not exactly little kids.

samaugsch:

wc alligator:

Yu-Gi-Oh! is still way better than pokemon actually. I don't know why it gets so much hate while pokemon doesn't.
Also, at least Yu-Gi-Oh! DOESN'T HAVE FUCKING LAND CARDS so I don't really see why MTG gets so much more respect than it either.

Nope. Instead, it has field cards, which are a lot like land cards.

Field cards were not essential for gameplay and weren't used at all, while in MTG you need land cards to do pretty much anything, so they are absolutely nothing alike. Your statement falls flat.

themilo504:
nice one i would still love to live in the pokemon world even if i have to wear that chip.

Same. Then, I could just carry a whole bunch of wild Pokemon and swarm everyone who tries to challenge me. :D

Jdb:
I want to know why some people think Pokemon is a super-complex game. Raising Pokemon is complex, but when it comes to battles between similarly-raised Pokemon it's just crossing fingers and hoping the other guy doesn't send out scissors when paper is in play.

http://www.smogon.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=144&prefixid=warstory

Pick a thread, read the battle report contained within and the guy's thoughts on what he was going to do next and why etc for a standard competitive Pokemon battle.

Then look me in the eye and say that again.

wc alligator:

samaugsch:

wc alligator:

Yu-Gi-Oh! is still way better than pokemon actually. I don't know why it gets so much hate while pokemon doesn't.
Also, at least Yu-Gi-Oh! DOESN'T HAVE FUCKING LAND CARDS so I don't really see why MTG gets so much more respect than it either.

Nope. Instead, it has field cards, which are a lot like land cards.

Field cards were not essential for gameplay and weren't used at all, while in MTG you need land cards to do pretty much anything, so they are absolutely nothing alike. Your statement falls flat.

Got a point there. :P

i guess homefront is coming next week

the entire reason I told Pokemon to fuck all (with the exception of my wife and I getting heartgold/soulsilver last year) is because it became pretty much impossible to "catch em all" as the classic marketing materiel challenged players to do.

GameFreak needs to develop a Wii Pokemon game with all freaking 600 of the buggers in them over an expansive world as large as the five generations combined.

Onyx Oblivion:

Falseprophet:

Onyx Oblivion:
Besides, "catching them all" is no longer viable...or even the point, really. It's all about competitive play, with the advent of wi-fi in D/P/P.

Pokemon is now the middle school version of COD and Halo?

Do you know what Pokemon REALLY is?

It's secretly the deepest competitive strategy game ever.

IT HAS TIER LISTS

http://www.smogon.com/dp/articles/intro_comp_pokemon

OMG! D:

However, I would argue that the fact that it has tiers makes it less deep since that would mean that there are pokémons that are better than others, which leaves less room for strategy.

as much as I used to like Pokemon after playing a "free version" of the game to see if was any good I wanted to do this to myself
image

Ekit:

Onyx Oblivion:

Falseprophet:

Pokemon is now the middle school version of COD and Halo?

Do you know what Pokemon REALLY is?

It's secretly the deepest competitive strategy game ever.

IT HAS TIER LISTS

http://www.smogon.com/dp/articles/intro_comp_pokemon

OMG! D:

However, I would argue that the fact that it has tiers makes it less deep since that would mean that there are pokémons that are better than others, which leaves less room for strategy.

I just like the word Tier...

I really just meant click the link.

C2Ultima:

randommaster:
You really should have picked up Pokemon Black, Yahtzee. It focuses on story rather than collecting a bunch of critters. At one point you have to choose whether to choose between your friend and your journey, with a branching story for each path. It's pretty much two entirely different games and it puts the Bioware writing staff to shame.

I'm sorry you had to get the wrong version to get back into what has become a great series.

What's the difference between White and Black? I'm pretty sure they're the same game, apart from a few version exclusives and White Forest/Black City.

Were you taking me seriously?

randommaster:
You really should have picked up Pokemon Black, Yahtzee. It focuses on story rather than collecting a bunch of critters. At one point you have to choose whether to choose between your friend and your journey, with a branching story for each path. It's pretty much two entirely different games and it puts the Bioware writing staff to shame.

I'm sorry you had to get the wrong version to get back into what has become a great series.

yea that's totally comparable to KOTOR or ME2 in terms of writing. i'm astounded that bioware has skimmed by with so little effort put into their writing that a recycled story with one twist can put them to shame.

Onyx Oblivion:
You got your game strategy thrown off by EMOLGA enough to complain about it? Pokemon wasn't EASY enough for you that a Gym Leader you COULDN'T sweep with one move is a negative point against it?

image

The bane of Yahtzee's existence.

