Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

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Yeah controls and difficult learning curve was already a point in the escapist review. So is there anything new to say? Well, don't bother, this game wasn't on my to buy list anyway.

PunchedBarbecue:
Another bad point is the braindead AI and NPCs that stand absolutely motionless when talking (not even the occasional sway, just nothing), like mannequins with mouths

Yeah, that's one thing even skyrim decided to fix, as evidenced by the blacksmith that can't be arsed to stop sharpening his axe when you start talking to him.

CommanderKirov:
You know, from all of this there is one thing I'm interested the most.

Does Yahtzee have just a general dislike for PC gaming now days, or does he just do not enjoy the way that PC gamers treat console gamers.

I think he just knows that attacking PC gaming is an easy way to get alot of people butthurt.

CommanderKirov:
You know, from all of this there is one thing I'm interested the most.

Does Yahtzee have just a general dislike for PC gaming now days, or does he just do not enjoy the way that PC gamers treat console gamers.

He just hates the self-entitled twats that claim PC gaming is superior. And for good reason. :P

Liar Liar ! Ive heard maybe 2 or 3 'fucks' in the game ! People generally prefer to 'plough' !

Guess I'll have to wait another week for the E3 hype massacre.

I have to agree with Yahtzee on the combat though, there is literally no tutorial, they expect you to just know. I survived the first few fights through luck, but one swarm of cave dwelling things during that elven lady quest he mentioned took me about 25 tries to get through. It involved lots of running around and picking one or two off at a time.

The game could have been a lot more user friendly, but I do love it now that I've figured most of it out.

ImprovizoR:
It's official, Yahtzee sucks at video games. He trashes every video game that he finds to difficult :D

There's a difference between 'difficult' and 'challenging'. The difficulty in The Witcher and games like it are that the user interface in counter-intuitive when the player needs it most. You shouldn't have to use potions outside of battle, fighting is when you need them most of all; there's not a lot of healing you can do when locked in combat, seeing how it would make for an awkward doctors appointment. Along with having to scout through the interface to even FIND your inventory, yeah, one could say the game is being difficult.

Lol! finally, someone who agrees with me about TW2.

Its true that the combat is hard to get at first but you do get used to it after amny many deaths. Forgetting to save is a pain as well. Don't quite see the problem with reviews moaning about the menus tbh could be worst. After you get used to the comabt and saving frequently I found the game quite enjoyable, especially when there are no black or white moral choices and tend to be more grey.

P.S
Right click to skip cut scenes >.>

Estelindis:

"...Anyway, I agree that the fight against the chapter 1 boss was tough, but the initial cutscene *is* skippable. Just click RMB.

When it comes to fighting groups, by the way, different tactics are needed than just blocking or dodging (as you clearly won't be able to avoid everyone if they're all around you). Make bombs and traps during down-time and use those; use Yrden to trap foes magically if you didn't prepare any traps and Igni to, you know, ignite foes if you didn't prepare bombs; put up Quen to deflect damage (though you should really have that up in all fights but the weakest); use Aard to knock foes down and Axii to bewitch foes to fight on your side..."

Good points, should have been part of a tutorial.

I've been debating on getting into this series but I'm put off by the thought I'll need Gamefaqs to learn how to play it.

Excellent review, Yahtzee, as always.

That said, The Witcher 2 is an amazing and greatly enjoyable game. For those who are worried, it comes with a useful manual you can read, pressing J in game gives you all the information you need to know regarding how stuff works, and the patches are like 20MB or so each (lest you bought it on STEAM, in witch case - tough luck). It also looks phenomenal, even on a sub $100 graphics card like the 5770.

The developers have been stellar with support. Free DLC's already out and Steam's HUGE patch issues are being worked on.

Yes Yahtzee, it does indeed appear that console gaming has made you soft and squishy and wimpy.

I'm joking of course

kind of

maybe

It is of course a giant irony that he will complain about the overcomplexity in a PC game review, but then turn right around and complain about the lack of such complexity in a console game review.

Azhrarn-101:
I have to agree with Yahtzee on the combat though, there is literally no tutorial, they expect you to just know. I survived the first few fights through luck, but one swarm of cave dwelling things during that elven lady quest he mentioned took me about 25 tries to get through. It involved lots of running around and picking one or two off at a time.

