Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

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loc978:
...and I feel the same about Warhammer as I do about Fable, the Elder Scrolls, and the Witcher. 40K is fun, but plain ol' Warhammer is just another take on the same Tolkien fantasy world... with more Gods and sillier magic.
That, and I like the D20 system. Most other systems feel dumbed down (with the notable exception of a D10 storytelling system, but White Wolf isn't on trial here).

There is a diffrence in a warhammer world and D&D (or more Forgoten Realms which is most popular). I just had to point it out. I agree that 40k is fun as hell. There are intresting systems in Steampunk. (i don't remember name bacause i played it only once. Hard to find good GM for smaller systems)

mrhateful:
Great review as always... Also your description of a being a true gamer(aka pc gamer) was quite accurate. However one thing though the cut scenes are shippable just press "right mouse button".

Just a heads up - True gamers play all platforms.

Decent review, but as many have stated, a fair bit of it isn't actually true. You can skip cutscenes, for example. Also rolling, etc.

Agreed on the tutorial though. I liked that it was unforgiving and tough as nails to start with, but then that certainly isn't for everyone, and isn't particularly good game design to have the tutorial be harder than the entire rest of the game.

mrhateful:
I want to reiterate something Yahtzee though I love the humor in this review. I wish you would have played it to the end. As I think you went into the game hating it and thus not giving it a proper chance to impress you.

Now here is my own personal theory:

Yahtzee plays games all the time as it is his job so he no longer plays them for pleasure there-for the will to pull tough times is not there anymore, meaning its easier to take the quick way out and just say it was too hard or you didn't like the controls. Now this is nothing against Yahtzee as his reviews will still be good but they just won't have soul in it like his previous reviews had.

He didnt stop playing it because it was hard he stopped because it was long and he hated it

There are games that are bad, and there are games that I hate,

mrhateful:

Azaraxzealot:

an interesting philosophy i heard once is "If you CAN'T finish a game, you're playing it wrong, if you WON'T finish a game, then it's a bad game."

First of by that definition then Yahtzee was playing it wrong. Second people prefer different genres and some genres like RPG, just doesn't fall into the taste of everyone. Yahtzee not liking a hardcore RPG is as surprising as finding out that he needs air to breath.

Also the idea that because you won't finish a game then that is equivalent to being bad, is silly at best and stupid at worst. Lets for instance assume I don't like to play soccer then according to that philosophy then soccer is a "bad" sport. Or in video game terms lets assume I don't like Halo does that make it a bad game. No and anyone claiming that is ball faced lying.

Or to take up another truly great RPG, Baldurs Gate 2 which is probably one of the best games ever made. Yet a lot of people are having a hard time getting into to it because it requires something of the player.

Personally I think that games, you have to work for in order to enjoy is in long term much more enjoyable and repayable, then games that hand hold you through the entire thing.

There are games that are bad and then there are games that I hate. Big Rig Racing is a bad game, YZ just said he hates the game so he won't play it anymore and then listed a bunch of reasons why he hates it. I didn't get the impression that he thought the game was bad.

Vrach:

Anyway the game on the whole just feels really awful and I agree, just plain not fun. I wanted to play it, I really did, I sat through the bullshit for as long as I could, I came back to it a few times, but it's just not worth my nerves over the crappy combat when there's literally not been a single rewarding moment through several hours of gameplay and everything else was rage-inducing bollox.

You know there exists an easy setting right? Not everyone is meant to tame the beast that is a keyboard and mouse, and for those the easy setting was invented.

So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

The fucking hypocrite is first in lane to lament the current state of the gaming industry with all its moron-shooters, yet the minute a game dares being something more, he whines that it's not streamlined enough, too clustered, overwhelming, hard, etc.

Cynicism for its own sake is not comedy, sir.

I love this review, I agree with every.single.thing. he said. It's like he was reading my mind.

And, no, I don't think it is hard, I just think it is broken. I got the perfectionist achievement within my first 30 minutes of gameplay, which is kill 10 people in a row without taking any damage, but I still had problems with the game because you can only learn the mechanics through death, lots and lots of death. And please don't even get me started with the prologue dragon scene, that is the very definition of broken.

