Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

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Alleged_Alec:

Feriluce:
Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

No..no it doesn't. I have yet to see a single game that tells you "Press buttan x to skip cutscene". There is a limited amount of buttons you'd expect to skip a cutscene, namely space, esc, enter and the mouse buttons. Thats about 5 buttons to go through. Apparantly thats too much for the console crowd to handle though.

Zhukov:
Y'know, I'd say he made that sound worse than Dragon age 2.

...

Fanatic fan squad, sic 'im!

This made my day.

Yahtzee is a lot of the times spot on about the bad parts of games he rants about. Overly long animations and dumb inventory design were some of my annoyances too.

Feriluce:

No..no it doesn't. I have yet to see a single game that tells you "Press buttan x to skip cutscene".

Haven't played many games, have you.

Tutorial is horrible, everyone knows that. It's the only problem with the game, it doesn't tell you how to play. Well, that and the general unresponsiveness. And the inventory.

Moaning about the lack of instant potions. Well, just because something is a trope doesn't mean it should always be included. How ridiculous is it that in most games you can take out a glass vial, uncork it and chug it all down whilst in the middle of a sword fight?

It's more acceptable in a Space Marine type get-up, you can say "automated systems" and carry on your merry way; but, not in your typical medieval fantasy setting.

The only trouble with the preemptive potioning is that you either have to be prescient or you will invariably die, meaning you have to quicksave all the time.

Group fights, Quen. Seriously, just have Quen active all the time. My first playthrough I had to push the game down to easy. Second and I tried again on normal, used Quen and the difference it makes is unreal.

This is not a review, if the reviewer can't even bother to play the game why did he even put this up?
And at the end it all just came down to mocking the pc gaming.

It really sounds like Yahtzee enjoyed that review more than usual.

And so did I.

I think part of the problem is the use of a laptop. I honestly can't imagine why he was playing a PC game on a laptop anyone who does serious gaming on a PC typically has a dedicated tower to do it on. I've always found Laptops to be inferior for gaming and typically not nearly as effective, given the small size of a keyboard and the whole issue with the heat and the fan's running full on the entire time.

I honestly don't understand why people complain about the tutorial not telling you how to fight. The pop up messages state left click gives light/fast attack, right click for hard/strong attack and even tells you that silver weapons are for monsters and steel for humans. :S

Then again I never had any trouble with the combat since I look over the controls of a game before diving into it.

I also think it's a fresh change of gameplay to make people prepare for fights (in regards to the potion drinking) and welcome it whole heatedly. It adds a new element of strategy. Though I gotta agree with him on how annoying the process is to go through it. I'd like to skip the animation of him drinking potion if at all possible.

As a PC gamer and fan of Witcher 2, I found a great deal of joy in listening to Yahtzee hammer on PC elitists. It's hard listening to some of them go on about the glorious PC master race, and when them and the console fanboi's go at it, it's like listening to religious zealots argue. Good show Yahtzee.

I'm just sad he didn't have an extra cinematic bit of fun at the end like he did for the original Witcher game.

"TWENTY minutes. Puffer fish."

Madmanonfire:

OT: If the two swords thing is true, then this game is downright silly.

>< its called lore, and the potion before combat is called RP. I know these concepts are not needed in consoles games where immersion is a joke, but in a truly great RPG then these things are a must.

The entertainment was sorely lacking in this review, and this is coming from a fairly big fan of his.

The fact that a lot of the complaints can be summarized as "the game didn't explain it to me, so I'm not going to try to figure out how to do it, I'll just bitch about it in my review instead" is something that is WRONG with gamers today, not a point to be encouraged. It's especially odd coming from Yahtzee, who has (many a time) ranted about games that hold your hand too much.

If a game, for example, is all about exploring the world and discovering events and quests as opposed to being led from place to place, and players promptly complain that they're not being led around by the nose, doesn't that suggest that THEY are in the wrong since they're not adapting to the world they've been inserted in? I'm sorry, I just don't sympathize much with "I didn't know how to do this, but didn't bother trying to experiment to figure it out either".

