Stolen Pixels #252: Tutorialized

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TAKE THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!! STICK THAT KNIFE INTO THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR! LIFT OUT SOME OF THE PEANUT BUTTER ON THE KNIFE! PUSH THE PEANUT BUTTER AROUND THE SLICE OF BREAD WITH THE SIDE OF THE KNIFE! PUT THE KNIFE DOWN! EAT THE BREAD! EAT THE BREAD!! USE YOUR MOUTH, GODDAMIT! MASTICATE THAT BREAD!

I hate tutorials like that. Reminds me of Viva Pinata.... great game, but when you start a garden you are bombarded with messages and "do this" commands. Screwwwwww youuuuuuuu, bad video game intros!

GET INTO THE LAVATORY. HUSTLE! HUSTLE! OPEN THE LID. MY GRANDMOTHER COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT. NOW PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS AND SIT DOWN ON YER KESTER! NOW SHOW ME YOUR KILLFACE!

Yelling is fun.
BUT FORCED TUTORIALS SURE AREN'T!

Anyone else reminded of Yahtzee's Black Ops review?

Andronicus:
TAKE THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!! STICK THAT KNIFE INTO THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR! LIFT OUT SOME OF THE PEANUT BUTTER ON THE KNIFE! PUSH THE PEANUT BUTTER AROUND THE SLICE OF BREAD WITH THE SIDE OF THE KNIFE! PUT THE KNIFE DOWN! EAT THE BREAD! EAT THE BREAD!! USE YOUR MOUTH, GODDAMIT! MASTICATE THAT BREAD!

GOD! My sides! They hurt so much!

OT: Sounds like a real fun tutorial.

What is worse than the micromanaging (which you can ignore) is the intial cutscene for that level. It's great the first time you play the game, but if you ever decide to replay the level, for any reason, you can only skip the first ten minutes or so of it.

You still have to go through the part in your house where you stand up and wait on some Koreans to knock down your door, and you still have to wait on the bus for (what feels like) half an hour.

And even then, the game takes it's damn time about getting you into actual combat. Very annoying.

But the game still is fun. Singleplayer and multiplayer.

When I see games like this I always wonder what the designers were thinking when the created the tutorial.

Do they have that little regard for their players?
Did THEY find the gameplay fun?
Were they watching "Regular Ordinary Swedish Mealtime" (http://youtu.be/0L40f39bPII) when they made the tutorial?

Ah, Shamus... You go where I fear to tread... Homefront.
Thank you for taking the bullets for me so that I may avoid wasting a large chunk of cash on something so crap.

I hope someday they give you a nice, fun game to play and review!

Homefront: save the world from communist dictator so that you can be ordered around by NPC!

When he mentioned the drill sergeant bit at the end, all I could hear was the voice of R. Lee Ermey yelling and it made it quite funny. I've always liked his ability to yell in movies. He's a good fit for them, since he was a Staff Sergeant.

POST A FUNNY AND INSIGHTFULL COMMENT IN HERE! WHATS THE MATTER ARE YOU A LITTLE NON-INVENTIVE GIRL?

IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?

Dead Raen:
Anyone else reminded of Yahtzee's Black Ops review?

Ha, I actually checked the transcript of that review to make sure that Shamus hadn't just copied it verbatim...

Drill sergeant voices are 100 times better if imagined as the Soldier from TF2.

In fact, lots of things are better if heard through TF2 voices. Like my Calc teacher with the Heavy's accent.

"Alright cowards, you take function f(x) and the derivative is equal to g(x). What, can't do eet? Entire class is babies!"

By the sounds of it I wouldn't be surprised if he yelled "That's a 50 DKP minus" every time you did something wrong.

Well it sound to me like there's a lot not to like about that game...

LISTEN UP, MAGGOT: I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE CAPSLOCK ON YOU!

Yet another reason I love STALKER

A little tutorial on your PDA, then its grab a gun and shoot stuff. (and die...a lot)

Extra credits would be disappointed.

When your tutorial treats the player like an idiot or is really that invasive... you fail. subtlety is not a skill the developer has appeared to have mastered.