Same as witcher 1, it has everything I would think that I would love in an RPG, but ultimately falls so flat on its face due to its ridiculously awful interface and combat that to this day remains unplayable.

Yahtzee never liked challenging games, so this comes as no surprise.

What is surprising is that he couldn't even play the game on a proper rig. Making vids about games is what he does, so he should have the equipment atleast.

Caramel Frappe:
Yeah, it's funny how Yahtzee brought up how a lot of RPG games tend to be on the dark side, with everyone being rude toward one another and plenty of racists against other beings who aren't human. Anyways loved this review Yahtzee, grand job as always. A shame that the game doesn't seem fun.. I wish it would had because someday seeing you play a game and having the fun of your life will be the greatest joy to us all no sarcasm. Well we did get some of that when you played Minecraft and Duke Nukem but yeah besides that.

And silent hill, and saints row 2 and batman arkham asylam, and RDR, and Dead rising 2, and limbo, etc

ph0b0s123:
Wow. Now PC gamers are treated, by the gaming community, the same way all gamers were not too long ago.....

No, gamers back then were treated like socially inept, shut-in, geeky losers with no life by everyone else. And certain people still try to portray them in that light.

Most gamers see PC Gamers as elitist, arrogant, snobs who look down on the rest of the gaming community. And I can probably find some very good evidence of it right here on this thread, if you want.

MatsVS:
So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

The fucking hypocrite is first in lane to lament the current state of the gaming industry with all its moron-shooters, yet the minute a game dares being something more, he whines that it's not streamlined enough, too clustered, overwhelming, hard, etc.

Cynicism for its own sake is not comedy, sir.

Its probably because he thought the game was shit

synobal:

solidstatemind:
I'm surprised nobody has commented: Witcher 2 is coming to Xbox 360 at least, so place the PC snobbery aside.

My major complaint with the game was the total lack of direction-- I dunno, maybe the manual covers a lot of that, but since I got the Steam edition, the manual wasn't readily available. That, plus the difficulty curve seems absurdly uneven, particularly for a game where you can't set the difficult (I don't think).

Funny ZP tho. Best one in a while, IMHO. Particularly loved the finishing line.

Manual wasn't readily available? Every page in the steam store has a link to see the game manual and if you right click a game in your library there is typically an option to view the manual. That said I do feel your pain of having bought it on steam, I don't imagine you signed up for 9 gig patches when you bought it. I hope that's fixed soon.

Oh and you can set the difficulty at any time and it even asks you at the beginning explaining the differences between each of the settings.

Admittedly, it's not hard to get the manual itself, but alt-tabbing back and forth between the manual and the game is a pain in the ass. I suppose I could just print it out, but that'd be one less thing I could complain about... ;)

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

Yeah your'e not not the only one, this episode just seemed like an excuse to troll PC gamers, or maybe he was just trolling elitists, who knows.

Other than that, why has he lately been playing pc games on his laptop, I thought he had a rig that could handle crysis? (if only barely)

Damn it Yahtzee! Are you really so poor you can't afford a proper gaming PC, because you don't seem that uninterested.

The cutscene you talked about is actually skippable as I'm sure has been said many times by now.

As an aside from my complaints, I'm glad you shared your experience with the elves fighting the, what I'm assuming are Nekkers, instead of you. This kind of thing happens throughout the game, and is either the best hidden, totally intentional gameplay mechanic or most hilarious game changing glitch I've ever seen.


mrhateful:
Yahtzee plays games all the time as it is his job so he no longer plays them for pleasure there-for the will to pull tough times is not there anymore, meaning its easier to take the quick way out and just say it was too hard or you didn't like the controls. Now this is nothing against Yahtzee as his reviews will still be good but they just won't have soul in it like his previous reviews had.

I'm starting to get this impression too and it makes me sad. Its like playing all those games, many of them terrible, has drained his passion for gaming.


Kahunaburger:

searanox:
Yahtzee = petty troll. If he's not bashing PC gaming or Western RPGs, he's making factually incorrect statements and superficial complaints about characters' eyelashes.

Move along, nothing to see here.

I don't agree with this at all. He makes legitimate critiques - the problems he has with this game, for instance, are absolutely problems with the game.

image

He definitely gave PC games a punch in the cock that they REALLY REALLY NEEDED.