[obviousjoke]Maybe glorious PC gaming's just too much for poor Yahtzee. Get that man a controller, stat! :P[/obviousjoke]

Is the game's difficulty curve a bitch? Yeah, absolutely, everyone who I've heard from says it is. But it's hardly as unplayable as he makes it out to be, and most of his big complaints are easily remedied by experimenting with the game interfaces to figure out how to do those things. Tsk tsk, Yahtzee.

Hopefully he rebounds for next week's E3 review.

I'm a little surprised he didn't call it a single player mmorpga like the last one.

tsaweeos:
I honestly don't understand why people complain about the tutorial not telling you how to fight. The pop up messages state left click gives light/fast attack, right click for hard/strong attack and even tells you that silver weapons are for monsters and steel for humans. :S

Then again I never had any trouble with the combat since I look over the controls of a game before diving into it.

Same here, I actually have found that a lot of my friends don't even bother glancing at any sort of control or guide prior to playing a game. They are content to just shove it into their xbox and start pressing buttons. Any game that doesn't explain every nuance to the player is terrible or what have you.

I typically just spend a few minutes looking over the booklet while the game installs on my PC. It's a habit, and I don't think I'd of developed it had I gamed exclusively on consoles.

sooo.....

I take Yahtzee doesn't like PC games/gamers

The game gets better once you get past the trial by fire that is the beginning and learn how everything works, it's a pity you didn't put the effort in. But hey having to put effort into to learning how to play something is something that doesn't occur very often anymore is it?

Khushal:
I dont think this actually counts as a ''review''.

It was more of a rant on PC gaming in generel...

D'oh well can't say im surprised he did not like it

Actually, I can't remember who (Yahtzee himself or someone else), but I think it's suppose to be taken as a critique, and not a review.

Also, I liked the part about how console and PC gamers share the fear and pain of thir games not working right. :) Made me feel all warm inside.

emusega:
Yeah controls and difficult learning curve was already a point in the escapist review. So is there anything new to say? Well, don't bother, this game wasn't on my to buy list anyway.

I wasn't expecting it to be much different, people aren't being quite as whiny as they were to Greg Tito though, In which they were basically calling for him to be fired. Still pretty whiny though. "How dare you call lack of tutorials and poor interface as negative qualities" blah blah blah.

I got the feeling yahtzee wouldn't like it :P it is a bit hard for his usual tastes. Plus he was running on uber low and that 'delay' and clunky combat was likely lag :p On a decent machine (not that expensive either if you have a desktop) there's no such issues :)

However the points about the stupid slow drinking animation was spot on ^^ But overall i can't believe yahtzee, a seasoned gamer, found anything unintuitive (hover over an item, it lights up the slot to equip it to for example) >< If yahtzee can't handle not being hand held all the time, what hope do we have for everyone else?

Maybe you do need to play some real games again Yahtzee, all this mainstream gunk is destroying your gaming ability :)

Feriluce:

Alleged_Alec:

Feriluce:
Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

No..no it doesn't. I have yet to see a single game that tells you "Press buttan x to skip cutscene". There is a limited amount of buttons you'd expect to skip a cutscene, namely space, esc, enter and the mouse buttons. Thats about 5 buttons to go through. Apparantly thats too much for the console crowd to handle though.

Actually, most games I've played do. Also: I can't think of a single game which uses the mouse buttons to skip them.

Yeah, the tutorial sucked ass, but it's one of the best game of the year.

Well.. personally i LOVE this game. A great RPG in my opinion, with a inventory and shopping interface that i hate! It also has some quest tracking problems and no direction on the mini-map(that a auto-save function that seems to forget we drink potions before the fight)..
And still i really am enjoying this game!
Luckily CD Projekt RED is great with is audience, and its patching stuff in record time.

As for the whole PC gaming discussion... The game was designed to be played with a game-pad because it is going to be ported to the 360. But hey...

