Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT
 

If gearbox went from start to finish in 2 years on another Duke game, it would probably be a lot better.

I cancelled my pre-order & rented DNF. I couldn't even finish it. (sigh)

I was honestly hoping it would be the same fake review again to be honest, could have been funny to see peoples reactions.

I've never played Duke Nukem. The demo, a long time ago on the Mac, but not the full version.

Well... I expected Sonic Unleashed levels of bile in this review, but it seems that dear Yahtzee really tried (and wanted) to like it. Too bad that the game feels like the Frankenstein monster of shooters, looks like ass, plays like dogshit and was crippled in critical elements by its own developers making monumentally bad design decisions. I would have preferred a fucking cover mechanic instead of two weapons myself. In the end, I can't even tell what the developers were trying to make, an old-school shooter or a current-gen shooter? They seem to just have borrowed all the shit parts of both worlds. Good fucking job.

Virgin Media Advanced Search:
Sorry! We could not find www.escapistmagazine.com

Great, now DNF has been released, The Escapist ceased to exist.

Honestly, it's pretty disheartening to hear Yahtzee genuinely, well, disheartened by something.

As I pulled up this review today, all I could think was to quote Heath Ledger as the Joker and say "...and here we...go." Not as scathing as I expected but I think it was more because he was so disappointed in how the game turned out.

I thought it was pretty good, especially the parts where you get shrunk and have to find your way around a world clearly meant for normal-sized people. My only complaints are:

1. The loading times
2. The two-gun limit
3. The loading times
4. The "My Digs" decorations only being unlockable in multiplayer
5. The loading times

Also, I think it would've been cool if they used Yahtzee's storyline from the joke review (a broken and jaded Duke hiding under the alias "Vladimir Lestrade" etc). All in all, still a fun game, worth renting or playing the demo if nothing else.

Mezmer:
This wasn't nearly as scathing as I thought it would be. I dare say, Yahtzee, this was more of a lament of disappointment than anything else.

Yeah, on first thought, it seemed so to me as well.

But when I thought about it...if the truth is so harsh that Yahtzee starts scrabbling round trying to find something to soften the blow...damn, your fucked.

Swing on his legs... Definitely swing on his legs.

I wasn't surprised Yahtzee gave it a bad review; everyone else has!

You basically summed up my feelings for the game, Yahtzee: It tried to do too much, which is annoying as Gearbox STARTED FROM SCRATCH when they took up the DNF project after 3d Realms collapsed into oblivion.

And really, that's what annoyed me: It tried to do too much. It tried to be a humorous and fun throwback to those classic 90s FPSs we all know and love(DOOM, Quake, Sin, ect.) while at the same time tried to take the series forward into the future. It succeeded in being the former(if only because of the humor, over the top weapons, and machismo exuded by Duke) and utterly failed at being the latter(The controls weren't tight, though at the same time gameplay was still pretty fun. That stupid little "two weapons at a time" mechanic, for instance, was what pissed me off the MOST about this game. It also had the feel of a campy 90s FPS that used modern gameplay in the form of its action sequences).

What Gearbox should have done was make Duke Nukem Forever an affectionate throwback to the classic 90s FPS: 9 guns at once, over the top action, and a humorous plot that those of us who were waiting would appreciate. If they wanted to take the franchise into the future(one thing I would like is some, like you said Yahtzee, character development and maturation by Duke) then they should have saved it for the sequel, instead of trying to jam in modernization with the throwback.

As a result, we got a rather rushed, somewhat messy game that could've used a good few more months of polish and development before being released.

Still, I look forward to the future of the Duke franchise and can't wait to see what Gearbox has in mind for this series. There was some definite promise in DNF, and I'd like to see if they can utilize it properly.

Was anybody else expecting a lot more anger?

This was actually pretty tame by Yahtzee's standards...

DataSnake:
I thought it was pretty good, especially the parts where you get shrunk and have to find your way around a world clearly meant for normal-sized people. My only complaints are:

1. The loading times
2. The two-gun limit
3. The loading times
4. The "My Digs" decorations only being unlockable in multiplayer
5. The loading times

Also, I think it would've been cool if they used Yahtzee's storyline from the joke review (a broken and jaded Duke hiding under the alias "Vladimir Lestrade" etc). All in all, still a fun game, worth renting or playing the demo if nothing else.

I'd have loved to see that sort of story, too, because under the right writing hands, that sort of concept could be executed well AND campily.

Personally, I hope Gearbox watches Yahtzee's mock-review and maybe makes use of that storyline for a sequel. I would LOVE to see Duke get some nice character development, myself...

EtherealBeaver:
Honestly, dont. Just keep the fond memories of ND3d in the back of your head, prefend that DNF doesnt exist after all and will never be created. Its like a deceased relative. If you see them after they decline and become ill, that will be the image you often remember. If, however, you dont see them after they fall ill, all you will remember are the good times.

I played DNF and I regret it. It's not that it's THAT bad but more that it by no means lives up to the expectations and Duke will never be the same for me.

Again, not <that> bad but just so much less than I expected that it hurts.

