Duke Nukem Forever Review

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meh...

it seems like, purely speculatively speaking, the reviewer didn't like one level in particular and decided to paint the entire review with that brush.

i thought having to hide to replenish duke's ego was simply a master stroke.

In any case i'm only about 20 mins into this game and it seems ok. nothing impressive though

So its a terrible game says the escapist, and oh, whats this, the site is currently plastered with ads for the game? I'm starting to understand LulzSecs rationale.

CM156:
Yes. Sometimes it is. However, this is not a good example. Pissing, throwing poop, slapping wall-breasts? Those sound like a good time to you?

I wasn't interesting in this game (never played DN when I was younger) until I saw you could throw poo.

It's immature as hell, yes, and isn't exactly sending out a great message at non-gamers but I'd rather play something ridiculous that makes me chuckle than a game where you play some macho wanker that can't pick up shit and throw it because he's too much of a serious bore.

DNF strikes me as a game that you play privately but when speaking to non-gamers you pretend it doesn't exist.

Russ Pitts:
Duke is the bastard son of a thousand game developers - and it shows.

For some reason I can just imagine Russ Pitts as Thorne from Game of Thrones as he's taunting Snow:

"Blood will always show! Ye'll hang fer this bastard!" :p

I think Duke should have just been left alone, as some sort of a relic from times long gone by, and as a reminder of something. Right now, this feels like the equivalent of thread necromancy, that it will get the thread some more views, but in the end everyoe will think you're a douche.

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

It would have to burn out the writers eyes like opening the ark of the covenant. Can we now make a kick ass and chew bubblegum "They Live" game. The movie also known as live action basis for Duke.

Edit: "They live game would need to include:

Mullets
Shooting civilians that you know are bad but no one else does
Mullets
Poor People in shanty towns
Migraines
Aliens
Economic depression (check)
Vomit inducing testicle destroying realistic street fight over sun glasses
Mullets
One liners
Mullets
Mullets
Calling old ladies ugly in a descriptive manner
Glorious golden mulleted hero

probably said, but often forgotten, When Duke Nukem was popular, we were 12...ish (I was 10).

This was the equivalent of meeting up with an old buddy and him wanting to do the same stupid stuff we did when we were kids. You think its still cool to steal candy from the corner liquor shop? We can just buy the candy now.

Duke back in the day was cool because he was so immature and childish because we were immature and childish, but now it just seems sad.

I'm disappointed by how gaming journalism seems to have self destructed around this game.

it IS better than the last two Call of Duty games, although I'm sure reviewer's selective awareness of the stupidity of the FPS genre will turn off again by the time the next one of THOSE comes out. mustn't anger activision.

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Pretty much this, so DNF isn't the game we wanted,and yeah that sucks, but bad games do exist so just carry on and wait for Serious Sam BFE.

RoseBridge:

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Pretty much this, so DNF isn't the game we wanted,and yeah that sucks, but bad games do exist so just carry on and wait for Serious Sam BFE.

you have to use cover in bulletstorm. its the same CoD crap but with a shallow point system. DNF IS an old school shooter; there just aren't any nostalgia goggles to make it seem better now.

What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

Why, in the video supplement, do you censor the word 'fuck' and then show breasts?

smut:
What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

I have a friend who got it for free from someone else, played it, and had fun. He didn't drop $60, so what's his excuse?

ultimateownage:
Why, in the video supplement, do you censor the word 'fuck' and then show breasts?

That line of VO was censored in the trailer I pulled it from.

Besides Yahtzee, I don't give a crap about this website. I think most of the reviews and articles are garbage. It's so painful to watch them try to be funny or witty. Extra Credits is ok.

But not doing an actual video review and rather something he felt like doing instead because he's "not 12" is contradictory. The author sacrificed his own integrity to act like a child and not like a professional reviewer who would review all games with equal attention and service. To me this was not honest.

To make everyone happy, they should have probably had two reviewers work on this game. One who was a fan of the past games and a person who has never played Duke before.

I always think it's a shame when the reviewer never completes the game. Judging from the Bottom Line, he seemed biased going into it and that's unethical in journalism.

Koios:

smut:
What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

I have a friend who got it for free from someone else, played it, and had fun. He didn't drop $60, so what's his excuse?