It is definitely NOT a game for everyone. It takes a certain kind of RPG taste to enjoy this game, i have that taste and i love the game. But yeah, it is complicated to get into if your not a particular kind of geek.

I would highly advise anyone put down by these faults to play the game using cheats or a trainer program to look through the bad combat and get to the best part of the game which is the story and how it is impacted by your decisions.
You can also try using an Xbox 360 controller with the PC to get over the control problems.
For performance problems I can tell you that I am playing this game on a custom built desktop PC that cost less than an Xbox 360 because I bought a used processor(Intel E2160 1.8 Ghz), used graphics card(Ati 4670 512 MB) and a used 80 GB harddisk only the casing, power supply and RAM is new. I also bought a used mouse(Microsoft Intellimouse 3), a used DELL keyboard and a used 15 inch LCD monitor.So contrary to popular belief among console gamers, you don't need a super expensive monster PC to play games on a PC. But playing on a laptop(like Yatzee) is completely stupid as most of them don't come with a dedicated Graphics card, only a select few laptops that cost more than $ 1000 come with a proper dedicated graphics card(which is why Brink did not run on Yatzee's laptop as it is GPU intensive game,like most PC FPS games, while The Witcher 2 is a processor intensive game).
I waited two or three years to actually get a PC capable of playing the Witcher 1 after I bought it and it was worth it despite the even more terrible combat in that game.
That said, I still agree with the review and all faults mentioned here are completely true.

Wow yahtzee... you know, that boss fight is actually roughly 1/3rd of the way through the game right? I mean it's not actually that long, much shorter than, say, Fallout or Dragon Age 2.

Also you can indeed skip cutscenes... so yeah...

Other than that, I will agree that the very start is tough because it doesn't tell you jack shit, really, and the prologue could use a bit of a revamp... but honestly by the end of the prologue you should be pretty familiar with attack-dodge-attack

Well, even though i love Witcher 2 and had an amazing fun finishing it (and it's not really long, it took me only few evenings), this ZP was totally awesome!

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

i agree he didnt give it a chance its just too slopy.after the godlike review of la noire i was expecting something better than not even knowing that the cutscene in the first boss is skipable

I don't get what is dumb about the 2 swords? The lore says monsters are weaker to silver swords, and I'm sure in reality a silver coated sword wouldn't be as effective cutting people up, mainly because it would be bluntish. Are there no other games that let you use at least 2 weapons? Is it any different than using a shotgun for CQC and a sniper rifle for range?

And potions... these are not "health potions" or "mana potions" like in other RPGs. There is a magical sign for that. Potions help you prepare and quests usually spell out what kind of monster you are expected to find. Seriously, it is unnervign to see Yathzee ignoring design decisions that are part of the lore themselves and can be easily explained within that logic.

Oh, and cut-scenes are skippable. At least say things that are true and not made up.

People are getting dumber by the minute with games that hold your hand too much. At least it is easy to tell them apart by the stupidity of their complaints.

Imp Emissary:

Actually, I can't remember who (Yahtzee himself or someone else), but I think it's suppose to be taken as a critique, and not a review.

That's the thing.

Yahtzee himself has said that these are not reviews, but critiques.

The only problem is that every time he says that, he is trying to make a point about something specific...

If you look at the OP it says:

''This week Yahtzee reviews...''

I think he needs to decide for himself what he want's to do and then stick to it instead of shifting between the 2 definitions whenever it pleases him.
It does actually make a significant difference.

Way not to have an original thought in all that wall of text.
Do you think Yahtzee will be aware you're kissing his ass ?

As for this review, I'm sorry but I can't take the opinion of someone without attention span or basic mental functions seriously.
Also you're blatantly lying (or just too stupid to notice THE FUCKING SCREEN) because you CAN skip cutscenes (via the right click) and if you doubleclick an armor/weapon upgrade you attach it to the armor/weapon you're using.
On the bright side we can still call him Retaro McSpankyPants (or whatever he told us to call him in the Witcher review).

Zhukov:
Y'know, I'd say he made that sound worse than Dragon age 2.

