Duke Nukem Forever Review

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MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Amen to that.

OT:
I also didn't manage to play DNF all the way through, though (amazingly) my patience lasted until "Underground: Part 2", where an underwater section with horrible controls had me in a room with a giant, rotating killer turbine, a whole swarm of small, face-raping critters and no effective method of crowd control. After the 8th consecutive death and subsequent (ridiculously long) loading sequence, my frustration finally overpowered my academic interest in this piece of shit, and I returned it to the rental store.
I think this is the first time I've actually felt ripped off for paying 5 Euros to play a game.

ZeroMachine:
And yet... two stars.

Hm. Very conflicted now. I was all set to get this game even if it was a piece of shit, just because it's practically an urban legend.

But... I don't know. I just don't know.

You should probably go by what the review actually says instead of an arbitrary number. Every reviewer on the planet is incapable of giving a game its lowest possible score, and when you have a 5 point review system, you're going to get quite a few twos for really, really shitty games.

What I want to know is; were any of the other Duke Nukem games really any better?

If you had to go back and play them, without bias or bieng influenced with nostalgia, does it really seem like that much worse of a game then?

DNF is video game version of a lving fossil: an example of what the industry was like years ago.

By modern standreds, many of the games back then would be viewed much like this one if they came out today.

AssassinJoe:
The king is dead! Long live the king!

Quoted for(unfortunate) truth. Ahhh, well, we still got Serious sam 3 coming out this summer.

Sometimes acting like at 12 year old in a game is not a bad thing :P

Russ Pitts:
Snip

NO! YOU LIE! THE LAST 14 YEARS OF MY LIFE WAITING FOR THIS MUST BE TOTALLY WORTH it... it...

Why did I bet on Duke? :'(

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

The game would have to literally kill your entire family

OT: The real question is, who will the blame ultimately fall on, regardless of who deserves it, will history record Gearbox or 3D Realms as the ultimate doom for Duke?

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

This - Bulletstorm mixed 90's run & gun with modern FPS mechanics very well.

OT: Surprisingly... I never played Duke 3D... so I was neither awaiting the release of DNF... nor disappointed by this review. Lucky me, I guess.

Though... I enjoy seeing some developers trying to recapture the magic of the old school 90's shooters like Doom. It's too bad they couldn't do it... Glad I didn't pre-order.

I don't get people complaining about he lack of maturity in this game. If you want a gritty brown shooter you have enough to choose from.
While not a masterpiece, I think after the flood of overly serious and realistic games, a game like this had to be done.
It's good as long as you don't take it too seriously and just have fun.
BTW, this game seems to be using the old Unreal AI, which can be pretty brutal if you play with a controller. This game is definitely intended to be played with a Keyboard and Mouse.

The Bandit:

ZeroMachine:
I was all set to get this game even if it was a piece of shit, just because it's practically an urban legend.

You should probably go by what the review actually says instead of an arbitrary number. Every reviewer on the planet is incapable of giving a game its lowest possible score, and when you have a 5 point review system, you're going to get quite a few twos for really, really shitty games.

Two stars. Die-hard fans of the genre will find something to like, but anyone else will be hard-pressed to enjoy games of this quality.


One star. So broken as to be unplayable. Not even worth picking up in the bargain bin.

The "arbitrary number" is exactly what applies to ZeroMachine's interest in the game, which suggests to me that their 2-star score is pretty accurate, 1-star being an unplayable (as opposed to playable but not at all worth playing) game.

Well, there's always Serious Sam 3!

Please don't let that suck...

After reading this, I already know what I want. Instead of the ego bar starting maxed and lowers when you take damage, I'd say the ego needs to build up as you take damage and kill aliens. Any time spent pussyfooting around like a wuss lowers your ego, and in all likelihood, this controls either some damage multiplier or something along those lines that the higher your ego, the more badass you are. However, when you take damage AFTER your ego is maxed, you lose more health. This simple change could easily add a layer of strategy where you balance risk with reward by doing more damage or having better abilities when your ego gets maxed.

