Stolen Pixels #253: The Playboy

Stolen Pixels #253: The Playboy

Boys will be boys, even when they're fully grown mobsters.

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Gotta catch them all PLAYBOY

Porn is always better when you get it free. Or am I thinking of cake mix?

And if I remember rightly, finding half a torn Penthouse under a bush was an ACTUAL scavenger hunt when I were a lad.

I object to your use of the term "nail" to describe sexual relations with a woman. It is demeaning, and perpetuates the notion that women are nothing more than sexual objects to fulfill a man's desires.

In the future, please use the more respectful terms "screw," or "pork."

Vito: Does that pin-up model look familiar to you?
Joe: *looks at magazine, then stares back up at Vito*
Joe: Vito! MY COUSIN!

The_root_of_all_evil:
Porn is always better when you get it free. Or am I thinking of cake mix?

The Best things in life are free.

And if I remember rightly, finding half a torn Penthouse under a bush was an ACTUAL scavenger hunt when I were a lad.

You must have had an interesting childhood.

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

"kerbie"? What whimsical Medieval pastime is this?

HankMan:

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

"kerbie"? What whimsical Medieval pastime is this?

Two teams on either side of the road. Throw a football at the kerb(sidewalk), and get it to rebound back towards your side. If you can catch it on the rebound, you score a point. If it doesn't rebound far enough, you lose your go.

More fun than it sounds.

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

English and possibly northern? Kerbie, kicking or throwing a ball against a kerb?

number2301:

English and possibly northern? Kerbie, kicking or throwing a ball against a kerb?

Midlands but yeah. Can't try it down Sarf as there's too many Chelsea tractors.

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

The_root_of_all_evil:

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

"kerbie"? What whimsical Medieval pastime is this?

Two teams on either side of the road. Throw a football at the kerb(sidewalk), and get it to rebound back towards your side. If you can catch it on the rebound, you score a point. If it doesn't rebound far enough, you lose your go.

More fun than it sounds.

Actually, that sounds great! To bad their aren't any kerbs where I live

Not as annoying to collect as the bloody "Wanted" posters, thankfully. Since Playboys are mission areas only. FUCKING COLLECTIBLES SUCK IN OPEN WORLD GAMES! From Fallout 3, to Saint's Row, to Jak 2. I hate 'em in open world games, SO MUCH!

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

Pre-computer? No one was alive back then!

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

Pre...computer? What ancient times do you speak of? I can't imagine surviving that sort of dark age.

The only other one I found besides the one in Vito's Apartment was in the foulest looking sewer.

Arkhangelsk:

The_root_of_all_evil:

HankMan:

You must have had an interesting childhood.

This was pre-computer...We used to go outside, play army, drink free milk at school, play kerbie rather than Kirby...happy times.

Pre...computer? What ancient times do you speak of? I can't imagine surviving that sort of dark age.

Perhaps he speaks of the days when the world was still rendered in grayscale. I've been told there are a few screenshots of that time.

JonnW:
I object to your use of the term "nail" to describe sexual relations with a woman. It is demeaning, and perpetuates the notion that women are nothing more than sexual objects to fulfill a man's desires.

In the future, please use the more respectful terms "screw," or "pork."

You forgot "bone," otherwise agreed

Onyx Oblivion:
Not as annoying to collect as the bloody "Wanted" posters, thankfully. Since Playboys are mission areas only. FUCKING COLLECTIBLES SUCK IN OPEN WORLD GAMES! From Fallout 3, to Saint's Row, to Jak 2. I hate 'em in open world games, SO MUCH!

Don't forget the flags in Asscreed.

Is it just me, or is this another stealth reference to a Yahtzee column? Oh Shamus, you fanboy you :-) <3

Optimystic:

Don't forget the flags in Asscreed.

Well, at least this collectables granted you free bewbs. Still I prefer the way Batman Arkahm Asylum did it, with a map with the location of all the teeth, and special images and bios as reward.
Saying that batman is better than porn made me feel a real nerd, but I guess Mumbles would be proud of me...

stranamente:

Optimystic:

Don't forget the flags in Asscreed.

Well, at least this collectables granted you free bewbs. Still I prefer the way Batman Arkahm Asylum did it, with a map with the location of all the teeth, and special images and bios as reward.
Saying that batman is better than porn made me feel a real nerd, but I guess Mumbles would be proud of me...

In the first one, you didn't even get boobs. Just a slightly less cluttered dirt-covered city.

I was sad with how much they cut out of mafia 2 or at least what it should have been, but yet this is really the only real mini game in mafia 2.

As far as collectibles go, at least you want to collect them...

Altair, collect all the flags.
What the fuck for?

jawakiller:
As far as collectibles go, at least you want to collect them...