Stop getting all touchy, I'm just talking about the ones that talk about console gamers like they're fucking casuals.

That being said, THOSE PEOPLE can suck a nut.

Lol @ all the fans off the game crying because yahtzee bashed it, calm down folks its his opinion

MatsVS:
So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

Having to skip a cutscene every time you try a fight again is still bad design. Lack of a half decent tutorial is also bad design. A game has many, MANY valid ways to explain shit to you. A manual isn't one of them.

mrhateful:

Vrach:

Anyway the game on the whole just feels really awful and I agree, just plain not fun. I wanted to play it, I really did, I sat through the bullshit for as long as I could, I came back to it a few times, but it's just not worth my nerves over the crappy combat when there's literally not been a single rewarding moment through several hours of gameplay and everything else was rage-inducing bollox.

You know there exists an easy setting right? Not everyone is meant to tame the beast that is a keyboard and mouse, and for those the easy setting was invented.

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

I would actually be pissed if I took these "reviews" seriously, but hey since people with the attention span of a fly can relate with yahtzee its all good
its amazing how spiteful some people are

go back to fable

I watch Yahtzee's reviews to laugh at him poking fun at the game, not for the actual review, even though sometimes that's useful as a side note.

Besides, even some of us members of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race don't take ourselves too seriously.

IPunchWithMyFists:
He definitely gave PC games a punch in the cock that they REALLY REALLY NEEDED.

Stop getting all touchy, I'm just talking about the ones that talk about console gamers like they're fucking casuals.

That being said, THOSE PEOPLE can suck a nut.

Aye, I hate elitists, and i also dislike platform exclusive games ^^

In my perfect world, every game would be developed like bf3, with every platform getting what it deserves and is able to provide :D

Quite a pity ps3 gamers are missing out on this game though, it is one of the best RPG's in years.

Vrach:

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

Its funny that I seems to have nothing of the problems you speak of, yet I play on hard. Wouldn't be able to comment on a controller since I don't use such things. Are you sure you remember to dodge, parry and use your bombs. Get yourself potted at most times(the duration is pretty long so you can easily pot yourself all the time). If your really in trouble use Quen as it will provide a shield.

I wanted to write stuff, but Extra Credits beated me to it by 7 months
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/extra-credits/2454-Easy-Games

Also lol at fanboys. "This game is HARDCORE! It educates you through PAIN! You just don't understand it's GREATNESS!11"
Hey guys, 90'ies called - they want their attitude back.

Supp:
And what's up with all the loot lying around? Am I supposed to pick all of it up, like years of playing jRPGs has trained me to do, or do I just ignore it and say "what would I need a fucking a leaf for, WHY DOES THIS GAME NOT EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME."

Don't forget fallout 3, I have a collection of around 200 Fission batteries in that game. Ill pick this game up when it comes out for the Xbox360, it was already announced. My laptop can barely run TF2, so this game is not going to run.

And yes I pick up everything I can find.

mattaui:
I watch Yahtzee's reviews to laugh at him poking fun at the game, not for the actual review, even though sometimes that's useful as a side note.

Besides, even some of us members of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race don't take ourselves too seriously.

Indeed as you can tell from my Nick, Title and picture.

mrhateful:

Vrach:

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

Its funny that I seems to have nothing of the problems you speak of, yet I play on hard. Wouldn't be able to comment on a controller since I don't use such things. Are you sure you remember to dodge, parry and use your bombs. Get yourself potted at most times(the duration is pretty long so you can easily pot yourself all the time). If your really in trouble use Quen as it will provide a shield.

Difficulty = not the issue
Shittiness of controls = issue
I know you can get used to shitty controls and shitty games. I just don't find the effort worthwhile as it doesn't result in a satisfying experience.

Hyper-space:

Worgen:
well considering that when you press a button during a cinematic it gives you a skip prompt in the lower corner of the screen I would have thought it was obvious

This guy below has a point:

BunnyKillBot:

The most lol-tastic thing about the guy you quoted, is the control is evidently so convoluted even he cannot remember what it is: 'this, or that, or, er something else. Sheesh it isn't hard!'