No matter. It looked like this would be a disappointment anyway, sooooo, ah well.

I loved that video review

The Bandit:

ZeroMachine:
And yet... two stars.

Hm. Very conflicted now. I was all set to get this game even if it was a piece of shit, just because it's practically an urban legend.

But... I don't know. I just don't know.

You should probably go by what the review actually says instead of an arbitrary number. Every reviewer on the planet is incapable of giving a game its lowest possible score, and when you have a 5 point review system, you're going to get quite a few twos for really, really shitty games.

Hence the "and yet". It was more "I've never seen him or any other reviewer on this site (Yahtzee doesn't count as he doesn't review, he bitches in a humorous manner) bash a game this hard and yet it got two stars".

That's why if I ever write reviews, my "arbitrary number" will be a price. "How much is this game worth?"

Well, I certainly can't wait until Yahtzee gets a hold of it!

Although let's be honest, by this stage it seems that he could just record himself loudly defecating into the mic and he would still be giving the game too much credit.

Woodsey:

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

murder someone?
fail you on your driving test?
eat the last cookie?

OT: just knew it, just knew it.

Good review, based on the comments in the whole review, it should have gotten one-star instead of two, but whatever. Also, to be fair, this game was in development at Gearbox for what? 8 months? They took over the project in August 2010 and the game was ready to release in June 2011. This implies that they took something semi-finished and added bits and pieces to it, for it to be release-able as soon as possible, to cash in on any of the hype that was left over. Theoretically, if Gearbox or any other developer worked on this from start to finish, it might have been more worthwhile, since you know too many chefs quite appartently spoiled the broth.

I can't say I expected much from this.

I want to know what warranted a second star, though.

Fuck, I can barely see what warranted the first.

What's up with all difficulty complaints? It's not that hard. I've beaten it twice already. you would be surprised if you did so too - final boss is shockingly easy, in fact easier than any other boss in this game. I thought it was kind of reward for getting to the final battle.
@Sonicron: Are you serious? Turbine is just a decoration and octobabies are easily killed with pretty much any weapon. FFS they are all one-shot kills!

pepitko:
Good review, based on the comments in the whole review, it should have gotten one-star instead of two, but whatever. Also, to be fair, this game was in development at Gearbox for what? 8 months? They took over the project in August 2010 and the game was ready to release in June 2011. This implies that they took something semi-finished and added bits and pieces to it, for it to be release-able as soon as possible, to cash in on any of the hype that was left over. Theoretically, if Gearbox or any other developer worked on this from start to finish, it might have been more worthwhile, since you know too many chefs quite appartently spoiled the broth.

Necromancer Jim:
I can't say I expected much from this.

I want to know what warranted a second star, though.

Fuck, I can barely see what warranted the first.

A one-star game, in our system, is one that is quite literally unplayable.

AssassinJoe:
The king is dead! Long live the king!

Conker's Bad Fur Day much XD

EcksTeaSea:
Somehow I knew this was going to get a terrible review. After a game has been in development hell this long, I barely see a chance of it being good.

Still not going to deter me from picking it up tomorrow, though I am sad that this isn't the Duke that I grew up with.

Well said, like minded good sir.
I don't know, maybe I'll actually like it. I guess I can't say that I'm dissapointed until I've bought and played it, which I shall do tomorrow. I am actually attempting to keep a negative view on it, so if it's good, I'll be pleasantly surprised, but if it's bad, then I won't be dissapointed.

Well as painful as that was, I can't say I'm surprised seeing as how many developers had their hands on it, at least that turd saw the light of day, sadly though...

So, I take it I should be playing Bulletstorm over this then?

Doom972:
I don't get people complaining about he lack of maturity in this game. If you want a gritty brown shooter you have enough to choose from.

Ignoring for a moment that mature doesn't automatically equal "gritty brown," Duke's over-the-top nature alone shouldn't excuse it from being a mediocre game if that is indeed what it is, don't you think?

Besides, it's not like DNF is one of a kind in its tone. Shooters these days may be pushing for "realism," but there are still a few ridiculous, dumb fun ones out there too. Bulletstorm, anyone?