It's less that he couldn't sweep it in one hit and more that the game misled him. Like he said, everybody in the gym, both in and out, tell you to use Ground-Types. The area outside the city is filled with Ground Types. Then the game pulls a 180 and has you face a Flying Type. Confusing players like that is bad game design, and there's no excuse for it.

horrible review may I say, I disagree how you think it is made for made people.

While I am not particularly fond of how each new installment of Pokemon barely updates itself (this is why I tend to wait 3-4 games before buying a new Pokemon game), the gameplay mechanics themselves actually go fairly deep.

EV's and breeding the perfect moves and clever setups, it all kind of makes my brain hurt. The real heart of Pokemon is the competitive scene even though I've never really been able to get too into it myself.

None of the changes from game to game tend to affect the single player very much which is the reason I wait several games before jumping back in and I suspect the reason Yahtzee doesn't really like it (on top of his hatred for this sort of game in the first place).

Ace IV:

GamemasterAnthony:
O_O;;

Oh dear crap...I'm beginning to wonder if I should stop that Let's Play of Pokémon Black/White I'm doing now. As I mentioned in the Extra Punctuation thread about Dragon Age 2, I'm doing a sort of Let's Play on the games, but in a way that you'd have to read it as if read by our favorite Aussie here. Mostly because I doubt I could do him justice after seeing this.

Don't stop doing something just because you're afraid you won't do well. That's pretty beta, bro. I'm sure people will love your Let's Play video. Hell, I'd watch it.

That's the thing...it's not a video, it's kinda a first person novelization of sorts. It probably doesn't even qualify as a proper Let's Play. Here...here's a snippet of what I'm doing to give you an idea.

After leveling my Pokémon to my satisfaction...if you can call the realization that Woobat are finicky creatures, apparently, since my White one evolved at Lv16 and the other has YET to evolve...I decided to take on the Gym using my Timburr, Sawk, and Throh. Now, into the Gym and...

Never mind...it's a bloody museum run by the Gym Leader's husband and the Gym's in the back. Look...I KNOW the economy is crap right now, but can I PLEASE go to a Gym that's just a Gym?!? Oh look...and they apparently don't recognize a Dragonite skeleton, a fossilized Armaldo, or a Marowak's bones since they don't mention them by name. So much for them being experts...

Anyways, I head into the Gym proper, another yutz appears to give me a free Fresh Water, and then I head into the Gym. No...it's a library, and apparently the Gym Leader wants me to find several notes she's strewn throughout. Christ...bad enough she won't take me directly to her, now she wants to play find the right book?!? Anyways, the final book had a hidden switch opening a path to the Gym below. Why they won't just let us find the switch proper is beyond me. I know they want to test us, but TEST US IN BATTLE YOU TWATS!

Anyways, I manage to off her two normal types handily with Laurel and Hardy...er, Sawk and Throh. Unfortunately, after getting my nice shiny Basic Badge, which will probably need to be shined later by that stupid use of the Touch Screen, hubby runs in and says someone's stelaing fossils. Oh God...more sidequest and scripted bullshit.

Yep...it's Team D&D Rejects and they're stealing the Dragonite's skull in the name of liberation. Not exactly sure how they're going free that Dragonite since it's already dead. What are they going to do...perform an exorcism?

Anyways, they run off with the skull using a smoke bomb and we run out to find they've gone. We also run into Burgh, the next town's Gym Leader, and tell him what the sitch is. Oh...and here come my two friends/rivals/whatever to help. Apparently, helping meaning staying put and dinking around while I and the Gym Leaders do the search and destroy...or rather faint...mission. Bianca gives me a Dowsing Machine, and I head to Pinwheel Forest. If I see Plus and Minus playing "Got You Last" again, I'm leaving.

Think I should post everything I have so far here on the Escapist to see what people think?

fantastic show this one is. a righteous laugh XD

Also would like an inner-city wifi connection like japan :(

As per usual, Yahtzee tears apart a game that I enjoy and I still agree with every single word he says. How the hell does he do that?!

LOL Really funny review. From the outside looking in, I ttotally get what he's saying, but for a guy like me whose played... well every Pokemon game really, it's the little oddities that give it character and I found this review really funny and true, while still loving the series.

Ekit:

Onyx Oblivion:

Falseprophet:

Pokemon is now the middle school version of COD and Halo?

Do you know what Pokemon REALLY is?
It's secretly the deepest competitive strategy game ever.
IT HAS TIER LISTS
http://www.smogon.com/dp/articles/intro_comp_pokemon

OMG! D:
However, I would argue that the fact that it has tiers makes it less deep since that would mean that there are pokémons that are better than others, which leaves less room for strategy.