...

Fanatic fan squad, sic 'im!

Fanatic fan squad? Fan is short for fanatic, so its Fanatic Fanatic Squad?

:( I want a new name please. :) Don't worry you can still attack. But you will fail.

I have always been interested in this game, but been hesitant about buying it on the PC, for 2 reasons's actually, the first is what you might expect, I'm more of an Xbox guy, but I also don't have a PC able to run this game on high setting's.

I'm glad to have heard it will be ported to console's soon though.

Jandau:
this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

I think it was supposed to, to be honest. It is a review after all, and he is advising anyone other than PC elitist's to stay away from this game because it's very complicated.

I'm surprised nobody has commented: Witcher 2 is coming to Xbox 360 at least, so place the PC snobbery aside.

My major complaint with the game was the total lack of direction-- I dunno, maybe the manual covers a lot of that, but since I got the Steam edition, the manual wasn't readily available. That, plus the difficulty curve seems absurdly uneven, particularly for a game where you can't set the difficult (I don't think).

Funny ZP tho. Best one in a while, IMHO. Particularly loved the finishing line.

grimner:

gellert1984:
Yahtzee's consistancy sucks. He bitches about games that hold your hand, then bitches about games that don't, complains about games that are so oversimplified a monkey could play them but if you need more buttons than are available on a joypad he throws his toys out the pram...

Nope. The problem with this game is not its difficulty, but the fact that it does nothing to explain its mechanics. You're fighting soldiers in a hut brunt by a dragon before you even realize how to properly block. And even when you do get the gaming mechanics right, there's annoyances like a targetting system that doesn't always work, Geralt's dodge and stab fighting style being incongruous with crampes spaces, and a camera that doesn't follow the action. All that leads to cheap deaths.

Games manual says no.

Seriously, this is exactly what I mean, I remember a time when a lovingly crafted game manual was almost as much fun as the game itself. A good game manual had a back page consisting entirely of keybinds.

But instead its 'Why hasnt a QTE style pop-up breached the immersion and told me what to do? This game sucks!'

I have no reason to fanboy rage on you Yahtzee. So I won't.

But the fact that you portrayed the PLAYERS of this game as your primary problem with it......is just fucking non-sensical.
You have every obligation to hate this game and make jokes about it (that being your job and all). But make jokes about what's wrong with the game, NOT what's wrong with the vocal minority of it's fanbase....

The only complaint you've raised against the game is "The tutorial's bad." That's it. That's ALL you said about the game.

A bit disappointing, I will say.

Khushal:

Imp Emissary:

Actually, I can't remember who (Yahtzee himself or someone else), but I think it's suppose to be taken as a critique, and not a review.

That's the thing.

Yahtzee himself has said that these are not reviews, but critiques.

The only problem is that every time he says that, he is trying to make a point about something specific...

If you look at the OP it says:

''This week Yahtzee reviews...''

I think he needs to decide for himself what he want's to do and then stick to it instead of shifting between the 2 definitions whenever it pleases him.
It does actually make a significant difference.

But then what would people have to complain about, if he did that, everyone would just kiss his arse week in, week out.

solidstatemind:
I'm surprised nobody has commented: Witcher 2 is coming to Xbox 360 at least, so place the PC snobbery aside.

My major complaint with the game was the total lack of direction-- I dunno, maybe the manual covers a lot of that, but since I got the Steam edition, the manual wasn't readily available. That, plus the difficulty curve seems absurdly uneven, particularly for a game where you can't set the difficult (I don't think).

Funny ZP tho. Best one in a while, IMHO. Particularly loved the finishing line.

Manual wasn't readily available? Every page in the steam store has a link to see the game manual and if you right click a game in your library there is typically an option to view the manual. That said I do feel your pain of having bought it on steam, I don't imagine you signed up for 9 gig patches when you bought it. I hope that's fixed soon.

Oh and you can set the difficulty at any time and it even asks you at the beginning explaining the differences between each of the settings.

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