If you can't remember what the key press combination is to skip a cut scene, changes are, its a freaking stupid combination.

True, i simply see no reason why they should not have used the escape button (or even the space-bar), seeing as its not something you might accidentally press and skip a cut-scene you didn't want to skip and most people know that escape often means skipping something.

But that's exactly the problem with this game, just obtuse-as-shit game mechanics and hardly any explanation (like telling you how to block the exact second the enemy attacks, and not even in the first fight, in the tutorial).

well lets see, Ive seen console games that you press start during a cinematic and it just pauses it, maybe shows a thing you can go to, to skip it but my pea brain isnt big enough to figure out having to press multiple buttons to do something duhhhhhh

Thank you for reiterating that neither PC or Console gaming is better. Well done.

Funny review.

MatsVS:
So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

The fucking hypocrite is first in lane to lament the current state of the gaming industry with all its moron-shooters, yet the minute a game dares being something more, he whines that it's not streamlined enough, too clustered, overwhelming, hard, etc.

Cynicism for its own sake is not comedy, sir.

How is the Witcher 2 something more?

I lol'd at that. It is another fantasy RPG with complex mechanics and an intricate control scheme. Not really breaking boundries here...

gring:
And please don't even get me started with the prologue dragon scene, that is the very definition of broken.

LMAO, How is it broken? Because the game doesn't tell you to avoid fire? Duh.

It is easy as hell. Move with your group (or move by yourself through the other side, doesn't matter, you are protected from fire by the wooden structures at this moment). Kill the enemies whatever way you like (I prefer bombs-> lock -> attack). Funny thing is, If you run past them, the structure being attacked by the dragon will burn out and the ceiling will collapse effectively killing your enemies. Are you implying that it is broken because the game acts realistically and you just can't stand under a collapsing burning ceiling and survive?

Either way, if you keep yourself at the edge of the structure you won't get burned/squashed, you just need to keep an eye out for the dragon, wait for it to move under the bridge and quickly run or roll towards the next structure that is literally 2 yards away. Shall you be engulfed in flames due to your own stupidity, activate QUEN to remove burn status (It also heals you outside of combat) and proceed to kill the rest of the enemies (the dragon is gone at this point) and wait for Triss to open the door. Cutscene, move on with the game.

You people are funny. Tip: Learn to play the game before complaining it is broken.

Wow has Yahtzee gone to just straight trolling now? Also Ill point out that there is no delay in blocking or dodging.If you seem to have that problem then your doing it wrong.

Macrobstar:

mrhateful:
I want to reiterate something Yahtzee though I love the humor in this review. I wish you would have played it to the end. As I think you went into the game hating it and thus not giving it a proper chance to impress you.

Now here is my own personal theory:

Yahtzee plays games all the time as it is his job so he no longer plays them for pleasure there-for the will to pull tough times is not there anymore, meaning its easier to take the quick way out and just say it was too hard or you didn't like the controls. Now this is nothing against Yahtzee as his reviews will still be good but they just won't have soul in it like his previous reviews had.

He didnt stop playing it because it was hard he stopped because it was long and he hated it

It just 30 hours and on medium setting its easy once you start into one of the specialty trees.Seems like he stopped just 5 or so hours in.I believe this because 1/2 of the things he talked about were false.Just like the Splinter Cell conviction review where he got the story wrong.

I guess hes making more cash with that Bar he co-owns so the reviews can take a backseat.

Well, this was expected, since Witcher 2 is just more and better of The Witcher, but it's still the same game, trying to appeal to the same audience...which sadly excludes Yahtzee. Or at least that is the conclusion I've come to after watching most of his revews on RPGs I loved. :D

Alleged_Alec:

Feriluce:
Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

If you press any button it will tell you which button to skip the cutscene also, I prefer not to watch PRESS "Right Mouse Button" to skip on every scene.

Vasil Bratinov:
I would actually be pissed if I took these "reviews" seriously, but hey since people with the attention span of a fly can relate with yahtzee its all good
its amazing how spiteful some people are

go back to fable

Yes, amazing. Some people can be so spiteful. When will they realize that the ability to enjoy a video game about an albino dragonslaying gigolo is a direct metric of a person's intelligence, and that that's just how it is?

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