How to Read Movie News

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How to Read Movie News

Movie studios keep using these words, but they do not mean what you think they mean.

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"Starring Vin Diesel."

"Jason Statham said no."

That is my favorite. I'm still laughing.

Also, please review Press Start 2 Continue.

Sorry Bob... but was that meant to be funny?

I didn't find it so, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's because I don't often read film press releases (or know who Joss Whedon is), so just didn't get it. Also, it struck me as overly cynical.

That was pretty funny. Hurrah for cynical humour!

I wonder what Vin Diesel would think of it...

Really like the "From the people who brought you..." line

It's crazy how they link movie together with that little phrase.

"From visionary filmmaker Tim Burton."

"Hot Topic stockholders are about to have a good morning."

That was probably my favorite one. I still go into Hot Topic on occasion just to see what they've decided to cash-in on recently, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that all Twilight-related merchandise was on mega-super clearance (i.e., more than 70% off).

OhJohnNo:
Sorry Bob... but was that meant to be funny?

I didn't find it so, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's because I don't often read film press releases (or know who Joss Whedon is), so just didn't get it. Also, it struck me as overly cynical.

Get out of my internet.

JuggernautFox:

I didn't find it so, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's because I don't often read film press releases (or know who Joss Whedon is), so just didn't get it. Also, it struck me as overly cynical.

Get out of my internet.[/quote]

OK, now I know I should have heard of this guy before. I wonder why I haven't.

Brilliant. That's all I can say.

OhJohnNo:
OK, now I know I should have heard of this guy before. I wonder why I haven't.

You are probably young, didn't see Dr. Horrible, and/or watch TV in the late 90s/early 2000s.

"Starring Vin Diesel."

"Jason Statham said no."

oh man
that made me lol pretty hard

quite an informative reference!

There is one inaccuracy in this article: Jason Statham has NEVER said "No" to a movie role.

(it's a shame, because he's actually a very good actor)

Oh Bob, You forgot one.

"Visually Stunning"
"We forgot to give it a plot"

"The years first big summer movie"

"We don't have the balls to go head to head with actual big summer movies"

I fuckin' lol'd. This made my uneventful Friday afternoon. Thank you Bob!

So what exactly is hot topic?

Spacewolf:
So what exactly is hot topic?

A "trendy" store for goth teens and their precieved counter-culture.

Sylocat:
There is one inaccuracy in this article: Jason Statham has NEVER said "No" to a movie role.

(it's a shame, because he's actually a very good actor)

The king of this is Ron Pearlman though. Jason Statham can't hold a candle to the silly stuff he has put out, and yet he is a really good classicaly trained actor. My theory is he is just having fun.

"Screenplay by Joss Whedon!" :D hahahah!

Moviebob is quickly becoming one of the three things I check out regularly on this site along with ZP and Critical Miss. (And yes, this was the most perfect fan-response I could make, just because I want to show how much I appreciate what you write :p)

I'm waiting for all the Joss Whedon fans to get angry despite what Movie Bob was saying is true lol (although I really do like Joss Whedon's stuff, his t.v shows are underappreciated and underrated)

save that she is fiercely (yet demurely) attracted exclusively to non-threatening nice guys who happen to resemble the males in the film's target audience."

SHORT VERSION:

"Screenplay by Joss Whedon!"

Ah... Have you ever seen anything by Joss Whedon? I'll grant the "beating up guys twice their size" thing, but that last bit is sheer nonsense.

This was hilarious, and very informative!

I guess I'm not very cynical, but almost every single one of those things were said about "The Last Airbender" and it ended up exactly like you said.

Callate:

save that she is fiercely (yet demurely) attracted exclusively to non-threatening nice guys who happen to resemble the males in the film's target audience."

SHORT VERSION:

"Screenplay by Joss Whedon!"

Ah... Have you ever seen anything by Joss Whedon? I'll grant the "beating up guys twice their size" thing, but that last bit is sheer nonsense.

Are you implying that


Weren't Buffy's target audience?

Oh god, Bobbo, that was hilarious. Good one.

The Tim Burton One really stuck out to me though.

So how's that white guilt working out for you Bob?

While I'm not normally a huge fan, this was comedy gold.

OhJohnNo:

JuggernautFox:

OhJohnNo:
I didn't find it so, I'm afraid. Perhaps it's because I don't often read film press releases (or know who Joss Whedon is), so just didn't get it. Also, it struck me as overly cynical.

Get out of my internet.

OK, now I know I should have heard of this guy before. I wonder why I haven't.

Joss Whedon and a lot of his projects enjoy a 'cult status', especially amongst us internet folk.

Reasons why we're shocked you haven't heard of him, because we're nerds and this is just stuff we know:

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Angel
    Firefly/Serenity
    Dollhouse (admittedly not his best work)
    Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Oh yes, he's also the co-writer of the new Captain America film and he's the co-writer and director of the upcoming The Avengers film. Also he writes comic books.

"hey guys, people lie in press releases! FUNNEH!"

Yeah. Yeah they do. That's why nobody fucking reads movie news and actually believes anything they say there.

"Starring Vin Diesel."

"Jason Statham said no."

I lol'ed HARD. At work. Thanks Bob :(

Also, the last couple on the first page are unbolded.

How bout lets start learning how to read the real news. Or is that beyond everyone.

Gildan Bladeborn:

OhJohnNo:

JuggernautFox:

Get out of my internet.

OK, now I know I should have heard of this guy before. I wonder why I haven't.

Joss Whedon and a lot of his projects enjoy a 'cult status', especially amongst us internet folk.

Reasons why we're shocked you haven't heard of him, because we're nerds and this is just stuff we know:

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Angel
    Firefly/Serenity
    Dollhouse (admittedly not his best work)
    Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Oh yes, he's also the co-writer of the new Captain America film and he's the co-writer and director of the upcoming The Avengers film. Also he writes comic books.

Ah. That explains it.

The only one of those I've watched was Dr. Horrible, and that was in 8-bit form.

Cynical humour that hits the nail on its head. I Do not expect any less from Movie Bob.

I would think its more funny if it was not for the fact everything Movie Bob said was true.
The truth sort of sobers everything up a little.

The Joss Whedon and Tim Burton ones were HILARIOUS

HankMan:
Oh Bob, You forgot one.

"Visually Stunning"
"We forgot to give it a plot"

Yeah, but that one is mostly used about videogames these days.

movienut:

Sylocat:
There is one inaccuracy in this article: Jason Statham has NEVER said "No" to a movie role.

(it's a shame, because he's actually a very good actor)

The king of this is Ron Pearlman though. Jason Statham can't hold a candle to the silly stuff he has put out, and yet he is a really good classicaly trained actor. My theory is he is just having fun.

To quote him from an interview (thank you TVTropes):
"I'm doing weapons training for this piece of shit, then I go to Romania to shoot another piece of shit, then come back to shoot my part in this piece of shit...[sighs]...What can I say? My wife loves shoes."

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