Zero Punctuation: Nintendo 3DS

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The only thing I got out of that review is that Portal 2 will be next week.

So, I had the opportunity to use a 3ds for a few minutes this morning, and the viewing angle really is absolute shit. Yeah, parallax-based selective pixel blocking is clever, but it simply doesn't fucking work when you have to keep the goddamn thing absolutely still because the viewing angle spans all of ten degrees. Add to this the fact that 3d gaming will never be particularly immersive until it's effectively paired with head tracking (something the narrow viewing angle does not allow) and I think I'll pass on this pocket console.

Also, why the hell did they feel the need to have a depth slider? The distance between human eyes doesn't vary that much...

Enlong:

I haven't played either one, but it sounds like it's a sequel. A port would be the exact ''same'' game, possibly with updated graphics. Same levels, same characters, etc. Is that the case?

Given the content of the game, (it completely lacked a story to my recollection, it's been a few years though) I'm more incline to say it's more of a port than all the Zeldas after OoC

Positively hilarious video. The best one in a while.

The elementary school segment literally had me bend over laughing.

Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2! Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2! Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!Portal 2!

Just sayin'. I'm interested.

Good enough review but I can never understand Yahtzee's insistence that all the Zelda games are the same. The major home console releases change greatly from one game to the next, especially when put beside a series like Call of Duty or even GTA.

Ocarina was the first 3D one.

Majora's Mask had the "masks" thing and the "3 days" thing added so much to the depth of the game, especially for things like side quests. It wasn't just a time limit on dungeons like I had expected.

Wind Waker had a completely different art direction and overworld (lots of tiny islands with a few big ones instead of a field with a few towns). Once again, it totally changed the way of doing sidequests compared to MM or OoT.

An Twilight Princess, while looking a bit like OoT again in terms of art direction was still very much its own game. It was probably the most like a bigger OoT but there were still the wolf/twilight sections to add something new.

Even the plot changes greatly between the games when you look at it closer than "kid saves world, there's a princess in there somewher". I think Yahtzee just gets annoyed because the standard weapons (sword, bow, boomerang and bombs) show up in every one but even then, every game has introduced a few weapons/items of its own.

Draconalis:

Enlong:

I haven't played either one, but it sounds like it's a sequel. A port would be the exact ''same'' game, possibly with updated graphics. Same levels, same characters, etc. Is that the case?

Given the content of the game, (it completely lacked a story to my recollection, it's been a few years though) I'm more incline to say it's more of a port than all the Zeldas after OoC

Well, I agree with you that the whole "Zelda's exactly the same" thing isn't quite true.

hurricanejbb:
I laughed way too hard at "Senor Koquonfaes".

Same here, I laughed my ass off at that joke and his reactions to finding a bunch of kids of his 3DS to get a bunch of hits off of.

First: Fucking Jackpot!
Second: What the hell is wrong with me?!

Those two lines just slayed me.

well this is all veary non portal2 i hope yuore next episode will be more portal 2 then this one.
still funny though

Great review, had me laughing which has been rare for alot of his recent stuff, started to get a bit samey after the first year or so.

Enlong:

DoctorPhil:
Can't remember the last time I saw such a funny ZP.

Really?

I mean, it was OK, but as someone else said, his Nintendo-based reviews are becoming kinda predictable. It's always "Nintendo is cashing in on weak stuff when it's not failing hard", "Motion Controls are a dying breed", "sequels are horrible", "HAHAHA Zelda", "I'll be proven right" in some order.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't biased, but I kinda prefer ones where he's not banging on about Nintendo. Because, whether I agree with them or not, they're more funny.

True, but the parts about Seņor koquonfaes and gobulcoque had me in stitches, but maybe that's just my juvenile sense of humor.

I showed my 3ds to my brother(who moved out a year ago and recently got married in DEC) this past easter and he said while it's cool, the 3d gave him a headache.

FYI Yatzee please post the QR code for your Mii I will be eturnally greatful.

Nice one...

Though I do wonder, when did the moon become a planet?

where's portal 2, he should review it, and see whether its up to its reputation compared to the first game.

willychong8921:
where's portal 2, he should review it, and see whether its up to its reputation compared to the first game.

Did you read the stuff in the credits? It's next week.

3D's no great sakes, pseudo-social thing is pointless, no games.

Did that need to take five minutes?