Say what you want. I'm still going to play this game. I'll buy it when it's cheap. I played other games thatcould be worser than this. I played Sonic Unleashed on the PS3 and I hated it so much, I got rid of it a month later after my save file got corrupted due to a glitch. Heck, I played games that reviewers hated, but doesn't stop me from loving it.

What happened to sawing its bollocks off?

Oh wait.

agree, the game really lacks humor and takes itself very seriously. It should've been an over the top carnival ride of sillyness. The way it is now is just...average shooter from the the beginning of the decade with some tired old jokes. And ugly graphics.

agree, the game really lacks humor and takes itself very seriously. It should've been an over the top carnival ride of sillyness. The way it is now is just...average shooter from the the beginning of the decade with some tired old jokes. And ugly graphics.

I can appreciate Yahtzee's imagination... But yes, it probably never should have been released.

AtmaPhil:

Hacre:
Did Yahtzee review just the XBox version or the PC version as well? A lot of the technical gripes (load time, frame rate tanking) only affect the really terrible port to the XBox.

thats not true. Even on a top end PC it has those issues.

Define "top end PC"? Because I had zero frame rate issues at any point in the game and the loading times while annoying when you first load the game, are fine between levels/deaths. The load times on the XBox are utterly atrocious, however.

I think there are enough angry, scathing reviews out there already. He probably realized that. This is like what a true Duke fan would come up with, not angry, but genuine melancholy.

Yahtzee seems to have genuinely wanted this game to be decent and NOT have the modern FPS plagues like two-weapon limits, regen health, and cover based shooting.

He loves Painkiller because it was an over-the-top old school shooter. Same with Serious Sam. Seems, like many people, he wanted a classic FPS nostalgia-trip that wasn't a game-changer, but still fun in the old-school sense.

But Duke Nukem Forever ended up being another modern FPS with a poorly-made faux veneer of nostalgia.

artanis_neravar:
Who is that guy that appears in almost all of these reviews? (obviously I am not referring to stick Yahtzee I mean the picture used as Dukes cover)

If you're referring to the guy with the blank look on his face, that's a picture Thomas Ruff took of someone after he asked the person to look completely emotionless before taking a picture of it.

I'm used to seeing Yahtzee snarkily tearing games apart and calling games (games I like in a lot of cases) utter shit. Not used to seeing him so crushed.

I'm not sure if this was funny or depressing. Good review either way.

And Yahtzee makes no mention of Duke trying to be Halo so hard it burns in his gritty vagina like a case of the alien clap. I'm... surprised. I mean hell, "Halo knockoff" implies a terrible experience to begin with, for Yahtzee to make no mention of DNF being a BAD Halo knockoff...

At least Yahtzee have it a fair review rather than just slamming it for really stupid minor things like he did with ohh... say the Witcher 2.

Pretty thin on the "Review" part of this review, seemed to focus more on the nature of Duke nukem forever than duke nukem forever itself as a game.

Which is probably why it was considerably gentler on the old girl; It almost intentionally skirted around looking at it.

cjbos81:
I never actually got into the "Duke Nukem" franchise growing up. And from the looks of things, I never will. (Unless I can buy it really, really cheap and get some easy trophies out of it.)

It's not even worth it for free, let alone really really cheap. I got to play it for free, and just stopped. It was the least fun game I've played in a good while.

Hacre:
Did Yahtzee review just the XBox version or the PC version as well? A lot of the technical gripes (load time, frame rate tanking) only affect the really terrible port to the XBox.

While a lot of the disappointments are still in the PC version, on the PC DNF becomes something that is at least fun to play, whereas it's an unstable wavy frame rate hard to aim mess on the XBox and I imagine not much better on the PS3 except for better loading times and frame rate.

No... just no. I have an i7 920 and gtx280 (not brand new but still decent), and the game took FOREVER to load. Then, the game looked like shit afterward. What exactly was it loading? Shit?

As for FPS issues, I don't think I had any, but I couldn't be sure.

First.

Oh, just missed it.

I think I prefer the fake Duke Nukem Forever review thinking about it. I unfortunately didn't find this one too amusing, its almost as if Ben has been superceded by the torrents of abuse formed from the festering pool of expectations and hope.

In battle feild BC review Yahtzee said
"duke nukem all is forgiven"
so Is it forgiven or not

Could be worse

I mean it has been 14 years, obviously they have taken the 2007 idea of the game and polished up what was left by the old developers. Simple said the current developers couldn't help that the basic game was how to say old.

But hey for all duke fans he is back.. the game itself is hardly special but at least the duke finally has returned.

So I can support all the 7 out of 10 reviews..even those lower.. those higher then an 8 though seriously? How blinded can you be it is not the worst game it is well what you expect.

The first was funnier

Great episode,was looking forward to this.

Thank you for pointing out all the faults of this game to further the fact that this was a big disappointment after so many years in development.

It's sad that this game has been panned because of the long history. It's like they were building up what could have been a really good game but they come with a fart joke and say that is all we get, an awkward silence of dissapointment follows, and the game just disappears in the corner.

Wow. Yahtzee seemed to feel sorry for the game and went easy on it.

Not as funny as the other DNF 'review' but still as big a landmark!

Bad or not I'll still probably rent it for the lulz.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Registered for a free account here