Extra Punctuation: New Team Fortress 2 Classes

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Eh. I was kind of hoping for some elaboration on the thoughts in the review. I realize these are intentionally absurd, but I don't think Brink's issues stem from its artifice that reminds one of TF2; it's in some of the balance and design decisions that could have used some more consideration. Overall I've enjoyed my time with the game. It's a shooter that offers something different than the other options on the market. And honestly TF2 feels completely different to me. It also feels less friendly to newcomers since there's no real matchmaking system from what I remember. You have to go find a server and hope you're welcome. I never quite figured out where I was supposed to play in that game and as such, stuck to a few "newbie-only" servers. Brink is actually a lot more approachable in that sense.

I'm starting to get an idea about yahtzee's opinion on L.A. Noire

Yahtzee:
Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.

Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

There's a good reason why they don't implement new TF2 classes, and I'm sure I don't need to tell the probably good Mr. Croshaw why. For the rest of you, the reason is game balance. However, I've thought of a few suggestions that could be added without excessive need to re-balance the game:

The Guard Dog - Remember that fake update some guy made where a guard dog was the new tenth class? Yeah, IMPLEMENT THAT THING.
The Frogman - This is one I thought up a while ago. Water is one of those environmental hazards TF2 has kind of pushed to the side. Think of the water pool/sewer area at 2Fort or those small ponds at Sawmill. My suggestion is simple; make a class that excels at aquatic combat. His weapons could be things like spear guns, a flensing knife (a knife used to cut blubber off whales), a pistol and of course some unlockables. His special ability would be not drowning underwater and increased swim speed. Frogman's inclusion as a new class could inspire new levels with water-based alternate routes.

Cue the lost souls that don't get satire.

I have to say tho, while reading over the first few classes I thought about how they would change pacing and then continued to think I don't remember any sort of slow-paced multiplayer for relaxing, aside from a few rare exceptions like Minecraft.

Was incidentally remembered how I used to play Worms yeeaaaars ago with custom settings and instead of bombing other worms into the ground I decided to build an underground cave system with drills and construction beams and even a torture pit I filled with mines and gladly triggered with a worm or two once I got bored and wanted to end the map. Was fun to imagine a little underground ant colony errr I mean worm colony and play a bit architect in a game where this was definitely not what you're supposed to do.

So anyway:
Successful, relaxing, slow-paced, and yet fun multiplayer. Possible? Lotsa big games these days are either Nintendo rereleases or involve competitive combat in some way.

The Great JT:
There's a good reason why they don't implement new TF2 classes, and I'm sure I don't need to tell the probably good Mr. Croshaw why. For the rest of you, the reason is game balance. However, I've thought of a few suggestions that could be added without excessive need to re-balance the game:

The Guard Dog
The Frogman

Not sure if serious...

First of all, you'd need to re-balance the game most definitely if you add something massive like a new class that carries a completely new style of gameplay, new weapons and changes fights and chokepoints on every single map.

Guard Dog
I'm not sure why I'm so much against a frikkin Dog among 9 mercenaries, but he just doesn't fit in any way for me. And of course, it would lead to an outcry of new animals getting added. I don't like the graphical design either, but that's personal preference. Gameplay-wise, if I remember correctly, its main use is to support the team by picking up thing etc.
That was originally the Scout's role, hence the bag on his back. Valve probably cut the ability for good reasons.

Frogman
Would probably be about as useful as Aquaman: Not. Maps with water are exceedingly rare and it's even rarer to engage in actual combat there. Thus all current maps would need to be changed drastically, especially considering most of them take place in a desert, so that Frogman would stand a chance against other classes.
You would need to twist the whole game and all its maps for a class whose purpose isn't even defined. If you don't need to add a certain class because there's an opportunity none of the other classes currently fulfill and you can't think of a good reason why it's fun enough to play to make up for the work (and 'playing in water' isn't an excuse good enough), then you shouldn't fix what isn't broken.