I said typically, not all of the time. I know many friends who bought shitty games but just couldn't admit it to themselves because hey, who likes to admit they spent 60$ on a turd?

smut:
What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

except that the gameplay isn't shitty, its varied, fun, and it works. and the fact remains that this game is STILL better than the last 3 call of duty installments.

no, what people are mad about is the aesthetics. they wanted a game about a serious badass and they got a SATIRICAL game about a serious badass. you people were expecting (and god help you, WANTING) another game in the style of Michel Bay, and what you got was Rocky Horror.

So wrong, yet, so right!

Still better value for money than Homefront!

I'm enjoying the game, not as great as I hoped but as a filler till Deus Ex comes out it'll do.

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

In this case, it seems like you get 2 stars just for finishing making the sodding thing*... To get a 1, the game would probably have to sell your immortal soul to Satan, but even then, Hell has some fairly impressive graphics.

*I wish all my work was marked by that logic XD

Slycne:

ultimateownage:
Why, in the video supplement, do you censor the word 'fuck' and then show breasts?

That line of VO was censored in the trailer I pulled it from.

Ah, that makes sense then. Didn't realise they censored the swearing in the trailers.

unca_laguna:

smut:
What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

except that the gameplay isn't shitty, its varied, fun, and it works. and the fact remains that this game is STILL better than the last 3 call of duty installments.

no, what people are mad about is the aesthetics. they wanted a game about a serious badass and they got a SATIRICAL game about a serious badass. you people were expecting (and god help you, WANTING) another game in the style of Michel Bay, and what you got was Rocky Horror.

Yup, you figured it out. We all don't like it because of the aesthetics and we wanted a Michael Bay game. Great strawman argument. And I don't care about Call of Duty.

This review http://www.giantbomb.com/duke-nukem-forever/61-20721/reviews/ describes how I feel about the game.

@smut
why else would you say the game is a bad FPS when its better than CoD?

nice rebuttal via edit, btw.

Did anyone honestly expect this game to be good? I bought it out of the sheer novelty of it all. And tits

All I can say is: 'satire is truly dead'. The person who made the Rocky Horror comment nailed it, even if I can't necessarily say that 'most people were expecting Michael Bay'... but it's clear just from the text of the reviews that many (most?) reviewers are taking DNF much too seriously.

After all, it was the game that was nearly killed by EverQuest, fer god's sake. Can you get more absurd than that?

In an age of hyper-realism, super maturity, and designers trying to kill themselves making life like characters that appeal to "everyone", I think it's about damn time we got someone that everyone can't stand again. Screw your PC BS and need to be a serious hardcore gamer. Pick up the controller and let loose, have fun.
That's what Duke's about.
I love the game so far. The little pokes it takes here and there at society and gaming in general. The gross factor it sometimes dabbles in (which has helped make some movies a lot of money btw), and the old school college buddy "dude" sense of humour.
Sometimes the gameplay seems a little sketchy and wonky, and the load time on the console is a killer (yawn), but overall it's fun, funny and just plain f****** Duke!
I enjoy it because I want to turn off my brain and actually have some enjoyment and some fun. I don't want to think about the game I'm playing ALL the time! I have other games for that.
I was not disappointed in the game, I have been enjoying playing it, and I'm super glad that I bought it yesterday.
Oh and btw, I'm a chick. I don't find it offensive and it's refreshing that there's a game out there where they are not always trying not to offend someone :S Really guys. Chill. It's just a game. Isn't that why we game? Not always for headshots, kill ratios, indepth complicated storylines, and realistic machine gun kickback. Those things are awesome, yes, but sometimes it's just nice to sit back, grab a beer, and kill some alien scum who took all our chicks!

This review didn't tell me anything about the value of the game. Are their gameplay mechanic flaws, graphic flaws, sound flaws? Glitches...any broken aspects of the game that makes it unplayable or a chore to play? Thats what I want to know. I played the crap out of duke Nukem 3d...even the old Dos 2d platformer....give me something I can use. If you have played Duke before, you know what you are getting into...and look forward to the crude style humour. "This is KTIT K-tit...playing the breast...er...best tunes in town". Want mature...go play the "mature" blood bath of Call of Duty airport scene and listen to some fine racist/prejudice banter of the 12 year olds bleeting on the multiplayer.