The tiers are based on usage, so if everyone decided to put Magikarp on their team, it would be considered high tier.

Another excellent emission, but I'm still hoping ZP will review the hell out of Homefront. We're talking about an ultra-American mostly multiplayer FPS with an utterly retarded story. It's like everything Yahtzee loves to complain about all rolled together in one game.

GamemasterAnthony:

Ace IV:

GamemasterAnthony:
O_O;;

Oh dear crap...I'm beginning to wonder if I should stop that Let's Play of Pokémon Black/White I'm doing now. As I mentioned in the Extra Punctuation thread about Dragon Age 2, I'm doing a sort of Let's Play on the games, but in a way that you'd have to read it as if read by our favorite Aussie here. Mostly because I doubt I could do him justice after seeing this.

Don't stop doing something just because you're afraid you won't do well. That's pretty beta, bro. I'm sure people will love your Let's Play video. Hell, I'd watch it.

That's the thing...it's not a video, it's kinda a first person novelization of sorts. It probably doesn't even qualify as a proper Let's Play. Here...here's a snippet of what I'm doing to give you an idea.

After leveling my Pokémon to my satisfaction...if you can call the realization that Woobat are finicky creatures, apparently, since my White one evolved at Lv16 and the other has YET to evolve...I decided to take on the Gym using my Timburr, Sawk, and Throh. Now, into the Gym and...

--- snip ---

Anyways, they run off with the skull using a smoke bomb and we run out to find they've gone. We also run into Burgh, the next town's Gym Leader, and tell him what the sitch is. Oh...and here come my two friends/rivals/whatever to help. Apparently, helping meaning staying put and dinking around while I and the Gym Leaders do the search and destroy...or rather faint...mission. Bianca gives me a Dowsing Machine, and I head to Pinwheel Forest. If I see Plus and Minus playing "Got You Last" again, I'm leaving.

Think I should post everything I have so far here on the Escapist to see what people think?

Sounds like an LP to me, but I'm used to written LPs from SomethingAwful, as well as old game reports from people who went through Diablo and Civ. There'll be an audience, assuming you're entertaining enough.

Onyx Oblivion:

Falseprophet:

Onyx Oblivion:
Besides, "catching them all" is no longer viable...or even the point, really. It's all about competitive play, with the advent of wi-fi in D/P/P.

Pokemon is now the middle school version of COD and Halo?

Do you know what Pokemon REALLY is?

It's secretly the deepest competitive strategy game ever.

IT HAS TIER LISTS

http://www.smogon.com/dp/articles/intro_comp_pokemon

Haha I knew smogon would come up. When Yahtzee was going on about the 1 strategy approach all I could think of was "tell that to those guys". EV's and STAB are just the basics, uhm okay yes I admit it, I did some EV training and yes I did fish every square for a fucking Feebas to get a Milotic. But when I finally got one I was like meh, don't really care anymore. Seriously, I haven't touched the game for years. Anyway I've been waiting years for Yahtzee to review Pokemon and wasn't disappointed :D

GHudston:
As per usual, Yahtzee tears apart a game that I enjoy and I still agree with every single word he says. How the hell does he do that?!

By being amazing...I feel the same way.

I love the Pokemon Franchise to bits and have played every generation and am currently playing Pokemon White as we speak. However I do agree with Yahtzee's review on the game completely. While this Generation is loads better than Generation 5 in terms of how the world is structured (Sinnoh was just horrible, Mt Coronet with them Zubat and Geodudes just made me want to kill myself) and how the combat is sped up(I literally had to turn all the animatons off in Heartgold cause I just couldn't stand the wait anymore), the game has still hardly evolved in these last 15 years.

Don't give me that EV Metagame crap either, that should not be considered part of the core gameplay since it is never at all even hinted at in the actual game. EV training is just something players have abused of throughout the years to make their Pokemon even better. Heck the actual process is so horrible, most just opt to playing on Shoddy Battles and online web games which allow players to create Pokemon to their EV specifications and battle them immediately.

As for turn based combat in general, it should die in a fire. Turn Based combat was awesome when it was justified, but especially in Pokemon Turn Based combat completely alienates me from being a trainer with his partners and instead makes me feel like I am playing chess. I literally hope and dream for a real-time Pokemon game but apart from swirling cameras and some better superficial 3d, I doubt Gamefreak is actually ever going to breathe some new life in this series for the sake of innovation, since after all their nostalgia cow can still be milked for all it's worth.

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