I'm a little disappointed with this one. I'm not all that big on the 3D myself, though it did influence my decision in my purchase, but the real kicker is that I don't actually care. Its more than just 3D, and I'm convinced the games will come in time. Some might even use the 3D well, if at all possible.

The thing is, while the Wii was essentially all motion control, the 3D on the 3DS is entirely optional, and not integral to the experience. Its just a nice aside that the marketting department jumped on.

HAHA great review of 3DS. I had a go of my brother's 3DS and after a few minutes had to stop because it was hurting my eyes so much. I cannot see the point of a handheld device that requires you to stare at the screen at certain angle in order to get the benefit of it's main feature.

i only bought that device, because i can now play FUCKING STREET FIGHTER anywhere... i just love street fighter. nuff said, i turned off the 3d after an hour of trying to find it's appeal.

Personally I see nothing wrong with presenting your game in 3d anaglyph (red/blue) but I do find it strange with the way Nintendo has done it.

Having to place the console/controller in just the right way and on such a small screen... I don't know; Just doesn't seem fiscally valid.

"PORTAL 2 IS NEXT WEEK, ALRIGHT"

Well, that certainly answered my question.

"Portal 2 will be next week"
That might (big might) shut those bloody fanboys up

Good thing I'm waiting to get a 3DS by Xmas this year. That way, we'll get some good games in store and hear some of the upcoming games later this year and next from E3 2011.

And I want to add this: Why the hell is half the people here raving for Portal 2? I don't have the game(yet), but I would rather be anxious to play it more than wait for Yahtzee to talk about it.

Sorry, won't join you on your planet. I've gotten used to putting up with all the shit (most of which at least isn't bundled with the console) and ocassional evilness from Nintendo as long as the console will have a Mario game, a Mario Kart game and a Zelda game (and Paper Mario and Kid Icarus doesn't hurt either).

Great one Yahtzee! Bash that 3D with all your might and I hope it will disappear soon! I saw the news for 2D glasses and as soon as those hit the shelves in Germany, I'm getting a pair.

Also, you rule in creating avatar names. I almost died laughing at SENOR KOQUONFAES! I'm so naming myself that way in some game :D

"The thing about 3D is that I stopped noticing it until it fucks"

Well that only means it works as intended, right ?

I did try the 3DS in a best buy it is crap, chances are it'll go the way of the DSi.

That being said I am still a huge fan of Nintendo because despite their many cock ups they still have some very good titles and are a major force in pushing gaming forward.

NGP is going to be a lot better.

NightmareTaco:

Thrust:

Assassin Xaero:
Every time they have a success it is followed by a failure? Which was the last failure? I didn't think the Gamecube did that bad, especially with Metroid Prime.

It was the least selling Nintendo console, which is probably the reason that made Nintendo change it's direction towards casual players.

I guess Virtual Boy didn't make it onto your list of Nintendo consoles? Lol.

I think the 3DS will be a good purchase... next year. :-) For now I'm excited for their silly ports.

I was talking about about home consoles, but yet again I should have been more clear =p

SckizoBoy:
Surprised he didn't make comments to the effect of 'literal head-fuck'.

Less than an hour on 3DS = splitting headache... not impressed.

I worked with the 3DS using it daily for nearly a year and I never got headaches so it just depends on the person.

Games used to be *WAY* more 3D, so consider yourself protected.

I don't know, if 3D could slap me in the face, I'm afraid of what it'll slap me with. For those not aware, the earliest adoptors of new tech is usually the porn industry.

I tried a 3DS in a shop and I felt travel sick. I have normal vision.
I won't be playing the DS in 3 dimentions when I eventually get one for Pokemon.

It feels like you're looking at a magic eye.

HankMan:
Fitting that the 3DS has such an in-depth critique.

holy dooly, you sir are a pun weaving genius.

And this whole 3DS thing is triple-y lame because now Mega Man Legends 3 is going to be cancelled (probably) due to the fact that nobody wants to buy this gimmicky piece of crap.

For my part, Nintendo has been sliding steadily downhill ever since they decided to release the N64 with a cartridge slot instead of a CD-ROM drive.

Enlong:

OhJohnNo:
Portal 2 should be an interesting review - "Hey! Let's see how much I can praise this game without losing my fanbase!"

Only if the game was good enough to overcome the deadly sin of being a sequel.

Uh, yeah, except he's said that a good chunk of his favorite games are sequels; Half-Life 2, Thief 2, Silent Hill 2...

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