XD I could kind of tell that from the boring trailer that they started showing :/

It looked like a boring blow 'em up shooter.

how much do you wont to believe this game is going to piss the enemies of gaming right off. Thank you Duke, you've set gaming as an art form one massive step back.

p.s. I'm not trying to anger anyone, I haven't played the game, I've just seen the video, but I just cant see how this is going to turn out well. not when the game contains tit slapping, strip clubs, and female torture, it might just give us gamers a bad name.

What a surprise...

I'm still waiting to play the game before I believe all the "this sucks" remarks. No offense to you or anyone else, but you did give Dragon Age: Origins 5 stars, and that was one of the worst games I ever played. Same with everyone on here saying it sucks when the same people are the "omgz skyrim!!!!!!1111" people...

John Funk:

pepitko:
Good review, based on the comments in the whole review, it should have gotten one-star instead of two, but whatever. Also, to be fair, this game was in development at Gearbox for what? 8 months? They took over the project in August 2010 and the game was ready to release in June 2011. This implies that they took something semi-finished and added bits and pieces to it, for it to be release-able as soon as possible, to cash in on any of the hype that was left over. Theoretically, if Gearbox or any other developer worked on this from start to finish, it might have been more worthwhile, since you know too many chefs quite appartently spoiled the broth.

Necromancer Jim:
I can't say I expected much from this.

I want to know what warranted a second star, though.

Fuck, I can barely see what warranted the first.

A one-star game, in our system, is one that is quite literally unplayable.

Hehehe sounds like one of those Generic Adventure games based off a children's Tv Show like Dora or Hello Kitty XD

Either way I am in despair. I wanted Duke to be good.

Oh well time to take this game off my WANT list at gamestop

I enjoyed the hype more than the game. The commercial with the doctors removing a turd out of someone's neck was great.

the thing that really confuses me is that this game is supposed to be pretty much 50% hot women, but has some of the ugliest/creepiest female character designs i've ever seen!

i mean look at bioware or square that has female characters that are far more atractive than these stroke ridden marionettes, as well as being fully fleshed characters instead of jus erection material

i am glad to see the amount of crap this game has gotten, it really shows how we have matured over the years

bombadilillo:

Abandon4093:
I still think they missed a trick with the ego health system.

He could have had to do something cool to get his ego back. Like shooting a dude in the dick or something.

The more zaney stuff you do, the bigger your ego bar gets. And when it's low. You have to do something like benchpress an enemy carcase to boost it back up.

The rest of it looks pretty much how I imagined though.

Theres an idea. You could still have had "healthpacks" as well, like autograph books or dvds of Duke around to collect. Salvagable system. Grunting and flying backwards when hit by a shrunken enemy like its a freightrain is just broken.

Hold the freaking phone dude, that's brilliant. "Health packs" could be porn mags, beer (scrap the freaking vision blur), cigarettes... A bunch of "cool and inappropriate" stuff like that.

Nuke_em_05:

<.<
>.>

Whelp, that's a bummer...

Maybe I just like the idea of a new Duke Nukem game. The original games were great, for the time anyway, and I still like the gameplay, even if the content is immature. I guess that was the thing, though, the immaturity was an aside to the gameplay back then; certainly omni-present, but not specifically the focus.

Then again, maybe the reviews are just focusing on it to focus on it. Anyone who thought this game was going be one of those that moves the industry forward had the wrong idea. If someone expected it to at least have good gameplay; that is a valid expectation, and it seems this review would indicate it hasn't been met.

I still tend to like to form my own opinion; so I'll still buy it and play it, when I have spare time and money to do so. That is the sad part, those of us who enjoyed Duke in High School or Junior High are now working professionals, homeowners, and maybe even parents. All the things that allowed us to enjoy games like Duke at the time are now scarce, and used on more valuable things.

Boy the implications of the timeline for this game's development are somewhat depressing, eh?

Sometimes I wonder if this isn't just going through was KZ2 went through and people thought it would be a life changing experience. Except this time the game isn't getting rave reviews.

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