The game could have been a lot more user friendly, but I do love it now that I've figured most of it out.

Those Nekkers were a pain soon as I saw them I reloaded and read up on the Nekkers and made some grapeshot bombs, so easy after that. Really though I was happy I couldn't just wade in god of war style and slay hordes of monsters with out any sort of tactics or skill. I saw my friend do the same quest and he went the magic route and he took care of them silly quick with Igni. So it's not like there was only one way to do the quest either.

Is it me or did Yahtzee sound unusually happy this time?
For some reason I thought he had the biggest smile ever on his face while narrating this.

Once in a while i disagree with you, Yahtzee.

Funny review, though you can skip the cutscenes (I know, I had to retry the boss fight fifty times because I refused to take the difficulty off of hard).

Basically, the review boils down to:
-Too much stuff to manage. Well fine, if that bothers you it's a fair point, though you can play through the game just fine on easy if that micro-management annoys you.
-Too hard. That's what easy difficulty is for. Maybe they should introduce a Hello Kitty difficult level for the especially bad?
-They didn't actually say fuck that much, and it really wasn't all that dark. Felt very realistic and organic, to me.

Ridgemo:

CommanderKirov:
You know, from all of this there is one thing I'm interested the most.

Does Yahtzee have just a general dislike for PC gaming now days, or does he just do not enjoy the way that PC gamers treat console gamers.

I think he just knows that attacking PC gaming is an easy way to get alot of people butthurt.

Ahhh. A good reason than.

I see a lot of denial already.

And i highly doubt yahtzee hates PC gaming.

Poisoned Al:
You can't deny that some games are dumbed down for console gamers, there is a difference between "dumbed down" and "streamlined" that a lot of people don't seem the grasp.

No, developers use the excuse that a game was dumbed down for console gamers, and frankly, we aren't asking them to do that. Also, we're not stupid just because our games aren't complicated, and I am really tired of people saying we are.

mrhateful:

The Ultimate 2:
This is precisely why I'm a console gamer, console games don't take all day and I don't have to reduce the graphics to 1st grader quality to actually play. Good review Yahtzee you faustian king amongst us mere mortal squishies. Just remember to have fun with Brink He he he.

Nope console games comes pre-factored at lowest grade quality.

Again with the "PCs are better because the graphics are better" crap? I would think that PC gamers aren't that concerned with graphics, but I guess that you specifically are. In that case I reccomend you play "Google streetview". It has the most realistic graphics ever. Seriously, it looks just like real life.

Pcs smoke consoles when it coomes to gaming power. However, when I lose an entire afternoon tweaking graphical options, getting programs to shutdown background processes only to end up playing a game that feels MUCH more natural with a gamepad, it kills the fun a little.

Witcher2 will be one of my GOTY. No doubt. Love the story and the action, but for every right, there's a sense of something that should have been done better. Streamlining helps turning up the fun in a game. Like said it isn't about dummbing down a game, just making it more manageable.

Limecake:
I never played the first, my dad loves the witcher 2 though. I'll not pick it up since my laptop is nowhere near good enough to run it even on lowest settings.

Wow, you have quite a cool dad, I wish my dad played games.

OT:Ugh PC only, my shit laptop canīt even run San Andreas properly let alone the Witcher.

Back to Baldurīs gate it is then.

I like Yahtzee a lot, I love his sense of humour and his observations are often brilliant, but if he's a "professional game critic" then I am a professional shark trainer. I think it would be better if he only "reviewed" bad games, because his nitpicking and whining about great titles is just kinda awkward.

Amazing spot on review!
(No one is firing me from that factory)

I had no interest in the game and now I have less interest so I guess as a critic he succeeded. I also laughed quite a bit more than usual, so, cheers!

The last 2 patches fixed a whole lot of the game's weaknesses. May still need better tooltips or something, but combat is more fluid now, they fixed the input lag which made Yahtzee stop playing.

-Dragmire-:

Good points, should have been part of a tutorial.

Agreed; the game sorely needed an optional tutorial in which Geralt practises fighting some of the men in the camp before he goes to meet Foltest. I don't like obligatory tutorials when the character I'm playing is supposed to already be a badass, as they're hard to integrate into the story (I hate anything that breaks immersion), but it should have at least been possible to engage in some combat basics in this game (with one being able to ignore the tutorial in favour of the manual, should one wish).