In fact, if anything's broken in TF2 (in my opinion), it's the Community Contributions both in respect of QA (artstyle/flanderization in some cases, especially hats, and boring and uncreative "+stat1, -stat2" stats that were very obviously quickly made up AFTER deciding on a pretty model) and future possibilities. With Valve's original updates, you always had an idea first and then you made a model around it. Community Contributions make variants on currently existing weapons, i.e. another rocket launcher, another buff banner, another Medigun, another minigun.
In my opinion the best TF2 unlocks are those where the idea came first and the model came last, like with the Wrangler that changed some maps completely.
I'm all for adding new stuff as long as TF2 doesn't get bloated, but the QA before the Mannconomy was definitely better IMO.

Marik Bentusi:

Was incidentally remembered how I used to play Worms yeeaaaars ago with custom settings and instead of bombing other worms into the ground I decided to build an underground cave system with drills and construction beams and even a torture pit I filled with mines and gladly triggered with a worm or two once I got bored and wanted to end the map. Was fun to imagine a little underground ant colony errr I mean worm colony and play a bit architect in a game where this was definitely not what you're supposed to do.

Sir, you need to play dwarf fortress. It's pretty much that, except with more stuff and in 3 dimensions. (Not the graphics, the world). I highly reccomend using this pack to get started, as it comes with some graphics packs that can be installed with the click of a button.

DirkRhyolite:

Yahtzee:
Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.

Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

Do you plan on adding anything else to the thread?

The counselor's doll is the most epic "weapon" since the portal gun. Just imagine the poor little team mate with shaking hands pointing at all the spots ^^ Maybe you can do it Heavy Rain style: depending on how hard the abuse was the harder it is to push all the right buttons to show the counselor what happened.

Welly well welches, its always so refreshing to see an obvious joke go completely over people's heads. It's kind of like watching an incredibly thick person trip over their own shoelaces and fall off a cliff while trying to grab a low hanging fruit.

Anywho, this is one of the few Extra Punctuations where I found myself choking to death on the hilarity. Kudos, yahtzee.

Personally, I think the Tiger class is a great idea. I would immediately buy a game that would let me kill people as a tiger.

Well I wrote a huge comment under the video already, but here will be more constructive =)

I liked the idea of brink (class based shooter with objectives!)
Where it failed:
a) too lineair maps (I hoped more battlefield like terrain)
b) unlocking skills?? -> this is my main downfall, classes need the skills to work together. But right now everyone just picks the class they got the most skills for (Engi or Medic normally) and not the class most needed!
c) weapons: so much choice and so little differences or alot of useless ones.
d) no class bound items - appearance -> this is something new makes it fun, but extremly hard to balance

on paper: great
online: not so much.. Just to hard to for attacking sides, small maps with lineair mapping,..

Yathzee made a good point, but I doubt adding more classes will help unless they dumb the skill system! Make levels only award clothing would be a huge step forward!

Tenkage:
Quick Question: Why hasn't anyone tried to hire Yahtzee as a game designer, or at least a person to look over the plot/gameplay/characters/ect. I mean if I were making a game, a few months before announcement I would try to get an expert opinion. And the idea of Yahtzee's improved Brink, I like. It would make a shooter much better.

I got some ideas

Cook: You can drop tasty treats over the battlefield, if your team eats them they regain health over time. However you can also drop poisoned treats and if the enemy eats them, they lose health, however you got to make sure your team doesn't eat them

Builder: You can build cover for your team to hide behind, not the best class as a lot of people would aim for you, but good for objective based gameplay

Valve actually offered him a job. Astonishingly, he turned it down.

Rorschach II:
Having extra classes in TF2 would completely upset the balance of the classes. They all do their thing and have their weaknesses and strengths.

It looks like someone should actually read the coulumn...

twas a fun read

Yahtzee Croshaw:
(the thermos being the Counsellor's primary weapon, their secondary being a doll with which teammates can indicate where the enemy team touched them).

The most epic thing I've read/heard this week!
I'd play that! I'm sure you already have a half design document for this game, that you will sadly never finish because you are too busy being awesome. :(

CyricZ:
*sigh* I'll admit it. That first sentence made me think for a moment. >_>

Don't feel too bad, I had to re-read it again before I got it. Was hilarious when it did hit me.