Altair, collect all the flags.
What the fuck for?

true that

note to self: play mafia 2 this summer

Onyx Oblivion:
Not as annoying to collect as the bloody "Wanted" posters, thankfully. Since Playboys are mission areas only. FUCKING COLLECTIBLES SUCK IN OPEN WORLD GAMES! From Fallout 3, to Saint's Row, to Jak 2. I hate 'em in open world games, SO MUCH!

You forgot Crackdown 2 (I've heard the first was bad too, but not as bad).

500 (Five-zero-zero) collectible orbs that ostensably increase your "agility" stat, even though that maxs out after about 200ish (which is itself, ridiculous). The other 300 exist purely for a 50G achievement.

300 (Three-zero-zero) orbs that increase all of your stats slightly, which sounds good, until you realize that it's faster (and more fun) to increase your stats just by using them. Other than that, it's just for a 30G achievement.

30 orbs that exist purely to piss you off. Not only are they hidden, but you also have to chase them down. And without DLC abilities/vehicles, they move at just under your speed, along relatively complicated routes.

80 orbs that require you be playing online over xbox LIVE with someone else. And just to add additional insult to injury, they have to be right next to you to get it. Plus, both people have to grab them separately, so sometimes a friend will call you over to grab one, then take off as soon as he gets it, leaving you to get a message saying "you need to be near another agent to collect this".

That is not a complete list. Just a few highlights. Almost every achievement in the game is a collectible achievement.

Ajna:

Onyx Oblivion:
Not as annoying to collect as the bloody "Wanted" posters, thankfully. Since Playboys are mission areas only. FUCKING COLLECTIBLES SUCK IN OPEN WORLD GAMES! From Fallout 3, to Saint's Row, to Jak 2. I hate 'em in open world games, SO MUCH!

You forgot Crackdown 2 (I've heard the first was bad too, but not as bad).

500 (Five-zero-zero) collectible orbs that ostensably increase your "agility" stat, even though that maxs out after about 200ish (which is itself, ridiculous). The other 300 exist purely for a 50G achievement.

300 (Three-zero-zero) orbs that increase all of your stats slightly, which sounds good, until you realize that it's faster (and more fun) to increase your stats just by using them. Other than that, it's just for a 30G achievement.

30 orbs that exist purely to piss you off. Not only are they hidden, but you also have to chase them down. And without DLC abilities/vehicles, they move at just under your speed, along relatively complicated routes.

80 orbs that require you be playing online over xbox LIVE with someone else. And just to add additional insult to injury, they have to be right next to you to get it. Plus, both people have to grab them separately, so sometimes a friend will call you over to grab one, then take off as soon as he gets it, leaving you to get a message saying "you need to be near another agent to collect this".

That is not a complete list. Just a few highlights. Almost every achievement in the game is a collectible achievement.

first was waaaay worse. No Orb Ping. :(

Onyx Oblivion:

Ajna:

Onyx Oblivion:
Not as annoying to collect as the bloody "Wanted" posters, thankfully. Since Playboys are mission areas only. FUCKING COLLECTIBLES SUCK IN OPEN WORLD GAMES! From Fallout 3, to Saint's Row, to Jak 2. I hate 'em in open world games, SO MUCH!

You forgot Crackdown 2 (I've heard the first was bad too, but not as bad).

500 (Five-zero-zero) collectible orbs that ostensably increase your "agility" stat, even though that maxs out after about 200ish (which is itself, ridiculous). The other 300 exist purely for a 50G achievement.

300 (Three-zero-zero) orbs that increase all of your stats slightly, which sounds good, until you realize that it's faster (and more fun) to increase your stats just by using them. Other than that, it's just for a 30G achievement.

30 orbs that exist purely to piss you off. Not only are they hidden, but you also have to chase them down. And without DLC abilities/vehicles, they move at just under your speed, along relatively complicated routes.

80 orbs that require you be playing online over xbox LIVE with someone else. And just to add additional insult to injury, they have to be right next to you to get it. Plus, both people have to grab them separately, so sometimes a friend will call you over to grab one, then take off as soon as he gets it, leaving you to get a message saying "you need to be near another agent to collect this".

That is not a complete list. Just a few highlights. Almost every achievement in the game is a collectible achievement.

first was waaaay worse. No Orb Ping. :(

I didn't know about the Orb Ping until I was about 90% done with the orbs anyway, so it didn't matter, really.

You know a game has a shitty collectible system when you have to print out a goddamn map to find them all. At least with ODSTs audio logs, I had fun finding them, and it was enjoyable listening to them after I got them. Not so much with Crackdown.

Considering that Playboy was founded in 1953 and most the game takes place between 1945 to 1951, getting a Playboy subscription would be very difficult.

 

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