Racecarlock:

Poisoned Al:
You can't deny that some games are dumbed down for console gamers, there is a difference between "dumbed down" and "streamlined" that a lot of people don't seem the grasp.

No, developers use the excuse that a game was dumbed down for console gamers, and frankly, we aren't asking them to do that. Also, we're not stupid just because our games aren't complicated, and I am really tired of people saying we are.

mrhateful:

The Ultimate 2:
This is precisely why I'm a console gamer, console games don't take all day and I don't have to reduce the graphics to 1st grader quality to actually play. Good review Yahtzee you faustian king amongst us mere mortal squishies. Just remember to have fun with Brink He he he.

Nope console games comes pre-factored at lowest grade quality.

Again with the "PCs are better because the graphics are better" crap? I would think that PC gamers aren't that concerned with graphics, but I guess that you specifically are. In that case I reccomend you play "Google streetview". It has the most realistic graphics ever. Seriously, it looks just like real life.

Ha ha!
Do not forget to mention that if you get the red and cyan glasses you can even view it... IN 3D!

inb4-

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

damn, nevermind.

OT: Eh, I honestly just could not get into the first Witcher, and while this one looked kinda cool, and it atleast looks to fix the shit combat from the first, I still don't really see this as being for me. A demo sure would be nice, at the very least to make sure it runs on my system, and to see if the gameplay is for me, but I guess that's too much to ask for.

never seen a zp review get hate so quickly usually we have to wait for the trolls to see people like it...

Yahtzee was never a reviewer that gives it stars and he's not really a proper critic, he's an entertainment critic and the point he was trying to get across is that the Witcher 2 was not fun for him which is fair enough, he's an individual, he tried something and admitted to hating it. If you didn't agree with his opinions and think it was fairly unjust, get a new critic/reviewer, me and Yahtzee will be riding the fun train, reminising about Prince of Persia and Silent Hill 2 with a side dish of Portal.

Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yahtzee's consistancy sucks. He bitches about games that hold your hand, then bitches about games that don't, complains about games that are so oversimplified a monkey could play them but if you need more buttons than are available on a joypad he throws his toys out the pram...

It would have been a lot funnier if the PC version wasn't actually the beta for the Xbox 360 version.
Hopefully they'll release an enhanced edition where they make menus that don't want to make me stick a fork in my eyes.

MelasZepheos:
I actually defend this attitude to reviewing games (not finishing the whole thing) because it perhaps shows better what sort of game you're playing.

A good game will keep you playing to the end.

A bad game will not.

Agreed. One rule for books some librarians have come up with is to subtract your age from 100. The result is how many pages of a book you should read before deciding whether to stop reading it. If you've been playing a game for a good 5 or 6 hours and it hasn't engaged you, why would you keep wasting your time?

MelasZepheos:
Also, I'm getting really bored of Dark Fantasy. It's like the nineties, when comic books sucked because people thought that the deconstruction of Alan Moore and Frank Miller could be best replicated by just swearing a lot and murdering people, entirely missing what actually made those books deconstructionist and good (see also Mark Millar, who is just mean spirited). Dark Fantasy can work, provided you understand what dark fantasy actually is, but most writers of it nowadays miss the deconstructionist satire of the genre, highlighting the flawed preconceptions of a legion raised on Tolkein, and just give us an entirely straightfaced Tolkein-esque fantasy with lots of swearing and shagging (see also BioWare)

I'm not a huge Tolkien fan (I prefer Howard, Leiber and Moorcock), and am generally happy that after 50 years of his shadow looming over epic fantasy the genre has moved on to other things. But I still get confused when people equate his work with sweetness and light. Lord of the Rings is pretty dark at times. I guess the ending is kind of happy, but extremely bittersweet: the elves leave Middle Earth forever, Arwen will grow old and die and never see her father again, Saruman sacks the Shire, Frodo never really recovers from the corruption of the One Ring, and becomes a brooding loner.

The advert for Bad Teacher lagged out really really badly on my computer, which adverts do not normally do - and no, it's not my internet. Possible problem?

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