OT: The Propaganda Artist sounds pretty sweet to me, even if it is a little silly, and having a support character like that would be interesting to play as. And the Tiger? Well that just screams of awesome.

RAAAWWR!! Fear me mortals!!

Heres another one:

The News Presenter!

She would only unleash when one player has at least 50 kills and is leading the game and go onto the battlefield with 3 or 4 other NPCs known as the panel of fair and balanced debate. Then they would sit down and talk about how violent leading player has been and all agree that they are certainly warping childrens minds and probably killing a puppy. After that she would make a news segment about the leading players violence and put it onto FOX News. Which will subsequently get the leading player banned and kicked out off the game.

Her primary would be a video clip involving a mom or dad saying how shocked they are at the players violence and saying that theyre child had been warped.
Her secondary would an old person who shouts about the leading players violence.

I honestly think that this would be a good idea to stop boosters and people who are beating the other team to the ground. Also it would provide some excellent cross media coverage as the News presenters news segment will always be posted onto FOX news giving more people the chance to learn about how violent the lead player is.

Damn that was long.

Terminate421:
Also, Yahtzee I feel its unneeded to continue the shot joke. Returning jokes are one thing but we don't need it to be a "Like god of war but" stamp. Also taking a shot just doesn't sound funny.

The man co-owns a bar. You figure out the motivation. :-)

Well that was pretty silly. I would be positively aghast if I felt that you meant for us to take any of these terrible suggestions seriously. Good thing that's not the case.

The tiger class should be made at all costs!

Yahtzee,I think you should stick to witty mock reviews rather than trying to expand your episode with a ton of text explaining how you would've liked the game in question to be.Games don't try to be like TF2,like God of War or like MW.

Tiger Made this article xD
don't get me wrong, the rest was still hilarious...
but the tiger made me cry

Tenkage:

I got some ideas

Cook: You can drop tasty treats over the battlefield, if your team eats them they regain health over time. However you can also drop poisoned treats and if the enemy eats them, they lose health, however you got to make sure your team doesn't eat them

Builder: You can build cover for your team to hide behind, not the best class as a lot of people would aim for you, but good for objective based gameplay

Chest-high wall builder? Of course everyone is gonna shoot you!

DirkRhyolite:

Yahtzee:
Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.

Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

While the OED notes that this usage is `Freq. found but generally regarded as incorrect', it also points out that the citations for its usage as such actually go back to c. 888. I think after that amount of time it can be claimed as valid.

TriggerHappyAngel:
Team Fortress 2 is way better than Brink, because in TF2 I can buy all my items, in stead of having to earn them by actually playing the game :')

I see what you did there, assuming that was a joke.
But as far as actual game changing weapons(as in NOT useless hats) go, you can earn them all without having to buy them. Getting all the weapons are fairly easy, or at least they would be if they stopped fucking making so many all the time. Weapon collecting in TF2 is a small hobby of mine, even if I don't use all of them.

How many people read Yahtzee's blogs in the style of his videos?

Awesome.

I wasn't sure if Yahtzee was kidding until he got to the pilot...I had my doubts from the beginning, but I think the propaganda artist started off as a serious idea before he thought "sod it!" and just went for laughs...

Lukeje:

DirkRhyolite:

Yahtzee:
Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.

Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

While the OED notes that this usage is `Freq. found but generally regarded as incorrect', it also points out that the citations for its usage as such actually go back to c. 888. I think after that amount of time it can be claimed as valid.

Valid? I disagree. Forgivable? Certainly.

EDIT: For a little more content... I've studied enough linguistics to understand how, no, actually, natural language is as natural language does, but I'm still a prescriptivist at times. There are things that are grammatically incorrect. On the other hand, humans butcher grammar all the time, and generally butcher it more, at least relative to what they should be doing, if it's their mother tongue, I'd guess.