This review is a 2 out of ten. Guess I have to wait for a real critic on game trailers or something to give a proper review on its buying worth.

Samcanuck:
This review didn't tell me anything about the value of the game. Are their gameplay mechanic flaws, graphic flaws, sound flaws? Glitches...any broken aspects of the game that makes it unplayable or a chore to play? Thats what I want to know. I played the crap out of duke Nukem 3d...even the old Dos 2d platformer....give me something I can use. If you have played Duke before, you know what you are getting into...and look forward to the crude style humour. "This is KTIT K-tit...playing the breast...er...best tunes in town". Want mature...go play the "mature" blood bath of Call of Duty airport scene and listen to some fine racist/prejudice banter of the 12 year olds bleeting on the multiplayer.

This review is a 2 out of ten. Guess I have to wait for a real critic on game trailers or something to give a proper review on its buying worth.

I think that's the problem though. reviewers acting like critics. I'm friggin disgusted when guys like 1up give this game an F when its in no way broken. all they do is complain about the character and the stupid world he lives in.

addendum: not to say that reviewers can't judge on aesthetic merit, but that alone should never take a game down to low score unless what you're writing is a CRITIQUE and not a review.

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Bulletstorm captures 90's run and gun?... I never got that impression.

Not sure what I'd recommend for that tbh. Left 4 Dead 2 I guess?

Levethian:

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Bulletstorm captures 90's run and gun?... I never got that impression.

Not sure what I'd recommend for that tbh. Left 4 Dead 2 I guess?

Because coop is the 90's thing.

Dreamkiller is more like. But... if you have stomach to play Dreamkiller, you will have stomach to play DNF.

The true must be said, just play Painkiller again.

Why are some ppl ppl so pissed with this review? have you checked any of the other sites? They all either rate it as bad or just down right awefull.

you love this game? ...so what? some ppl still think tyler perry movies are worth paying for, doesn't mean they don't suck. I mean good for you if your not just saying that to trick your self in to thinking you didn't waste your money. but do you really think that every review site out there has the same bias and gets it wrong?

Its not like ppl where expecting a epic story or realistic combat. they where expecting silly but cool action, immature but funny jokes, over the top gore that would gross you out and then laught at it. Instead what they got was a bland half-assed failed attempt at these things

smut:

Koios:

smut:
What a horrible game and sick of all the fanboys trying to use every excuse in the book to justify the shitty gameplay "well it is made just for fun, WHY SO SERIOUZ!!!". What the fuck does that even mean?!? That doesn't excuse all the problems the game has and you know it. But typically people who just dropped 60+ on a game that turns out to be a turd will justify to themselves that it is a great game. They don't want to admit they bought a turd, human nature I guess.

I have a friend who got it for free from someone else, played it, and had fun. He didn't drop $60, so what's his excuse?

I said typically, not all of the time. I know many friends who bought shitty games but just couldn't admit it to themselves because hey, who likes to admit they spent 60$ on a turd?

I know those types of people. I have frequent arguments with them, because they've invested too much time in believing in one idea to handle it when I or others prove them wrong. It's annoying. One famous recent example would be those parents who believe in the rapture so much that they're actively destroying their kids' futures.

Samcanuck:
even the old Dos 2d platformer

I fully agree with your post. I frequently played the 2d games as well, and beat Dr. Proton (?) in the original game multiple times.

Semi-Human:
some ppl still think tyler perry movies are worth paying for, doesn't mean they don't suck.

The bigger picture here is for everyone to remember that opinions are SUBJECTIVE. It's quite possibly the majority opinion that those movies suck, but some people find them entertaining. People use absolutes mistakenly too often to count.

squeekenator:
Why is everyone saying that Yahtzee is going to make a scathing review of this game? He already has.

No he hasn't. The "review" he gave the game made it sound so good that by itself could've made plenty of people doubt whether it actually came out or not.

Stavros Dimou:

2) The weapon limit feature was also added later and without much consideration.

Wait, they gave Duke a weapon capacity limit? Isn't he supposed to be carrying stupid amounts of guns around with him?

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