Twilight_guy:
Extra credits would be disappointed.

When your tutorial treats the player like an idiot or is really that invasive... you fail. subtlety is not a skill the developer has appeared to have mastered.

And thenn they see Portal 2, and faith is restored.

BEST. TUTORIAL. EVER.

dude, Connor is the MAN
if he tells you to have fun, you have fun

Looks like Jacobs is the new RAMIREZ!

Ramirez! The Russians are invading the White House, defend Burgertown!

But seriously, I happened to notice this too. Being told CONSTANTLY exactly what to do while bloody Connor goes and runs off into enemy fire. Perhaps he isn't exactly the best man to lead our team...

GET IN THE PIT!

"But-"

GET IN THE PIT.

Although I wasn't a big fan of the games themselves, the game adaptations of the latest Spiderman movies actually had pretty awesome tutorials. The guy doing the voice for them Bruce Campbell was just so laid back about it that it was actually a fun thing to do at the start of the game.

Thinking back to those tutorials now makes me want to go grab a sandwich for old times' sake.

The sad thing is that I can identify from those screens that that isn't the tutorial level; so poor Shamus is putting up with that horrible, horrible game.

Andronicus:
TAKE THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!! STICK THAT KNIFE INTO THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR! LIFT OUT SOME OF THE PEANUT BUTTER ON THE KNIFE! PUSH THE PEANUT BUTTER AROUND THE SLICE OF BREAD WITH THE SIDE OF THE KNIFE! PUT THE KNIFE DOWN! EAT THE BREAD! EAT THE BREAD!! USE YOUR MOUTH, GODDAMIT! MASTICATE THAT BREAD!

Dear lord man...... you just made my day XD

The last time that happened to me was when Navi was telling me that if I wore the iron boots I would be able to walk on the bottom of a lake while I was using the iron boots to walk on the bottom of a lake.

Theory: Homefront and LoZ:OoT take place in the same continuity. Discuss.

The Random One:
The last time that happened to me was when Navi was telling me that if I wore the iron boots I would be able to walk on the bottom of a lake while I was using the iron boots to walk on the bottom of a lake.

Theory: Homefront and LoZ:OoT take place in the same continuity. Discuss.

^ Comparing "Hey, Listen!" and an optional hint with a mandatory tutorial where you're being yelled at constantly. My point: Just how do they compare?

Andronicus:
TAKE THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!! STICK THAT KNIFE INTO THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR! LIFT OUT SOME OF THE PEANUT BUTTER ON THE KNIFE! PUSH THE PEANUT BUTTER AROUND THE SLICE OF BREAD WITH THE SIDE OF THE KNIFE! PUT THE KNIFE DOWN! EAT THE BREAD! EAT THE BREAD!! USE YOUR MOUTH, GODDAMIT! MASTICATE THAT BREAD!

Chertan:
GET INTO THE LAVATORY. HUSTLE! HUSTLE! OPEN THE LID. MY GRANDMOTHER COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT. NOW PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS AND SIT DOWN ON YER KESTER! NOW SHOW ME YOUR KILLFACE!

Cooking Instructor for the Wii: It senses your fear.

When satisfying the tutorial is actually harder than playing the game.

Wow, Shamus, and here I thought there wasn't anything else to add onto the Pie of Suck that is Homefront.
Comic did give me a chuckle, though.

I had them shouting over each other, telling me to throw grenades. While I was throwing grenades. I was throwing them at dudes who were already dead because I'd already thrown grenades at them.

That is some good lolz right there XD

How bloody true. The tutorial in that game was just one bad thing in a laundry list of things Homefront did wrong.

Kinda Off Topic but will we be seeing another Shamus Plays anytime in the near or distant future . . . . would it help if I said please and cried a little?

Zombie_Fish:
Although I wasn't a big fan of the games themselves, the game adaptations of the latest Spiderman movies actually had pretty awesome tutorials. The guy doing the voice for them was just so laid back about it that it was actually a fun thing to do at the start of the game.

Thinking back to those tutorials now makes me want to go grab a sandwich for old times' sake.

"The guy"?

That was Bruce Campbell!

And yeah, those were awesome.

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