True a fucking tiger would pretty much fuck the sniper and the scouts shit up since by the time the scouts shotgun is effective the tiger is already biting his balls off and the tiger would move too fast for a sniper to get an accurate lock, if the Heavy Weapons Guy gets a good enough leeway then he could potentially kill the fucking tiger. Soldier... hardy maybe. Obviously a fucking tiger would be hard to hit with a relatively slow moving projectile, but at the same time the fucking tiger might try to catch the rocket rather than evade it and get blown the fuck up. Medic's syringe gun might be capable of killing the fucking tiger with an item tailored for human physiology but not fucking tiger physiology, and the fucking tiger would have a sensitive nose and not want to go anywhere near the drunken demoman. As for how the spy would handle the fucking tiger, it's a little tricky. To backstab the fucking tiger he would have to jump onto the fucking tiger's back or get the fucking tiger to stand on it's hind legs. But even if he does manage to backstab the fucking tiger, how can he imitate the fucking tiger? Well maybe the red spy learned to imitate the fucking tiger while fucking the blue scout's mother, but still, the blue spy doesn't get to deal with the fucking tiger so easily.
Oh, one more thing, maybe you can balance the snipers weakness against the fucking tiger with the jarate. Make the jarate act like the bile bomb with the fucking tiger and make the fucking tiger attack anything under the effects of jarate, regardless of affiliation!

Okay, i'm done with the fucking tiger jokes. Besides, is Team Fortress 2 really in need of more classes? And if it were, how would they go about implementing them without fucking the current balance?
...i wonder how many times i used the word "Fucking" in this post alone...

rickynumber24:

Lukeje:

DirkRhyolite:
.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.

Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

While the OED notes that this usage is `Freq. found but generally regarded as incorrect', it also points out that the citations for its usage as such actually go back to c. 888. I think after that amount of time it can be claimed as valid.

Valid? I disagree. Forgivable? Certainly.

EDIT: For a little more content... I've studied enough linguistics to understand how, no, actually, natural language is as natural language does, but I'm still a prescriptivist at times. There are things that are grammatically incorrect. On the other hand, humans butcher grammar all the time, and generally butcher it more, at least relative to what they should be doing, if it's their mother tongue, I'd guess.

I was going to point out that you have to question what makes something valid in a language if not how it is spoken and written by its native speakers but you seem to have presaged this comment with your edit. So... yeah.

I lolled all over the inside of my pants when I read the Tiger one :D

A Crime Scene Investigator? In the middle of a war zone? Really? Points for the creativity, Yahtzee, but you already fail on the concept. Now, if you could play as an Assassin of Optic Camo...

Grabbin Keelz:

TriggerHappyAngel:
Team Fortress 2 is way better than Brink, because in TF2 I can buy all my items, in stead of having to earn them by actually playing the game :')

I see what you did there, assuming that was a joke.
But as far as actual game changing weapons(as in NOT useless hats) go, you can earn them all without having to buy them. Getting all the weapons are fairly easy, or at least they would be if they stopped fucking making so many all the time. Weapon collecting in TF2 is a small hobby of mine, even if I don't use all of them.

It definetly was a joke (I almost have all TF2 weapons myself, none bought).
I'm just getting a little tired from all the Brink~TF2 comparisons, they are both totally different games.

I cannot wait for the next article's japes. Japes that is, not any form of review or introspection bearer of any depthness whatsoever.
Besides, the game's production team was the very same responsible for enemy territory therefore any comparisons to enemy territory as instead of team fortress 2 would have much much more intellectual value.

This article obviously isn't meant to be taken seriously, but the mundane-sounding Pilot class got me thinking. What if there was a class that was necessary for a team to succeed, but was completely devoid of any kind of cathartic gameplay. A class that basically required the one person playing it to do nothing more than be in the game? Could that work? Could people derive enjoyment from being the most important part of a team if they weren't allowed derive enjoyment from anything else? Could the implied gratitude from teamates be enough to sustain someone through an utter absence of fun? We can look to the popularity of medic classes for answers...but those classes still get to do something.

BTW, didn't get the Dr. Who reference.

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